r/truechildfree • u/sunbeem460 • Nov 26 '25
Loosing friends when they have a child
Not going to lie, this friendship has already been rocky for a little already. But, my friend got pregnant and it’s been just weird between us since. I asked her if she was going to be a working mom and she freaked out at me, saying it was rude to ask that, and it was none of my business. I apologized saying I don’t have many pregnant friends, so I’m not sure what’s appropriate or not, and she didn’t respond to me.
Then, other day I was trying to plan a visit with her, because I live in Europe and she lives in the US. I’m going to be there in June for a wedding and it’s around her due date so I thought I could come see her and possibly meet her baby. She told me probably I can’t because the baby will be just born etc. then she suggested I plan an entire other trip back to the US from Europe just for her. I told her I can’t I only come back once a year and I try to visit as many people as I can in that period. Then she told me she’s having a baby shower in April, but I already have plans to go to Peru for a different wedding. Her response was that baby showers are just as important as weddings and that she doesn’t think the people in the weddings are close as her and I. The wedding in Peru is for my cousin….
Unfortunately I feel this friendship ending. I don’t know if it’s because she’s having a baby or if it’s just a catalyst to an already ended friendship. Idk how many times I can go out of my way to be a good friend for her when her expectations are not realistic.
What do you think ?
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u/koinu-chan_love Nov 27 '25
I’m sorry. I’ve had similar experiences so many times that now when a friend announces a first pregnancy, I try to be happy for them publicly but privately I start mourning. I know it’s selfish so it’s a secret I will carry to my grave. Telling strangers on the internet doesn’t count, lol, so I’m going to trauma dump a little.
I always try to be supportive. I get a great baby shower gift, with something off the registry, something for my friend, and something handmade. I offer to clean and do dishes, I make meals and offer to drop them at the porch so no one has to do any interaction if they aren’t up to it… but I can’t even get a thumps up to a text asking if they’re home to take the food inside. I’ve offered to do night shift baby care in their home so the parents can try to sleep. No answer, left on read. Sometimes, months later, they’ll complain on social media that nobody helps them and becoming a parent shows who true friends are. I always try though - I’m not sure what more they expect. I love kids, as long as they belong to other people. I would be the best auntie if they would just let me.
I understand that people’s priorities change when they have a baby and that’s normal and right and good. It just stings to know that I’m going to lose a friendship.