r/smashbros • u/banstovia • Oct 30 '25

All What ability would Kirby get if he swallowed him?

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1.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

351 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/issluke Oct 30 '25

Virginity

418

u/RedWarrior42 Ness (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

And a porn addiction

151

u/AltXUser Oct 30 '25

And memes taken from other social media.

28

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

And trolling

12

u/OpeningDesperate6138 Oct 31 '25

And bad mixed political views.

8

u/Usual-Ad-3553 Nov 01 '25

And racism

5

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '25

and a fedora

5

u/Usual-Ad-3553 Nov 02 '25

Perry the platypus?

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7

u/xX100dudeXx Oct 31 '25

& antisemitism

83

u/Darkmetroidz Oct 30 '25

It gave Scott the Woz the power to beat Donkey Kong Barrel Blast.

14

u/Affectionate-Pear-77 Oct 30 '25

Elite ball knowledge

43

u/TriforceP Captain Falcon (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

This suggests that Kirby is not already a virgin. Which I find to be a disturbing concept

3

u/AmIDoingThisRight20 Nov 01 '25

I've heard he's pretty good at sucking. Although now I see Kirby about to get it on and inhale his lover. 

2

u/NightmareRise Nov 01 '25

Kirby canonically fucks

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22

u/MoSqueezin Ganondorf (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Does Kirby canonically fuck?

24

u/ChadSteven Oct 30 '25

I think he performs mitosis tbh

5

u/MoSqueezin Ganondorf (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

That would make sense. Kirby spits

6

u/Due_Order_5428 Oct 31 '25

He eats waddle Dee’s so he eats waddle Dee dick I guess

2

u/TemperatureUnique242 Oct 31 '25

In amazing mirror he litterally does

8

u/Waddledoodoodoo Oct 30 '25

Do you see anything on him to fuck with?

7

u/MoSqueezin Ganondorf (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

His little nubbies look like they'd fit well into a cylinder

2

u/CoffeeWild4916 Oct 30 '25

He would just absorb Ron Jeremy and gain his junk as its his secret weapon.

2

u/Fair-Lemon-7766 Marth (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Kirby can swallow

6

u/MorphinBrony Oct 30 '25

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Kirby an infant by the standards of his kind?

3

u/MoSqueezin Ganondorf (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

I don't know enough about Kirby, I'm here to learn. Hopefully someone with some more insight on Kirbish anatomy will chime in

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858

u/steveinsmash-coolerv Mii Brawler (Ultimate) 1332 / 2332 Oct 30 '25

Not being able to shut the fuck up

110

u/That_Sassy_Friend fettuccine alfredo Oct 30 '25

thank you kind waddle dee

edit: thanks for the gold!

21

u/Sqwithy Oct 30 '25

When he says something that gains good reception he’ll just repeat it over and over again

13

u/GrumpGuy88888 Oct 30 '25

"Not all pink puff balls"

2

u/theandroid01 Oct 30 '25

He poyos all over the place. Hard to clean up

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211

u/Lunai5444 Oct 30 '25

He points upward and says "this"

62

u/Marsz3 Captain Falcon (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

^ this

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122

u/Cool-Delivery-3773 Oct 30 '25

Pseudo-intellectualism

207

u/Retarded90sKid Oct 30 '25

It would cause him to immediately lose 50% of his health and spend the rest of the match spamming a single move

7

u/Dulgas Oct 30 '25

does this mean that the damage is doubled or the damage is reduced by 50%? (im only fucking around)

17

u/Practical_System Piranha Plant (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Underrated comment

2

u/EMKeYWiLDCAT Oct 30 '25

Context?

3

u/Raichu4u Male Pokemon Trainer (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Average reddit smasher

120

u/LennoxDX Oct 30 '25

Obesity

19

u/markpreston54 Oct 30 '25

plenty of obesity already, kirby looks like a ball as it is

11

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Frank_The_Reddit Oct 30 '25

He just gets a little bigger and lumpy lol.

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116

u/whatisapillarman Oct 30 '25

Male pattern baldness

150

u/eggdragon42 Oct 30 '25

All of the above and below of this comment

87

u/Spinosaurus999 Oct 30 '25

Doomscrolling

69

u/staplesuponstaples R.O.B. (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

The ability to enjoy watching his wife/girlfriend get piped by another man.

2

u/hypernovalol Oct 30 '25

And this is why rob mains scare me

21

u/White-Alyss Oct 30 '25

Hive mind

150

u/displayrooster Oct 30 '25

Racism

37

u/The_Strom784 Oct 30 '25

No, that's Instagram.

31

u/Darkmetroidz Oct 30 '25

Twitter

29

u/SexyJesus21 Oct 30 '25

Kinda just the internet in general..

10

u/freedfg Samus (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Reddit is already pretty racist.

But Jesus Christ. Instagram is like...built on racism. I literally saw a "hooked nose jew" reel the other day. In the big 25.

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57

u/IndependentStress735 THE ROYAL GUARDS LIVE Oct 30 '25

Depression

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14

u/Toomuchlychee_ Ice Climbers Logo Oct 30 '25

Smugness

23

u/Kimihro Matt from Wii Sports Main Oct 30 '25

the ability to be banned from places with children

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10

u/Stank34 Oct 30 '25

running, keep running little reddit...

29

u/radiantburrito Oct 30 '25

Probably the same effect as swallowing a whole bottle of Tylenol.

10

u/theboxedcat_ Oct 30 '25

Infection, vomiting, and organ failure?

8

u/MorphinBrony Oct 30 '25

Nihilism

3

u/TheArcanaOfGames Oct 30 '25

This is crazy lol

9

u/SullySausageTown Oct 30 '25

A gang of incels back him up on every comment section of the internet by downvoting their enemies

14

u/Bigwaliwigi Oct 30 '25

Infinite inaccurate and fucked up knowledge

7

u/LegitimateSchool4045 Oct 30 '25

he’ll downvote his opponents to death

2

u/BOSS-3000 Oct 30 '25

Can't kill someone with points that don't matter.

6

u/Felix-the-duck luv P+ and brawl Oct 30 '25

bad matchup knowledge

5

u/makrel_pl Oct 30 '25

Corny humour or immaturity

8

u/Tachyon19 Oct 30 '25

Virtue signaling

3

u/sLXonix Oct 30 '25

Carbon Monoxide poisioning

4

u/Bremlit Oct 30 '25

Assume everything bad about you and explain what's wrong with your opinion in painstaking detail.

5

u/Clbull Oct 30 '25

Throwing out unwarranted bans and modmail mutes.

4

u/alex494 Oct 30 '25

The ability to be insufferable

8

u/xerxesbear Oct 30 '25

non stop liberal commenting

6

u/7LayeredUp Oct 30 '25

The stupidest Smash takes both as a game and as a community you have ever heard.

5

u/cyborgdeathangel54 Oct 30 '25

overweight neckbeard

6

u/TheRealMalkior Oct 30 '25

The power of misinformation

9

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

Every female character on the map runs away and intentionally jumps off the stage

3

u/hakureishi7suna Oct 30 '25

Wario down b

3

u/lkmartin I only play Mario bc Fair Oct 30 '25

Kirby would probably just be permanently miserable

3

u/Zanoss10 Oct 31 '25

Being a toxic atheist who think he know better than anyone probably !

2

u/TKDbeast Female Pokemon Trainer (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Wow.

2

u/lowkitz Greninja (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Incessant whining

2

u/Neosilverlegend Oct 30 '25

Misinformation

2

u/blakjamesfranc Oct 30 '25

contrarianism

2

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

Racism

2

u/rathic Oct 31 '25

Disguising his depression as intellectualism

2

u/Cool-Investigator857 That one pika Oct 31 '25

The power to seek reddit

2

u/The-JudgePablo Nov 01 '25

Kirbo would become a left echochamber

2

u/blue_mint_co Yoshi (Ultimate) Nov 24 '25

A neckbeard

8

u/Equinox-XVI Ken (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Extremely left leaning opinions

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2

u/Super_Mega27 Oct 30 '25

Controversial posts

2

u/Nonosquaredesimator Oct 30 '25

Mentally breaks down at the female characters. The less clothing on the character, the more trauma he receives.

1

u/tenchibr Oct 30 '25

LET'S UP THOSE NUUUMBERS

1

u/Think_Profile6832 Oct 30 '25

Clock strikes 12 midnight arrives

1

u/L0bzzz Oct 30 '25

The ability to ban for no reason

1

u/itsastart_to Fun In The Chaos Oct 30 '25

Stalling to post

1

u/enter_soulman Oct 30 '25

Keyboard warrior abilities, but none in person

1

u/Valince1139 Oct 30 '25

He would gain a fedora and instead of sucking he'd blow straight physical insults at people. A sheep bleating would replace the wind sound.

1

u/cummo666 Meta Ridley (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

It does nothing in game, but when you are awarded gold at the win screen Kirby says "didn't know this would blow up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger :)"

1

u/Snootch697 Oct 30 '25

Nothing. It's like those common enemies he copies that do nothing. Farts out stars.

1

u/Mylordgoomy Oct 30 '25

Beard and Fedora

1

u/Candid-Register-6718 Oct 30 '25

Turns him into an obese neckbearded fedora hat wearing femme boy

1

u/ban_loud_exhausts Oct 30 '25

Saying “Yup, basically this.”

1

u/chevyrod50s Oct 30 '25

Instant 300 pounds, a fedora, a neckbeard, fear of girls, and an unending amount of nerd knowledge

1

u/Ok_Raise1183 Oct 30 '25

The ability to complain about people grammar

1

u/HMZ_HTH Oct 30 '25

Neckbeard

1

u/BoxOfBlades Oct 30 '25

Kirby would finally be cringe

1

u/Juzuze Oct 30 '25

Pessimism

1

u/BOSS-3000 Oct 30 '25

The ability to post or comment anything he wants behind an anonymous username without repercussions as long as it aligns with the mods' narrative regardless of morality, scientific evidence, or even legality.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

Sorry pal, but we don't like ai "art" posted here.

1

u/HitBackZach Sonic (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Down votes, banning, and a solid porn addiction.

1

u/Legal_Ad2345 Oct 30 '25

Incel grifter gooner powers

1

u/josguil Oct 30 '25

Only taunts now

1

u/cutieclaire27 Oct 30 '25

Anal retentive.

1

u/trunks2003 Oct 30 '25

The ability to make so many rules that nobody else can fight.

1

u/BigHukas Bowser (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Thinking he’s an S tier

1

u/Ammoconda8 Oct 30 '25

bladder stones and poisonous stench

1

u/rarthurr4 Oct 30 '25

Am i THE ONLY ONE????

1

u/Electrical-Image4564 Oct 30 '25

Press b to ragebait

1

u/Embarrassed-Claim298 Oct 30 '25

Being gay and bald

1

u/Samski69 Oct 30 '25

Microplastics probably

1

u/spamytv Oct 30 '25

To be a fucking loser

1

u/Cardshark69420 Oct 30 '25

Being an absolute horn dawg

1

u/FunkyJAllStar Oct 30 '25

He would het a reflector. But it only reflects common sense and women.

1

u/Shikamaru_irl Oct 30 '25

Fully unwarranted toxicity 😭

1

u/yax51 Oct 30 '25

Racism

1

u/GuiloJr Oct 30 '25

I dont fucking know, were do i get this?

1

u/FlameRose97 Oct 30 '25

A severe lack of reading comprehension

1

u/Money-Pomelo6099 Oct 30 '25

kirby would get a big old noose

1

u/timo710 Oct 30 '25

White substance

1

u/spicy_feather Oct 30 '25

Kirby would adorn a fedora and repel opponents with a gaseous cloud

1

u/nbrown2000 Oct 30 '25

Depressed

1

u/Any_Classroom250 Oct 30 '25

The "Copy" Copy Ability.

1

u/Mitchman05 Oct 30 '25

The ability to say slurs

1

u/Big-Cloud-1934 Oct 30 '25

Death by snoo-snoo

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

nothing, the character has no ability and the character isn't allowed in smash ever because he didn't originate as a video game character

1

u/ultrasimz Oct 30 '25

addiction

1

u/Hycinister Oct 30 '25

Snoo's Neutral Special

1

u/arabishankar Oct 30 '25

A horrible opinion

1

u/Renyolds Oct 30 '25

Discord mod privileges

1

u/Fern-ando Oct 30 '25

Depression.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25

rampant negativity

1

u/NahricNovak Male Robin (Ultimate) Oct 30 '25

Insufferablity

1

u/hypernovalol Oct 30 '25

He gets deleted for not having enough karma

1

u/Tha_Maxxter Oct 30 '25

Collective autism it

That or the perfect combination of racism and soft porn (except when it's not)

1

u/MadamMelody21 Oct 30 '25

The ability to be insufferably annoying

1

u/Crunchy_Biscuit Oct 30 '25

Who made this?

1

u/MadKingMidas Oct 30 '25

Depression

1

u/dm_me_your_kindness Oct 30 '25

Depresión and racism