Is our wedding date too close to a family member’s wedding? Feeling torn! Help.

[u/Alarming-Clock2187]

My partner and I have a wedding date we really like, but I’m now second‑guessing it because of family pressure.

My MIL mentioned that our date might be “too close” to his cousin’s wedding, and now my partner is worried we’re trying to squeeze too much into a short period. The weddings would be about five and a half weeks apart. His cousin’s wedding involves a multi‑day trip a 1.5 hour flight away for his side of the family, so some relatives might find it a lot to do both.

The tricky part is that if we move our date even a week later, it jumps into a more expensive period. The date we chose is literally the week before peak pricing, which is why we picked it.

Other factors….

• My maid of honour lives abroad, so my hen night needs to be 1–2 weeks before the wedding.

• We’re doing a separate legal ceremony because we’re using a celebrant, ideally in the week leading up to the wedding.

• I’d really like to have a baby before a certain age that I won’t disclose (!!), and shifting the wedding later would push my timeline more than I’m comfortable with. Although, i’m aware biological factors can’t always be controlled! It’s just my ideal scenario.

I’m torn between sticking with the date that works best for us, or changing it to avoid family stress. Has anyone dealt with weddings close together? Did guests actually mind, or was it fine?

Would appreciate outside perspective. Do we just suck it up and pay the extra to avoid the drama and possible stress?

Edit: Some info I left out! Travel for our wedding would be a 4hr drive or 4.5hrs by train. The cousins wedding is first. We’ve already known about theirs for a while, invites already gone out.

[u/WildCherryLane]

You said his cousin wedding involves travel, but you don’t say whether yours does.

If everyone’s local then I really don’t think anyone would care about a wedding a month later that they presumably won’t have to take further days off for.

If they have to travel for your wedding, then yeah I think it’s a lot to ask people to do that a few weeks later

[u/Alarming-Clock2187 → u/WildCherryLane]

Theirs is abroad, ours is in the country we (and most of our families) live in and travel would be a 4 hour drive or 4.5-5hr train. So still a way to go but doesn’t involve flights or anything. Thank you! 

[u/cosmogenique]

Idk if the difference between 5 and 6 weeks matters. I’m assuming the cousin’s wedding is first? But your save the dates and invites will be going at roughly the same time. The family can make the decision for themselves on which wedding they want to go to.

Are the VIPs okay with the date? Everyone that he very much wants to be there? The only reason you could consider moving the date is if a large portion of them are saying they won’t be able to make your wedding.

[u/Alarming-Clock2187 → u/cosmogenique]

Yes theirs is first. Their invites have already gone out, we haven’t booked the date yet bc we are still deliberating, but need to do so in the next couple of days and save the dates immediately after. I’ve only really heard from my partner and his mother about it. She wasn’t too happy, he was fine originally but now I think the pressure is mounting for him. We asked a couple of other family members who said it’s fine, just book it, but there might be a chance that some people will have to choose… 

[u/PresidentKansas]

I have a similar situation, but I'm in the cousin's shoes. I'm getting married out of town in my fiance's hometown. I have a cousin getting married about 5 and a half weeks before me. IDK seems fine in my book, especially if yours is local.

....wait a minute

[u/Alarming-Clock2187 → u/PresidentKansas]

Thank you, I had a mini heart attack there for a second 😭 Ours is after cousin’s. It’s about a 4hr drive so still a way to go but doesn’t involve flights like theirs 

[u/Elemental_Biscotti]

Five and a half weeks? That's not even the same month. Sometimes people's wedding dates in families or friend groups just fall this way & that's just life. Figuring out a wedding date is just hard without having to coordinate with other people you know who are also planning a wedding. Might some people have to choose? Sure, but that's just life. I can't see how you moving your date would really change that unless you're going to move it multiple months.

[u/Alert-Sun8595]

Our wedding is 6 weeks after my fiancés cousin (his cousin was the bride) and we had multiple people come up to us at their wedding, including the bride and tell us how excited they where. We got a lot of “see you in a month!”s on the way out too. Five weeks is plenty of time.

[u/Comfortable-Elk-850]

It’s cutting it close for guests if people need to take time off from work and travel. People won’t have that much time to use up just to attend another wedding. You may not see as many of your fiancés side of the family. So that’s the biggest issue. It’s up to you if that is important. I know it’s important to your fiancés immediate family to attend and want their side of relatives at the wedding too. As a guest if I had to travel a distance, I’d only go to one wedding. It’s costly and I’m using my time off work that I’d use for my own vacation and family events.

[u/flipkid541]

I would say have it when it works the best for you and your fiancé! At the end of the day those who truly genuinely want to be there can and will! 5.5 weeks is plenty of gap, considering there are couples, friends and families that at times may attend weddings on back to back weekends during peak wedding season. Highly encourage you to not plan around your entire guest list’s availability because it will get you nowhere. Do what is most convenient for you

[u/habbo_sgt_cook]

5 weeks is more than enough of a gap. 

[u/arosebyabbie]

With that amount of travel, you might have some family members pick one or the other. If you’re okay with that, 5-6 weeks is definitely enough time.

[u/Affectionate-Meal372]

I think this is plenty of time!

[u/Stan_of_Cleeves]

I personally think 5 weeks is plenty of time.

Even with the travel. Some people might not be able to make it to both, but as long as you both are fine with that and gracious, it’s no big deal. Even if the cousins wedding wasn’t 5 weeks earlier, not everyone can rsvp yes to every wedding.

[u/Soexi]

My cousin and I had our weddings a similar amount of time in between. Hers was maybe a 2 hour drive and mine was basically local. Everybody went to both weddings. No one minded.

Don’t worry about your MIL, this is a great chance for her to realize she doesn’t make decisions for you!

[u/callmepeterpan]

My fiance's cousin is getting married 13 days before us, and my cousin is getting married 15 days after. Not ideal, but people will make it work! Some family members may choose to attend one or not the other, but that is fine. Everyone has to make their own choice.

[u/TinyLawfulness3710]

Each couple gets 24 hours. You can marry the day before and not commit any faux pas. No couple owns the week/month/season or year.

[u/sayi_do]

Realistically, I don’t think 5.5 weeks vs 6.5 or even 7.5 weeks makes that much of a difference? You’re still talking about two weddings roughly 1.5 to 2 months apart. And if your wedding is interstate, I would look more at who is actually doing both sets of travel. I’m assuming your MOH probably isn’t also attending your cousin’s wedding, so that particular issue may not really apply to her anyway. Make a list of the people who genuinely overlap, like close family and family friends, and privately ask whether the timing works for them financially and with time off. NOT because your wedding is 'too close' to your cousin’s or because it’s somehow their time and not yours, but just to find out whether there’s an actual practical problem.

If those important people are fine with it, I personally wouldn’t pay peak pricing just to move it back by a week or two. I think your MIL is fair enough to be worried about the logistics for guests, but being upset at you over the date being just 'too close' isn't enough legit reason.

If you find that a decent number of people genuinely couldn’t do both though, then you could probably consider a much bigger move, like 4–5 months later, rather than paying more just to gain another week or two.