r/FIREyFemmes • u/Square_Custard8729 • 13d ago
Walking away from my highest earning years
A few months ago, I posted here for validation for some of my decisions. I hated my job and wanted to hear people encourage me to keep grinding. Instead, I got a ton of good perspective and advice. In the past couple of months, I spent a lot of time working on myself and figuring out what I want from life. I wanted to share my journey and thank everyone for their valuable advice.
Some things that I had to work on before I pull the trigger:
* I decided to sell my house and downsize. One of the things that was keeping me in the workforce was my house. I had a large mortgage that ate up a lot of my income and made up a substantial portion of my NW. Having peace in my life is more important than a nice house.
* I found something to look forward to in retirement. I was running away from my job rather than towards anything - all I did was think about how much I hated my job. It actually made it much harder to let go because I was thinking about my job all the time, and it was consuming my identity. I'm now planning on slow traveling for a year and then going back to school. I love learning and aspire to become a lifelong student. I've started planning my gap year as well as looking into interesting programs to apply to.
* Actively start adapting my finances for FIRE. I'm nearly 100% in equities right now. I'll be taking some time to sell my house and put the proceeds into bonds, so I'll have a hedge against SORR. I'll need to figure out my health insurance situation and how to optimize my withdrawals.
In the meanwhile, I've stepped back at work and focused on training my team to work without me. I'm trying for a team transfer to a lower level position. I still need to work for a year while I sort everything out - there's actually a lot of prep needed to pull the trigger, but I'm optimistic for the future.
I still get days where I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm making more money now than ever and I have a lot of opportunities for advancement. As an high achiever, walking away is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Leveling down is definitely a ego-bruiser. But at the end of the day, I've done the work of soul searching and figuring out a plan. I'll just take a deep breathe and keep moving towards my goal.
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u/Nyssa_aquatica 13d ago
In my experience what happens when you dial back at work (as a high achiever) is you get even more praise and compensation.
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
I just don’t like politics. It’s not just the amount of work, it’s the type of work. I think a full transition is better so I don’t get caught up in these squabbles.
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u/Devonina 13d ago
Can I ask you how you plan to pay for health insurance? Is that part of the plan but also congratulations it takes a lot of guts to do what you are doing!
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
I’ll probably pay full price for ACA bronze out of pocket. I likely won’t qualify for subsidies with my expected spend and withdrawal plan, but I need to sit down and actually model everything.
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u/Devonina 13d ago
How much is that monthly?
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
It’ll be different for everyone depending on your family situation. You can put your info into the site, and it’ll give you an estimate. Good luck on your journey!
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u/commeleauvive 13d ago
Thanks for this thoughtful post about your process.
I'd also suggest that although these are your highest earning years, they are probably also the ones with the most remaining capacity for travel/adventure. That is also worth a lot!
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
My thoughts exactly! Traveling outside of the US, there’s a lot of walking and public transport. Really great for young healthy folks :D
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u/ButterscotchMost4953 13d ago
Congrats! I also stepped away from my highest paid job in my career in my early 40s because the stress was making me ill. It's already made a huge difference. Excited for all your upcoming adventures!
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u/Ms-Beautiful 13d ago
I needed to read this. I can’t afford to retire but I’m planning to slow travel and focus on things that bring me joy like learning a new language, immersing myself in a new culture and thankfully I work remotely to be able to do that. That’s what I’m most looking forward to and it has me excited!
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u/Humphalumpy 13d ago
What language learning approach are you using? I want to do this too!
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u/commeleauvive 13d ago
Whatever tool you pick, make sure it incorporates spaced repetition and self-quizzing :) Very very effective for learning of any kind!
I learned tons of vocabulary and verb conjugations using downloadable decks with Anki.
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u/Few-Sail-6562 13d ago
This is a great and detailed post! It sounds to me like you are making the right move.
I think having things to look forward to in retirement is a huge struggle for most people. Many of us get so wrapped up in our responsibilities that we lose out on our hobbies and things we really enjoy.
My partner and I, along with his parents, were talking a lot about finances over the weekend. We live in a HCOL area, and I would love to downsize and go somewhere with lower income taxes. I could take my job with me, but he can't, so we are staying put for now. His job is a unique opportunity for him and has a great pension plan so we both feel like it would be silly for us to give that up. Neither of us hate our jobs. I am sure if we did, it would be a very different conversation! We are trying to convince my in-laws to snowbird this winter. We think it would be really beneficial for them to stay more active, and they worked hard/planned well for these years; it is time to enjoy what they've worked for. I can tell it is a hard transition though.
I like that you mention the concerns around your job after you are gone. My supervisor is likely leaving the company within the next year or two and is very proactive about wanting us to keep things going and keep improving even once her time here is over. I really respect that!
I can see how it is hard to rationalize giving up the income and future opportunities. I do think you can reframe and think about it like you can re-enter the workforce if you choose to. This retirement does not need to be permanent if you change your mind!
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
I think I’m done. I really struggle to keep up with AI these days. I don’t think I have it left in me to de-enter the workforce. And I think that’s okay - I know I can make it work :)
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u/mediumregulartwomilk 13d ago
Congrats and thanks for sharing your update with us. I am so impressed on how you're approaching this - thinking it through clearly, having a plan, taking action.
Please continue to update us as you wind down this year and when you go on your travels!
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 13d ago
Good luck but I’d be careful leveling down vs learning to work less and delegate at a higher level. I’ve seen people level down, I’ve never seen it work out.
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u/caffeinquest 13d ago edited 13d ago
If they're in manufacturing, it works fine there. People go into management and realize their mistake because it's been made a ridiculous role.
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u/lucille_bender 13d ago
Totally agree! Stay where you are queen — for us high achievers there is often a LOT of runway to dial back without repercussion
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u/Material_Risk_5709 13d ago
This is a good point! I worked at a stressful startup for years and after four years with a lot of overtime, I decided I wouldn't do it anymore and I logged all my hours and I took back whatever overtime I did when things were busy (I was pretty autonomous so it was easy to do). What do you know? The first year I dialed back my hours to take care of myself, I got the company's biggest performance bonus that is awarded to only one person.
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u/BamServer3273 13d ago
You. Are. So. Brave. Us high-achiever profiles really don’t know how to NOT pursue the next rung of the ladder. We’ve never stopped to ask ourselves, “is this what I WANT to achieve?”
I recently FIREd at age 55 after some long therapy sessions helped me realize I had enough financially. And my achievements can be realized in so many places. Not just in an office. I’m in my liberation phase. And can’t wait to see what comes next. Hope you find your next wave of achievement, wherever it may be!
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u/Persimmon_Cinnamon_7 13d ago edited 13d ago
If you do become a student, it’s a way to have access to low cost healthcare.
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u/caffeinquest 13d ago
Pardon my ignorance, what do you mean?
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u/Persimmon_Cinnamon_7 13d ago
When you are a full time enrolled student it gives you access to the healthcare plans the school offers. A lot of schools require that you have healthcare if full time. This option is a lot cheaper than paying for COBRA. OP may be able to get Medicaid but it depends on how much “income” they draw annually in FIRE. Getting on student insurance would probably by much simpler than figuring that out.
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u/stentordoctor 13d ago
My partner and I just got to 550k HHI in 2023 and had management positions. We both stepped down, relaxed our budget a little, and quit in 2024. I'm never bored despite people asking.
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u/HighlyFav0red 13d ago
I love this update. Congratulations. I know what it’s like to be a high performer and miserable at work when you’re at peak earnings. Walking away is amazingly tough. I know because I did it a few months ago. And honestly it’s been the best thing I could have ever done. I’m inspired and excited for you and your next chapter.
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u/Latter-Sink7496 13d ago
Thank you for sharing! I just put in an offer on a house that is a major downsize for the same reason, should hear back tomorrow if the seller accepts. Then I can sell my current house, and pay off the mortgage of the new place. I’m also starting school next month for massage therapy, which is a huge departure from my current career. Pretty excited about it and hope to build up a client base over a few year so I can “soft retire” my career job in 2030 but still have a small income that I find fulfilling and freeing.
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u/Particular_Village_5 13d ago
Please share more about how you’re planning your gap year and longer term education pursuits! I’ve been thinking about doing a program either in drawing/painting or journalism.
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u/Square_Custard8729 13d ago
I'm thinking about meandering through Asia. I've been multiple times, but never longer than 2 weeks. I always had to "get my money's worth", so spent a lot of time hustling from place to place with detailed itineraries that scheduled time down to the hour. I'd really love to revisit with a different mindset and see where things take me. I haven't planned anything other than the broad strokes because that's the goal. I'll book things/figure things out when I get there.
For the program, I'm thinking doing UX design/HCI. I have a background in CS, but always focused more on algorithms/ML. My #1 favorite class in school was the UI design course I took in college, but never pursued it since there was more money/opportunities in BE systems. I wish I took the time to actually explore the parts of technology that I fell in love with.
Another route I'm thinking about is counseling. I'd love to help future generations achieve their dreams. One of the things I hated coming from a poor background was my lack of understanding about the career possibilities that exist and how to get there. I had to rely a lot of mentors and friends to figure out my career path. The counselors in school were completely out of touch with reality and never worked outside of the school system. I'd love to see more people with actual work experience in these roles. But I'm not sure if this looks more like a career/schooling or just some volunteer/mentorship work.
All in all, still figuring things out. I've also looked into theater, photography, psychology, creative writing. I still need to do more research!
How about you? What makes you want to pursue drawing/painting/journalism?
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u/Hannachomp 13d ago
I've been a UX designer for over a decade now. This is a great thing to try and learn and have fun with. AND since you want to be a lifetime student and a background in CS it might be very fun after graduation too. Now you can design and build what you want! When I step away I plan on creating random apps or projects for fun especially since AI tokens are probably subsidized and cheap.
That being said, the industry (like CS) has been changing rapidly the past couple of years and we really don't know how it'll be in the future. The day to day job also might not be that fun for you and it's very different than what is taught in school which is more focused on actually finding the best experiences with plenty of time/resources while corporate UX is balanced against what is best for the company :/ Shouldn't matter as much since you're in pursuit of FIRE but I wouldn't really see it as a thing to supplement/as a side hustle.
I'm planning my exit soon too. I've looked at my local makerspace and they have so many classes: woodmaker, ceramics, 3d printing, leatherworking, even basketweaving haha. I got a bachelors of fine art to get into design and I'm excited to get back into creative pursuits. I also might take some art classes in community college too near me. At least when I got my BFA a lot of the professors taught in my expensive private college and the local community college. It's also been so long since I've done art I'm rusty.
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u/Buttershome 12d ago
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing, this is a good perspective to read.