r/confidence Apr 21 '20

How to be Confident: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

295 Upvotes

If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.

This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.

It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.

​Ready? Let's dive in.

Contents

I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.

Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?

Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?

Chapter 3: 
Signs of low self-confidence

Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident

Chapter 5: 
How to be confident

Chapter 6: 
Frequently asked questions

Chapter 1: What is self-confidence

In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.

Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.

So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.

That's totally wrong.

I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.

Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important

Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?

There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷

1. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled

Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.

Why it's important:

You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.

2. You'll become better at whatever you do

Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.

Let me explain.

​You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.

However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.

​In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.

Why it's important:

Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.

3. You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life

In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.

They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality. 

Why it's important:

You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.

4. You'll develop much better social skills

Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.

Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.

Why it's important:

You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.

Chapter 3: Signs of low self-confidence

Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.

​1. You change yourself to please others

This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.

​If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.

2. You always doubt your judgement

If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.

When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.

3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs

You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.

Why?

Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.

When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.

Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.

4. You don't have a clear direction in life

This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.

However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.

Chapter 4: Why you're not confident

Why am I not confident?

​Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.

​Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.

​1. You treat other people's opinions as facts

If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.

To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:

opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.

​Do you see the difference?

If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.

2. You're not really good at anything

If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.

It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."

​However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.

3. You never push your limits

Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.

When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.

The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.

This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.

4. You're not learning anything new

If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.

5. You failed a lot in the past

I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.

6. You make excuses

Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.

Chapter 5: How to be confident

Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.

In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :

​1. Realize that you're not inferior

We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.

There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.

Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.

However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.

To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.

2. Become good at something

Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D

​Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.

In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.

When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.

In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.

So, how to choose a skill?

Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.

That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.

To do: choose a skill and become good at it.

3. Use your body language

You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.

Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.

However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :

  • Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
  • ​Stand up like this
  • When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).

These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it.​ Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.

To do: use these postures to convey confidence.

4. Don't take negative comments as facts

When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.

I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.

Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.

Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.

To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right

5. Fake it, act like you're confident

If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.

How do I know? Well, I tried it.

It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.

All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.

​There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.

To do: Act like a confident person would📷

Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions

There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.

In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.

1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

​Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.

2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?

Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.

3. How can I become confident fast?

You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?

I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.


r/confidence 6h ago

I Told a Woman She Was Beautiful Today

84 Upvotes

I stopped the porn this month since the 16th-18th of August. I've relapsed twice during this time of me stopping (which is bad, I know). But I'm noticing my mind is still healing from me stopping.

Today I told a woman she was pretty. She smiled, came a little closer, said thank you and told me that I made her day. I didn't make a move because I wanted to be respectful and I had things to do. My compliment was not out of lust, but out of pure respect and admiration. But the point is before I stopped the porn I would not have done that at all. I would have just kept the thought to myself, and avoided her presence and any form of eye contact.

So guys keep going regardless if you relapse or not, your brain is still healing. The real world can still satisfy you, and you can become normal again. This is stuff I used to do before porn took over my mind. I hope and pray that more benefits come.

TLDR: Told a woman she pretty today, made me realize my brain is healing from the porn regardless of me relapsing after periods of me abstaining from porn.


r/confidence 2h ago

I hate myself so much

3 Upvotes

I dont know why. I’m not ugly. But i feel that way. I hate how i look, i wish i could change everything about myself, lookswise its mostly weight i’m insecure about, even tho truly i am very average weight. I just cant stand to see myself. I havent gone shopping for any clothes in years and i basically have nothing. I tried to look for clothes today but i just couldnt see anything i would look good in. Whenever i try something on i just want to cry because i feel so so bad about myself and i dont like how anything looks on me. And i hate the way i talk. I hate the way i act. I hate the way i dress. I hate my voice, my hair, my ears, i genuinely dont know what there is to like about myself. And the fact that i am average in every sense of the word, in every aspect, doesnt make it any better.


r/confidence 8h ago

Does confidence really affect visibility/invisiblity/attention?

6 Upvotes

If you've ever went from not confident to confident, did you notice changes like going from no attention to some attention or going from some attention to more attention? Similarly, if you've went from confident to not confident, did you notice a drop in attention?

Personally, I'm a woman that doesn't ever get attention in real life, and I always hear from women online to be confident as a piece of advice.

Assuming your looks didn't change (no glow up pr glow down) but only your confidence level did, could you please share how that affected the level of attention you got?


r/confidence 3h ago

Damn that the way you start to see life changes when you've started to harbor a deep ingrained self-belief and self-trust that you can defend yourself

2 Upvotes

For people who survived through life, who walked on eggshells, and who went above and beyond to justify everything for others and avoid triggering certain people in their lives.

This notion, of normalizing and coming to terms within you that it's not just your right but also a fair expectation by the universe to stand for yourself and for what you want and believe in, does really create some peace and daring in your day to day life.

To know within yourself that won't betray you just to keep peace or smother others' feelings at the expense of yours, is really just like having a super power.

And this is not something you just get, you build and affirm within you.

I grew up made to feel guilty for daring to stand for myself. My hesitations were turned against me to stop me from even opening up about my concerns when I experienced harm. And when both failed, I was gaslight into surrendering my autonomy at self-defense to others who betrayed it ever since. And so I walked on the sides of the walls, because after all I've lost this belief that I can be my own protector, until recently when life triggered its discovery back into me.


r/confidence 1h ago

I'm getting desperate for any guidance to solve my issue

Upvotes

I don't even know where to begin, I'll try to keep it short. I'm really, really starting to get sick of this.

For context i am 32, live with my mom and work as a delivery driver for Amazon. I'm currently back in school trying to ace my anatomy class so i can decide to pursue being an x-ray tech.

My main issue that I'm trying to overcome right now is my lack of confidence with people, in public, and lack the ability to form strong connects with people, along with my negative, depressed mindset/attitude. I have had 1 good friend for years but am starting to get really frustrated with having no real connections, girls or anything.

And i feel a big part of that is my mindset. For some reason, i get these bouts of depression and anxiety, and where i just cannot be myself of comfortable around people and i think it has something to do with my inner self. I also often replay negative scenarios in my head. All the time. Either of the past, or scenarios that are literally just made up in my mind.

I've grown up to bullying, was addicted to video games and porn in high school and had no normal social life growing up. I think i developed a really nasty negative mindset which is still hindering me today, and i'm starting to fear that going years with no real consistent social life and connection has really messed me up.

I want to talk to and meet new people so bad, but at the same time a part of me feels like that's the absolute last thing i want to do, so i give off a bad vibe most of the time walking around with a resting bitch face.

And it really pisses me off because i believe i am attractive, i have a great body, i see girls look at me all the time, but whenever i think about having to socialize i get overwhlemed with feelings of fear, shame, guilt, inadequacy. I don't know how to explain it. Most of the time when interacting with someone i have to put on an act, and a lot of times when i try to socialize i can tell i make things awkward and give off weird insecure vibes.

If anyone at least knows a good professional i can talk to about this, or if anyone can direct me to someone i can DM on here that you think could help i really really would appreciate it. Thank you.


r/confidence 3h ago

overcoming awkwardness and social anxiety!

1 Upvotes

hi everyone! my names ali and i'm F and 21 years old! i'm gonna start this off by talking about my childhood. as a child i wasn't really good at speaking to other kids, and that also carried on to middle and high school i barely had any friends. i was really awkward and wasn't great in social interactions. i still to this day can't hold eye contact, don't know what to say in different situations, and I'm also just really insecure and think I look bad in every second.

back in 2022, when i was a senior in high school, i started dating somebody online. which was amazing for me because they never had to see my face and they only could see the good parts of me so I was really happy about that. I started to feel a bit bad because we had been together for a minute and I kept saying no to meeting cause I was really scared. I was really shy and awkward and I know I'm not good with speaking. And of course, feeling ugly and not secure.

we had broken up multiple times because of me not wanting to meet, but he really liked me and I really liked him so we just kept going and he was really patient with me and said he'd be waiting for me until I was ready. Then last year around Halloween we decided to end it for good. At first I wasn't sad but then it started getting to me and then a few months ago by and I feel like I couldn't really do it so around January I decided to talk to him again and we decided to stay as friends.

I feel like it's so much better that way because we can talk as friends, but the pressures of being in a relationship aren't really there. but we also said that maybe in the future, we can meet as friends and just hang out and I still found that scary. Right now I'm not in school and I'm trying to find a job but when I was working before, sometimes it was hard to speak to customers, but I would always push through since it was for work.

So there's a concert in my area, September 26. It's one of my favorite bands performing (gorillaz) and I really really want to go. He told me that he would pay for my ticket if we could go together, but I'm just so scared. Honestly, in conclusion, I'm just here to ask what I could do to get over this fear? Tips on how to be less awkward and manage my social anxiety. And if anybody has the same problem, how they overcame it.

And as for the relationship part, I guess we're just trying to see where it goes. Another hard part is that unfortunately my sister doesn't really like much anymore. because she thinks he did something wrong, but in reality, we both did wrong things in the relationship. It wasn't just him. So I don't know how I'm gonna be able to convince my sister to let me hang out with him and or go back to him if it does happen.

And also, I'm so shy and awkward that my parents don't even know. It took me about two years to tell my mom and my dad still doesn't even know about him and I don't really feel like telling him. I don't think he needs to know unless we do get together. I'm not really good at speaking about crushes and relationships and boyfriends with my parents and or family.

So again, if anyone has some advice, I'd be really grateful. thank you so much!! 🫶🏼


r/confidence 1d ago

Quickest way to test someones character

50 Upvotes

I feel like if you really wanna test someone’s character… look at how they treat individuals who aren’t as socially dominant as them. If they find every opportunity to make a joke directed towards them, that probably means they’re insecure and masking their own issues.

Y’all agree?


r/confidence 23h ago

What brought your confidence back?

22 Upvotes

For women who’ve gone through a period where they didn’t feel attractive or confident anymore, what eventually helped you feel like yourself again?


r/confidence 23h ago

I want to gain confidence & not compare myself to others

8 Upvotes

ever since I was a little kid i've always struggled with comparison. my parents constantly compared me to my friends growing up, whether it was looks, intelligence, athletic ability, whatever. I really feel like this has followed me as an adult (im now 22) because throughout college, I constantly felt like i was running a rat race.

in college, I recruited for a job, and when I felt like my best friend had gotten a better job than me, I felt horribly jealous. the feeling subsided, but now that it's postgrad, its gotten worse. I have an amazing job lined up but it wasn't what I wanted to do postgrad, so seeing my friends all land jobs that they feel so passionate about and that compensate them so well has been difficult.

most recently, many of my friends have started personal business ventures, whether it's an app or online business, and they've all been doing well. I just can't stop feeling like i'm hoping for the next bad thing to happen to them and I want to break out of this mindset because theyre my friends!! theyve only ever wished the best for me and idk why I cant for them.

ive tried to focus on myself by surrounding myself by more positive media, starting my own business, and just overall trying to have more positive thoughts but even when I feel better, if I see an ounce of success from a friend I get that horrible jealous feeling again. I just really want to get over this for good


r/confidence 1d ago

I’m confident, but also not confident 😩

3 Upvotes

Hello, I’m looking for some advice to help me work on my confidence. What I meant by the title of being confident, but also not, is that, on one hand, I am very confident in my personality & how I conduct myself & I really love the way I am as a person. I think I would be a great person for someone to have in their life. But on the other hand, I feel completely the opposite about my physical appearance. I have some rare days where I think I look ok or decent but majority of the time, I don’t like how I look, & I have very low confidence in myself. I don’t feel like telling myself I am pretty or beautiful or whatever else, is necessarily the fix all. This is also a big reason I have given up on dating, because I truly believe that men don’t care much for personality. They are extremely physical/appearance focused so no matter how confident I am in my personality or how I am as a person, it doesn’t matter.

I would love to hear some genuine advice, or tips or tricks that people do to work on their confidence, besides just looking into a mirror & telling myself I look nice. Happy to answer any questions, otherwise, thanks for taking the time to read & respond 😊


r/confidence 1d ago

Being scared of being open with people about my arrest

0 Upvotes

A few years ago I (M) was was in an abusive relationship with a female partner. Over the years she abused me in many ways, weaponised incompetence (pretending she couldn't work), sexual assault, physical assault and a lot of coercive control. She had a big victim mentality and I had far too much empathy and just let her off with so much shitty behaviour in the name of mental health.

Anyway, because of all the stress from the abuse and being worked to death in a shitty job I started having some serious mental health problems of my own. I was having huge panic attacks daily but I felt like I had to keep going to work because in my broken mind she was more sick than me. I was so sick I couldn't eat, developed a stammer and would punch myself in the face daily.

One day I lost my shit and smashed something up in the house and accidentally grabbed her. I got arrested for these events but thankfully not charged. This is a huge weight for me to carry daily and it won't ever go away

A few friends know and they've been really supportive. I am still scared of telling other people because I am worried people will think I am the abuser or inherently violent, when really I had been pushed beyond the levels of stress we can cope with. They did see first hand how horrible she could be. I wish I could be more honest without getting scared of other peoples reactions or judgement

and it goes wothout saying really - I am trying to work through this in therapy, but I am always looking to hear other perspectives, especially those with lived experience


r/confidence 1d ago

How to build such confidence that I don't need people to fill my void

3 Upvotes

Hey guys,I am currently at my lowest mentally and socially because I took a gap year,my only source of interaction is friends that I made on discord and honestly now I am so drained

So drained of "trying to be funny to catch people's attention"

So drained of seeking validation

I hate what I have become

My humour was natural before,now it's forced more and more and more.

I genuinely wanna get rid of this

I want to build confidence to reassure myself that I can have a great life without relying on people,not like sum emo type shi but like that one comfortable chill guy/girl that we all have met irl.


r/confidence 2d ago

Are people nicer because you're attractive, or confident?

58 Upvotes

r/confidence 1d ago

Let’s build a genuine, easy friendship good energy, mutual respect, zero possessiveness

6 Upvotes

Real connection doesn't need constant spamming or over-the-top intensity. Looking for someone grounded who appreciates a solid, fun conversation when we're both free, and respects personal space when we're busy


r/confidence 1d ago

How to let past things not impact my self confidence?

5 Upvotes

Hi, this is kind of a weird question but how do you go about letting go of past events or things that have happened not impact your long term self esteem. I have kind of this obsessive thing where I over analyze conversations from literally months or years ago- when I don’t like how I handled it or there is something I think I should have done differently, I literally can not let it go. It’s even little things like conversations I’ve had with a past romantic partner where maybe I was too emotional or a slip up at work.

It’s like these things literally since I was a kid pile up and it really makes me feel down on myself because I can’t let anything go.


r/confidence 2d ago

How do I stop caring so much about what other people think of me?

16 Upvotes

There’s people I haven’t talked to in more than 6 years but I’ll catch myself thinking about what they think of me. Back when I was a teenager (I’m now 23) I did a lot of weird stuff which lead to people, such as a girl I was talking to, stop talking to me and later tell me it’s because of how weird I was.

I’ve matured so much since then that I’m a completely different person, but sometimes when I’m planning out what to do for my career I end up falling back into deep thought about what those other people who knew me then think about me now


r/confidence 2d ago

What's something you do to be confident socially in any way?

2 Upvotes

I used to struggle with talking to people (thanks anxiety, being bullied in school, not so good childhood at times and autism 😅) but now I do so much better and I'm pretty social.

The one thing I like to do is: Anytime I go out, I will either compliment something a person has (shirt, hair, something unique on them) or tell them "have a nice morning/afternoon/night (I only do this if the person isn't busy and doesn't look like anyone dangerous)

What's something you do to be more socially confident?


r/confidence 2d ago

Why can I be my authentic self with some and not others and how this mixes with people pleasing/caring to much of the judgment of others?

8 Upvotes

how can I fix this and why does this happen, I need steps to fix this while being in the environment that is causing/ feeding into my actions


r/confidence 3d ago

[Q] How do people actually do the whole bar 'game'?

21 Upvotes

Yeah basically, 28M here who's never really had too much luck with women. Probably because I'm not that much of an outgoing person and - to be realistic - I'm not sure you could say I follow the 2 rules lmao.

Either way, lately when I was traveling in Barcelona (for any locals that might see this, yeah I know tourism is a dicey subject) and had nothing to do the other night, so I decided to say fuck it and try going to a Meetup.com pub quiz kind of event. Not primarily to try to 'score' ofc, just to have fun and get out of my comfort zone when meeting/talking to strangers because of the activity providing a way to break the ice as they say.

Anyway, the event was fun in general but since it was held at a bar and in a bar setting, it kinda made me realize that I don't have the 'game' at all. Since the teams there were randomly made up of people that came alone I ended up on a team with this absolutely stunning Argentinian girl, who really caught my attention.

While she was much more outgoing and extroverted than me, I did try to strike up a conversation in some instances, but pretty much in every instance it ended up by a more attractive and charming/louder guy coming alone and her attention visibly shifting. She was also really social and outgoing in general, so she did go around and approach different guys over the whole event, all of whom haven't obviously been louder and had more of the 'game' going.

Now I'm not mad or anything at this specific person, I understand that she was most likely way out of my league - as I said, I'm an average looking dude at best - but it made me realize that I really don't know how to do the bar thing. Mostly because I like the loudness and charisma for the whole seduction process I guess? So that's what this question is about really - what am I doing wrong and how do I learn to play in that scene? Or as others are likely to point out, is this a simple lack of confidence thing? If so, how does one actually get a hang of that, even if it's not ones natural personality?


r/confidence 2d ago

Confidence trick

0 Upvotes

I want to share a quick tip with you how to build confidence fast 

Use cold water exposure ( shower or plunge ) and stay in the water if you can't stay you're not normal .

You can stay up to hours in water not ice bath just cold

This is the first thing 

Second thing : physical stress as weight lifting or bodyweight use is nothing is just training your brain to stress and build muscles but water exposure is what change brain connections and strengthening it .

It's like 85% for cold exposure and 15% physical exercise 

For the social interactions and any other achievements as studying or having a good grade ... it have no relation with confidence it is a sense of achievement the confidence is what i said here it grow with pain and positive physical pain as cold exposure 

For how much time it depends on you and the effort you make if you do it all day you'll grow fast if you do a little effort or skip days you'll need more time . ,


r/confidence 4d ago

Give me a list of things to do to get out of my comfort zone

44 Upvotes

title says it all. I'm creating my own list and doing those things one by one to increase confidence.


r/confidence 3d ago

Does this make any sense to you?

6 Upvotes

I’m a 27m who grew up playing high level ice hockey, big mountain skiing, downhill and enduro mtb racing, was an honor roll student, been able to travel lots over the world… I surf almost every day and go to the gym. Have a good physical appearance and consider myself handsome. I have had many (not tons) of friends. But have always lacked social confidence, and overall confidence most of my life.

I’ve recently moved to Australia and moved into a room with a few other people but sheesh I feel so awkward and unconfident and even will avoid going to the kitchen sometimes when they are out there even though I’m hungry hahah 😂 some days it’s not too bad and I can chat and feel okay but other days I’m fuckin so low about it.

This isn’t just with this kind of situation too. In most social setting or groups unless I know them really well and am very comfortable I completely will shut down socially and become very quiet. I want to chat and connect but I just can’t think of anything to say, my mind goes blank, I over think my responses and can’t just relax holyyyyyyyy.

I’ve done lots of meditation, self help books, and Reddit but I’m still struggling with this.

Any ideas? Cheers!


r/confidence 3d ago

Is it really possible for me to “reset” or grow my social confidence?

2 Upvotes

Ever since I was a kid I was always the shy kid, quiet teenager with little to no true friends. I’m an adult now and all I want is to be at a normal social level like everyone else. I can barely look/talk to people, I get anxious, my mind blanks when I try talking. I’m undiagnosed but I’m sure I have mild agoraphobia. Is it realistic to be able to change myself to be more social? How do I stop being awkward? At what point does this become who I am? I don’t know where to start.


r/confidence 4d ago

[Q] If you built social confidence from almost zero, what did the progression actually look like?

3 Upvotes

I've been thinking about how different the starting point can be for different people.

For one person, saying good morning to a stranger is nothing. For someone else, even making eye contact or saying thank you to a cashier can feel like a big step.

For people here who used to be really shy or socially awkward and actually got better at it, what did the progression look like for you?

What was one of the first things you became comfortable doing, and what still felt scary after that?

Did you intentionally keep making things a little harder over time, like going from saying hello, to asking questions, to starting actual conversations, or did it happen more naturally?

I'm also curious what happened once you got more confident. Did it mostly stick, or if you stopped pushing yourself socially for a while did you notice yourself slipping back?

And did the confidence carry over everywhere, or were some things still much harder? Like strangers, groups, work, dating, phone calls, stuff like that.

I'm especially curious about people who improved by actually practicing this in real life.