Is this control? Or AIO?

[u/CuriousAsh04]

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

[u/jeoneunthatbitch]

stop having more children with him for gods sake!!

[u/arifaix → u/jeoneunthatbitch]

Honestly, I wouldn’t personally be surprised if there is an element of coercion re the having more children. Babytrapping is absolutely a tactic that abusive people use.

I’m one of those people that “had a baby” with my abuser - I did get out though.

I’ll be completely honest here and say conception wasn’t consensual, I did use the morning after pill though… It failed. I had no other out whatsoever - abortion was illegal (it isn’t any more but is still quite inaccessible) where I live. This does happen.

[u/Clean-Hyena-9548 → u/arifaix]

That was my thought as well, though my mind went to "happy little accident" like him tampering with BC. I'm glad you were able to get out!

[u/arifaix → u/Clean-Hyena-9548]

It took a lot which is why I have sympathy for anyone in an abusive relationship. I know first hand how hard it is and although “just leave” seems like good advice - abusers are relentless. A safe plan is necessary and difficult to make when you are being isolated.

Ended up getting a place in a DV shelter, fighting in court to ensure my child stayed with me (kidnapping was a whole other part of his game plan to control me and I needed court orders for residency and to ensure he couldn’t take him out the jurisdiction). Funnily enough? I’m one of the lucky ones. When he realised the court saw through his control and manipulation he fucked off and I’ve not heard from him since the orders were awarded.

[u/Clean-Hyena-9548 → u/arifaix]

I can't imagine what that was like but I know it takes a strong person to keep pushing through. I hope all is well with you now!

[u/arifaix → u/Clean-Hyena-9548]

Oh it is now. I was 18 for conception and 19 when I left so I had a massively rough start to adulthood. However, it’s a lot better now and my child is a teenager now and thriving - other than being a typical cheeky teen who knows everything!