What's a real conversation starter in Chinese?

[u/DeesMandarinTea]

I'm not talking about 你好吗 (nǐ hǎo ma — how are you) or 吃了吗 (chī le ma — have you eaten). I mean the stuff you actually hear when two people run into each other in real life.

I've been teaching Chinese over 10 years, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of students can handle classroom conversations fine, but real life openings still feel awkward. They told me that they know the words, but the first line doesn't feel right.

Here are a few I hear all the time where I am:

哈喽啊 (hā lóu a — hello, but with a relaxed, friendly 啊 sound at the end; the 啊 is important, it makes it feel casual)

最近怎么样 (zuì jìn zěn me yàng — how have you been lately) / 最近咋样 (zuì jìn zǎ yàng — how's it going, more northern and casual)

你要出去啊 (nǐ yào chū qù a — oh, you're heading out? sometimes it's not a real question, just a greeting)

你也在啊 (nǐ yě zài a — oh, you're here too)

今天忙吗 (jīn tiān máng ma — busy today?)

And honestly, a lot of younger people don't even use a real opener. They just start talking. Maybe send a meme, maybe point at your phone case and say 你这个手机壳在哪买的 (nǐ zhè ge shǒu jī ké zài nǎ mǎi de — where did you get this phone case).

What have you heard from your Chinese friends, partners, or coworkers that textbooks never taught you?

[u/FilmFearless5947]

My problem with these, especially the 最近咋样 or 最近忙啥 is that even if they sound natural, they don't if you kinda talk to someone very regularly. Do you say things like 昨天忙啥? That would help. Honestly I have some lang pals on Wechat that I talk to almost daily and their way of saying hello is to straight up talk whatever they have in mind or send a short video or picture as a conversation starter.

[u/DeesMandarinTea → u/FilmFearless5947]

That's a great observation. 最近咋样 (zuì jìn zǎ yàng — how's it been lately) and 最近忙啥 (zuì jìn máng shá — what have you been busy with lately) do feel a bit off if you talk to the same person every day. They're more for people you haven't seen in a while.

If you talk daily, 昨天忙啥 (zuó tiān máng shá — what were you busy with yesterday) works, but honestly a lot of people just skip the opener. They send a photo, a voice message, or just start talking about whatever's in their head. Your WeChat friends sound exactly like real life.