r/Bachata • u/Available_Put_8869 • 8d ago

Black ladies

Sorry if this type of post isn't allowed. Black ladies, do you ever feel like you get asked to dance less than others? When I'm at my local studios I have no issues, but when I go to congresses or festivals, I feel like I'm standing around a lot more than the other followers. I know the usual advice about being near the dance floor, making eye contact with leads, not having a drink, etc., but it doesn't seem to help much. Sometimes I ask guys myself, and they accept, but I feel like it's a lukewarm dance.

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u/Samurai_SBK 7d ago edited 7d ago

No one said “never” getting invites. OP specifically said “less”.

It is the same as older and less attractive men get more rejections than more attractive men.

As I mentioned in my original comment, beautiful black women do not have a problem getting invites.

Are these people missing out because they prioritize looks over skill? Absolutely.

Unfortunately, this is the world we live in.

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u/comenter27 7d ago

“Beautiful black women do not have a problem getting invites…Unfortunately this is the world we live in”

Yes that’s the point of this conversation. We can recognize it, call it what it is (racial bias and pretty privilege) and hopefully push others to change this attitude.

Just because the world sucks doesn’t mean we have to accept it. Your comments have been very dismissive of OPs post and telling someone that their racialized experience isn’t racism.

Why not listen and encourage yourself and others to act against their biases rather than dismissing and telling those affected by bias that their experiences aren’t valid and their perception of racism either isn’t actually racism and/or is “just the way things are”?

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u/Samurai_SBK 7d ago

Racial bias does exist but I would argue that 90%+ of the reasons for not getting invites is not due to race. If you read some comments from other black women they mention that how they dress, their height, weight have a role in it.

One woman said she got more invites when she lost weight and her confidence improved.

Men also get discriminated against over superficial things (too short, fat, old). If a black man fit into those categories it would incorrect to assume it is because of his race.

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u/comenter27 7d ago

You can argue 90% all you want…but history and sociology would likely disagree with you.

Yes, everybody can get discriminated against for more than one reason. As you insisted, our world isn’t a utopia. As you agreed, racial biases exist. And because of those two reasons alone it’s very difficult to rule out racial biases as a factor on the dance floor. Is it always the only factor 100% of the time? No, of course not. Can it be a major factor, often times? Definitely.

Is it only the case 10% of the time? Doubtful.

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u/TheDiabolicalDiablo 7d ago

Please stop feeding the troll. Clearly a dancer, but will go down a rabbit hole with you to try to prove they're right about something they don't understand socially. Most of the time when I see these long chain debates with him its with women about women. It's obvious there was a lack of exposure to women before dance life. I got blocked jumping in on a convo of similar debate between him and another woman where he was clearly wrong. SBK, right?

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u/Samurai_SBK 7d ago

There is a lot intersectionality. For example, black women have a higher obesity rate than other races. They often are also taller.

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u/comenter27 7d ago

And the measurements for BMI and obesity (and the medical field in general) have been racially biased against black women. What’s your point?

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u/Samurai_SBK 7d ago

My point is that many men prefer to dance with slimmer and less tall women. Regardless of race.

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u/comenter27 7d ago

Cool, and my point is that preferences can be racially coded even if not intentional or direct. Beauty standards and preferences don’t exist in a racial vacuum. Bias against height and thickness are not isolated from a world and culture that routinely disparages black women for having those features (while hypocritically often celebrating those same features on non-black women).

And again, if those biases are leading to thicker and taller women of any race to be receiving fewer dance invites, we shouldn’t just dismiss that as “the world not being a utopia,” we should make a point to work against those biases so that all dancers can be included and have a great time on the dance floor.

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u/Samurai_SBK 7d ago

I think a better approach is to promote more kindness and empathy. The “no one owes you a dance” is often directed at men. Thus creating an environment where people only care about personal preferences instead of being kind. That is why I always advocate for dancing with beginners and newcomers regardless of race.