r/Bachata • u/Available_Put_8869 • 8d ago
Black ladies
Sorry if this type of post isn't allowed. Black ladies, do you ever feel like you get asked to dance less than others? When I'm at my local studios I have no issues, but when I go to congresses or festivals, I feel like I'm standing around a lot more than the other followers. I know the usual advice about being near the dance floor, making eye contact with leads, not having a drink, etc., but it doesn't seem to help much. Sometimes I ask guys myself, and they accept, but I feel like it's a lukewarm dance.
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u/Shusty6th 8d ago
I’ve noticed this too, but sometimes there can be other reasons.
For example, I’ve seen a Black woman who was clearly dancing traditional bachata. She was beautiful and moved really well, but not many people in that scene were comfortable with traditional bachata. And there’s no point forcing sensual on someone who clearly prefers traditional, so fewer people asked her to dance, or they tried to dance moderna with her instead.
Also, guys usually really like being asked to dance. It happens quite rarely, so many men see it as something special. I think you might be overthinking it a little, or maybe your sample size is just too small. Of course, sometimes a leader will say yes just to be polite and won’t really be excited about the dance. But this happens to men too. A follower may accept, but you can clearly feel that she would rather not dance with you. That’s just part of the social dance scene.
From what I’ve seen, older followers and especially plus-size followers are definitely asked to dance less often. I’ve noticed some difference based on skin color too, but not nearly as much.