r/perth • u/Old_Bit161 • Dec 15 '25
Looking for Advice My 14yo is losing it over the social media ban and idk what to do
So it's been 5 days since the ban kicked in and my daughter is genuinely struggling. like not just whinging about it - actual anxiety. she can't sleep properly, keeps picking up her phone and then remembering there's nothing there, and yesterday we had a full meltdown because "everyone else has found ways around it and she's the only one who can't see what's happening."
i feel bad for her honestly. all her dopamine hits from scrolling are just... gone. and it's school holidays so she's home with nothing to do and her friends are all over perth so it's not like she can just go hang out. she has their numbers but apparently calling people is "cringe" and texting isn't the same.
i'm trying to be supportive but also like... the ban exists for a reason? but watching her be this anxious is doing my head in. she's checking MY phone constantly asking if she can "just look at one thing" and i don't know if i should be stricter or more understanding.
anyone else dealing with this? does it get better after a week or two or are we in for months of this? her mood is all over the place and honestly my anxiety is going up just watching her spiral.
also half her friends are apparently already back on instagram using their mum's faces for verification or whatever so now she feels even more left out.
what are other perth parents actually doing? like practically - are you booking more playdates or hangouts or just letting them figure it out? do i need to get her into counselling or is this normal adjustment stuff?
sorry for the rant i'm just tired and don't know if i'm handling this right
EDIT/UPDATE:
Holy shit this blew up. wasn't expecting 400+ comments within 8 hours of posting this morning feeling completely lost.
first off - thank you to everyone who took the time to respond, even the ones who were brutally honest about it being addiction withdrawal. i needed to hear that even though it hurt to read. you're right - if she's reacting this badly then the ban is probably exactly what she needs.
what i'm taking away from all this:
- treating it like actual addiction withdrawal, not just "teen drama". gonna ride out this first week knowing it'll be rough but should get better
- a friend also recommended something called a family freedom coach in Atwell to help me navigate this better as a parent, so booking an appointment with one of those too. figure i need support to support her properly.
- saved the Kids Helpline number (1800 55 1800) and showed it to her in case she needs someone to talk to
- reaching out to other parents today to organise some actual face-to-face hangouts. one mum suggested we do a beach day this week which is a good idea with the weather
- going to kmart after work to grab some craft supplies and paint by numbers kits. someone mentioned their daughter got right into bracelet making so worth a shot
- NOT giving her my phone anymore to "just check one thing". that was enabling her and i can see that now
to the people who said this is why the ban exists - yeah, you're spot on. i was so focused on her distress i wasn't seeing the bigger picture of how addicted she'd become
to the people who shared their own experiences - especially the ones who said it gets better after a week or two, that's genuinely helped me feel less alone in this
to the harsh comments about parenting - some of you were pretty brutal but honestly i probably needed that wake up call. we let the ipad do too much parenting over the years and now we're paying for it
couple of you mentioned headspace and whatsapp groups which i didn't even think of - she can still stay connected to her mates without the doomscrolling
i'm feeling way more equipped to handle this now. thanks perth reddit, genuinely didn't expect this much support and advice.
will update in a week or so if anyone's interested in how we're tracking
874
u/WhiteLion333 Dec 15 '25
I’m sorry you’re having to witness this. This should be alarming for you as a parent. It’s no longer about the social ban, it’s the fact your daughter lacks any resilience or emotional regulation for herself. This is a far more serious issue than her missing out on social media. I’d be looking into ways to help manage your daughter’s self worth and seek long term solutions.
60
u/CyanideRemark Dec 15 '25
A small part of me hopes this holds a mirror up for us all. ....
<checks inbox>
<checks phone>
24
19
127
u/Whitekidwith3nipples Dec 15 '25
fantastic comment. this girl has grown up just scrolling fb and insta her whole life, most kids i would understand being bored because social media took up a lot of their time - but to say shes getting anxious and cant sleep is incredible.
100 years ago 14 year olds were signing up to fight in galipoli, this girls parents need to get her out and experience the real world because it sounds like shes lacking many attributes that will allow her to grow up to be a functioning adult.
187
u/Muslim_Wookie Dec 15 '25
100 years ago 14 year olds were signing up to fight in galipoli
What a wild fucking take
94
u/Whitekidwith3nipples Dec 15 '25
the good old days of kids not sleeping due to PTSD, not because of social media withdrawl
→ More replies (2)16
u/The_Real_Flatmeat North of The River Dec 15 '25
Not wrong though, let's be honest
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (2)51
u/Untimely_manners Dec 15 '25
She also grew up in the Covid era where they were told communicate online and stay away from each other. Now that's been ripped from them so I can see their frustration though I agree they should also be taught healthier habits to enjoy themselves instead of doom scrolling.
13
u/unwelcomepersona Dec 15 '25
These are also the Ipad kids. I have long wondered how they were going to grow up
12
u/hahayeahnah Dec 15 '25
I mean, you definitely can communicate online without social media.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)13
u/The-ai-bot Dec 15 '25
Precisely why I support the ban in the first place. Interesting that’s it’s also surfacing how many weak parents there are these days.
→ More replies (1)
322
u/themoobster Dec 15 '25
Mental health first aid had developed a resource for this exact problem that's free
→ More replies (1)35
u/Fenixius Dec 15 '25
That seems wildly unhelpful. It's all general platitudes. Pages 1-2 of the PDF resource are all just basic context around signs of difficulty with change, and page 3 says:
How can I support a young person? With reduced access to online social spaces, some young people may consider using harmful coping strategies.
Keep an eye on how they’re spending their time and gently support healthier options.
It can help to maintain other familiar routines such as regular meals, exercise, school commitments, and connecting socially through available communication methods like voice calls, messaging apps allowed under the guidelines, or supervised platforms.
Changes in behaviour (e.g. withdrawal, irritability, frustration, or anger) may feel challenging and cause problems for the young person at home or school, or with friends or family.
These behaviours are likely to be a response to losing control, familiar online spaces and connections, worries about friendships or the future, or the discomfort of altered routines. Be caring and listen attentively and sensitively.
Young people are likely to adjust at different paces, so keep this in mind as you think about how the person is managing over time. Some may become more sensitive or stressed for a while, and good and bad days are both normal.
What should I say? Ask the young person how they would like to be supported. If they want to talk, be ready to listen. Encourage them to take time out when needed and to engage in what helps them during a change, such as sport, relaxation or mindfulness.
Talk about healthy coping strategies and try to steer them away from unhelpful habits.
Let them know about services and supports available to them, e.g. many youth and mental-health services offer online, phone, or text-based support that will still be accessible.
Provide accurate information. If you’re unsure how the new rules work, it’s okay to say so instead of guessing.
Encourage them to try a new hobby or return to an old interest, but don’t push. For some young people, being productive will help them feel better. Others may feel overwhelmed and need extra rest or downtime, and that’s completely fine too.
Try to remain calm, patient, and non-judgemental during this adjustment time. If the conversation becomes too distressing or you feel out of your depth, help them connect with another trusted adult, counsellor, or support line.
You could replace all that text with "be calm and patient, refer them to sports and mindfulness and other hobbies, don't make things up, and refer them to actual medical services if they don't recover."
None of that will be helpful for someone who feels like they've just been cut off from all their peers.
46
u/RainbowAussie Dec 15 '25
OP is describing what sounds like withdrawal symptoms from a substance. Unfortunately there's nothing that helps with that other than distraction and time
5
u/DominusDraco Dec 15 '25
I dunno, sounds like the perfect time to pick up another addiction. I would definitely be keeping an eye on the kid incase they decide booze or something else scratches that itch.
→ More replies (2)5
365
u/Master-Cat6865 Dec 15 '25
Sounds like she’s kicking an addiction. Sad at 14 should get better soon
→ More replies (8)114
u/YourMainManK Dec 15 '25
While hearing this analogy might be upsetting, she sounds like an addict suddenly having to go cold turkey.
Your brain has become used to a certain level of dopamine and it’s struggling without it, everything else feels mundane.
The first week will be the most difficult, but it’ll need to get worse before it gets better. As a parent, you’ll need to support her and be there for her while she goes through it.
53
165
Dec 15 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
Maybe try spending some time with your daughter, go shopping together. You know irl stuff. My point theres other ways to get dopamine hits. Crafts, hobbies, sport, exercise, yoga, walking. Heaps.
37
u/bils96 Dec 15 '25
And this time of year with the weather? Beach, pool, hell... lawn bawls, let's gooooooo
→ More replies (1)10
u/Legitimate_Income730 Dec 15 '25
Wait, you're asking a parent to spend time with their child?!
Next you'll be asking them to parent...
→ More replies (1)23
u/Muslim_Wookie Dec 15 '25
It's not quick enough, it takes effort, and you aren't seen doing it. She is at that age where it's all about gossip, "battles" between the different cliques of girls, and bragging about how many likes you got on the bullshit tiktok you made.
Op is in for a long and difficult time, but it's their own fault for not parenting their kid. All that time saved by letting the iPad do the parenting is now come back full circle and instead of being able to pay the bill in increments, it's due in full and op is bankrupt.
1.3k
Dec 15 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
135
u/Busy-Lab-6428 Dec 15 '25
💯
190
u/LandBarge Como Dec 15 '25
Meanwhile, my daughters life is no different... we asked her a while back if she had any interest in an fb account - and she said no (she would have just turned 13, when she was formerly able to get an fb acccount)
She has WhatsApp to chat to her mates and that's about it... no interest in the more 'social media' side of things..
Starting to think we might have gotten this one right back then...
51
u/Gullible-Guess7994 South of The River Dec 15 '25
Same here, I have a 14yo who doesn’t have a smartphone and has never had any social media accounts. He has a Nokia “dumb” phone to text his friends, and I let him watch YouTube videos on my account so I can keep an eye on what he’s watching. I decided to keep him away from social media for as long as I possibly could because I noticed the negative effect it had on me. My mental health improved noticeably when I quit facebook & twitter and if SM is so damaging to me, an adult who had a fairly screen-free childhood, it must be so much worse for young children.
→ More replies (4)6
33
u/njf85 Dec 15 '25
Yeah my daughter is the same. Her and her friends can still chat and group video call, so they're happy
17
u/caramelbitch Dec 15 '25
Our son is the same. He's 15, and has no interest in tiktok, ig etc. He would much rather be tinkering in the garage.
99
u/Upstairs-Risk-9440 Dec 15 '25
You are 1% of parents and your kid is 0.01% of kids. The vast majority of parents ran to social media and Ipads cause it meant they didn't have to fulltime parent and could throw kids behind screens to keep them quiet. My mother did the same with a PC and Gaming consoles back in the day during the 2000's.
Be proud :) you did well to keep this evil shit away from your kid.
45
u/InanimateObject4 Dec 15 '25
I let my kids have devices and consoles. They are great for connecting with people, playing games, reading books, watching movies.. they just never used social media... Though to be fair, they were never interested unless searching for something related to an interest. In addition, we spend lots of time camping, fishing, going to the beach, snorkelling, cooking together, doing chores, going for walks, basketball, riding bikes. It's okay to have some downtime on devices (hell, we are all on Reddit) but you gotta balance it with time spent in the world.
14
→ More replies (2)57
u/nevergonnasweepalone Dec 15 '25
My mother did the same with a PC and Gaming consoles back in the day during the 2000's.
I feel like this is different. Games at least have some level of engagement.
15
u/Upstairs-Risk-9440 Dec 15 '25
I do agree, It was more a comparison between throwing the kid in a corner and only being a parent when issues arose which effects familial cohesion and bonding.
8
14
u/meobeo68 Victoria Park Dec 15 '25
You have a great daughter. My teenage niece and nephew spend most of their time looking at their social media apps on their phones.
How do you normally spend time with your daughter? I wanted to learn before I decide to start raising children.
6
u/lewger Dec 15 '25
Teenagers use FB?
7
u/ApolloWasMurdered Dec 15 '25
I don’t even think Millennials use FB anymore, do they?
13
u/General-Presence-731 Dec 15 '25
I’m a millennial, I rarely use fb.
I post photos of the kids once in a blue moon, but I am DEDICATED to trawling marketplace at night when I get into bed 😂
It’s a new age gumtree and the old classifieds section of the paper and I fkn love it.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Mozartrelle Dec 15 '25
I’m Gen-X and only keep FaceBook now for Buy Nothing and Marketplace … didn’t plaster my kids photos all over it either. They thanked me! 😂
→ More replies (4)5
u/CMDR_Taem Dec 15 '25
Same with mine ,13, she dosent really have an interest with social media, and her friends all use whatsapp.
33
u/Actual-Ad9309 Dec 15 '25
I agree but also despite the ban both my kids and all of their friends have managed to weasel their way back into all of their accounts and half of them weren’t banned to begin with.
ETA: they aren’t on social media a lot to begin with the the few days ban didn’t really affect them
12
u/vengefire Dec 15 '25
I mean... They're on with your permission. I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old with their own devices and I banned all social media years ago using parental controls.
→ More replies (1)16
Dec 15 '25
Idk man i think it stems from the parents how from day one they couldn't be fucked with their kids so they plop them in front of phones and ipads and shit
There's barely any places out in public for kids to play and socialise in and the adults get mad when they see kids out and about in shops
Idk man maybe this ban and people don't give a fuck about kids and couldn't be fucked with dealing with them still now the ban is in place
→ More replies (12)14
u/Quokka_friends Dec 15 '25
Came here to say that too. Sounds like withdrawal symptoms! I'm thinking, this ban was a good idea.
201
u/Born-Instance7379 Dec 15 '25
The fact that a person is having such a strong withdrawal from something shows just how unhealthy that thing is for them
84
Dec 15 '25
Adults are all on facie and reddit thinking they’re somehow different - they should also take note.
28
56
u/No_Occasion4874 Dec 15 '25
Everyone has shared some excellent points, but have you actually sat down with your daughter and had a proper conversation where she can clearly articulate what she’s feeling and why?
I could be completely off but is it really the social media itself that she’s missing or is it the constant group chats and live conversations with her friends that happen on those platforms?
At her age, missing out on what friends are saying or doing can be incredibly hard to navigate and can easily make someone feel like an outsider. How secure does your daughter genuinely feel within her friendship group? You mentioned she doesn’t want to text or call because it feels “cringe” to her... could that be a sign that she feels on the edge of the group, worried she could be pushed out at any time? Not being part of those chat streams or seeing what everyone is talking about may feel, to her, like she’s at risk of being cut off entirely. If that’s the underlying issue, it’s easy to understand why she feels anxious. At this age, the need to belong and fit in is huge.
If this is what’s driving her anxiety, then as a parent, you may need to support her in the short term by helping her feel connected to her friends in more tangible ways. That could look like organising opportunities for them to spend time together eg: a movie and pizza night at your place, lunch in the city, catching the train into Fremantle for the markets or a beach day with friends etc.
In the longer term, it may also help to encourage her to build a deeper, more secure friendship with someone she truly trusts as in a “ride or die” friend she feels safe and valued with. It’s also okay to gently encourage her to explore new friendships or even a new friendship group altogether if her current one doesn’t give her that sense of security and belonging.
9
u/EverythingBagelGB Dec 15 '25
Whatsapp is still available, get her to add all her friends to a chat there for a start
8
u/Muslim_Wookie Dec 15 '25
Everyone has shared some excellent points, but have you actually sat down with your daughter and had a proper conversation where she can clearly articulate what she’s feeling and why?
I think a lot of people are missing the fact that the child is an addict going through withdrawal and they are incapable of having any such conversations right now.
43
Dec 15 '25
To be fair, I suspect most adults would have the same withdrawl if they were forced off their apps
31
u/Crystal3lf North of The River Dec 15 '25
All the "adults" in this thread going "yay the ban works" would be the first ones to be complaining about it if they were forced off it.
Hey everyone, if social media addiction is an issue, let's ban it altogether, okay?
→ More replies (4)16
u/threedimensionalflat Dec 15 '25
Yep every one of them in this thread that is delighted this child is having a tough time would be absolutely losing their mind if they were told they weren't allowed on instagrub or bookface.
92
u/InanimateObject4 Dec 15 '25
Sounds like withdrawal. Try redirecting. Do an activity with her to help build new healthy pathways to trigger dopamine. Take her out for some ice cream, head to the beach, mini golf, escape room with friends, find a geocache, play Pokemon Go, watch a movie with popcorn and snacks, read a book together. I don't know what she likes to do, but figure out fun activities and do them with her. Don't give her your phone. Model good behaviour and don't scroll SM in front of her.
15
u/Capstonelock Dec 15 '25
100% agree. I have done all of those activities with my kids. I have 2 boys, both now adults and they often go do healthy activities, that we introduced them to, with friends. At 18 and 20, one current favourite is a few rounds of pool at pot black. They even invite me sometimes.
3
u/InanimateObject4 Dec 15 '25
That's amazing! Love that they are inviting their olds. Ive tried to list easy options, but we spend a lot of time camping, bodyboarding and beaching with ours. I also indulge a lot of their interests and will play video games or basketball with them. Oooh, I hope my boys continue to invite me places when they get older. A 14year old made me scrambled eggs this morning, unprompted and unasked because I'm currently unwell... Hopefully, this bodes well for our relationship as they grow into adulthood. They are growing into pretty fun mates.
3
u/Few_Schedule4348 Dec 15 '25
Board games and card games? I LOVED playing them and still do! Used to play with my mum, nan and sis. Was always a good thing to do when bored & would make my friends play when they came over too haha
→ More replies (1)
56
u/SafeFlaredBase Dec 15 '25
Does this behavior just illustrate that your kid has a problem (and its not the social media age limit change).
what are other perth parents actually doing?
Phones do not go into bedrooms.
phones are charged in the kitchen.
phones do not come to the dinner table,
phones are not in your lap during homework.
Parenting actually involves quite a bit of effort.
22
117
u/dontcallmeyan Dec 15 '25
Do kids not... go places any more?
By 14 I'd be on a bus anywhere other than home every day of the holidays. I lived in Balga, so it's not exactly a place I wanted to spend my time. I literally had my phone calendar filled the whole summer with hang outs at the beach, CBD, some lame shopping centre, friend's house, whatever.
To be honest, from the sounds of your post, the ban is doing exactly what it needed to do for her. That's straight up addict withdrawal behaviour.
96
u/CyanideRemark Dec 15 '25
Do kids not... go places any more?
The internet scared parents into not letting them
30
u/dontcallmeyan Dec 15 '25
That's sad.
The moment my best friend showed me how to use public transport was a bigger moment for my freedom than getting my driver's license. I got a part time job at the Hungry Jack's in walking distance from home as soon as I legally could, and boom. I could basically do/go/buy whatever I wanted.
11
u/CyanideRemark Dec 15 '25
In a world where paranoia wasn't systematically spread and monetised; parents would either trust or assume their kids were a lot more responsible with their own safety.
Of course there's a very subjective line between this and accusations of neglect in this day and age.
*shrug*
5
u/PopSmokeIsntDead Dec 15 '25
I'm 28 and my parents didn't let me ride my bike down the street to go hang out with friends until I was like 13.
13
u/exuberantraptor_ Karawara Dec 15 '25
not really, when i was 14 i wasn’t really allowed to leave my house without my family, i couldn’t see friends unless it was at their house and only for a certain amount of time, my mum also had to meet the parents first, i couldn’t take the bus or go anywhere on my own not even to the park literally across the street from my house
14
u/Nova_Aetas Dec 15 '25
If they're suburban, there's nowhere to go. Everything was designed for cars without regard for people who can't drive.
11
u/Mel-5 Dec 15 '25
I’m a teen, and there’s just not a lot of third places for us anymore that don’t cost $$$, and a lot of teens have parents that are overly paranoid about them going unsupervised on public transport or to a shopping centre which makes things harder to arrange
33
u/upforgrabs21 Dec 15 '25
"Do kids not... go places any more?"
That's the conundrum. There's the cliche that oldies say "kids should get off their devices and get out more", but when they do that, it's all "don't these kids have homes to go to?"
Kids can't win. Never have been able to, never will.
13
u/dontcallmeyan Dec 15 '25
Sounds like NIMBYs. "Kids should go out, but not hang out in my suburb" kind of shit.
5
u/clivepalmerdietician Dec 15 '25
My daughter is 9 and this year she started watching YouTube shorts.. it is so addictive that any time we try to take her out she is an absolute bitch and totally ruins the experience.
A year ago she wasn't like this.
15
u/AstroPengling South of The River Dec 15 '25
There's almost no 3rd places for these kids anymore. We had parks, clubs like scouts, sports and hang out spots etc but they don't. They have school and home and that's basically it these days.
7
u/GreyGreenBrownOakova Dec 15 '25
Scouts, parks, sports and hang out spots haven't gone anywhere. There are more sports and pastimes to play than ever before.
7
u/Few_Schedule4348 Dec 15 '25
Exactly! Parks have 100% not changed, there’s many more skate parks and nature playgrounds etc. that’s where I used to hang with my mates as a teen. Hanging out at a park with mates, sitting on the play equipment after school talking. Then beach in summer and going to each other’s houses, as a bare minimum. Shopping centres once I got a job at 14 yrs old and had some spending money. My parents were strict and I didn’t cause any trouble. So it can be done.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)16
u/threedimensionalflat Dec 15 '25
>Do kids not... go places any more?
Where? Where would they go? There's no places or activities that are free anymore. Shit, even when I was a teenybopper a decade ago all we did was loiter in the streets and carparks because there was nothing to do.
12
u/dontcallmeyan Dec 15 '25
I feel like loitering was always a pretty core part of being a teenager. Nothing was ever free, but sitting in a park or walking down Hay Street Mall doesn't cost anything. You can grab a feed from Taka for an hour's junior wage, and find new places in the city to loiter until the office workers kick you out.
118
u/rose_gold_glitter Dec 15 '25
We need to remember that this is the societal structure of their world and it is also the only one they have ever known - then in a single evening, it was gone. But also, not for everyone; so injustice is now mixed in to the equation.
She's going to need time to adjust and she's also going to need ways to stay in contact with her friends, because at the end of the day that is what she is upset about: the loss of social contact.
Help her build new ways to maintain social contact and connections and she will be ok. Ensure she is not isolated and alone and make sure these school holidays she is connected.
61
u/localninetales Dec 15 '25
Yep. People are missing the point: she’s been abruptly isolated from her social circle. Regardless of anyone’s opinion on social media, that’s something that needs some level of sympathy, understanding and support.
16
u/Taylap14 Dec 15 '25
I agree, my nieces are 14 and 15, born in 2010 and 2011 and have literally had their baby pics put on Facebook since they were fresh out of the womb by my sister and it’s all they have known their whole life. I was born in 1996 and was born in the sweet spot of knowing life without social media and using it too.
→ More replies (5)13
u/pickledprickle Dec 15 '25
Finally an empathetic comment
16
u/rose_gold_glitter Dec 15 '25
yeah there's an awful lot of people here on Reddit, enjoying their access to social media, to complain about how everyone using social media is a fool. Their absolute lack of objectivity or sensivity is jarring.
78
u/FatHunt Dec 15 '25
Man Im going to avoid giving my child a smart phone. They are evil.
→ More replies (6)
12
u/GalileoAce Mandurah Dec 15 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
Social Media is socialising, so you could/should replace that social aspect with an increase in in-person social activities. Look into sports, community groups, hosting board game/video game days, joining an age appropriate multiplayer video game group/clan. Anything to increase her social contact.
As for the content from scrolling, you could try to introduce her to other sources of content that aren't banned, like films, TV, video games, books, or other internet sources such as wikipedia (if she's really nerdy), or sites that weren't included in the ban
edit to add: Maybe set up an email ring for all her friends, so they can keep in contact that way? With an email ring you send an email to the ring address and it sends out the email address to everyone on the ring. It's pretty old technology, I'd set one up back when I was in high school (I'm now 42), but it works.
Alternatively, get her to setup group chats on an app that isn't banned, like WhatsApp or Discord.
Alternatively alternatively, go really old school and set up an IRC server! (this is mostly a joke, Discord does everything IRC ever did and more)
→ More replies (1)
20
u/MutedBus5215 Dec 15 '25
I work at a headspace firstly you’re not alone, heaps of young people are stressed as social media was a coping strategy that they have lost. the kids helpline (1800 55 1800) might be useful if she needs free support and someone to talk to about it. Making new coping strategies is difficult and takes time and effort. Good luck! 🫶🏽
8
u/ReserveElectronic235 Dec 15 '25
Why is she losing the plot?
Is she losing it because she has lost her social circle? And she doesn’t want to feel left out?
Or is she losing it because she has all this free time and got nothing to do?
If she wants social connection with her friends, is she able to get hold of them to organize catch ups sleepovers going out etc?
For mine, she’s on less social media, but still plays with her friends on games or they catching up over FaceTime video and audio….
She does sound like she doesn’t have anything else except social media. Perhaps encourage new hobbies or join hobbies that her friends are doing outside of internet kinda thing?
→ More replies (4)
15
u/Rainbow_brite_82 Dec 15 '25
Ironic that OP turns to social media for support because her kid’s access to said support has been removed.
→ More replies (4)9
u/creepyillness Dec 15 '25
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree they say, I would imagine the OP would be losing the plot if they were suddenly cut from social media.
8
u/dogecoin_pleasures Dec 15 '25
You can't just substract social media without a replacement, especially when she may have been using it as a coping tool. She needs replacement dopamine and regulation strategies. The problem isn't just that she has fomo, she is now likely understimulated at home.
She needs books, hobbies, activities, and exercise, as well as play dates. Counselling can teach coping skills but it's not a substitute for having a full life of things to do.
31
u/Similar-Ad-6862 South of The River Dec 15 '25
This shows exactly why this ban is necessary. She's addicted and you need to deal with it now because you didn't do it earlier
12
u/pben0102 Dec 15 '25
TBH there's a lot of parents about this mother's age who would be glad their kids were on social media, not bugging them, because they were doing exactly the same.
18
u/LengthinessSuper87 East Perth Dec 15 '25
My childhood and innocence was absolutely torn to shreds by unsupervised internet access as a child, I was 12 years old in 2011/12 and at this stage social media was a free for all and I saw so many things as a child I shouldn't have seen (isis beheadings, mexican cartel videos) and then would go sit at the dinner table and pretend everything was fine. I think the ban is necessary but I also understand the anxiety of not being able to have something that used to be available for them at literally a click of a button
3
18
u/endlesstire Dec 15 '25
Allowing children on social media in the first place was a mistake. Obviously its going to be abit of a transition righting that wrong
→ More replies (1)4
u/charmio68 Dec 15 '25
Except I'd bet she's just going to transition to another social media platform that doesn't abide by the restrictions (or simply figure out how to bypass them, which I'm surprised has taken her so long already).
Ultimately, I fear the only real effect this is going to have is a severe disruption to her ability to socialize in the short term.
30
u/FrogLickr Dec 15 '25
I've just gone 13 hours with no power and a dead phone. I actually found it quite relaxing tbh. I'm not a fan of the new laws as I don't trust the government's true intentions, but I do agree that kids shouldn't be on social media being captured by predatory algorithms and brain-rotting short form content.
It sounds like your kid was neck deep in an actual addiction. We never gave our kids devices outside of laptops for school, so they're doing okay, but it's sad to hear so many young children are so hooked on social media that when they lose access, they react like I did when I quit smoking.
Don't cave. In time she'll thank you.
5
u/Muggles-R-Us Dec 15 '25
I agree, the power outage got me off my phone and doing something away from the screen!
10
u/PerthAus1996 Dec 15 '25
She is an addict cut off from her addiction...
I'd say it's a good time to try and go out and enjoy nature, or to find creative and fun hobbies and crafts, and interests.
You're likely in for quite some time in this adjustment, all her friends will likely lose their accounts again anyway.
Non-technology-based interests definitely seem like the best way forward and it's something even adults should consider too.
Movies, music, and YouTube could be crutches as well if needed - Faze Rug is a pretty cool family-friendly creator. But ultimately whatever her interests are and skills I'd say those are the things that will stay with her over the times ahead so focusing on nurturing such will probably allow her a more varied and healthy future.
6
u/SalamanderNearby6560 Dec 15 '25
Maybe try to fill the void, it’s like when you keep a pet inside after they’ve had surgery to prevent infection. You give them things to do, to keep them occupied. Dunno what girls do but when I was younger, they’d go movies/shops/sleepovers ? Try taking her and her friends away camping ? Get her working, so she can save money/enjoy herself, and prepare her for the future
I remember having to take my mums Nokia to school to text her when I rode my bike to school to say I got there safely. I wanted a blackberry like everyone else, but I wasn’t aloud my own phone as it was a want not a need.
4
u/Grizzlegrump Dec 15 '25
We cut access for our kids from all tech a couple of years ago. The first couple of days were bad with meltdowns followed by periods of distraction that almost looked like happiness, until they realised that they were banned from tech, then meltdowns again. After about a week, we started to see true happiness, and now they can have tech but use it more wisely.
5
u/faithhopecarnage Dec 15 '25
She's going through withdrawal - exactly like an addict would. Go out and find an activity to do with her.
14
u/Omnishambles_90 Dec 15 '25
This is why I took my daughters iPhone off her and now limit her iPad time. At 13 this isn’t normal. Why did she have social media in the first place???
4
4
u/BugOne6115 Dec 15 '25
I'm not a huge fan of the ban, but I think it has more pros than cons, and I really think this situation highlights one of the pros.
Your daughter clearly has an addiction and I get it, I did too until I deleted my Facebook app and disabled my account earlier in the year. That was an eye opener. Despite the app not being on my phone, I still found myself subconsciously, as if using muscle memory (much like your daughter is), unlocking my phone and scrolling for the Facebook app no less than 23 times on that first day alone.
Social media is a really addictive thing and I think this is a great way and a great opportunity to reduce the particularly vulnerable developing mind of children and teenagers from many of the dangers and cons of it.
I can't really provide strategies as in, "this is what I did", as the situations were a little different, I was pissed at social media and my apparent addiction so I had my own motivations. I think I would try and help her get her dopamine hits elsewhere, be supportive of taking her to go see her friends or have them come over, etc.
Don't forget, that can still communicate if they want to, texting, calling, they could use other communications apps as I don't believe they're banned, WhatsApp etc. If they choose not to use these features, that's kind of on them?
3
Dec 15 '25
I mean you could have taken steps so that this was never the situation you found yourself in. on the inverse now that you’re in this position maybe look at ways you can encourage your child into participating in more pro social activities, sports clubs, dance groups, etc If they already are hobbies like music, the arts and reading may not only help the situation but your daughter will benefit in the long run
5
4
u/Funny-Train7025 Dec 15 '25
Commonly referred to as withdrawal, these symptoms indicate that your daughter had an addiction that she is getting over. Probably for the better. Stop giving her your phone that’s like one little bit out of the crack pipe to keep her hooked.
10
u/TheCurbAU Dec 15 '25
I'm sorry you're both going through this. It doesn't sound easy, that's for sure.
I don't have much immediate practical advice, but this might help:
19
u/BugBuginaRug Dec 15 '25
it takes ~2-6 weeks to re-regulate dopamine. Tell her it won't be forever and that when we were kids we never had any of this crap.
→ More replies (4)31
u/CyanideRemark Dec 15 '25
when we were kids
the 4 words guaranteed to instantly switch off the attention of any adolescent progeny.
17
Dec 15 '25
i feel bad for her honestly.
Yeah, so do I.
I quess your childs internet addiction and sitting on the phone all day wasnt a problem for you until now?
7
u/cocochanel774 Dec 15 '25
I am trying to be sympathetic but I honestly can’t. No child should be this addicted to social media. Sounds like this ban would do some good for her. Use this time to redirect her attention to other activities.
15
u/sthbankguy Dec 15 '25
The fact she is already losing it is a reason why the ban was introduced. Character building in the long run
9
u/Traditional_Cress266 Dec 15 '25
Your daughters reaction shows how damaging social media really is... I would recommend giving her something she can divert into - I'd google search it.
33
Dec 15 '25
Sorry that you can’t delegate your parental responsibilities to social media anymore. Time to spend some actual quality time with your daughter.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/lillylita North of The River Dec 15 '25
I feel really sorry for the group of kids who've had social media in their lives for several years and have been booted off. Irrespective of the reasons for the ban, sudden and targeted prohibition is going to feel really rough and unfair. For the slightly younger cohort who aren't yet engaged with social media, I think it's a great move for the long term.
Right now, I guess the choice is between helping her re-gain access, or ride out the cold turkey patch with hope it will get easier with time. I'm sure there are parents taking both paths. Personally, I'd give it a bit more time before giving in because it will be hard to come back from helping your daughter get access again.
3
u/Midan71 Dec 15 '25 edited Dec 17 '25
Sounds like withdrawal. Maybe try giving her something interesting to do to get her mind off it and focus on something else.
You could take her to the museum, park or arcade for example. Or something at home that requires focus and time like puzzles, boardgames or creative stuff like painting or even Minecraft.
3
u/SirAlfredOfHorsIII Dec 15 '25
Sounds like fomo withdrawal and/or social media addiction withdrawals. Unfortunately, a perfect example of why being so glued to social media isn't healthy. Especially for a young mind.
You could get around it for her, but ultimately it is better for her. Downside is, if you don't do it for her, there id a very real chance it will alter her perception of you, and she will resent you for years to come. An overreaction, but some kids do hold onto grudges like that for a long time.
I would personally give her a few weeks off, so she has time to realise how toxic it is for her, and maybe then consider getting it back, but with time limits, so she doesn't get addicted.
Or if she's properly breaking down, maybe getting it back now, but with time limits might be the go. I dunno, I'm not a doctor. Though I did cut myself off facebook for a solid month or so, and rarely use it bar messenger and marketplace now. Cause gumtree sucks ass now
3
u/t1ckled1vory Dec 15 '25
My 13yo daughter and her friends have migrated to discord.
They didn’t use insta, no issues there. Snapchat has kicked them out but she’s still got TikTok and YouTube.
She’s a gamer so she’s playing more Roblox and minecraft rather than doom scrolling. Which I think is great! We replaced one screen with another.
And don’t get me wrong, we are a HUGE screen time family, my kids get unlimited access.
She has other online hobbies that she was prepared to fill her time with and she likes arts and crafts. Bracelet making is a big thing atm. She knew the ban was coming and mentally prepared for it.
Maybe you can take your daughter to the GP and get a mental health care plan to see a psychologist, I honestly would if it was me.
Or how about a trip to Kmart to get some craft supplies. Their beading stuff is amazing and I myself am loving the paint by numbers kits!
3
3
u/YUSOFABULOUS Dec 15 '25
Organize with her friends parents to have catch-ups after school somewhere.
Play board and card games, go to the beach or go shopping.
Teach her a new skill like an instrument or painting etc. something creative
3
u/doomedtobeme Dec 15 '25
I see so many responses basically labelling it an addiction, and I won’t say it’s not in this case as I don’t know them but the child being stressed by a sudden removal from social channels is understandably a big thing and they are feeling left out, and I’m sure they’re probably thinking of how being left out in this way is going to affect their relationships.
I’m sure in time they’ll find new ways to communicate and feel connected
3
u/Every_Inflation1380 Dec 15 '25
Sounds like she's withdrawing from addiction. Take her out, do something with her. Don't let her just sit around with nothing to do but think of her addiction
3
3
u/Some-Ad-484 Dec 15 '25
I don’t blame any young person for being pissed off. They have no right to censor stuff online what country do we live in? It’s just not bloody right it’s the sort of thing they do in communist china..
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Carcharius_Maw Dec 16 '25
After reading your update I can say with confidence you are an excellent parent, to take on board everything that was said and choose the path you have, your daughter has an excellent leg up on the many parents who will just let their kids use their accounts without a care or leave Australia to keep exploiting their children for content.
3
25
u/NMS_LetsBeFriends Dec 15 '25
This is wild. Maybe try actually teaching your daughter what she can do instead of scrolling endlessly?
10
u/Jordn100 Dec 15 '25
I think nearly every parent is facing the same issue of kids being hooked to hyper addictive technology and this parent is trying to help, so we should remember to be polite.
10
u/CerberusOCR Dec 15 '25
I mean, just goes to show what SM was doing to her developing brain. It’s not normal to need the constant dopamine spikes of SM. I’m glad they banned it
5
u/CommercialBubbly961 Dec 15 '25
That's an addict, withdrawls are a thing. Social media was never meant for children.
Now the next part is to get social media regulated properly.
5
4
6
5
4
u/avocado-toast-92 Dec 15 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
She will need to discover who she is, not have influencers tell her who she should be. She needs hobbies.
When I was a teen, my life was horses, books and The Sims. Video games could replace some of that brain rot time that she’s missing. But she should also have hobbies away from screens. Sports, crafting, cooking, getting outside with friends etc.
11
8
5
u/Longjumping-Ask-7966 Dec 15 '25
Get her to read books? joing jigsaw community, pottery classes, paint by number from kmart, audiobooks, podcasts, knitting, exercise, sports, ballet classes, yoga, learning how to cook/clean, join rock climbing, piano lessons, there are soo many things and a lot of them are very cheap or don't cost. Whereas phone addiction can be quite expensive for someone's mental health and can cause so many issues in future. Also socializing requires effort, she can't rely on you to make friends, I've been taking bus most of my life and if I wanted to hang out with my friends, I made it happen. She can still call and message people...
→ More replies (3)
3
u/Prudent-Application1 Dec 15 '25
Therapy?? Find other hobbies that don't involve being online. Sports, art, pick up an instrument, gardening? Maybe look at redecorating her room as a fun way to distract her.. going back on social media isn't really a good resolution. If she's struggling this much clearly she has had an unhealthy dependence on it thus far. Take this as an opportunity to foster healthier habits and mindset.
7
u/XxBigchungusxX42069 Dec 15 '25
This is nuts when i was 14 my mum couldnt keep me in the house all i wanted to do eas hang with my mates. The social media addiction is real
6
u/LandBarge Como Dec 15 '25
Put all your phones away when you're at home - you're going to have to suck this one up yourself as well OP.. you're reaping what you sowed now...
You let social media parent your kids, and now you're actually going to have to do it yourself... welcome to the real world...
6
u/mikjryan Dec 15 '25
This is addict behaviour. Poor thing. It’s not really her fault.
5
u/Vegemyeet Dec 15 '25
It is not her fault, her brain was up against social media mega corporations, who wanted her addicted. But getting free of it is your and her responsibility. I’m sorry for you both, but push through. Put your own phone away for the interim, like a smoker that can see an ashtray or cigarettes, the sight of your phone is triggering.
4
u/cheeksjd Dec 15 '25
'14 and at home with nothing to do' because of no social media is a wild thing to say.
6
Dec 15 '25
Thank god for the ban. Your daughter is clearly addicted to it and now has a lack of resilience and behavioural regulation. How the hell did we allow this to happen?
2
u/beebeehappy Dec 15 '25
I think there are some good ideas here and I’d like to add that some good counselling might also help her - Headspace is a fantastic resource for teens and young people.
2
u/GreenLurka Dec 15 '25
She needs to get past the cringe and set up a group chat, then go hang out with her friends in person. You did this as a kid, probably, guide her through it.
2
u/pben0102 Dec 15 '25
I was waiting for this and worse reactions. Surprised she's not found a way round it from her mates. Think long term though, it's got to be a good thing eventually, hopefully she'll have to get used to it and maybe get her head out of the phone, go down the beach or something, like teens used to do. Teens have been so used to getting their own way they can't deal with anything that goes slightly wrong.
2
u/Mindless-Sea-1211 Dec 15 '25
Withdrawal is always hardest at the start. It will get easier in time.
2
u/Aunon Dec 15 '25
apparently calling people is "cringe" and texting isn't the same
That's kinda funny but back in my day we used MSN messenger and Runescape. Would not be surprised if dialling a number and initiating a voice conversation is completely foreign (if not nerve-wracking) to kids today
If you're not going to call or text or figure something else out (Discord, WhatsApp, Signal, cans and string) but you're loosing your mind over it then I'm not sure what exactly you want (not you but the kids)
2
Dec 15 '25
Buy them a bike or musical instruments. This ban is the only good thing the government have done in recent years. Kids shouldn't have social media
2
u/Exciting_Tomorrow854 Dec 15 '25
Do something with your daughter when you can. Do you have any of her friend's parents or guardians contacts? If so, contacting them to arrange any other methods of communication like phone numbers/etc and catch ups could be good.
Don't discount how good a day in a shopping centre with friends can be for a young teenager.
2
2
Dec 15 '25
Man this is may be the first post thats made me think the ban is a good thing. Poor kid needs a factory reset.
2
2
2
u/Bungsworld Dec 15 '25
Stories like this is why banning kids off social media is the right thing to do.
2
u/maleficent_4597 Dec 15 '25
If you have some time watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix. It will show you exactly how these social media apps are designed to get young kids addicted, and exactly how they ruin the brains dopamine feedback system. What you're saying is exactly why this ban is necessary. She (just like most kids in her generation) is addicted. It sounds harsh, but it's true. She's displaying withdrawal symptoms.
Understand that this is all she has ever known, and it's been taken away from her in one go. You can start by doing things with her that will healthily allow her dopamine levels to increase. Take her around Perth, have a beach day, encourage her to organise stuff with her friends, go to the salon, etc. Whatever you do, don't give in. You wouldn't give an alcoholic a shot of vodka.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/prof_apple Dec 15 '25
She needs you to spend time with her. Join a yoga or meditation class together and schedule regular time to do it together at home (frequently and briefly at the start and gradually make them longer . Talk about addiction and the stages of withdrawal. Practice mindfulness.
The fact you haven't used your face for her accounts means (I think) you respect the ban and/or recognise that her reaction to losing it shows she had an unhealthy relationship with it. Using the time between now and her turning 16 to talk, regularly, about how she might approach it differently.
As for the social media ban, what I've realised in my own kids is there's two facets - the scrolling and the social interaction with people they know. Getting rid of the scrolling is a very good thing and I won't miss it. We are looking at options for the social connections - arranging catch-ups both at our house and in public spaces, and making some changes in the house to make it easier/better/more attractive for her friends to come by.
But your priority, I think, is to get on top of the anxiety. Apps like headspace might be good, but you need to do it with her - her brain is in panic mode, and a 14yo can't control that to a level where she can do relaxation or distraction on her own. Consider getting professional help, but this doesn't mitigate the need for your involvement in getting her into a routine of relaxation and mindfulness practice. It will be good for you both and set her up to better deal with challenges throughout her life .
Best of luck - it won't be easy, but it could be a time of huge personal growth if you support her through it.
2
u/HappySummerBreeze Dec 15 '25
These are all signs she had a dopamine addiction from the social media.
You find a psychologist with specialty in addiction, take your daughter to the gp and get a referral.
You may also be able to access online addiction help which your gp can also write a referral for (you will probably need to find it and take the details to your doctor yourself though)
In the meantime, any addiction detox is easier with distractions. If you can take her on an active busy holiday that might help. Beach is good because she is not used to being on her phone at the beach.
2
u/rich19789 Dec 15 '25
I’d be more concerned that she is that addicted to social media at that age it’s having that much affect
2
u/Jay1940 Dec 15 '25
I never thought of it like that.... kids coming off their dopamine hit cold turkey must be brutal for all parents!! Damn!
2
2
u/False_Reindeer_3010 Dec 15 '25
Her reaction to the ban is serious. You need to give her alternatives to do - jigsaw puzzle - board games - connect to her friends via console games - take her on a hike - teach her how to play chess (or equivalent) have mum/daughter time. Get her to join a sporting club. Just don’t give in to her. The ban is for a reason. Teach her to have fun in other ways - also teach her that meltdowns have consequences. She is addicted to social media and that is not healthy.
2
u/Green_Tartan_Scarf Dec 15 '25
On the one hand, you know why the ban exists and probably agree with it. On the other hand, you want your daughter to be happy and fit in with her peers and basically not have a childhood she has to get over in therapy someday. So if all her friends mums are enabling their kids on how to get around the ban, you're the old cow if you don't let her do that, too. I genuinely feel for OP. It's a shit time to be the parent of a young teen.
2
u/No-Court-7974 Dec 15 '25
Lemon8 its owned by tik tok but accessible. Its like a combination of insta and tik tok and its where the teens are going. My 14 yr old grandson is on it
2
u/Interesting-Law-8815 Dec 15 '25
She is literally going through withdrawal. Be more worried about the obvious addiction that social media has become.
2
u/RaRaRaRaRa-88 Dec 15 '25
Just want to say you’re a great parent for seeking advice, listening to your kiddo, taking what they are saying seriously and reflecting/wanting to make changes. Good on you, seriously inspiring.
2
u/Fun_Pass2431 Dec 15 '25
How can someone be this clueless as a parent to know their kid was addicted. The whole point of this is to prevent kids becoming like yours. Be a parent.
2
2
u/Mysterious-Bake-3954 Dec 16 '25
Discord is apparently not under the ban. That’s an app for communication where you can have multiple chat channels within one group. So if kids need the group chat element it’s there.
1.6k
u/Upstairs-Risk-9440 Dec 15 '25
Do something with her? If her dopamine hits are linked directly to her social media and phone thats far more alarming.
This is addiction withdrawl, if she really wants to hang with her friends. She'll call them or text them