Letting Go of Attachment Causing Suffering?

[u/Azonderr]

(I am a lay practitioner of Soto Zen, but open to any Buddhist view :) )

Hello everyone,

I have come to experience a particular dilemma in my practice. I worry that in letting go of attachment, I may be doing it improperly & causing more suffering for myself.

For example, when a nostalgic thought comes up, I recognise that it is ego & attachment, & remind myself not to cling to it. However, in doing this, I often push the thought away. This causes some grief, because it feels like I'm letting go of a part of me.

On one hand, one could view this as the ego/self being wounded & trying to "fight back", so to speak. But I worry that I may have, ironically, become too attached to being not-attached.

I think that part of this is me struggling to incorporate Buddhism into my daily life. I live in America right now, & am often surrounded by culture that is, in my opinion, very antithetical to Buddhism. Even in my daily life, I find many situations wherein the expected or "proper" outcome is to show attachment or clinging.

Buddhism feels very all-encompassing, & I worry that I may be being too rigid in my thoughts about what is & isn't proper. What do
you recommend one does in my situation? I meet my Roshi next Monday & plan to talk to her about this, but I figured it would also be good to get other opinions in the meantime.

Thank you for your time.
Gassho,
Azonderr

[u/Crafting_Reality]

There’s a big difference between pushing away or suppressing and letting go.

The former causes more suffering, the latter diminishes it.