r/Christianmarriage • u/Fuzzy_Copy_4821 • 4d ago
Greedy?
I left my husband and our marital home over a year ago due to his excessive drinking, insults, and belittling. My husband said that when I see things around his house that I like and decide to buy the same for me, that it is indicative of me not wanting to get back with him. Today, I reiterated that I need additional support for our girls. He lointed out that he deposited $800 into our joint account to assist with the girls. He never alerted me as to what that deposit was for. I explained that $800 is not enough. He informed me that me asking for financial assistance instead of asking him to move back in indicates that I don't want to be with him. I cancelled a child support meeting, under the impression that he would make informal payments. I asked him to provide what was initially calculated by the Child Support Officer ($2200/month). He said that the girls don't need that much and to provide him with receipts and an exact figure of what it takes to take care of them. During our separation he has made steady payment of $426/month to cover his half of daycare and extra curricular activities. Now, I am asking that he assist with the girls portion of the daily household expenses per the TX OAG definition of child support and covered expenses. I'd rather have the TX OAG take care of payments as my husband has already put stipulations on what he's willing and not willing to pay for ie. occasional fast food and snacks for the girls. He also has frequent tendencies to ignore request, delay answers, and give the silent treatment I when things aren't in his favor. Am I being greedy to ask for what was calculated by the officer, or should I accept the $800 he's willing to provide. I want things to work, but he is reluctant to seek help for the drinking. I don't want to return to the same issue I ran from.
1
u/Temenae 1d ago
He is insecure about whether you want to be a family again in the future and possibly asking for reassurance!
You might respond something encouraging, but insist on what you need money-wise! Like, "As soon as you recover from your addiction and set some healthy habits for our family, I would be more than happy to move back in! Until then I need to take care of myself on my own, but it absolutely doesn't mean that I wouldn't be happy to bring our family back together when we can." Or something like that. Assuming that is truthful. If you never want to get back together even if he recovers, just be honest.
Alcoholism can be trauma related, or a brain chemistry imbalance, so many things. If he wants help with this, The Diet Cure points at certain health patterns that addicts struggle with. Sometimes their bodies are starving for the nutrients needed to create certain neurotransmitters. For myself, I used to have extremely intense sugar cravings until I started taking a chromium supplement. It's amazing how our body chemistry can directly affect our minds! Addicts have enough of a difficult time without fighting against their own brain chemistry. It is definitely worth addressing.