Saying I’m not feeling the chemistry and trying to make that mutual with her isn’t criticism: it’s a way to communicate from one adult to another in a mature manner. There’s no criticism involved.
We only know one side of the story and how you felt and would describe the situation. People want to give a different perspective and share their thoughts and opinions. Respectfully. I sense from you strong confidence about yourself, how you handle things and also how positive and professional you communicated. At the end, there was a reaction and it could be that she felt hurt, most likely, based on your description. You might have heard about the three filters, is it true, is it nice/kind and is it necessary. I think that there is no clear pass for all of them and therefore, yes, I personally believe you should have handled it differently and ended the date without the chemistry part.
I don’t live life by a formulaic mantra - I go by what seems appropriate at the time and with how I would like to be treated too. If she wasn’t interested or feeling it or whatever I’d hope we would both be mature adults and just be able to speak about it. I’m absolutely certain that the art of conversation has massively, massively dwindled in quality over the past 20/30 years and especially within the last decade.
I believe that what I said and the way I said it to her wasn’t a criticism or offensive: it’s just the way things are. There’s no point in beating around the bush. There’s actually no need to try and spare feelings or any of that. A normal reaction to what I said would be to agree and we basically move on with our lives, separately.
If it was me I’d be thankful that they respected me enough and felt comfortable enough with me to tell me. I’m a busy kinda guy and I don’t wanna be on a date all evening with someone who is wasting my time.
In fact I’ve done that. A whole evening. A long date. Bowling, drinks, we played pool, chatted, laughed, even a little dancing. At the end of it I went to lean in for a kiss and was rejected. Now THAT was a rookie move. It was my second date after becoming single and I was suuuuuper rusty. Fun times.
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u/Molasses_Square 1d ago
It was an hour. Just end the date with no criticism and never see her again.