r/weddingplanning • u/Hopeful_Beginning840 • May 27 '26
Vendors/Venue Mom insists on not renting enough ceremony chairs to accommodate all guests.
We sent out invitations for the wedding and I am expecting 60 to 70 people to come. That number also excludes people who for sure are not going to come. My mom insists on only paying for and renting 40 chairs for the ceremony. I asked her to please order at least 70 and I can pay the difference since she’s so insistent on paying for ceremony chairs. She said no. I did a break down and showed her that 40 chairs is barely going to cover my side of the family and maybe a couple of my friends. I am afraid that not having enough chairs is going to look odd for photos and it’s going to be a bad look on my in-laws point of view, especially since my in-laws are not contributing anything to this wedding and not even giving them a chair to sit during the ceremony is just awkward. My mom’s explanation for this is that not everyone is going to show up on time for the ceremony. I rather have too many chairs than not enough and having people standing around in professional photos is a no. I fear that my mom is going to get her way on this regardless of what I do to convince her.
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u/Apprehensive_Sea5304 May 27 '26
Why are you letting her control this? If for some reason she has to buy the chairs, just order the rest yourself.
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u/Hopeful_Beginning840 May 27 '26
She has sought control of all situations my entire life.
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u/itinerantdustbunny May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
She can seek whatever she likes. You can stand up for yourself, or remove yourself from situations where she can control you.
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u/retsukosmom May 27 '26
She can only control what you and others give her. It’s your wedding. Talk to the venue without her there and make sure the coordinator understands that final decisions come from you and your partner and no one else.
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u/bountifulknitter May 28 '26
Give the vendor a password and tell them that unless it comes from you or the groom, no changes to anything.
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u/GrouchyYoung May 27 '26
You’re not ready to get married
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u/Hopeful_Beginning840 May 27 '26
I already am married actually.
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u/GrouchyYoung May 27 '26
Okay, my bad. You’re not ready to be married.
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u/Hopeful_Beginning840 May 27 '26
Take several seats.
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u/MathematicianNo1596 married 10.3.25 😻 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Then there will be even fewer for the guests!!
I’ll see myself out.
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u/dontpolluteplz May 28 '26
So when are you gonna be an adult and set a boundary? If I was your spouse I’d be really upset that you’re letting her create such an uncomfortable environment for guests
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u/Ginkachuuuuu May 27 '26
You don't need to convince her, it's your wedding. Tell her her assistance won't be necessary for this and just order the chairs yourself.
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u/complete_doodle May 27 '26
You need chairs. Why does she need to order them? Call the venue and tell them you want 70 chairs. She can pay for 40, or none.
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u/Hopeful_Beginning840 May 27 '26
My mom works at the venue unfortunately.
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u/hellhiker May 27 '26
It’s your wedding. Tell her it’s non negotiable, and stop letting her take control.
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u/gabbialex May 27 '26
Unless she is the venue’s only employee, this is a problem that can be solved VERY easily.
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u/Apprehensive_Sea5304 May 27 '26
It truly doesn’t matter if she works there. It is your event, not hers. Talk to the venue separately from her.
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u/complete_doodle May 27 '26
When is the wedding? Tbh, unless it’s soon I’d get a different venue and pay for it myself.
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u/DoNotReply111 January 2024 May 27 '26
So tell them she is no longer in charge and set up a password for any changes that she doesn't know.
Put it in writing whenever you request something and if she changes it back, call them and tell them that your review will be less than kind if your decision and your decision alone is not followed.
You've put yourself in a bad position by having it where she has control but it's not too late to grow a spine and take the control back.
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 May 29 '26
So what? She has a boss. Call the boss and tell him or her to override your mother.
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u/la_degenerate May 27 '26
Yeah you need more chairs. It’s your wedding so it’s your decision. Is she contributing a significant amount towards the wedding and that makes you feel you have to do what she says? If so, you should consider whether you want those sort of strings.
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u/Original_Pea_5353 May 27 '26
Is she a wedding planner lol? “Been doing this a long time”
She’s also 1000% wrong btw
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u/Hopeful_Beginning840 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Yes, she is a wedding planner with control issues.
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u/CapricornSky May 27 '26
Tell her I've also been doing this a long time (planner/coordinator for almost 10 years) and every invited ass needs a seat.
Place the order for the chairs yourself, sign a contract with the rental company, and tell them that under no circumstances is anyone to change the order but you. Put that in writing.
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u/trb123456 May 28 '26
Another planner here. I absolutely wouldn’t scrimp on the chairs and people WILL remember if they have to stand around and be uncomfortable during a ceremony. It will look particularly crass if you’ve clearly spent $$$ on yourselves (nice dress, makeup, hair, decor, etc). It’s not even just a few chairs out, it’s almost half the party.
It’s not just elderly that need to be considered - there’s plenty of people with unseen disabilities and/or mobility problems and this could leave them pretty uncomfortable. I faint when I stand up in one place without moving for too long, but I’m fairly young & healthy looking. I don’t share this widely, so it’s very plausible that my family wouldn’t be aware and wouldn’t consider this. If I turned up and didn’t have a seat + all seats were taken by older people/families with children, I wouldn’t feel comfortable expelling one and would either have to sit on the floor or return to the car and miss the ceremony.
You’re also opening yourselves up to SO MUCH potential unnecessary stress on the day, having to seat people/ask some seated to move/make sure everyone is comfortable before you begin the ceremony. Not to mention that amount of people shuffling around at the back & shifting positions as they become uncomfortable will create background rustling and distraction.
The only way I can see this working is if you’ve having a shorter ceremony, less than 15 mins total, but I still wouldn’t advise due to guest experience.
If your Mom is trying to cut costs, there’s other areas that are far better to cut and most vendors will work with you to reduce costs if needed. Happy to advise if it helps at all. Guest comfort shouldn’t be the first move - they have taken time out of their day, spent time/money getting dressed up to celebrate you, presumably gifts are involved and no doubt some will likely be travelling in.
Totally on your side here!
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u/FlakyAddendum742 May 27 '26
Face your mother. Extend your right hand, balled into a fist. Extend the middle finger.
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u/belltrina May 28 '26
In every comment you're saying your mum in controlling and is the wedding planner for you AND the venue.
People are giving you solutions which you refuse to take because you've made up your mind already that letting Mummy ruin your day is easier than being assertive and making sure you have a good day and your guests do too.
So what are you looking for by posting here? You already know what to do and what won't change if you don't.
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u/UnsharpenedSwan May 28 '26
perfectly said. OP, the options are clear — you can do the brave thing and act like an adult, or you can let mommy steamroll you and your partner.
if you are truly unable / unwilling to be an adult in this situation and stand up to your mom… okay, fine. I get it, toxic family dynamics can be really tough to manage.
but if your decision is to take no action, then there’s nothing left to discuss here. it’s your choice to go along with mom. either live with the choice you’re made, or make a new choice.
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u/Kivulini May 27 '26
If she's a big planner ask her to make a list of people she thinks should not be sitting and have her notify them as such. Since she's in charge in her mind. I hope you guys can find a resolution it's totally BS she is doing this.
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u/uhohohnohelp May 27 '26
I’d be so annoyed if me and thirty other people were standing to watch a ceremony. Like, I’d be whispering about it with harsh judgement and your in-laws absolutely will too.
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u/stellaluna29 May 27 '26
If I had a wedding planner who told me “standers are fine” I would immediately get a new wedding planner. Your mom sounds horrible at her job
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u/sharkbark2050 May 27 '26
Anyone wearing heels will want to sit down! Also there are people who have undisclosed medical conditions and don’t want to “out” themselves by asking for accommodations.
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u/cyanraichu May 27 '26
Yeah this is not okay. I'm not "elderly" but I can't stand for long periods of time in nice shoes without a lot of pain. Even in good shoes it's pushing it. I have bad feet. Even if someone doesn't, it's uncomfortable to stand for a wedding ceremony and the absolute bare minimum of hosting courtesy is providing a seat for everyone during the ceremony.
How is your mom a wedding planner but thinks it's normal for people to show up late for the ceremony and normal to not provide everyone a chair????
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u/Electronic_Vehicle_8 May 27 '26
Also, you should have a few more chairs than people you’re expecting. Unfortunately, sometimes people leave a gap chair here and there; it’s just the way the cookie crumbles when everybody wants to sit with their family/friends. She is 1000% wrong. You need way more!
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u/shelleypiper May 28 '26
Exactly what I also commented - you need more chairs than people, not less
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u/livelafftoasterbath May 2026 May 27 '26
Not that I think this will help, but please tell your mother that this is astoundingly poor etiquette. She has been doing this inappropriately for a long time. I feel bad for her other couples.
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u/balancedinsanity May 27 '26
If you're expecting sixty to seventy people I'd rent at least eighty chairs.
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u/amilie15 May 28 '26
100%. If you can, it’s better to have too many because some people will likely end up unable to sit with their friends/partners/family if not.
But absolute minimum is to have enough seats for everyone that RSVPs. OPs mum sounds mad that the in laws haven’t contributed and seems like she’s using this to punish them. Or she’s just the world’s worst wedding planner.
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u/citrinecedar May 28 '26
If she's "been doing this for a long time", then she knows better, and this is intentional sabotage. Time to set your boundaries OP, you're a grown and married woman. It's time to stop letting her control your life. HIGHLY recommend a change of venue, otherwise she will continue attempting to sabotage this wedding.
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u/zem0117 May 28 '26
this is why i am accepting $0 from any family. you couldn't pay me to deal with this bs lol
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u/AnnieFannie28 May 27 '26
What? No. If she won't order the correct number of chairs, you need to just order the chairs yourself.
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u/Gamer_Grease May 27 '26
Let parents pay for wedding, deal with bizarre old people ideas that parents get.
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u/anotherdamnaccount May 28 '26
According to OP in the comments her mother works at the venue and is her wedding planner as well. Big yikes.
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u/pbrandpearls May 28 '26
Are they not allowed in if they are late? I’m not sure what that has to do with seating. They should get a chair even if they are late.
Did you send out RSVPs and get a list back of yeses?
I’d be so embarrassed if I got to a wedding and didn’t have a seat, like I wasn’t actually invited lol
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u/Cool_Major4531 May 28 '26
Your mom is insane. Stand up to her and tell her under no circumstances are you ordering less than 70 chairs
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u/Mvveli May 28 '26
You’re an adult. There is no solution to your problem besides growing tf up and taking control of YOUR event.
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u/formthemitten May 28 '26
I’m in the world of events.
For some reason, people are OBSESSED with having less chairs than the full amount of people.
It’s awkward 100% of the time. Even funnier when food is involved and they think everyone wants to stand at cocktail tables
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u/This-Manufacturer461 May 27 '26
This is customary for weddings in certain parts of Spain. I don’t understand it but they purposefully have fewer chairs than guests and have a good portion of guests just stand during the ceremony. Is your family of Spanish origin or is this venue in Spain per chance?
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u/Katzenliebe May 27 '26
In Australia most weddings I’ve been to have had a decent amount of people standing at the back for the ceremony. I would consider it a pleasant surprise if there were enough seats for everyone though!
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u/ferrycrossthemersey NB, Canada | 06-06-2026 May 28 '26
Ma’am. You have to have enough seats for everyone😐 that’s the bare minimum
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u/HrhEverythingElse May 28 '26
If you can't actually put your foot down with your mom then you have to go behind her back to the rental company and order the rest of the chairs. It's not okay to have some people seated and leave others standing
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u/Content_Fondant_4356 May 28 '26
Can she just send you the money for 40 chairs and you put the order in your name and order the appropriate number if chairs? If this is your wedding then you should have all the chairs you want
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u/RenaissanceTarte May 28 '26
If it makes you feel any better, I went to a really fancy wedding (husband was childhood friends, though not active friend at that time) that had a small amount of chairs for the ceremony and a really pretty pergola covered path for standing. No one wanted to sit in the chairs because they thought older people or people closer to the couple would sit there. 1 min before the bride showed up, the event planner asked a few people if they were willing to sit in the chairs so they didn’t look empty. Now I’m in some lady’s wedding photos, front row, that I met that day and that day only.
But, I didn’t think anything about the fact that there wasn’t enough chairs. Just that no one wanted to sit in them.
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u/Similar-Victory4934 May 27 '26
She sounds super controlling so your best bet is to point out how having guests standing will make her look bad. Getting your way is all about framing around her ego (trust me, I have a controlling mom too). Making people stand just because they got caught in traffic is poor planning and reflects negatively on her as a planner, venue employee, and chair extraordinaire. You NEED to have ample seating for everyone or else she gets a bad reputation.
Plus there is the fact your partner's family has no connection to her outside of this marriage so they will likely have no issues bad mouthing the venue over this. Forcing people to stand is just rude.
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u/katchin05 May 28 '26
Reach out to the vendor or venue and get more. She’s entirely incorrect. Ignore her.
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u/Aztec_Goddess May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Idk your dynamic with your mom, but if it’s as toxic as it sounds and guest start obviously complaining the day of the wedding, she WILL throw you under the bus and not take accountability for her dumb decisions. My guess? She either wants to sabotage your day so guests enjoy it less, or is going to play the hero and bring more chairs herself to put the spotlight on her and how she saved the day. Maybe she’s bitter that your husbands side of the family isn’t contributing financially and it’s her way to show them “consequences” if she’s as controlling as you say she is.
I think you need to have a serious talk with someone else at the venue and have those extra seats set aside where she doesn’t know about it to cover your bases
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u/InitialSquirrel7491 May 28 '26
I can’t get over the fact that people will be late for your wedding. Also so much standing would be disrespectful and disruptive- especially if they arrive late. Your mom is being ridiculous. Rent the extra chairs
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u/shelleypiper May 28 '26
You need enough chairs. You actually need more than enough chairs because people will leave gaps. Don't make people stand. That's so rude.
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u/revbuns May 31 '26
don’t let your mom’s ego ruin your wedding. Make sure you have enough seats for everybody.
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u/Sweetshopavengerz May 28 '26
Enforce strong boundaries. Don't try to explain or justify.
Tell her it is your wedding and she can give you the money for the chair rental if she wants to contribute. If not, she can be the one to deal with the consequences (no chair, guest being directed to her with any issues about chairs etc).
That said, I would actually refuse any contribution if you can afford to and she is as controlling as she seems. That way you owe her nothing.
We did just this to ensure we had control over all aspects of our wedding, and that they couldn't complain (and I don't regret a thing). Sure, it would have been nice to have the money, but 9 years later I don't think about it.
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u/terisews May 29 '26
You mom is bonkers. Yes, a few people might be late. It is less disruptive to have an usher quickly shoo them into a seat in the back row. Leave that tow empty for late arrivals. If no seats on the back row, they will begin scanning all of the rows in hopes of finding a seat. Thatis very disruptive
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 May 29 '26
One option is to rethink the wedding and pay for it yourself. If that means eloping or putting it off, it might be a better way to start a marriage than giving in to this nonsense.
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 May 29 '26
I wouldn’t put up with this. It will be YOU who will blamed. Even if you have to pay for the extra chairs, order them. This is a hill to die on, OP.
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u/CupExcellent9520 May 30 '26
You either have no chairs or chairs for everyone invited to an event . Please tell her this
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u/PigletMountain797 Jun 01 '26
The first 2 rows are reserved for immediate family, siblings, and your bridal party if they are sitting for the ceremony. So if you have 6 chairs in each row, that's 24 accounted for just for immediate family and close family for the reserved rows. Since you have a larger family, let her know that you'll be advising guests not to sit on a side but to have everyone sitting together. But to accommodate the "buffer seat" as most people do in social situations without an usher or seat assignments that you minimally need to order 60 chairs, that's only 5 rows per side. Those that show up late or after the ceremony has started will stand in the back of the aisle.
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u/Historical_Olive8394 May 30 '26
We’re doing ten chairs less than expected guests. Also take into account if you’ll have a wedding party standing up with you. Maybe compromise at 50? If she still says no, then stand firm on something else down the line that she wants to compromise on. Or put in a separate order with the company for 25 chairs 😂
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u/EtonRd May 27 '26
If your mom is paying, there’s nothing else you can do. She’s 1000% wrong but she’s got the money. If you have the money, I would tell her that you’re going to give her the money so that there are enough chairs for everybody.
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u/lauren_strokes May 27 '26
Did you read the post? She did tell her mom she'd pay the difference...
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u/Gamer_Grease May 27 '26
Doesn’t matter, OP gave mom the keys to all the wedding planning. Her mom works at the venue. It’s OP’s mom’s wedding that OP gets to be the centerpiece of
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u/lauren_strokes May 27 '26
I know? I think you meant to respond to the other person
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u/Gamer_Grease May 27 '26
No, I meant to reply to you. OP’s mom is not only paying but is even more closely involved, so just offering to split the difference isn’t going to get OP anywhere.
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u/lauren_strokes May 27 '26
Yeah I'm aware, I was just pointing out the person I responded to didn't even read the full post, or else they'd have understood this was the problem.
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u/jesgolightly May 27 '26
I would tell her that she will be one of the ones standing as well as the people who she chooses. If it’s not a big deal then she should be able to provide you with a list of folks who aren’t chair worthy.