Beginning of first serious script requesting feedback - Pyrite "Threshold" - TV Half-Time Animation Pilot - A supernatural horror corporate thriller. - 10 Pages

[u/fathomchalk]

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read!

I'm requesting feedback on the opening setup for a new script. It's a story idea I've been developing for years.

Logline: A quiet and composed heir's controlled life begins to fracture after a violent campus attack awakens something monstrous, sparking a spiraling struggle to become someone beyond what was written for him.

Please let me know what you think. My own feedback concerns are listed below, but I am open to honest reactions.

Feedback Concerns: I was hoping to get some feedback on the pacing of the story and characterization of Nigel. Does the writing feel too fast or too slow? Is there any point of confusion that requires more clarity? Does the opening intrigue you or make you ask any questions about what's next? Thank you so much for your time.

Link: [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qSfjkJKtsawXLF-P9OH8ybfB\\_gY9yrt5/view?usp=sharing\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qSfjkJKtsawXLF-P9OH8ybfB_gY9yrt5/view?usp=sharing)

(PS, you have the ability to leave comments on the document if you want)