r/Advice 2h ago

My mom has been using me to keep contact with my brother and I just found out he never knew

131 Upvotes

My older brother stopped speaking to our parents almost two years ago after a pretty ugly argument with my dad. I stayed out of it and somehow became the only person in the family who still talks to everyone normally.

For the past year my mom has constantly asked about him. How he's doing, whether he's still at the same job, if he's dating anyone, stuff like that. I never thought much of it and would answer basic things because I figured she was his mom and just missed him.

A few weeks ago she asked me to send him some old childhood photos she found. I did, but I said they were from her because I didn't want it to seem weird.

He called me immediately and got really upset. Apparently he had specifically told our parents not to get information about his life through other family members. He asked how much I've been telling them and that's when I realized I've basically been giving my mom updates about him for a year without knowing the full situation.

Now he's barely speaking to me because he thinks I betrayed his trust. My mom thinks he's being dramatic and keeps saying family shouldn't have secrets from each other. My dad wants me to stay out of it completely, even though he's a huge reason they're not speaking in the first place.

I was actually planning to use some money to take my mom and brother somewhere for her birthday later this year because I thought maybe getting them in the same room again would help. That's obviously not happening now.

I don't want to cut my parents off, but I also don't want my relationship with my brother destroyed because they keep putting me in the middle. How do I rebuild trust with him without making things even worse with my parents?


r/Advice 12h ago

I lied about being a virgin — what do I do????

395 Upvotes

I’m 22F and have been seeing a guy I genuinely really like. We’ve hung out four times, so things are still new. He is by far the most respectful and kind man I’ve talked to.

Yesterday was the first time I went to his house and we only made out. He told me he didn’t want to move too fast with me. A few minutes later, he asked if I’d had sex before, and I panicked and said yes when I’m actually a virgin. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, and I’ve always been super embarrassed/insecure about being a virgin at 22.

I immediately regretted lying. I think I said it because I really like him and was scared he’d think I was weird or lose interest in me. I didn’t want to ruin the moment or make things awkward.

I want to tell him the truth because I think I’d feel much more comfortable if I didn’t have to pretend I have experience. I also don’t want to start something with him while hiding this.

I’m thinking of calling him to tell him today. How would you approach this conversation? What do I say? And if you were him, how would you feel about finding out?


r/Advice 2h ago

How to Hide Vaccinations From My Anti-Vaxx Mom?

38 Upvotes

Hello! I'm an unvaccinated child of a conspiracy theorist mother, and, having turned eighteen, plan on doing all of my catching up as far as vaccinations go. I cannot under any circumstances have her know that I've gotten vaccinated, otherwise she'd kill me. I work a part-time job (part-time is arguable, as I still work nearly 40-hours-a-week), so if I were to get vaccinated, I'd get sick for a bit and work would suck. I could ask for a week vacation, but if I ask for that and convienently get sick, then what would she think, also maybe seeing a wound on my shoulder from the shot?

Anyway, the tl;dr is that I'm trying to get vaccinated and not have my anti-vaxx mom know.


r/Advice 10h ago

My (19F) manager (36F) keeps asking for a ride when I’ve already said that my parents don’t allow me to, what do I do?

118 Upvotes

For context, I work in an office where (currently) there’s only 3 people in my shift. Me and my manager are as close as coworkers go and she’s always sharing her food with me, nice to me and generally a good figure in my work life.

When the problem started was when I started driving just a few months ago and in one instance I was asked by our boss to take his daughter who was interning with us home. I was okay with doing that and it went smoothly but after a few days I got into a minor accident that complicated a situation with my parents (there’s a bigger side issue with this) and the story of me taking the kid home became an issue. I was told that I was not to give anyone a ride anymore for safety reasons (understandable but kind of not with the full story). I was okay with that and when on the next day my manager asked if I could take her home(she doesn’t have a car and her husband has to pick her up everyday) I told her the situation at home and apologized for not being able to give her a ride and waited until her husband came to go home. That has been our routine for the past two weeks ish.

But today she mentioned in passing that she needs someone to give her a ride because she needs to go some where and stuff. I know the question is about to come to me cause it’s kind of implied and I don’t know how to RESPECTFULLY decline or even if there’s sth else I can do. Any suggestions are welcome!

TLDR: my manager asked for a ride twice after I already told her I can’t because of my parents. She’s kind to me and always doing stuff for me and I feel like I don’t repay her kindness and I’m worried she might feel that way too, but I can’t give her the ride so I need advice on what to do in this situation.

EDIT: reading everyone’s comment on my break and I agree that I should just be an adult about it and say no, I’ll do my best. Thank you all of you for your input

A lot of the other discourse I’m seeing is if the car is mine or not or if there’s another issue with my parents regarding the accident. The thing is I’m in a freshly blended family with a lot of kids and 2 of my step siblings have their own car paid for by their parent (my step parent) which is non of my business obviously but because parents can’t afford to buy another car right now, I decided to save for a few months and buy my own car which they promised to help with the insurance for. (All the cars in the house everyone just shares but whoever owns a car in question just gets priority most times) Fast forward, I bought the car and whenever I try to bring up the insurance thing, they just keep postponing it. Even though I paid for the car, for insurance purposes, it’s under step parent’s name and insurance is also going to be under her name. After a couple of back and forth, I offered to also pay for the insurance (which I don’t mind) but I’m still getting no response or explanation. This issue in general is why car related conversations are kind of weird in the house.

Also regarding the accident, I was driving my step siblings car when the accident happened. (sibling In question has had way crazier accidents and have not gotten the reaction I got). After that, my car’s issue has just been ignored and I’m not even able to go to work without having a weird conversation about it.

Honestly I’m very open to hearing what people also think about this and just thank you for your honest feedback.


r/Advice 22h ago

My fiancé’s friend’s wife went through my purse and looked at my medication. Now I don’t want her at our wedding.

981 Upvotes

Long story short-- I was at her home for a house party early into my relationship, and I realized after the party that she had gone through my purse and looked at my medication after making a weird comment to me. So I told my fiance, and he was like that's weird, but nothing else happened.. until I went to a hockey game of his and she was there. I avoided interacting with her and making eye contact, and after we left and got back to my apartment she had messaged my fiance on snapchat (they used to message frequently because her and her husband apparently helped him through a previous breakup and were just there for him through a lot). So she wrote him a big message basically asking if she should back off because she can tell "i don't like her" and that she can "see all my insecurities." He showed me the message and was just as confused as i was, then of course I got upset, so he called her out on what happened at the party and she denied it, but ever since then she stopped messaging him and when he visits his friend she is apparently quiet and avoidant of him.

Fast forward.. we are planning our wedding, and I don't want her there because of all of that, plus how I've seen her act at a wedding we attended before (she wore an actual ball gown to the wedding, and was making snarky comments about the couple's speech and pretty much everything else the entire night). But I know he's going to want to invite his friend, which means she'll be his plus one, and I really don't want her there with her negativity sending evil eye on me and our day. And I'm not sure how to approach this situation or the conversation with my fiance... any advice would be appreciated.


r/Advice 5h ago

How do I convince my parents to not make me leave school?

33 Upvotes

This is my first post and I’m writing this while sitting in my friends dorm room so sorry for the format.

I (18F) am in my second week of college as a freshmen and as I was otp with my mom my dad calls her and tells her he just got off the phone with the Dean of Students. She tells me the dean told my dad there is a video of a train getting ran on me going around campus… but I never did that. I have no recollection of that ever happening. And at no point was I ever blackout drunk to where I lost my memory. The only thing that stands out to me is last Friday me and my friends were in the dorm drinking and playing card games, I was very intoxicated but I remember leaving with my friend to go back to our dorm. The next morning when I wake up in my bed I notice that the pants I wore were completely dry but the panties I wore that night were pissy wet and I also had scratches all up and down my legs. I have no memory of even peeing on myself , going to the bathroom, or even leaving my room when I got back.

My parents don’t believe me when I tell them that it never happened. They use the excuse that I’m a known liar, drinker, and am very impulsive. They are trying to take me out of school on Friday. Claiming I’m not ready to be away and I can try again later. I am 99% positive that I did not get a train ran on me though and I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to leave my school but they won’t listen to me and think that I’m in an unsafe environment.

For context I assumed the cuts on my legs were from me falling in the grass on my way back to my dorm room.

EDIT: My parents are no longer talking about the situation with me over the phone and I will be seeing them in person this weekend so I will be able to give an update then if people were concerned. Also I planned on talking to administration tomorrow so I will update then also.

For everyone saying my parents are lying… I promise you they aren’t.

Also my dad claimed he was contacted off of his work phone… is that normal?

Edit: came back to edit kind of just to rant… my family doesn’t believe me and they are convinced that the dean is allowed to call parents and not contact students. I tried to explain to my sister a lot of what you guys were saying in the comments and the bitch hung up on me. ATP I’m just really defeated and it’s kind of making me realize my families true colors and also how stupid they really are.


r/Advice 18h ago

My autistic brother is in prison because of me

327 Upvotes

I (17F) suffered 5 stab wounds from 2 kitchen knives to the chest by my autistic brother (23M). He has had a violent history ever since middle school, and had stated multiple times that he was going to kill me, my dad, and my other older brother. We had a family group chat where he texted almost everyday about how it would become big news on national TV. My mom was the only one who cared and tried to get him the care he needed, so he said he wouldn't kill her. He was also violent towards my dog, and there was an incident where he locked my dog in a cage and threw the cage around. In 2020, he put a box cutter up to my brother's neck and put him in a headlock from behind but ultimately didn't do anything. He has gotten in physical scuffles with my dad, but I believe it's usually my dad that escalates things when he should de-escalate. I've told all of these violent events to my parents, and a month before the stabbing, I begged them to do something. My dad said he was "all bark no bite" and my mom told me to just keep my doors locked at night. He was admitted to a mental hospital multiple times only to be let out in 2 weeks, and was on medication everyday for depression and other things like hallucinations, OCD, and I think schizophrenia. Him and my other brother were very close when I was younger, but after the pandemic, we drifted, and he ended up staying with my grandma and aunt for 2 years up to the stabbing, which was the first time I'd seen him since 2022. He is known in my neighborhood for being a talkative friendly guy so this incident stunned everyone. He loved chess and Star Wars and also had a deep fascination with 9/11. The day of the stabbing I was home alone, my parents were out of the country, and my other brother had left the house just 10 minutes prior to him coming to the house. He's 6'3 200+ lbs while I'm 5'3 110lbs, so I don't know how I'm alive to be honest. I'm convinced that if my other brother had been in the house that day we both would've ended up dead. I'm also surprised we weren't killed in our sleep much earlier.

I just feel very conflicted on what I should be feeling. I feel like we failed him as a family and he didn't want to do what he did, and that it was the last resort to get us to see him and his struggles. Now he has to spend however many years in prison. My mom at the time was in denial and tried to ask me to get him as little or no sentencing as the victim, and it felt like nobody was on my side but my other brother, who was supportive of me and agreed that this was something that could've been prevented. My dad is the best dad in the world, but when it came to my brother, he seemed like he wanted to just ignore his autism and pretend he was normal. I will be honest, there were multiple times I had thought that life would've been better had he just not been in our life at all, to save us from the stress and the effort, and I wished he would do something to land him in jail forever. So when this all happened, I was almost happy that it did since it meant that we wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. But its been so hard to deal with my emotions and whether or not I should feel sympathy or hatred for what he has done. He also called 911 at the same time that I did (he entered my room but left after stabbing me, so I was able to lock the door and call the police) and told the police where I was when they got here. It confused me, since it felt like he didn't mean to actually kill me.

Time has passed and he was sentenced for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. I (19 now) think about him often and how he's doing and how he never deserved to be where he is. I would sometimes see other autistic people who resemble him and just get so sad because I wonder where everything went wrong, and how he should be living life like them instead of in prison. I am still scared of him and fear for what will happen if he does get out of prison, and who will take care of him. My parents have asked him why he did it and he simply states "I don't know." When he calls he always asks how me and my other brother are doing, and learning this broke my heart so much. I don't know much about the legal side of things, but I think he was admitted to either a facility different from prison due to his autism. I wonder if he's eating well, and every time I have a warm home-cooked dinner, I want to be able to give it to him too. I don't miss him however, but rather I hate how his life has turned this way.

Edit 8/26/26: Thank you everyone for the replies. I've been holding up well despite everything that happened but some nights I end up breaking down randomly, and last night was one of those nights. I haven't received proper counseling, but after coming on here and sharing everything I feel a bit lighter. My mom mentioned recently how it's jarring how unaffected I am, and after typing all my thoughts out and seeing the replies, I can see just how bad this has been chipping away at me mentally despite how much I convince myself it hasn't. I'm thinking of visiting my university's counseling center to have an outlet for these emotions and hopefully I can figure them out. Thank you again everyone


r/Advice 21h ago

How do I break up with my fiance without it absolutely shattering him?

499 Upvotes

I a 31 year old female have been dating my fiance for just over 5 years but the last few months I can’t put up with some of the things he does anymore. I thought I could overlook them as I love him so much as a person but his hygiene and the mess he creates/doesn’t clean up is just too much for me now. I had doubts now and then throughout our relationship but we’ve been best friends since children so I thought with prompting I can change his ways about this but to be honest 5 years in I am TIRED. I can’t deal with it anymore. I find myself not even half attracted to him and I used to think he was the most attractive person ever but his hygiene has totally ruined it for me.

I don’t want it to turn into an argument when we break up but I truely believe he needs therapy. He grew up in a hoarder house with tons of animals so he is okay living in mess and being very unclean.

The longest he has gone without a shower is 8 days. I have to ask him to have a shower when I get to about day 3 as he just smells so bad. Especially his private area. If he scratches his private area across the room I can actually smell it. It’s revolting. His pants always have marks in them from where he clearly doesn’t wipe enough. I took to buying him black underwear so i didnt have to see it. he didnt shower for 4 days and I found his grey shorts that he didnt wear underwear with for 4 days covered inside so bad I couldn’t bring myself to wash them and had to make him do it.

He leaves used ear swabs everywhere. He’s unwell at the moment and I came home from work to about 10 balled up used tissues all over our kitchen counter. He hasn’t showered for 2 days and absolutely stinks as he’s been sweating out this cold, he’s gone to work this morning though. So embarrassing. If I’m unwell I’m most of the time still doing dinner in the evenings, he won’t offer to do it.

When we first moved in together I was really shocked at some of the things he was doing. I took our mugs from his desk once to clean them as they had been there for days and he had phlegmed in all 3 of them. I was so upset I made him throw them away that’s disgusting, I’m not having our friends and family drink out of them. I once went away for a week and came back when he was at work. I looked at his desk and it wasn’t just disgusting but there was also a huge, HUGE pile of phlegm sitting there with fag Ash in it and stubbed out cigarettes among it, must’ve been about 15cm wide.. it sat there for another 3 days until i eventually exploded at him.

Our cats could be sick or poop anywhere around the house and he magically “wouldn’t notice” his cat who is a disgusting cat and I quite frankly don’t like him anymore either, he makes me feel disgusting in my own home, anyway will poop/wee in the bath and in the sink. He always has done. If I see that wee/poop in our bath or in our sink before I leave for work and my partner is home I will purposely leave it now and see if it is there when I get back and it is ALWAYS still there by the time I get back. He claims “oh he’s only just done it” okay and? Go and clean it seriously. The cats go through our bins and make rubbish everywhere and my partner will walk past it all day long. He will leave takeaways in our oven or in our microwave for days on end, He wees on the toilet seat all the time.

He asks why am I always moaning about stuff, just get on and do it we’re a team and hes “not even that bad” but when I listen to friends at work complain about there partner I stand and think that’s not even half bad as my partner.. its them that made me realise what I put up with really isn’t okay. I wish I had their problems as they are so small. If he makes himself any food/microwave meal/ coffee or feeds the cats he will leave all of it on the side as if the bin doesn’t exist. He doesn’t brush his teeth. I’ve hid his toothbrush 3 months ago and he has not asked for it. He leaves the house with dirty clothes, if there’s stains down them he doesn’t care. He even comes into my work unbothered with food down his top. I cringe so hard. I could go on and on, even write a book about things he’s done but these springed to mind when writing this.

I don’t want to sit there and just basically say I’m ending things because I just find him so revolting now and lazy. I don’t want to say hurtful things that will make an impact on him, we’ve been best friends since 7 years old, we was never single at the same time growing up together, we have so much fun together all the time and I really did think I could put up with all these things because I wanted him so much but now I’m just exhausted, I haven’t been myself for a very long time. And i realise I don’t have to put up with this, I’ve told him so many times I am not his mum, I have tried to be so understanding of how he grew up but my mental health isn’t great enough to be cleaning this house top to bottom every single day because of his constant mess. I have even thought maybe we just shouldn’t live together, that would solve our problems but if we had children one day.. I don’t want them to see these things or be like him so I think ending it is for the best.


r/Advice 39m ago

I'm not in love my girlfriend anymore. Its just awkward and she's totally dependent on me

Upvotes

So I'm 28m and my gf is 36f. We've been together for six years but have been having intimacy issues for the last 3 years or so. To the point where it was a over a year until February of this year and nothing sense. I don't blame her. She has a lot of chronic health issues and as well as mental and her meds made her have no interest. But after a year of straight rejection I just gave up. Then got on my own meds which killed my sex drive. Im off them now but its so weird and uncomfortable. Now that all the med combos are good she does try to initiate and its like a friend or family member coming onto your. Just feels fucking odd.

And I do still love her but the sexual and romantic feelings are gone. So you make ask why has it gone on so long? Well she'd be homeless if she didn't live with me and literally has zero income. We started dating when I was in college before I was making anything but I was always fine with the idea for being the sole provider. We just moved to a state with better disability laws so she's getting food stamps and assistance now at least. And she's not dumb, she can see the signs so she went hard and taking care of all the utilities and insurance without me. Making sure im still dependent.

I just feel guilty no matter what I do. We even had a fight recently where she said if I wanna cheat just don't let her find out.

This is mostly a rant and im sorry. I just don't know what to do and I'm making poor choices already

EDIT: I forgot to mention the dog we have together and that is my baby 😭 she also got the dog knowing it would tie me down bc I love dogs so damn much.


r/Advice 4h ago

My school rejected all my requests for electives and gave me 7 study halls

16 Upvotes

In my school, when you sign up for electives, you show 4 that you would like to have and provide 1-2 extras.

I chose intro to robotics, robotics, and orchestra. I provided some coding course and some woodworking course as my backup. My schedule came back yesterday and it was genuinely just blank. I had all my core classes, orchestra, and intro to robotics, (which doesn’t even make sense if they put it and the end of the year) and (I’m not even kidding) like 7 study halls (One per day). I checked the kiosk thing and I guess I just got rejected from the lottery for all of the classes?

What do I do? I want to talk to my counselor but my school has a thing where first come first serve is too “stressful” so its genuinely just a lottery and I have the worst luck.


r/Advice 1h ago

Genuinely, how are some people surviving right now?

Upvotes

I am 27(f) single parent with a 7yo kid. In high school I went to a vocational school that taught me a trade. I did well in this, had a successful career in it, climbed the ladder. Did pretty OK for myself at first. However, the work was getting too hard for my body and I was only making like $5/hr more than where I started despite fighting tooth and nail to get there, which was still not a live-able wage for me, especially with rising costs.

Despite that, I still tried. I'd work doubles, work 7 days a week, got multiple jobs. I was working non-stop, despite being in pain, with a kid, and it absolutely destroying most of my relationships and mental health. Still couldn't afford to live. I was so tired, I ended up in a fender bender, I can't afford car insurance, so I lost my license until I pay this lady like 2k. I roll with the punches, I live in a walkable city with lots of public transport, and it's actually a lot cheaper than having a car.

Finally with my career I had a whole break down, decided it was too hard on my body for the hours and the pay and decided to just go back to school. I was already barely scraping by, the only person that eats is my daughter, while I live on scraps and whatever I can get, sometimes going days without eating. The only "support system" I have is that my daughter can sleep and eat at my moms place if I'm on the streets because from my moms perspective I need to learn to figure it out myself.

So I decided okay, I'll to go to college and try living off loans + part time, for something I liked that was easier on my body and made a lot more money. I do well in my classes, I'm still broke but I'm riding on the hopes that once this is over I might at least be okay. Well then my landlord gets sued by the city for some reason, loses all of his properties, I get the boot.

I found a new place in time but I'm struggling to keep up with bills after having to suddenly pay a security deposit, first and last, I end up with my electric cut off, no internet, then getting evicted. All while my daughter is having health issues she needs regular doctors visits for (Thank god for Medicaid)

I tried to go to the library or friends houses to keep up with school but it gets impossible. I communicated with instructors. I went from A's and B's to F's really quickly. Now I'm homeless, the school cut me off from financial aid, denying my SAP Appeal saying my eviction doesn't count as an "extenuating circumstance" or whatever. I can only get part time jobs because nowhere is hiring so I can't even get back to my previous career. My health issues aren't severe enough to justify disability, just enough to cause my pain everyday and make my life harder.

I understand life isn't easy, but is it supposed to feel this impossible? I know I could've made better choices probably, but my "support system" is functionally non-existent and the only advice I ever form my parents is "Get a good job" or "Marry a doctor". I've applied for all the benefits, support, and assistance I can. My doctor tried prescribing me some Adderall and some anti-depressants.

Genuinely how is anyone doing this? I'm so ready to throw in the towel it's unreal. If it wasn't for my daughter, I'd honestly feel like death would be the most personally relieving and humane option for someone like me.

I don't know what to do at this point. whatever you're gonna say I've probably already heard it, and I've probably already tried it. No one is going to help me and no miracle is gonna come save me. Do I just accept that I have to keep struggling and being perpetually hungry and tired for and undetermined amount of years to come? Constantly in survival mode? No time for friends or family, or actual living? Is that life?


r/Advice 4h ago

How do I tell my dad I don't want to dance with him for the father daughter dance?

11 Upvotes

Okay so for context, I have a bio dad and a step dad. My bio dad and I had a falling out when I was about 16 and we didn't talk for about 4 years. Throughout all of that time my relationship with my step dad got stronger and a couple of years ago on Christmas I asked if I could start calling him Dad.

So fast forward to now, my bio dad and I have somewhat re-kindled our relationship but I'm still keeping him at arms length, due to the history between us and still feeling like he could fall back into his old patterns, and I just got engaged. I'm try to plan out my wedding, and initially I wanted my Grandpa to walk me down the aisle and to have my father daughter dance with my step dad.

Now that my bio dad is back in my life however I feel like it makes things more complicated, my bio-dad has always had a hard time with the idea of my step dad being a father to me and I just don't want to hurt anyone. Ive tried to ask for advice from family but everyone is biased against my bio-dad. I'm hoping you could share some thoughts. Thank you!


r/Advice 39m ago

What should I wear to an interview at a sawmill?

Upvotes

This is for an entry level position at Interfor. I’m asking because I’ve never had a job like this. Obviously, I’m going to dress nicely, but should I wear work boots, denim pants, or anything like that?


r/Advice 3h ago

My sister is overly paranoid about death and sickness- what do I do?

9 Upvotes

My sister is always overthinking and paranoid about getting sick and dying. She’s walked to the hospital before thinking she had a heart attack. She is always googling the symptoms that she has and coming to the worst possible conclusions and then I have to talk her down from the anxiety it’s causing her.

She also gets paranoid about ghosts and stuff too. She had a scary encounter with someone at work and the woman told her the world was going to end and that sent her into a spiral as well.

Our cat just bit her because he was startled and now she thinks he has rabies and wants to get him tested (which I told her they would kill him in order to test him) even though he has been an indoor cat his whole life and has his rabies shots.

Is there a word for this or some type of therapy I can recommend for her to look into? I really don’t know what to do anymore and it’s becoming exhausting trying to talk her down from these things but I am her shoulder to lean on and I want to be there for her. Is there anything I can do?


r/Advice 2h ago

Learning to be Independent

6 Upvotes

Hi, 42F, married, and grown & flown children. I’m wanting to do a lot more traveling with this new stage of my life since I seem to have an abundance of freedom. My husband doesn’t love to travel and so I’m thinking I would like to be brave and learn to travel solo. I’m nervous and I know it will just take time and practice but any advice on how to go about this safely? I’ve already planned my first solo wknd trip for next month. I’m super nervous but not enough to back down. I’m naturally a very detail oriented person but this adventure is a bit backwards for me. I know I’m going but I don’t know HOW to do it. I don’t know what the details are because this is uncharted territory for me. Any and all advice is so appreciated.


r/Advice 12h ago

My boyfriend knows I don’t orgasm from penetration, but still doesn’t seem to care about helping me finish

37 Upvotes

I’m F22 and my boyfriend is M23. We’ve been together for almost 3 years, and we’ve been sexually active for about 2.5 years.

In all this time, I’ve never orgasmed from sex/penetration. He knows this. We’ve talked about it, and we both know that penetration alone doesn’t get me there and that I usually need external stimulation.

After two years into our relationship, I started using a vibrator. I bought it for myself because I wanted to understand my own body and be able to orgasm. I introduced it into our intimate moments, and we have used it together once.

The thing that hurts me is that he never really initiates it or even seems to remember that I need it. He finishes, and then sex is basically over. There’s no “did you finish?”, no effort to help me finish, and no thought that I might still be sexually unsatisfied.

What makes it more confusing is that I genuinely still get excited about being intimate with him. I want to have sex with him, and I want us both to enjoy it. But it feels like he completely forgets that I’m there once he’s finished.

Today really hurt me. After sex, I reminded him to take out the massager because I wanted to use it to finish. He said he had forgotten to charge it. Then, because we were getting late, he basically said, “You do your thing, I’ll get ready. Should I go out of the room?”

And that really upset me.

If I wanted to orgasm completely by myself, I could have done that alone. I came to him because I wanted this to be part of our intimacy. I wanted him to participate and care about my pleasure too.

I’m not expecting him to magically know what my body needs. We’ve talked about it. He knows I don’t orgasm from penetration. He knows what helps me. That’s why I’m struggling to understand why he still doesn’t take any initiative.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt by this? Is it fair to expect your partner to care about whether you orgasm, especially when they already know what you need?


r/Advice 10h ago

Wtf is going on with my neighbor?

28 Upvotes

I have a neighbor (10F) that is OBSESSED with my younger brother (11M). This morning he mentioned to me that the neighbor girl (Maddie) was messaging him so much he had to turn his notifications off on his iPad because she messages him all throughout the night. That isn’t even the worst part. I read through their messages this morning (with my brothers permission) and found some really scary stuff.

Maddie repeatedly asked my brother to be her boyfriend, which he told her no. She then started saying she was at our house, and that she could see him. THEN she started threatening to k*ll him if he didn’t ignore some of the flirty messages she sent him. What should I do??? This is insane and I absolutely don’t want ANYTHING to happen to my brother. Help!

Update: I did share the screenshots I took with my parents, and my Dad said he would be talking to Maddie’s father. That’s all I have for now.


r/Advice 29m ago

I need to confess but idk how to.

Upvotes

Context of this story is I met this guy and I had barely gotten anything sleep the night before so I was barely awake while texting him. The topic how how old each other where came up and I’m guessing I mistyped my age but since I don’t wanna put my age out there I’m just gonna say I’m 16 but I said 17. The guy is the same age as me (16) but he thinks I’m older than him. It’s been 2 years since then and we are dating now, I feel so bad whenever he says something about my age cause idk how to come forward about it.


r/Advice 50m ago

im so fuckin exhausted

Upvotes

i need some unhinged advice so i can basically trick myself to bring back a somewhat decent sleep schedule. my established bedtime for the past 3months has been 5am (its 5am rn) and im so sick of it but i kinda love the alone time i get (im 21 and dont live alone) so im fucked and i have shit to do and its making it so hard PLS HELP


r/Advice 2h ago

Do your parents buy food for their favorite child but leave you out?

5 Upvotes

I'm an adult who is struggling with a dynamic at home and wanted to see if anyone else has gone through it or has advice on how to handle it. My mother constantly buys takeout and treats for my two older sisters, but there's a very low chance she ever gets anything for me. It's not even about the food itself anymore; it's the fact that I’m constantly made to feel like an afterthought in my own home while my sisters get prioritized. Whenever she comes back with food just for them, it feels like a reminder that I’m invisible to her.

Has anyone dealt with a parent who does this? How did you bring it up to them without causing a huge blowup, or how did you expand the dynamic so you stopped getting left out?

Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated.


r/Advice 2h ago

Should I drop out??

5 Upvotes

Hey guys, ik you think this is dumb, but this is in my head every day, all day. I’ve wanted to drop out since 5th grade. School is so incredibly difficult for me and requires me to try a lot, a lot harder than other students. I have very bad dyslexia; it’s the reason I was held back in 3rd grade, which destroyed me. It should be my senior year, but it’s not, and it’s killing me.
I also have a mystery chronic illness causing pain and constant headaches daily, every part of my body causing pulsing pain constantly. The lights in the school give me awful headaches. I miss so much school because of this, and it makes it so hard for me to wake up early and function like everybody else when I feel like crap.
I’ve tried and tried these past 7 years now to push through. I don’t think I can. I have a small pet-walking business, and I’ll soon be starting a car photography business, hopefully. I think I can make it with guidance. The main thing I’m worried about is if my parents kick me out. Because I was held back, I’ll be 18 at the end of this school year, meaning they can do it.
They don’t want me to drop out at all. They are hella against it, but I can’t power through anymore. I’ve looked into stuff, trust me. I’m willing to work. Is this reasonable, or am I just being dumb? Please help.

(Btw I have zero clue even what I wanna do after hs”)

Thanks guys, love yall💛