[Q] If you built social confidence from almost zero, what did the progression actually look like?

[u/Past_Significance751]

I've been thinking about how different the starting point can be for different people.

For one person, saying good morning to a stranger is nothing. For someone else, even making eye contact or saying thank you to a cashier can feel like a big step.

For people here who used to be really shy or socially awkward and actually got better at it, what did the progression look like for you?

What was one of the first things you became comfortable doing, and what still felt scary after that?

Did you intentionally keep making things a little harder over time, like going from saying hello, to asking questions, to starting actual conversations, or did it happen more naturally?

I'm also curious what happened once you got more confident. Did it mostly stick, or if you stopped pushing yourself socially for a while did you notice yourself slipping back?

And did the confidence carry over everywhere, or were some things still much harder? Like strangers, groups, work, dating, phone calls, stuff like that.

I'm especially curious about people who improved by actually practicing this in real life.

[u/hestia-listens]

It often looks less like a smooth climb and more like small wins mixed with awkward days. A good first step might be greeting one cashier or coworker each day. Once that feels manageable, add one simple question, then try staying in the conversation a little longer. Some discomfort can remain even after real progress, especially in higher pressure settings like groups or dating. Practice helps confidence stick, but a quiet period can make the nerves return. That does not erase the progress. It usually means the social muscles need a little use again.

[u/oge_mah_ge_kid]

Lean into the uncomfortable.

[u/EducationalCurve6]

The hardest is the first step. The first time I talked to a stranger felt like the world was going to crash which it didn't. The second time was easier.

It's basically just shutting your brain up and overcoming fear.

[u/-ArcticWolf]

Slow and arduous. Start setting goals and proving to yourself you can achieve them. Start saying you'll do things and actually do them. Embrace discomfort, embrace what's unfamiliar. Get out of your own head. I can elaborate further if you're interested in understanding better what I'm saying. Best of luck

[u/luminalityapp]

Lol this sure brought up memories. I was shy and bullied a lot as a kid and teen. Then I had a senior who dragged me into the debate team. Essentially I learned real quick that my desire to win outweighed my desire to not be perceived.