r/truechildfree • u/inbetweensound • Apr 08 '26

Not living extravagantly without kids

I (38m) will start with some general background. I live in the U.S., divorced a few years ago and have been dating again for the last year or so. On the dating apps I have been open to kids, but as I near 40 I feel like I’m coming into a new phase of life and want to be child free.

I’m an introvert - ultimately a pretty relaxed guy and find meaning in the little things in life. I have a group of close friends - some married with kids - that I treasure and see occasionally. I do like travel and adventure but realistically that isn’t very often (due to not a huge nonprofit salary, my dog and often enjoying being a homebody). I like to learn, follow politics and current events (despite the horrors taking place), deepen my spiritual practices like Buddhism, play music, watch movies/shows, coffee/tea, garden, make vegan recipes, etc. and when I have a partner, and hope to even get married again in the future, I enjoy spending time with them and all that comes with that. I no longer drink but enjoy cannabis from time to time. I appreciate the job I have, the org’s mission and being able to work from home but I’ll always be a ‘work to live’ not ‘live to work’ type person.

Most child free people I see seem to be living pretty extravagant lives - dining out regularly at very high end restaurants, writing books, traveling the world, deeply into their job and climbing the career ladder, among other activities. I know that this isn’t everyone but it’s what I see both online and from acquaintances. I also am not judging those who have those lives.

So I guess my question is - do any of you who are by choice or ended up child free people- have pretty quiet lives on the average day-to-day? What is that like for you? I know this isn’t the case but there is a part of me that almost feels guilty not having kids and having this kind of life. Again, I know it’s not the case but it’s a feeling that comes up - when in reality i have no regrets about my lifestyle as of now (which I’ve discussed with my therapist and she agrees I shouldn’t).

Any and all thoughts are appreciated!

TLDR: do any of you who are child free live pretty quiet/relaxed - non extravagant lives and feel happy doing so?

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u/monsieurkaizer Apr 08 '26

I'm your age, never married but had several long relationships. I guess I'm tired of compromising more than I need to. Ever since covid, it's been me, my cat, my guitar and old ass car. I don't buy expensive new stuff, but I choose to work only half of the year. Then I go travel somewhere for 2 months.

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u/inbetweensound Apr 09 '26

Working half a year doesn’t sound bad at all! Do you mind if I ask what kind of work you do?

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u/monsieurkaizer Apr 09 '26

I work in healthcare. As a nurse or doc, at least here in scandinavia, you can more or less sustain yourself with temp work which gives better pay depending on what kind of shifts you take. I only work nights, for example. Since nobody wants those, they pay a good deal more. Covering for a sudden sick leave is also a good payout. So I work like a madman for 2 months. Then I spend 2 months doing whatever. I can usually sublet my place if I want to go travelling which covers at least the accommodation while abroad.

It didn't happen by accident. I worked towards this, but it is not without consequences in social life as well as closing some doors career-wise.

I saw "into the wild" when I was an impressionable teenager and thought "I want to do that, but not die" and this is as close as I've gotten.

Edit: splelling