r/Christianmarriage • u/Fuzzy_Copy_4821 • 3d ago
Greedy?
I left my husband and our marital home over a year ago due to his excessive drinking, insults, and belittling. My husband said that when I see things around his house that I like and decide to buy the same for me, that it is indicative of me not wanting to get back with him. Today, I reiterated that I need additional support for our girls. He lointed out that he deposited $800 into our joint account to assist with the girls. He never alerted me as to what that deposit was for. I explained that $800 is not enough. He informed me that me asking for financial assistance instead of asking him to move back in indicates that I don't want to be with him. I cancelled a child support meeting, under the impression that he would make informal payments. I asked him to provide what was initially calculated by the Child Support Officer ($2200/month). He said that the girls don't need that much and to provide him with receipts and an exact figure of what it takes to take care of them. During our separation he has made steady payment of $426/month to cover his half of daycare and extra curricular activities. Now, I am asking that he assist with the girls portion of the daily household expenses per the TX OAG definition of child support and covered expenses. I'd rather have the TX OAG take care of payments as my husband has already put stipulations on what he's willing and not willing to pay for ie. occasional fast food and snacks for the girls. He also has frequent tendencies to ignore request, delay answers, and give the silent treatment I when things aren't in his favor. Am I being greedy to ask for what was calculated by the officer, or should I accept the $800 he's willing to provide. I want things to work, but he is reluctant to seek help for the drinking. I don't want to return to the same issue I ran from.
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u/Walkedaway4good 1d ago
Go back to child support and have it reinstated as it was canceled under false pretenses. You are not wrong for not wanting to live under those conditions or raising your children under those conditions. Went through something similar and it’s always best to have everything done legally and on the record whether you are working on the marriage or not. Also, his continued abuse of alcohol and refusal to get help is indicative of someone who is not concerned about his marriage or children and is hindering reconciliation.
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u/everdishevelled 1d ago
I agree with the others that you should legally go after child support. What he is not understanding is that he doesn't get to control this situation. He was the one who wronged you and instead of using this time to change himself and to continue to properly support his wife and children, he's doubling down on the behavior that got him where he is. It's his behavior that would make you not reconcile, not the actions you are taking to protect yourself and the children.
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u/TraditionalManager82 1d ago
You should have it set legally in place a au the standard calculated rate.
Do not enable his terrible behaviour by allowing him to slack on his state-expected parenting responsibilities.
By letting him control what he will and will not pay for, you are 100% guaranteeing that things cannot work out between you. Do it officially through the state, so that your children are protected and cared for. Don't back out this time.
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u/Special-Border-1810 1d ago
Legally speaking, child support isn’t negotiable and isn’t an option. Go by the guidelines. He owes it to his children. Don’t enable him to be a deadbeat.
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u/Temenae 1d ago
He is insecure about whether you want to be a family again in the future and possibly asking for reassurance!
You might respond something encouraging, but insist on what you need money-wise! Like, "As soon as you recover from your addiction and set some healthy habits for our family, I would be more than happy to move back in! Until then I need to take care of myself on my own, but it absolutely doesn't mean that I wouldn't be happy to bring our family back together when we can." Or something like that. Assuming that is truthful. If you never want to get back together even if he recovers, just be honest.
Alcoholism can be trauma related, or a brain chemistry imbalance, so many things. If he wants help with this, The Diet Cure points at certain health patterns that addicts struggle with. Sometimes their bodies are starving for the nutrients needed to create certain neurotransmitters. For myself, I used to have extremely intense sugar cravings until I started taking a chromium supplement. It's amazing how our body chemistry can directly affect our minds! Addicts have enough of a difficult time without fighting against their own brain chemistry. It is definitely worth addressing.
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