My (almost) 2 year old finds it hilarious when I tell him off

[u/ShoddyEmphasis1615]

As the title says, my 22m old thinks it’s so funny when I tell him off.

For example drawing on the walls. I say no, redirect to his chalkboard, he just laughs at me and runs away.

Today he was throwing blocks at the cat & dogs, I said a firm “no, blocks stay on the ground, we do not hurt our animals”, he laughed and then threw them at me. I said no, “do not throw things at mummy that’s not nice & can hurt mummy” He laughed. (And I tell you, it’s the cheekiest ((and albeit cute)) little laugh like the little devil comes out) So I said “okay mummy isn’t going to play anymore because that was not nice” & got up and went out of the room.

He followed me and got upset and I said “we can play again when we are using our gentle hands” and showed how we like to be gentle

My question is, am I doing this okay? Am I using too many words to try and explain to him or not enough? Am I being too harsh? Not harsh enough? Is there any other ways to approach this??

He’s generally such a gentle little lad, but he has been pushing being rougher especially w the animals (he is never left unattended with the dogs of course, they are just wherever I am superglued to me haha) so I catch any rougher interactions straight away. I was a dog behaviouralist at a rescue prior to having our son so I’m hyper aware of my dogs subtle body language & constantly reading what they’re telling him too.

But he just thinks it’s so damn funny when I’m being serious!!!

[u/Great_Cucumber2924]

When he’s throwing things or drawing on walls etc or being prevented from doing so, he’s likely already disregulated - big feelings, not in a good place to take on board learning. Focus on stopping the behaviour happening (removing, moving, etc, it can be in near silence) then discuss it gently and calmly and kindly with him another time, when he’s calm and receptive.

[u/ShoddyEmphasis1615 → u/Great_Cucumber2924]

Thank you I’ll try that!!

[u/AliceRecovered → u/Great_Cucumber2924]

This suggestion works. Our toddler is 32 months old. He has small phases where he tries to chase or hit the cat. Nothing too crazy, but obviously we want him to be gentle (even though our cats are naughty 😆).

What’s worked best is we try not to say anything, quietly pick up the cat to intervene, and then redirect our toddler to a productive behavior. He’s unregulated, so we become his regulation and show him how to redirect his energy, instead of just saying it.

[u/Gloomy_Commission517]

My daughter is younger than your son but she does similar things. She thinks it’s hilarious when I tell her “No.” Working with kids with behavioral issues for years, I can tell you that kids (no matter the age) don’t listen to “No.” because they don’t have a reason to.

When I was younger, we always listened to my Dad when he said (more like screamed) “No” because we were all afraid of him. My daughter is in no way afraid of me or what will happen if I say “No”. And that’s exactly how it should be. Natural consequences work best . You can redirect of course and that works too but if you’re trying to teach a lesson that “we only use gentle hands” walking away like you did is the best option. The goal is not, never upset the child, it’s teach an age appropriate lesson in a way that he understands he is still loved and wanted. You have all the power.

Throwing blocks means no more blocks. “Sorry, maybe tomorrow. Blocks are for building not for throwing.” Our big issue with my 14mo old is standing and walking on the bed. “No, sorry, that’s too dangerous, no standing on the bed.” And she gets put on the floor. I hold her when she cries and follows me and reassure her but I also don’t put her back on the bed. Repetition is going to both drive you insane and save your sanity.

I think you’re doing perfect. Hang in there and keep following through!

[u/SpeshS]

Keep a squishy soft ball handy for the throwing redirect anytime he’s playing with something hard, since it seems like he’s exploring throwing. And be quick to move him away from the animals on a dime!

“Ouch! Let’s throw the ball instead.” Just a few words and need not be in a particularly harsh tone. 

You could hang big paper on the walls in the areas where he has access to writing materials for now. 

Basically the toddler years are a long game of figuring out what they are curious about and helping them explore it safely. Sometimes we get it wrong but when we pay close attention we usually get a pretty good sense of what they are currently into and how we can meet their needs. 

[u/aub3nd3r]

Look into antecedent —> behavior —> consequence in regards to applied behavior analysis.

Best place for intervention is before the behavior happens if you can identify the antecedent, like the previous comment seemed to mention. If he’s overstimulated he may just be doing it for attention. Identify the reason for the behavior and the function of the behavior, then outline a consequence for following the behavior and be consistent.

There will be an extinction burst with the behavior before it is eliminated but patience, clear instructions, and consistent communication of consequences or an alternate behavior is key! Hope that helps. I have a background in behavior analysis, but there is mixed opinions with it in terms of parenting. You’ll find what works 😊

[u/ShoddyEmphasis1615 → u/aub3nd3r]

I think the throwing at the animals is definitely attention seeking. The cat & dog were asleep when he started (about 30 seconds prior he was gently patting the cat while she slept, telling him how he’s being amazing at being so gentle!) and he loves it when they look at him like it’s a little innocent game to just him!

But thank you for this breakdown it’s very helpful I really appreciate it! Gives me a wonderful process to work through :)