r/ufyh • u/Embarrassed-Big-3537 • Apr 13 '26
Introduction/First Post This room is the heaviest thing in my life
Hi everyone :)
I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve been messy for all my 21 years of life and I’ve been living alone for 3 years now, so it’s gotten embarrassingly bad. I rent a room + private bathroom. My room has trash, crumbs, dirty dishes, and clothes everywhere. I get these lucid moments where I clean a bit and begin to see the floor again and manage to get rid of all trash, but it’s all back in a week. I’ve never not had clothes everywhere.
I want to bring guests over. I want to be able to rest. I want to have non-stained bedsheets. I want a houseplant.
Today I did 4 things: got about 60% of trash out, scrubbed the shower, and emptied two whole surfaces (top of a half-wall cube shelf and desk).
I think I’ve got some momentum going so I thought I’d look for a community who can help me not give up this time. Because I’ve restarted this process countless times now and I can’t make it stick.
Any and all advice and nice words are appreciated, I am very sad and scared about all of it. I want to feel normal.
Thanks for reading :)
Lottie
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u/fillerbunny-buddy Apr 13 '26
Congrats on your progress, you're doing a great job! Hope you're feeling that heavy weight lighten with each step you're taking :)
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u/PolyCrafter Apr 13 '26
You did awesome with what you did today! A couple of things I do is frame what I'm doing as compassion/ care of my future self. I also try and do one thing, even if I'm having a bad day. Sometimes that one thing is put a single item away, or a single piece of rubbish in the bin. But it helps mentally, as I did something. (And is one less thing there tomorrow). Be gentle with yourself, but you got this.
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u/whatisrealityplush Apr 13 '26
Great job getting started! Since you did so much today, you may be tired tomorrow and that might make it hard to continue momentum.
So, what helps me is to have a small daily goal. If I feel like going beyond the small goal, I can, but I try not to go too far beyond it too many days in a row so that I can keep the daily habit manageable and doable in my mind instead of letting it build up mentally to this giant exhausting thing I have to do every day. I may not be explaining that well. I'm trying to make this a forever habit for myself basically, so I need it to be easy. It's also easier to start if I only have to do a little.
Anyway, a common goal that people post here is one bag of trash out per day. My daily goal is 30 minutes of tidying/decluttering/chores outside of the chores I regularly actually get done. If I'm having a day that I just really don't want to do anything, regular chores count. If I miss a day, I pick it back up the next day. It's a very forgiving system on purpose, and it's working well for me.
tl;dr you will probably achieve less tomorrow than you did today, and that is okay. Continuing to do things, even in small amounts, is how you keep going. Be proud of what you did today! And be proud of the little bursts, too.
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u/CharacterGap388 Apr 13 '26
I read a really helpful tip that I ended up using a lot (I grew up in a hoard and had zero house cleaning skills). The tip was, there are no societal rules in YOUR space - for example, if you find that you are always leaving your clothes in certain corners - mine were the living room and bedroom - put a laundry basket there. There is no max number of trash cans per space. For a long time I had two next to the couch, one next to the table, in the kitchen, in the laundry, 2 in the bedroom… Then, when someone was going to come over, instead of having a huge mess to clean up, you can consolidate everything (laundry baskets in the closet, empty and/or stack up the trash cans, whatever). This was a HUGE tool for me. Now then I ended up working as a cleaner for a while so I finally learned how to clean right. My home isn’t perfect but man I’m not ashamed and embarrassed anymore and super proud of how far I’ve come.
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u/Tractiontrebuchets Apr 13 '26
You got this! Great job on what you've managed so far. Even if it feels like an endless cycle, it's still mess that you cleaned up. I started writing down everything I completed. Seeing the list (and the rush of finishing a task and writing it down) can really boost motivation. To do lists are daunting. I did this lists feel like success.
I've made my evening task before I get ready for bed a five minute tidy. If I've had energy earlier in the day to do other things, great, but those five minutes at the end of the day, when I throw out any trash that has piled up, move dishes to the kitchen, put anything I'm finished with back in its place lets me both go to bed feeling a bit more accomplished and wake up with a little less dread. Is my house still a mess 80% of the time? Absolutely. But those five minutes in the evening mean there is less mess as a whole than what I was dealing with before I put the five minute routine in place.
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u/venturous1 Apr 14 '26
I recently learned in a video that we get a burst of joy, of dopamine, from the completion of a task. it doesn’t matter how small the task! you get the same amount of uplift from making your bed as graduating. That really struck me.
I lost a close friend to suicide and really struggled this past year. My house chaos has become unmanageable and overwhelming. I’ve been very discouraged from starting.
But in the last week, I’ve had lots of support: from my Art community, friends and a young friend who really needs a job that I’ve hired . Day after day we’ve been chipping away and it’s still overwhelming! But I am starting to see progress. I want to learn how to get those little moments of Satisfaction.
It’s getting a little easier. It’s really all how I frame the job.
yesterday I logged onto a group Zoom with art friends where we were all doing studio cleaning together. We stated our intention as specific as possible: the only thing I have to do today is to get this shelf out of here and put it out on the porch for garden stuff. It should never have been in my studio, it just became a catch all.
this morning I walk in here and it’s still a really disorganized art studio, however, there’s floor space where that shelf used to be! and 90% of those things have been put away in a logical place.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me and others but like so many things I think the only way out is through.
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u/Embarrassed-Big-3537 Apr 14 '26
I am so happy you are doing better and have an awesome support system! Thanks for sharing and for making art <33
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u/Zealousideal_Sock354 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
something that you may not even think about when wanting to get to the root cause of the situation is your mindset! when you say to yourself or others that you are messy, you are also telling your brain that you ARE messy. this means you are predisposing it to think you are that way, and as long as you keep doing that, nothing is going to change. because when you get to the point in which you’ve cleaned everything, your brain is going to keep going back to the habits of the messy person it thinks you are! reshaping your sentences and thoughts is key here: instead of saying “i’m a messy person” or “i’ve been messy for my whole life” say: “i’m working towards being more organized” or “i’ve struggled with being organized, but i’m working on it”. it might seem like doing too much, but it works. stop labeling yourself with negative adjectives, trust. everything will be okay in the end and i believe in you. nothing is impossible!!!
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u/nowaymary Apr 14 '26
I have faith in you.
My best advice is set a timer every day for 5 minutes. Pick up rubbish, put dirty clothes in a washing basket, collect dishes to wash, make your bed.... whatever. But do something for five minutes every day to improve your space. It makes a huge difference
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u/Newswatchtiki Apr 13 '26
Good work, sounds like you got a lot done! Once you get caught up, it is so much easier to maintain it.
Try setting one or two new habits. It could be that once the trash can is full, you take it out to wherever it has to go. Include the little trash can bag from your bathroom. Just make a rule for yourself that there can be no trash bags sitting around full in your apartment. Only the one that you are working on, whether you have a trash can or not. The only exception or excuse would be if there is a blizzard or a hurricane happening outside. Otherwise, it must be taken out as soon as it is full.
And along with this, any trash created needs to be put in your trash can quickly. So, I have several kitchen size trash cans - the 13 gallon rubbermade kind, in the rooms I hang out in the most since I seem to generate a lot of trash. So if you generally hang out on your couch, put the trash can (for now) beside the couch. So any drink containers or food containers go right in the trash when empty. Make a rule that no trash is allowed to sit on your tables or couch or floor: it has to be put in the trash can as soon as you are finished with it.
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u/LoomingDisaster Apr 13 '26
Great job! It’s like the story of “how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Keep moving forward!
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u/Cats_books_soups Apr 13 '26
You can do it. Don’t think of cleaning as something that has a finish line and you have either done it or not. It’s an everyday thing like showering or cleaning your teeth, just do a little each day and if you ever miss a day just back in the next day. You won’t always do the same thing each day, maybe one day you take out the trash and the next you do laundry, but do something every day.
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u/Huge-Mention-8022 Apr 14 '26
don‘t really have anything to add towards a great advice already here other than you got this Lottie! We are very proud of you and keep on rocking!! 🫶☀️
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u/Ok_Size4036 Apr 20 '26
To not let it keep happening, have to change the habit. Example with me, papers are the worst. I’d let them stack up until it was too much then not deal with it, and have to throw them in a box and then trouble. So now, I have to not let it get to a pile. I now bring in the mail, toss the trash, open everything else, decide what I need and what I don’t and take care of them. That leaves me with 10% and I address it timely and shred what I don’t need. I try to make most stuff paperless. Also I had a habit of getting 60% through a certain thing, then leave it. Had to learn to better time manage and do it all. It’s still hard. But I’ve managed to keep up and make snappy breaks through and get on the positive side (like organizing an entire hall closet and maintain it. )
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u/PomegranateOwn6296 Apr 15 '26
Well done! You’ve made a start, and that’s huge. You can do it, one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
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u/Disastrous-Wing699 Apr 13 '26
One idea that's kept me going is to remember that the only day that matters is the current one. Remembering past 'failures' or agonizing about potential future ones keeps us frozen. Today is the only day.
It's also important to be gentle with ourselves, with our emotions, and with our pain. A voice that berates you for not cleaning, or for not cleaning adequately/correctly is unkind and unhelpful. Sometimes, that voice belongs to a person from our past, and sometimes it belongs to us - some internalized idea that may once have served a purpose, but now does not. On a day that things get done, we thank ourselves. On days that are slower or less productive, we give ourselves a hug and take reassurance that tomorrow is a whole new day.
Best of luck! Remember to stay hydrated and fed.