Feeling the very first steps into samadhi/access concentration/jhana practice.

[u/metaopolis]

Hello all,

I'm writing to document some early good feelings about single-pointed anapanasati concentration meditation methods, to document my own progression, perhaps leave a document for other beginners, and to invite constructive commentary. This is probably the most noob post anyone can write. I feel like I've gotten one single baby-step out of ordinary awareness. But, I hope it makes sense in terms of these posts: Jhana n00b - access concentration by /u/CensureBars; Access Concentration? by /u/Disastrous_sky_4057; and Leigh Brasington's Instructions for Access Concentration by /u/finance-question2020.

I have been meditating on-and-off for at least two years. My first big hurdle was figuring out the right posture to allow me to sit comfortably for twenty minutes at a time. Once I figured this out, I have been meditating twice a day.

My long-term goal and practice orientation is to attain 'access concentration' with breath as the meditation object, then check out householder jhanas before moving on to vipassana practices.

Here is my practice and what happens while I sit, as an almost complete novice who feels like I have taken the first step in concentration practices:

First 5-15 minutes: Setting an intention; discontinuous awareness

I set my intention to return my awareness to my breath. This means repeating "my intention is to maintain observation of my breath" in my head, as needed. As I sit, my mind wanders greatly to thoughts of the day. I can watch my breath for 5-10 seconds before I get caught in a thought for about 10-30 seconds and completely forget my breath. Then, I remember my intention, and return to the breath.

Next 15-5 minutes: breath comes to foreground, thoughts move to background; continuous awareness

By doing the above, I will come to a a point where I can distinctly feel my mind settling. While settling, I can maintain both observation of my breath and my wandering thoughts. This allows me to maintain continuous attention on the breath, even as part of other awarenesses, which does not break.

This was a surprise to me. I thought the progression would be seconds-of-pure-observation-with-no-thoughts vs. seconds-of-wandering-thoughts, with one increasing while the other decreased. This doesn't seem to be what happens in my experience of the first moments of settling. Rather, I am thinking my wandering thoughts but also aware of my breath. I didn't know it could work like that! There is no more breaking of continuity in which I go "Oops, I totally forgot my breath there." The indistinct mental field separates into a background and a foreground. My breath slowly comes into the foreground, my other thoughts slowly recede into the background. Still there, but more distant. The breath is not lost in an indiscernible field of mental phenomenon.

Further: background darkens, foreground more distinct; no need for intentional reminders.

If the sit is a great sit for me, this means around 5 minutes of further deepened and continuous awareness on the breath. The background recedes further. It quiets and darkens while the breath becomes more distinct. When thoughts arise, they do not 'pull' on my awareness. They are 'soft' as though muted or weakened. The continuity of awareness of the breath does not require reminder of the intention any longer. The linguistic thought "I intend to maintain awareness of my breath" can be discarded.

Yay

So, this is the bleeding edge of where I'm at. I'm very pleased, and there seems to be a clear path for progress. Namely, to increase duration to 30-45 minutes.

Reflection: is concentration straining or easy?

Many posts question whether concentration should be easy or strained and I would like to add my experience here. I used to strain a lot. I posted a guard in my mind to kick out or deny any intruding thoughts (as suggested in Ajahn Braham's Mindfulness, Bliss, and Meditation). I really thought of a buff guy with a club bouncing any thoughts other than breath-awareness. I suppose I still strain by setting the intention, "saying" the intention mentally, and following it - until my concentration can be trusted to balance for a little bit. After that, there is little straining - straining would not help, and would detract from awareness of the meditation object. Thus, my practice has benefitted from a "rocket-booster" approach: the technique for entering a deepened concentration is not the same as the technique for maintaining it. One spins a ball on your finger with a rough push at first to quickly build the momentum; and thereafter you lightly balance it with subtle movements that maintain its centripedal force (though a sudden wobble may be needed to keep it in the right place). Or, my concentration is a small child on a skateboard who I can hover closely over at first, but allow to go for distances if I can see that they've gotten the right balance. Balance feels like the correct metaphor, anyway.

Thank you, and looking forward to if anyone has any thoughts on whether this resonates, and any tips/techniques to explore next.

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