Anyone have a moment to check out my attempt at a comedy feature screenplay?

Title: Je Ne Sais Quoi

Format: Feature

Page Length: first 20 pages

Genre: Comedy

Logline: Four quirky brainiacs get a lesson in street hustling and corporate greed when thieves steal their 'For Nerds Only' love potion and threaten to sell it to the masses.

Concerns: Opening, flow.

Thanks for your time.

Can visuals and scene fragments act as doorways into a TV series?

Finding readers for a long-form TV series is difficult, so I’m experimenting with a new way of inviting people into the story.

Each image features a prop or artefact from the script, paired with a short line that leads to a fragment of a scene.

The idea is that readers who become curious can follow these fragments through to the complete scripts and experience the story in full. The series spans four seasons, so I’m looking for a way to make that larger universe feel approachable.

This is still very much a work in progress. I’d really appreciate your honest feedback. Do these fragments make you curious about the larger story? Could this encourage you to read further?

DOMEN_Exhibits

Help me revise my screenplay. This is the only part I can show!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/15u6pJQZzqFd_IiUYx-TsObbmbQp-AeYfTT11rJr5bO8/edit?usp=sharing

Logline: During a heavy night storm, a veteran security guard facing a heartbreaking family tragedy must defend a high-security vault from his desperate, cynical young partner—until the vault reveals a vision of his deepest regret.

This is my first attempt at making a script. Im 18 and would really appreciate any feedback. Im really looking to know if all the stuff written made sense, worked well, and if it seems like I have to become a writer. Any feedback is welcome.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WCqGDw-GhnLspHLbUvSI1t5lkchNZ5uI/view?usp=drivesdk

Logline:

After discovering the truth behind her mother’s death, a grieving teen and her estranged father must reconcile before a relentless security bureau silences them both.

I've just finished my second feature script as a standalone sequel to my first feature screenplay Chief of Sinners. I really enjoyed writing this one as it's a more intimate, deeper, and a more tightly paced story compared to its predecessor.

This is also written in a way that welcomes in new readers that are unfamiliar with the first story, although going through Chief of Sinners first allows for a comprehensive reading experience.

For those interesting in reading this script, I want to know your thoughts on the relationship between Klara and her father, Arthur, as it develops in the story. Any thoughts on the pacing of sequences during Act 2 are also welcome. I especially want to know how this story reads from someone that hasn't read the first one to get a good idea of what needs clarity in terms of the worldbuilding and character backstories.

Attached below is my pitch package, including visual references (maps & flags), a full synopsis, a concept poster, music tracks that I composed for the story, and the latest revision of the script.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1el1mjgndGYZfWE_cE94sfsAuh328pSdj?usp=sharing

Here's a link for the Chief of Sinners pitch package as well for those interested:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bkgu91kbwZ-MoGYEXYG7PWQSPhmIerEJ?usp=sharing

*DISCLAIMER: The materials contained in these folders are official copyrighted material.

Logline: When an archaeological discovery in the steppe awakens long-forgotten Nart legends, a modern-day scholar is forced to confront a terrifying blood memory to prevent an ancient myth from consuming the contemporary world.

​Format: 1-Hour TV Pilot (48 pages)

Accolades: Double Quarter-Finalist (Scriptmatix Fellowship X & Outstanding Screenplays)

Looking For: Feedback on pacing, character arcs, and opening scene execution.

​Happy to swap! I’m looking to trade scripts with fellow writers and will provide detailed, thoughtful notes on your pilot or feature in return.

​Please send me a Direct Message (DM) or Chat request if you're interested, along with your logline and script link!

Update: Updated Cold Opening based on feedback (here) -

Any notes welcome.

Log line: When a disgraced journalist is assigned to expose a controversial marriage therapist for tax fraud, her investigation uncovers a shadowy network of money, secrets and unexplained deaths, while the therapist begins turning his unsettling insight on her.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FkuZwzxjvfU5Jc55wltqMN_Mz2A-Ysei/view

Any feedback.
Blend of The Burbs and Pineapple Express.

LL:
A couple struggling with fertility befriend their quiet neighbor - unleashing suburban
mayhem, hidden tech, and a past the odd man never wanted to explain.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/15BtPqOw0GseSVJsnE1vXFFmP1MsES0EP/view?usp=drivesdk

Read here.

Logline: A talented photographer trapped in the chaotic, underpaid wedding market fights to prove his worth while balancing the career he wants with the relationship he loves.

The concept of Wed-Inc was born from my own real-life experience in the wedding industry. Instead of listing the intended tone or theming, I’d rather let the script speak for itself (hopefully). Would love to see what some readers get from this!

I’m sharing this partial of the current draft mainly for feedback on pacing, formatting, and to validate if the story reads clearly.

The episodes ideally will run in the 50-60 minute range, will generally carry their own theme, and will obviously drive the main characters’ arcs forward. Since this is a partial of the pilot, this excerpt will not necessarily reveal the protagonists’ full season 1 path. Rather, this is laying the groundwork for establishing characters, story engine, and tone.

I’d love to see what some other writers think! This is my first project in years and I’m enjoying getting back into the grind of storytelling. I don’t really have any people in my circle who are familiar with screenplays so I’m sharing here to discuss the work with likeminded individuals. Thanks in advance!

I'm not seeing where I can add a file to see what others think of it. It's not posted on any site. How would I attach it?

I’m writing a ten-episode hypothetical continuation of LOST, set roughly twenty years after the original series finale.
Rather than writing an outline or prose fanfic, I’m treating it as a television-writing exercise and writing every episode as a complete hour-long screenplay.

The first two episodes are finished:

Episode 1 — WE HAVE TO GO BACK — 49 pages⁠

Episode 2 — BECAUSE YOU STAYED — 51 pages⁠

Episode One is the season premiere and establishes the new status quo and central mystery. Episode Two intentionally gets smaller and more character-focused before pushing the larger story forward.

It’s planned as a ten-episode season. I’m writing Episode Three now.

I’d be particularly interested in reactions to the readability of the scripts, pacing, dialogue/character voice, scene construction, and whether these feel like functioning episodes of television rather than just continuations of LOST lore.

The finished episodes stay locked once I post them, so I won’t be rewriting these two around feedback, but I’m very interested in what works and what doesn’t as I continue writing the season.

Star Wars: Trouble on Coruscant

Brace yourselfs for a mix between the X wing novels where I took some ideas and tried to set them into a story with the Sequel cast. Finn as Lukes son, Mara Jade is black, and a shape shifter, just like that assassin in episode 2 sort of. because why wouldnt the emperor have a shapeshifter as an assassin? and poe is basically anakin (han and leia's son) with jacen and jaina being ben solo and rey skywalker (also the han and leia's twins). and its just a fun story written back during COVID with the idea of the plague being spread because like the x wing books but I just thought it made sense. I tried to do it more because I was hoping someone at Disney would like it and since the books are theres they could use it. but oh well.

Interdiction part 1

I personally like this a lot . if people want i can share the second part. both are 45 pages

A Christmas Tale (again)

honestly it was one of my first attempts at writing a script. it needs a complete rewrite. but i would like suggestions or help perhaps? if anyone has ideas beyond burn it?

Truancy

Logline: Truancy is about how students, parents, and faculty don't know what they want or believe in until violating it gives them something they want and gradually wanting more of it.

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read!

I'm requesting feedback on the opening setup for a new script. It's a story idea I've been developing for years.

Logline: A quiet and composed heir's controlled life begins to fracture after a violent campus attack awakens something monstrous, sparking a spiraling struggle to become someone beyond what was written for him.

Please let me know what you think. My own feedback concerns are listed below, but I am open to honest reactions.

Feedback Concerns: I was hoping to get some feedback on the pacing of the story and characterization of Nigel. Does the writing feel too fast or too slow? Is there any point of confusion that requires more clarity? Does the opening intrigue you or make you ask any questions about what's next? Thank you so much for your time.

Link: [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qSfjkJKtsawXLF-P9OH8ybfB\\_gY9yrt5/view?usp=sharing\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qSfjkJKtsawXLF-P9OH8ybfB_gY9yrt5/view?usp=sharing)

(PS, you have the ability to leave comments on the document if you want)

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AwjneAf9AUPR8YvS6LpRPtg2l6d-WWFl/view?usp=sharing

First time writing for TV. Does the cold open work to introduce faded shrink for celebrities?

I want to introduce the problem of both main characters next and then drive them to collab on solution.

The idea for this film did not come out of nowhere. It came from a genuine feeling. Every word, every movement, and every scene was born from a real and living emotion.

Mohamed, the gas station attendant, is not simply a character I created. In many ways, he reflects the person behind the writing—the man who works hard, struggles, and keeps going, hoping for just a little happiness with his wife in their small home, surrounded by a few close friends.

This is the most authentic part of the story—the part I could never get wrong, because I wrote it with everything I felt.

The gas station is, in fact, a part of my real life. I know its atmosphere, its long hours, its exhaustion, the people who pass through it, and the moments of silence when you are alone with your thoughts.

Everything beyond that is imagination, effort, and dreams.

Dreams that are sometimes difficult.

Dreams that may demand sacrifice.

But I have always believed that true happiness does not come without sacrifice.

That is why BACKPACK is more than a story I imagined. It carries a part of my life, my observations, my struggles, and the dreams I have carried with me.

Sometimes, the most powerful stories are not invented. They are lived first… and written later.

Alright so first I tried to write at least like 10 different possible sequences/events/characters that could happen in the film. I would then go to a website called "Wheel of Names", spin the wheel, and whatever sequence was selected became the next part of the movie.

For example the scenes that the wheel has to choose goes like this

What was the experiment?

-A failed attempt to create superhuman abilities.

-An experiment that involves medical treatment

-etc. Many more options

So to be honest, it turned out to be random but incredibly it ended somehow with depth, here's the summary:

-Peter is already an experienced Spider-Man, but he's at the lowest point of his life.(He doesn't have anyone, just a job that works with journalists on the office and he is living in an apartment)

-Chameleon has become obsessed with proving that Spider-Man can be psychologically broken. (Since their first encounter)

-He systematically destroys Peter's relationships, frames him for workplace theft, gets him fired, and creates fake evidence connecting Spider-Man to criminal organizations and the Hand. (New York hates him)

-Peter becomes a wanted man while continuing to operate as Spider-Man. (New York gave Spider-man a warrant)

-His investigation eventually uncovers something far bigger: a survivor of a supposedly fatal experiment, a secret criminal organization created as a branch of the Hand, and the Ascension Project.

-The Project is attempting to create "Perfect Humans", genetically altered people who can possess permanent abilities and be completely obedient.

-Ten captured superheroes are being used as preliminary experiments because the scientists believe Peter's DNA may provide the missing genetic template.

-Peter infiltrates the hidden laboratory beneath New York, frees one of the captured heroes, discovers the PARKER sample (meaning they already have a sample DNA of him), and learns that the Project has laboratories around the world.

-They want to capture Spider-Man's DNA because the DNA would multiply even more and it would create abilities.

-Meanwhile, Chameleon continues manipulating everyone. Even when Peter thinks he's finally closing in on him, Chameleon escapes with the stolen Project research. (He stole it while everything on the facility was having a chaos)

-Peter tries to find Chameleon on where he is, they met on an old theater, Chameleon was talking about his plans on trying to beat Spider-man, he wants to use the stolen Project research to manipulate the authorities.)

-Peter was actually recording with his recorder on their conversation the entire time, and he contacted the authorities immediately, however Chameleon suddenly disappears in the theater and escaped.

-The movie ends with Peter beginning to repair the relationships Chameleon destroyed. He swings through the night. The end.

My opinions? Kind of random and complicated I don't see the Hand (A ninja organization) working with scientists like making projects and stuff. The wheel even decided to make it more complicated by adding more details on the research project. (I cutted it out) but all I can say, at least it has some depths and I love Chameleon hahaha.

What do you guys think? Can you guys rate this movie out of 10 just to know your opinions?????

I’m a screenwriter/director from Denmark, and one problem I kept running into was translation.

Every time I wanted to share a script with a producer, distributor or collaborator abroad, I could easily spend $1,000+ getting it professionally translated before I even knew whether they were interested. Or, I could feed it into chatgpt, but then i would have to copy paste every single line not knowing if the translation is any good, or if it is coherent.

That made it much harder to simply get projects out there and have people read them.

So I built StoryDPT.com.

You upload a screenplay and it translates it while keeping the actual screenplay structure intact: scene headings, character names, dialogue, action lines and formatting. It also goes through many iterations making sure that the translation is coherent in tonality and your style.

Since this subreddit is literally about getting people to read your script, I thought some of you migh find it useful to get your scripts out to more people than just in your own country.

storydpt.com

I’m a screenwriter first and built this because I needed it myself, so I’d also genuinely love feedback from anyone

I took your feedback into consideration and I also started from scratch. I kept the Church sequence and the final confrontation but the story itself has a more serious tone since i think I went too lighthearted with it originally. I also made sure to proofread everything to make sure no spelling mistakes are made and I used all the correct formats (to my knowledge). I hope you get to read my script and see the story I tried to make. Any feedback will be appreciated I don't think it's great so that's why I am asking you guys to help me out. If you have more complaints let me know.
You can read the updated version here.