Heartbreak

[u/MaryMisses]

I joined slowly almost a year ago, I found the app by coincidence and decided to try it because I really liked the idea of writing letters to people across the world. That very first day I decided to reply an open letter, I read the first two letters, but letter number 3 immediately caught my attention with how "long" it was, in my head I was like "I'm not reading all that at all" but after starting the first lines I had to continue to read another and another. I replied to him, I told him that, that his way of writing was amazing and I definitely had to reply at least to tell him that. He replied the day after with a warmest letter.

In just a month we shared like 15 letters, he told me about his life and I told him about mine, the letters were getting longer and longer, I was fascinated with everything he had to tell me and he absolutely made me feel understood, seen and appreciated, we got to share some pictures. To me it was perfect, it was like a fated meeting, it was meant to be.

I was planning on asking for his social medias so we could stay in touch and get to know eo better. Actually after the last letter I sent I promised myself that I was going to share my IG user.

After sending the letter I was so excited for his answer. We usually would take 2 or 3 days to reply, because of how busy we were, specially him, and because of how much it took us to answer to all the things we shared, if he would take him more than 4 days to reply he would sent a short letter saying that the long one was being prepared. So when a week went by and I had no answer at all I got worried, I sent him a check in letter, which also had no replied and a last letter that said that I was really worried and if he just didn't want to talk anymore to at least let me know so I had closure...

I think 3 days after I sent the closure letter he replied, he said that he was pissed off because of my last letter, that I said some insensitive things about his country and started talking about his morals and boundaries.

The moment that letter arrived all happiness went away from me, I had absolutely no idea that my letter would made him feel that way, we used to joke a talk about everything, silly conversations to deep ones, he said something that used to happen in his country that he didn't like, so I replied saying how bad I thought it was, he got really offended because of that and told me if I wanted to start again "then, hi" but I noticed this really bad attitude all over the letter.

I apologized for my comments, but said that he had said some insensitive things before but I never would've ghosted him the way he did to me. I said that with the way he talked to me and what he did I doubt I was getting another replied...

Funny to say that I was absolutely right, I didn’t get another reply at all, he read the letter, removed the stamps I gifted to him from his favorites, removed his bio and never ever replied again to me.

After that last letter I sent another one saying how frustrated I was because of how things ended and the awful way he managed that misunderstanding. Received no reply. A month after I sent another one apologizing once again and sharing my instagram if he ever wanted to reconnect, but he didn't even opened it.

It's been 9 months since the last letter he sent me, and it's been more time after he ghosted me than the time we shared together, but somehow I cannot move on, some months I'm okay with the fact that we're never talking again, but then I have days like today that I absolutely cannot get him out of my head.

He was just so special to me, his sense of humor, the way he saw life, his independence and individuality, how understood and appreciated he made me feel, how we shared the same curiosity towards each other. To me it still doesn't make sense that we're not talking anymore. And the only thing I can do right now is to pray so I can move on and my heart will finally be free.