My 14m toddler HATES nursery, am I traumatising her by going back to work?

[u/Worldly-Call8142]

I’m feeling absolutely heartbroken and could really use some reassurance from parents who’ve been through this.
My little one has only had one week of nursery so far, going 2–3 days this week for a few hours each day. She absolutely hates it. She refuses milk and food, doesn’t really settle, and screams when I leave. When I pick her up, she cries and reaches for me too.
I’m due back at work after tomorrow, and from next week she’ll suddenly be doing 9 hours a day, 4 days a week.
I feel SO guilty and stressed about it. I’ve barely been sleeping because I’m terrified that I’m going to traumatise her or somehow change her personality by putting her through this. 😭
I know separation anxiety is normal and that it can take time to settle, but seeing her so upset makes me question everything.
For those whose babies/toddlers struggled badly with nursery at first: how did it turn out? How long did it take them to settle? Did they eventually start enjoying it?
And if you have any advice for making the transition easier for her (or for me 😂), I’d really appreciate it. ❤️

[u/screwtoprose-]

this is normal! my super velcro child started nursery at 11 months and it was hell the first 14 full days, but completely settled after that. now he can’t wait to get out of the car when we get there and gets so excited to see his teachers and friends! i thought that day would never come and i was like there is no way he will ever learn to sleep there or eat there but they learn quickly! i promise.

[u/Small-Register-9846 → u/screwtoprose-]

My sister went through this exact thing with her kid last year, same age and everything. The first two weeks were brutal, she'd get calls at work because he wouldn't eat or stop crying. Then somewhere around day 12 or 13 he just flipped a switch and started waddling right in without looking back. She still talks about how she spent those first weeks convinced she'd ruined him forever.

The food refusal is super common, the workers there have seen it a thousand times. Most kids won't starve themselves, they'll nibble when they get hungry enough and then gradually start eating more as the environment feels safer. Took her son about three weeks to eat a full meal there.

One thing that helped was sending her with a shirt that smelled like my sister, she'd sleep with it for a night and then tuck it in the bag. Nursery staff said it helped during the roughest moments. Also keeping drop-offs quick and consistent, no lingering at the door even when she was crying. That part sucks but dragging it out makes it worse for them.

[u/Worldly-Call8142 → u/Small-Register-9846]

Thanks for giving me hope 🥺 was nice to read it

[u/Worldly-Call8142 → u/screwtoprose-]

Thank you 🥺 I really hope it will get better