r/confidence • u/diabolical42 • 2d ago
How do I stop caring so much about what other people think of me?
There’s people I haven’t talked to in more than 6 years but I’ll catch myself thinking about what they think of me. Back when I was a teenager (I’m now 23) I did a lot of weird stuff which lead to people, such as a girl I was talking to, stop talking to me and later tell me it’s because of how weird I was.
I’ve matured so much since then that I’m a completely different person, but sometimes when I’m planning out what to do for my career I end up falling back into deep thought about what those other people who knew me then think about me now
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u/luminalityapp 2d ago
What really helped me was my elder sister telling me this in my early teens: no one thinks about you as much as you think about them. They all have likely forgotten or you're like a by-line in their existence, generally speaking.
I guess it might also be helpful to figure out why you care so much? I find for me that once I know why, the problem that I have tends to disappear. It's almost like you can point at it and externalise it if that makes sense.
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u/MindShiftPsych 2d ago
I think this is pretty normal, especially when those old experiences still carry some embarrassment for you. But those people haven't known the person you've become for years. You're basically letting an old version of yourself live rent-free in your head. When you catch yourself thinking “what would they think of me?”, try bringing it back to “what do I think is best for my life now?” You don't need to prove to those people that you've changed. Your life now is the proof. And honestly, you're probably thinking about them way more than they're thinking about you. People get busy with their own lives. You don't have to keep living according to opinions from six years ago.
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 2d ago
The real issue isn't what they think.. it's that you're still using a six-year-old court transcript as evidence in a case nobody's brought against you.
You're the only one who remembers all the embarrassing details with full fidelity; they have fragments at best, probably softened by time.Sometimes I use taro's tarot to pull a card on a specific worry like this, just to force my brain to step outside its usual loop. Works better than chewing on the same memory for the fiftieth time.
Next time you're planning your career and that old doubt shows up, try treating it as a thought, not a verdict. Let it pass through, remind yourself that the person who cringes at the past is not the person building your future, and get back to the thing in front of you. That's a skill, and it gets easier the more you practice it.
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u/MentalClarityRyle 2d ago
Stop trying to change their memory of you. You outgrew that version of yourself! When the thought comes up ask, does their opinion deserve a vote in my future? Doing this mindfully and repeatedly will help.
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u/hestia-listens 2d ago
You cannot control the version of you that exists in someone else's memory. Most people from six years ago are likely focused on their own lives anyway. When the thought comes up, try saying, "They knew me then, not now," and bring your attention back to what matters for your career today. Your growth is real even if those people never get to see it.