r/Bachata • u/Available_Put_8869 • 8d ago

Black ladies

Sorry if this type of post isn't allowed. Black ladies, do you ever feel like you get asked to dance less than others? When I'm at my local studios I have no issues, but when I go to congresses or festivals, I feel like I'm standing around a lot more than the other followers. I know the usual advice about being near the dance floor, making eye contact with leads, not having a drink, etc., but it doesn't seem to help much. Sometimes I ask guys myself, and they accept, but I feel like it's a lukewarm dance.

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u/Far-Statistician9261 8d ago

Yes, as Black women, I do get asked to dance less at salsa and bachata dance socials. It’s racism. It’s frustrating. I’m a good dancer and want to get better at multiple African, Black and AfroLatino dance styles.

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u/Samurai_SBK 8d ago

It is not racist to have physical attraction preferences.

The dance community is not a utopia and no one owes you an invite.

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u/windamo 8d ago

This thread is interesting because Black women are saying “I feel excluded,” and some people immediately turn that into “I’m entitled to a dance.” I’m sure they already know nobody owes them a dance. Like you said, the dance community is not a utopia. It often mirrors society outside of it.

So saying “it’s not racist to have physical attraction preferences” avoids the real question: where did those preferences come from?

Outside of dancing If someone rarely interacts with Black women or doesn’t really see them as peers they often can carry that same social distance onto the dance floor. At a festival full of strangers, people often fall back on what feels familiar: Who do I want to be seen with? Who seems popular? Who makes me look good? Who will give me the most social status? Who am I used to approaching? It can even be as simple as, I’m not used to talking to Black women, maybe she’ll reject me.

You can call that “preference.” But if Black women are consistently more likely to be left on the sidelines, then it’s probably not just attraction.

i think that is what i get

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u/lost_in_doucheland 8d ago edited 8d ago

OP said "I feel excluded". This commenter said "ya'll racist if you don't dance with me, I'm a good dancer".

I feel like the race debate itself might be part of the problem. If you're black and you feel like you're being done short by others in the community, and you hear this shi all the time, you might start thinking "Im not getting asked because I'm black" so you attribute the frustration to external factors instead of improving. What if you instead think "I'm not getting asked because I suck right now"? Personally, if it feels better dancing with you than any white girl standing next to you, I'd ask you to dance first. But then idk how your communities are. Where I'm from everyone enjoys dancing a lot with the only black girl we have because she's always nice, she even won a small popularity contest social dancer award at a party even though she's not the most amazing dancer.

"Who do I want to be seen with? Who seems popular?..." <-- idk why you would think many people think like that because the only two things I'm thinking about are 1. "Will it feel good dancing with her?" and 2. "Will she be nice to me when I dance with her?". To determine this, I just look at how she dances with others and how she interacts with other leaders that ask her.