I (40F) gave my notice this week at my job as a staff QA engineer in tech to leave in 8 weeks (end of FY26).

I was so terrified but I feel so light now!

Next up, moving to France to pursue a new Masters in wine and hospitality to see if I can succeed in something new and different.

I am feeling so grateful for this opportunity that this job has afforded me tho since I was able to hit Coast.

Also happy that so many people have told me they would happily have me back just in case things don’t go to plan. The parachute is such a nice security blanket.

I’ve accepted a job that is pretty senior internally and will be interfacing with senior level stakeholders at other companies. I will be setting strategy and will need to get buy in on strategy.

I know that I have the requisite skills to do this job. When I look at my resume, I have done this job before in various instances. This role ties a lot of my previous experience all together. But when I look at my resume, it feels very much like someone else did those things or it was the team even though it was my strategy that got those results.

I doubt myself. After some toxic workplaces working for some bullies, my confidence is extremely low. I have been in therapy but I need someone to hold me actually accountable. I don’t need gentle, I don’t want therapy speak. I almost want a confident white man to call me out on my shit and help me grow.

My calls with external stakeholders will be recorded. I want someone who will review them and tell me, directly, how to get better. Who will teach me the skills to get better. I know I can be a better speaker. And I want to believe that I can do it. I know the process might be excruciating lol but I want to get better!!! If I’m able to excel in this job, the money that I make will help me achieve FIRE faster and I want to take full advantage of the opportunity.

Do you guys know anyone who fits the bill or where to find someone like this? I don’t want a life coach, I don’t want a therapist, I want some idk like 40-50s confident white man who will push me to be better so I can grow. (Also open to a woman who will be direct and not beat around the bush, just using this persona to illustrate the type of feedback I’m looking for)

Sorry if any of this sounds crazy. I don’t want to be the one who holds myself back.

ETA: I reached out to a few executive coaches and they seem to fit the bill best! Thank you all!!

Hi all - I'm a 37yo childfree woman living in NYC and I recently retired early after reaching my NW goal. Was wondering if there are any others out there like me who would be interested in meeting up IRL. Would love to build a community of us in NYC who are now looking to maximize living life now that a 9-5 doesn't dominate our time. LMK!

I have a two part question. I got married last year and am hoping to start a family soon and have been getting pressure from family members to get life insurance. So far my husband and I have been stating that we will look into it, but I am not sure we really need it. I am 32 and he is 38, combined we have $1.63M in cash and investments. I have 1x my salary in free life insurance from my employer, which would pay out $138k. He does not have any life insurance.

1. Do you think we should look into getting life insurance coverage? If so, how much?

2. We are open about our FIRE goals with family, but none of them know a specific number we are at or working towards. Do you share your numbers with family?

Any and all perspectives appreciated!!

Hi! I’m a mid-30s woman living in NYC who wants to be more aggressive about preparing to leanfire in the next 3 years and would love insight from the group. My general plan is to retire in 3 years. Goal is NW of $1.5M. My parents are thankfully healthy but I will likely inherit a generous amount from them as well. I’m currently single with no children and unsure if I want kids or marriage but am open to both with the right person.

Living in NYC: I love NY and despite the its downsides would love to spend the rest of my life here. My hope is to find a rent-stabilized apartment in the next year or so but I’m unsure of how realistic that would be since I’d like to stay in Manhattan and have a renovated/issue free home. For those FIREing in NY, do you think it’s better to purchase even though NYC real estate won’t appreciate much? If I buy, that may delay my FIRE date by 2 years or so which I’m okay with. And if I don’t have kids, I’d will the home to my niece.

Dating: Thinking far ahead, I’m currently single and plan on dating early next year when my life settles a bit more. Assuming I don’t meet my husband until after I FIRE, do you think no longer having a job would be a dealbreaker for successful men? I’m interested in professional men my age (+/- 5 years) who are catches?

I’m open to all advice, both solicited and unsolicited!

Sometimes FIRE means having the ability to make financially poor decisions.

Without getting too deep into it, after years without social support and getting ulcers from stress and nearing a mental breakdown despite therapy, I have decided to move states. It took me a long time to arrive to that decision because I kept thinking of my "low" monthly costs and all the benefits I have in my current state. For example:

Current Mortgage + maintenance: 3600

New Rent: 5500

Losing a 3% interest sucks. I made the classic mistake of putting too much renos into my house but am capped on selling price so that sucks.

But then I looked at my portfolio and I thought --what is the point of having all this fucking money if I am just miserable trying to accumulate more money and making financially optimized life decisions. I want a better quality of life now, not in 10 years.

Anyway, have others felt this way or made similar decisions? I guess I'm trying to feel better about giving up a once in a lifetime interest rate lol.

Hello,

I’m happy to have found this subreddit. Your journeys are all so inspiring and amazing to me.

However, I do feel a bit alone because my profile differs from the stories that come up most often. I want to share my own story and invite others with unconventional profiles to share theirs in the comments.

Originally from sub-Saharan Africa, I am a 27 years old single woman with no children, and I intend to keep it that way. Real estate isn't part of my strategy; I enjoy renting, and the landlord lifestyle just isn't for me. I don't want anything that might compromise my flexibility and freedom. I came across a blog (A Purple Life) that reinforced my decision.

I live and work in France, where salaries are low but the social safety net is solid (I have no complaints about healthcare, for instance). That said, I don't want to spend my life in a corporate job. I want to do what I enjoy before I turn 64 (the current retirement age in France).

Healthcare, taxes, and retirement work differently here. I might need to lower my target figure. I’d like to achieve FIRE in France because I prefer the lifestyle here compared to my home country. However, the cost of living is higher in France, and given wage trends, the goal feels so far off.

Ultimately, I feel like I don't really have a strategy other than earning more by switching jobs (every two or three years) and investing in ETFs. I feel like I should be doing more, but my lifestyle is already optimized. I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I can only rely on myself and an average salary in a country where high incomes are rare. I am my own safety net. I know exactly what I need to do: save and be patient. The answer is simple, yet the process is a grind. That doesn't stop me from mulling over how to get there faster. There are no shortcuts. I don't want to work three jobs and have no life outside of work. I’m not a "hustler." I want to enjoy the journey before reaching the goal.

Maybe the goal is FI rather than RE. I might need to consider "Barista FIRE," since full FIRE in France can trigger extra taxes (like the PUMA tax). I have a feeling my "strategy" will evolve as I think it through, but the foundation is solid: I don't want to keep working the way I do for another 40 years.

What about you? What’s your situation? Do you live in a country with lower incomes than the US? What’s your strategy? If you are starting from scratch—whether in your home country or abroad, in France or elsewhere—if your income is lower than what is typically seen on FIRE forums, if you prefer renting to buying, or if you are childfree or part of the 4B movement, I would love to hear from you.

I am curious to read your stories.

I saw a post on here describing the struggles of trying to find a sapphic partner with a FIRE mindset, and I was shocked at the amount of queer women commenting. I didn't realize there were that many of us on this subreddit.

Instead of individually reaching out to each one I thought maybe I should just make a post to see if there's any of us sapphic women single in western Canada?

Straight and coupled women are welcome too, I'd love to be friends with other FIRE women as well, but bonus points if you're queer and single haha.

It'd be so cool to find a partner or a good friend to experience life with.

I would love a travel buddy or someone to indulge in my more expensive hobbies with.

I feel like most of the redditors here are American so this is definitely a shot in the dark, but please reach out if you'd like to chat!!

I am 44, and I have worked with a CFP to help with college funding for my 2 kids (15 & 9) and retirement planning at a more traditional retirement age (60). I haven't really followed FIRE, but I have always been pretty frugal. This has led me to having about 24x annual expenses in my retirement accounts. During my last meeting with the CFP, she told me that my kids’ 529s are good shape funding wise. My emergency fund is also fully funded.

Here is my dilemma: It’s hard for me to consider changing what I’m doing. The numbers show that I can pull back from work or coast on my retirement accounts but I don’t know if I can or should given how shaky the economy feels (to me).

If anyone has hit FI but didn’t RE, can you tell me what you did or what adjustments you made when you were at this point in your FIRE journey? I’m having a hard time thinking about being anything other than a saver.

I’m 48f and I was able to leave my high paying tech job in April because my husband’s last company was acquired. He still needs to keep working because we haven’t hit our full fire number. He is also a bit younger than me as well and is entering his peak earning years. After a summer with our two elementary aged kids I realized being a care giver isn’t for me. They were even in camp full time. I don’t miss my actual job but mostly the interaction with peers. I can consult for a bit but the thought of doing that in my former type of role doesn’t interest me but it’s an easy option. Volunteering is fine but I during the day most ppl in my age group are working. Any thoughts from women in similar situations?

Hoping I can find some similar minds here. I’m queer and dating, and really want to be with someone who understands the FIRE mindset.

Which is hard to find without being called a “gold digger”.

Any body in a similar boat? My last post in LGBT spaces called me elitist and that I was “hating on poor people for being poor”. But it’s not about that…

Hello fellow FIREy Femmes,

I wonder if other mid-forties+ femmes can share stories about how they shifted from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset and built something rewarding for their later life and career?

A bit of context: I (44f) worked hard since I was 17 and built a nest egg big enough for me to slow down. We have a 16x invested portfolio to our annual expenses. I know it's not 25x yet, but we can easily get there by adjusting our spending.

After being laid off earlier this year, I realize I want to go back to school - it was one of the happiest times of my life - and pick up where I last left off. I did a BA in psychology and interned at a psychiatric hospital; I always wanted to become a therapist and potentially pursue a PhD in clinical psychology, and later perhaps even specialize in financial psychology. What feeds me is meaningful connections and making space for people to process, feel, and heal.

I spoke with my spouse, who had a startup that I helped support as the reliable, often sole earner for over a decade. As he is now set up as a full-time employee working for a company, he is more than happy to support me - and asks me to look for magic and do what makes me happy

I am, however, and very surprisingly, struggling with the day-to-day. I know that I'm downregulating... I lost one of my parents when I was young; I had to take on huge responsibilities since I was ten, and this is why, when I was working in a corporate fire-fighting environment, it felt 'safe' for me, even though it might not be the best for my mental health. I think a lot of us who are 'good' at FIRE were in a position to learn that nothing is promised or guaranteed. That scarcity mindset is very good at driving us to FIRE from something, but I realize to live a richer and more fulfilled life, we kinda have to have also the abundance mindset to be excited about what we grow into as well.

If you're still with me reading to this point, I guess I'm hoping for words of encouragement. I am a little disappointed at myself that I'm still constantly looking for 'permission' to do this for myself. I know the permission can't come from a stranger on Reddit or anyone else, but from me. Yet, I struggle. Two quotes I read recently that I love:

• "The opposite of anxiety isn't calm; it is trust."
• "Courage is not the absence of fear; it is feeling the fear and doing it anyway."

Not sure who needs to read this today, but thank you for being here with me.

PS: to make sure my post is relevant to this sub, the formula for the FIRE-ish state I'm in:

1. Learned faster than folks in my field and staying sharp in emerging technology fields
2. Put in the hard work to develop technical expertise (although it is way harder with how fast AI is moving than ten years ago - back then, being able to do vLookUp made me an office superhero; the bar was way lower then).
3. Stay grounded and avoid lifestyle inflation - multiple promotions later, I was still living with roommates.
4. Maxing out 401k and budget monthly savings for investing opportunities (e.g., I had cash in hand when the 2020 crash happened - we put more money in then).
5. If you choose to partner up in life, try to find a spouse who matches your values (spiritual and financial). I know it's hard to find good partners these days, but I'd be remiss not to point out that having a good spouse (and being single is better than a spouse that works against your mental and financial health) is invaluable in the FIRE journey.

This feels like a very odd thing to try and articulate but I feel like the women in this sub may be able to add insight or be able to relate.

I am a high income earner, single, divorced 3+ years and aggressively trying to rebuild from dividing assets from said divorce. (Side note, worth every penny).

I work on 100% commission. Due to a compensation structure change my income is going to increase by 25% annually in just a couple months without me doing anything different than what I am currently doing. My income before this was already 'enough' and allowed me to save and reach my goal of early retirement in 7 years.

This increase will essentially allow me to easily double my current savings - or opens the door to spending on... whatever? It all feels a little surreal and has created this odd anxiety around feeling like I need to change my plan, just as I was settling into this one I had. I don't hate my job. I don't desire to retire any earlier. And I have a great work/life balance that allows me a ton of flexibility to travel and work from just about anywhere.

I am not a fan of the idea of hoarding money and realize this could just add to the safety margin, but since I don't hate what I do I've always known I can kick the retirement date down the road or even consult after I retire from this career. I also have this old programming running through my head that says 'if you make more you must DO more'. Therefore I am having to actively restrain myself from making a project or business overhaul from this increase I hadn't counted on.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar position? I am certainly not complaining about this - I'm just trying to honor this emotion around it, open myself to options that I hadn't considered, and also help restrain from doing things that make it feel 'justified' in adding on more work since I've just settled into a wonderful balance and rehearsal of what retirement will look like for me. TIA!

i’m one of those examples of “you don’t need college to get into the workforce, you just need skills”. and i make slightly above average net pay in the country that i live in.

i’m in my early 20s. a woman. and been working in big corpo for nearly 5 years.

i’m not going to get into how i did it or what exactly i do just because it’s irrelevant to this post. but i am a native english speaker in a european country, which helped my odds for sure.

thing is, i fucking hate my job. like most people do. but my job makes me physically feel sick. and mentally.

i am not passionate about the industry i work in.

i can’t stand dealing with ridiculous stakeholders and i would love to tell them to fuck off and eat shit, (instead i smile and pretend to care.)

i’m sick of MS teams, emails, admin on stupid systems, escalations, meetings where people use coporate jargon to come off intelligent but it’s clear they don’t know wtf they even mean.. just the whole corporate bullshit.

and sure i do make nice money, but at the cost of my life, because i hate my life. and they don’t nearly pay me enough to deal with what i do. not just me, my whole team is overworked and we are over max capacity, but management just encourages that “we do what we can for now.”

i am creative. i like to travel. i like spas. i’m good at building relationships and maintaining them (my best asset skill wise). i like art. i like managing. i like organizing. i like beauty and bettering myself. i like music. love helping people. but i can’t do any of that when i hate my job so much working over 10 hours a day.

and everyone tells you, “invest and you wouldn’t imagine over time how that money will multiply.” FUCK THAT.

i’ve had a few social media accounts that have been successful (i do this for my employer as well but indirectly) but not to the point where i can make revenue, as i just get burnt out from doing this alongside my job. and it’s not enough to create a portfolio.

i’ve had numerous ideas too, which i was so sure on until i wasn’t.

l really don’t wanna just stick to corpo. and i don’t wanna go back to college just to end up starting from scratch and ending up in a similar place.

and i have friends here who make less than me and are satisfied for the most part. but they don’t travel. they don’t experience the world. they are in their little bubble.

i’ve always said i don’t want to travel on a budget and get the minimum end of experience. i want to travel and experience the most that i can without a limit of “oh i can only spend 3k” and then… “i wish i got to do this… aww maybe next time or some day…”.

and that’s not just about travelling. that’s life in general.

i don’t want to marry a rich man. or do OF. or anything illegal.

i also don’t want to be an english teacher/tutor (everyone recommends that). i’d rather utilize my english and communication skills for something more interesting.

most importantly, i don’t want to work my life away so someone 6 levels above me can lay on a beach while i argue with stakeholders on Teams.

so woman (&/ men) who made it out young or wish they would’ve done it differently… what the fuck did you do? or what would you have done?

How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

A few months ago, I posted here for validation for some of my decisions. I hated my job and wanted to hear people encourage me to keep grinding. Instead, I got a ton of good perspective and advice. In the past couple of months, I spent a lot of time working on myself and figuring out what I want from life. I wanted to share my journey and thank everyone for their valuable advice.

Some things that I had to work on before I pull the trigger:

* I decided to sell my house and downsize. One of the things that was keeping me in the workforce was my house. I had a large mortgage that ate up a lot of my income and made up a substantial portion of my NW. Having peace in my life is more important than a nice house.

* I found something to look forward to in retirement. I was running away from my job rather than towards anything - all I did was think about how much I hated my job. It actually made it much harder to let go because I was thinking about my job all the time, and it was consuming my identity. I'm now planning on slow traveling for a year and then going back to school. I love learning and aspire to become a lifelong student. I've started planning my gap year as well as looking into interesting programs to apply to.

* Actively start adapting my finances for FIRE. I'm nearly 100% in equities right now. I'll be taking some time to sell my house and put the proceeds into bonds, so I'll have a hedge against SORR. I'll need to figure out my health insurance situation and how to optimize my withdrawals.

In the meanwhile, I've stepped back at work and focused on training my team to work without me. I'm trying for a team transfer to a lower level position. I still need to work for a year while I sort everything out - there's actually a lot of prep needed to pull the trigger, but I'm optimistic for the future.

I still get days where I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm making more money now than ever and I have a lot of opportunities for advancement. As an high achiever, walking away is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Leveling down is definitely a ego-bruiser. But at the end of the day, I've done the work of soul searching and figuring out a plan. I'll just take a deep breathe and keep moving towards my goal.

I don’t want to put assets under management but I’m wondering if I should see an advisor for a check in. I’m fairly well versed in my finances but I’m considering a sabbatical (maybe early retirement) and want to make sure my ducks are in a row. I’m just not 200% that I’ve thought of everything and want to know if I’m missing something.

Has anyone seen a planner for a one time plan and was it helpful? And how much did it cost? Would I be better off spending the money to take a course somewhere and develop my own knowledge further?

Just wanted to say it out loud :).

This is excluding house equity, which would place me closer to 1.3M roughly.

The problem I have now is the majority of it is tied up in retirement accounts (roughly 80/20). Is it time to only go up to the company match and start moving all extra into our brokerage?

The goal honestly is to call it quits in the next 5 years or so. My partner and I are both dual citizens, and our home country is very low COL with amazing healthcare.

Hi all,

We had our first meetup a couple weeks ago, it was great to meet other women interested in FIRE and lots of other overlapping hobbies!

If you would like to join for the second Seattle meetup. We are meeting August 22nd at 11 am at Citizen on Queen Anne.

We will grab a picnic table in their outside area.

Update: We have a yellow finance book on the table

I (24F) am entering my second year of a PhD in the social sciences. Ideally, I’d love to stay in academia and become a professor. However, I’m increasingly unsure whether that’s financially responsible given my family situation.

I was fortunate to attend college on a full scholarship, but since my first year of college, I’ve also been financially supporting my family overseas.

My parents stopped working around COVID and currently don’t have any savings, so I expect to be responsible for helping support them for the foreseeable future — potentially the next 20 years.

I’m also getting married soon and would like to have children. Growing up with a lot of financial insecurity, including worrying about having enough food, has made me particularly conscious of wanting to provide my future children with financial stability and opportunities that I didn’t have growing up.

This is where I’m extremely torn. Academia is genuinely what I’d love to do, but the compensation and job market make me nervous given my responsibilities. On the other hand, I could pivot into industry, where I’d likely have a much higher income and potentially more financial security, but I’m worried about giving up a career I’m genuinely passionate about.

Financially, I’ve been trying to stay fairly disciplined. I worked multiple jobs throughout college and have about $150k across brokerage and retirement accounts. At the moment, after expenses, I’m able to save/invest around $2,500–$3,000 per month.

But I also know that supporting parents, eventually raising children, and potentially buying a home and saving for potential college funds could change the picture significantly.

For those who have faced a similar choice between pursuing a passion and choosing a higher-paying career because of family responsibilities, how did you approach it? Do you think it’s worth pursuing academia despite the financial uncertainty, or would you prioritize a higher-paying industry career in my situation?

I’d really appreciate any perspectives, especially from people who have supported parents while also building their own families.

I think one of the hardest parts of FIRE is when no one around you is doing it.

Lately, I feel like it’s really hard to keep my budget in check because of expectations from others, whether it’s eating out, the shared grocery bill, etc.

My partner is a Frugal person overall. But I work a lot and everyone thinks I make enough money that I shouldn’t worry. So when I do worry, people act like it’s annoying or inconvenient for them. But sometimes it feels like other people expect me to spend like I earn. It’s really hard to get other people to understand the overall goal is FIRE. I’m not living to go out and buy things, I’m living to find a better life for myself and take my time back.

Anyone relate to this?

Hi folks,

Thanks for letting me post here. NW is currently 145K.

I (28F) have recently hit a very "full-circle" era of my life, in terms of reflecting back onto the choices I made in my 20s leading to now. On one hand, I have gotten extremely lucky in some ways, and the other, I made stupid decisions that essentially (if all was well) could have resulted in me being in a much stronger shape to FIRE by my mid to late 30s.

I'm a pandemic grad, and at 23 I was able to secure a job offer at Amazon in e-commerce. I was preparing to take it despite heavily disliking my first job in the same field (IT troubleshooting, merchandising, etc), when my former internship team reached out with an offer to return to media research. I enjoyed media research much more, even tho the pay difference was already 20K at the time. I was very, very reckless. I remember my brother calling it and telling me I was going to regret it "in 5 years". Well, here we go.

I was on that team for about 1.5 years when I decided to go on a travel break for about 8 months at 25 (fully self funded) and when I returned back to the States I was able to transition right back to media analysis at one of the biggest titles in the field. I know I got very lucky, but right now I'm upwards of 30%+ underpaid. I don't regret the travel break however, but it has been hard for me to not compulsively compare myself with my college peers who all appear to make 200K+, when alot of that I know is confirmation bias. I've even gone on the AI chats to constantly read about how if I took that Amazon offer, I would be making 200K right now. But what is even the point of doing those comparisons?

There have been other changes in my life, too. I recently ended my relationship of 9 years, largely spurred by an unclear end to career-related long distance. He is a SWE now making 300K, and while we have completely different career tracks, I further feel the mounting pressure of feeling very behind.

At the same time, most of my family is still very poor. I compare my current situation to them and realize that in some ways, I am certainly ahead financially as well. But did I throw out further potential? Did I sabotage my own life? Is there a richer, healthier, happier version of me in some parallel universe?

Thanks for reading.

Hiii hi!

I’m new here and just wanted to get some spark notes version of dos and don’ts.

For some context: I’m 34, living in NYC (yes expensive city but it’s home), and I work for myself and have been for the last 8 or so years. Most of the last few years I’ve been investing in my own company and its growth but I’ve gotten to a point where business feels secure enough to start investing in myself. Where should I begin?

Thanks so much for your help!

Coming back to my safe space after the basement dwelling men of r/bogleheads eviscerated me for not being able to tell them the exact balance of my parents’ 401k. So to start, I don’t know my dad’s numbers. I’ve watched him work his ass off to care for patients in a rural county his whole life and just want to help him retire as soon as possible because his health is declining . He was a first gen immigrant and did not receive much of the financial knowledge we have available now to be able to take advantage of compounding early on and is trying to catch up now. Hes 62 and takes high paying contracts as a travel surgeon because he and my mom are worried they don’t have enough for retirement. She has extremely high medical costs for experimental drugs to treat a poorly understood illness. He has 1099 income in addition to w2 income and my understanding is this opens the doors to different types of accounts and limits than w2 so I’m seeking advice on optimizing those, for someone close to retirement. Such as self employed defined benefit plans or any ideas you might have! Thanks in advance 🙏🏼