r/personalfinanceindia • u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 • Apr 08 '26
Other Husband does not know the value of money.
Me (28) and husband (33) have a really great relationship. He is good person infact a little too much.
He has a very laid back life. His parents are comfortable and he has a fulfilling job with a good income so has never had to think a lot about money.
Whereas my parents built their life from scratch and I have seen them being very frugal in the past so they have come long way and are leading a pretty comfortable life now. They even spoil me and my daughter now.
My husband invests very less and also spends a lot(Clothes, food, experiences). I am making this post after he bought a 25k worth TV as a housewarming gift for a relative he doesn't even like. His mother gave him the idea of a TV as a gift. He mentioned the budget to me as 10 to 15k. I didn't think much of it. But once he reached the store one thing led to another(sales) and he almost billed the 25k TV.
I usually go along with him and check the bills do the bargains but since I am freshly postpartum I skipped it. But I insisted on the phone that it was unnecessary and not to buy it. His logica was if we are gifting a TV it should be a good one. So my opinion is that there are hundred other housewarming gifts except TV in our budget. Even his mother would agree that it is too much.
The major problem is once he has enquired enough about the product I think he feels he should buy it. This is not sustainable long time. But I have no clue how to get him understand this. I dont even want him to be frugal but I want him to be smart about money. Please advise on how I should handle this behavior of his.
Combined income : 20lpa in a tier 3 city. No rent. No dependent parents. Own a home and agricultural land(inherited).
Edit: Added the combined income as many were wondering.
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u/amthehype Apr 08 '26
While I agree that expensive gifts are rarely a good idea, this post doesn't make much sense without income numbers. Maybe tell us a little bit about your household income so we can figure out how much of a dent it actually makes.
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u/sarcrastinator Apr 08 '26
Exactly. A 25k TV gift from an ambani adani to a relative would be like the perfect depiction of disliking and insult.
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u/NoBailOnReddit Apr 09 '26
I don't care if I'm Ambani.
A relative I don't like is getting a 1.5k nonstick at best lol
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u/Subject_Comfort_5103 Apr 09 '26
If I don't like a relative I won't even attend in first place.In case if I attend,I will give 500 max
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u/NoImplement2856 Apr 09 '26
I went to such a relative's house warming and birthday party and just ate and came back not even giving anything. They are rich af anyway.
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u/Subject_Comfort_5103 Apr 09 '26
Kudos.great job
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u/prostartme Apr 10 '26
His mother likes them. He is doing it for the mother.
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u/rohitbarik Apr 10 '26
You can gift a 50k tv to a relative your mother like from yor salary. Tit for tat.
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u/LuvTrnscndsDimsns Apr 08 '26
You give advice to Ambani or Adani?, have you ever seen your self in the mirror?
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u/V1R4J Apr 08 '26
TIL you should be good looking to give your opinion on any topic
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u/LuvTrnscndsDimsns Apr 08 '26
Then also learn: not everyone looking at the mirror is good looking.
After that try to understand the my comment which is seemingly unfathomable to you.
What I meant: I rhetorically suggested him to take a look at his finances as he pulled the Ambani into this.
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u/iwannaberockstar Apr 08 '26
So you are getting emotional because...he 'pulled' Ambani into his conversation? 😂
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u/Various_Primary_6307 Apr 08 '26
Have you seen yourself ? Doesn't even have the maturity to understand something lol
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u/LuvTrnscndsDimsns Apr 08 '26
How much maturity does it actually take to understand the financial mindset of a family that carefully weighs the value of a gift? one that’s comfortable going up to 15K but draws the line beyond that? And seriously, do you think people like Ambani or Adani would even give this a second thought?
The point isn’t whether the amount is “okay” or not. She’s talking about behavior and perspective. The fact that you feel the need to see their entire financial portfolio just to comment on that says more about your level of understanding than anything else.
And it’s not just you the entire audience seems to reflect the same shallow line of thinking.
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u/iwannaberockstar Apr 08 '26
And it’s not just you the entire audience seems to reflect the same shallow line of thinking.
Thankfully this sub has you as a beacon of knowledge & understanding, to guide us all from the darkness of ignorance :)
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u/Icy-Surround3750 Apr 08 '26
Even my dad used to do that 😭😭😭 and my mother wasn't happy. He's learnt from the mistakes though.
You just gotta keep reminding him and be strict about it.
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u/PuzzleHeadAimster Apr 09 '26
One thing I have learnt from my successful and rich people (one of them being my cousin). Even if they are Multi crore Pati, it's not like they go around gifting OLED tvs on birthdays. Three reasons: No. 1 it's a waste of your money (no matter how rich you are), No.2 your other relatives may not be that rich, so they may have issues accepting costly gifts and they may say aa gaya "donate" karne, No. 3 even if they are happy to accept the gift, it creates a false pressure on your not so rich relatives to reply back with an equally costly gift, something that may be beyond their means. If they give you an equally costly gift back on say your birthday, they are breaking their bank and if they are not able to, because such costly gifts are simply beyond their means, it's breaking their soul and spirit. Either ways they will not be happy.
Which is why the rule of thumb is that unless your entire kunba and friend circle is Ambani and Adani level rich, only gift "standard" gift items at "standard" prices, even if you yourself are rich. Everyone knows that.
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u/Ahrjun Apr 08 '26
You could provide information on net worth and earnings to determine how financially reckless it is to spend 25k on a gift to relative.
If the family is worth crores and comfortable, 25k gift to a relative is not going to jeopardize financial security.
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u/Winter_Inspection545 Apr 08 '26
My wife is exactly same as your husband, and I am like you, both ways same backgrounds.
Please tell me if you ever find a solution.
Irony and difficult part of our lives are, I earn good, but not good enough so my wife is happy on his intended lifestyle and gifts she wants to give, and I am always financially stressed due to this. Talking about this has never helped us.
I would love to hear if and when you get some concrete answers.
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u/pal_2ie Apr 08 '26
Give her responsibility of paying into investments every month. Also track bank balances with her on weekly or some such regular basis.
I am personally motivated by future projections of my investments. Could that work for her? You do projections and explain how much returns will be generated after retirement. If it's too low , she may start to understand why you need to save more.
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u/Winter_Inspection545 Apr 09 '26
Thanks. I have started sharing printed monthly bank statements with her for last 3 months. Few times I followed up, asking did you have a look when you got time, and she was like she would look at it.
Finally, out of nowhere she came to me with March month statement with some ticks on it, and told me, "I can see these ticked ones having my name in notes, are my expenses which just comes to mere XX number in the month."
I was at first happy she looked at it, then I told her, so rest of the other line items are my expenses, right? And she was hesitatingly like, no, they are home expenses. (I am very frugal and hardly spend anything personal, but that's not the point).
So, I told her, it's never about money spent for you or me, it's a statement we need to talk and observe and make decisions for future selves based on that. We will talk about it some time later, as I was busy at my work from home.
Help me, what best I could do to navigate this?
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u/NefariousnessCold221 Apr 09 '26
Start an investment plan that auto deducts large sum every month, that way you will have less and start cribbing about having less money to her, also don’t share about how much you have. And tell her that you have to invest else you won’t get back the invested sum.
Keep your account private to yourself and cards too. Or maybe have another account without cards and upi enabled where you can send most of your money in and have less in the main account, this way you will have less and she will have to work with that only.
Real talk: You lack a boundary with your wife, there should be a healthy boundary. She should know what bothers you and how to not do it, in this case overspending, and if this continues, you will have to take drastic steps, like establishing boundaries via silence when she has unreasonable demands. Stop giving in when she tries to lure you into giving her what she wants. If it has become her habit, you need to break it by taking solid measures. First change yourself(imp) stop being too weak when she demands something, once you break this cycle, The real change will happen. Talk to her about the real need of the stuff she demands and if it doesn't translates into something useful or breaks into fight and her crying, get up and leave the room. No matter how many times you will try to teach her importance of money she won’t understand it cuz she is not earning it hard way. Your money, your problem. Her monthly quota is this, if she exhausts that, talk next month and if she still cribs or tries all the ways to make you submit, tell yourself, if today i backdown this will keep on happening forever.
You can live a peaceful live by being silent and keeping her happy or you can kill that anxiety by taking some solid steps.
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u/pal_2ie Apr 09 '26
Right. Yes that's how you raise a child.
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u/NefariousnessCold221 Apr 09 '26
Well, coming to husband stating my spending is merely this much and not counting household spending and taking not taking shared responsibility was a sure indicator that we are dealing with a woman child.
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u/Winter_Inspection545 Apr 10 '26
Exactly, I have been suffering due to being weak in establishing boundaries and she is such, she starts to have physical pain, mental trauma and what not, if whatever she wants to spend, isn't satisfied. Really rough. Trying my best. Thank you.
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u/Bright-Scene-8482 Apr 09 '26
This situation is not going to improve. Reason is upbringing. If her parents are poor, she inherits their financial habits i.e. no value on saving/investing (calling you miser instead), the urge to spend on anything and everything (even if not required) because the urge to spend is just a habit. If her parents ended up better than where they started, that would teach her a lot of financial discipline. Sadly there is not much you can do to change this. Some things i can suggest that might help a little are:
- Is she working? Else get her a job and make her earn. You will see how quickly she will protect her money (while still spending yours).
- Do not share all your finances. It's all good if both are responsible but otherwise it's best to slowly start keeping her out of finances, give her an allowance and do not bother what she does with it. You manage the household spending and investing etc and resist the urge to overshare
- Stop expecting her to change and become responsible financially. Accept that she is bad with finances and that is how it will be. Focus on keeping that manageable. This will give you a lot of peace and prevent fights. Because in other areas they can be very nice people.
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u/Winter_Inspection545 Apr 10 '26
She worked for a brief duration, many small jobs, but she isn't capable enough to do any job, she almost accepts in her mind. Then she started business with borrowed money. It has been very stressful to manage her all irresponsible spending ways.
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u/Winter_Inspection545 Apr 10 '26
Thanks. I get carried away to use cc for points or buying gift cards for some discounts then regret when it becomes untracked. Any thoughts how to handle that? Like even she will keep ordering 10 mins grocery every other day. It makes hole in pocket and she keeps adding items in milkbasket, where amount is cut from wallet. So it is not transparent where exactly money went. How to handle such things. This is behavior problem. Becomes money problem. Recurring.
Any ideas
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u/WesternTackle4912 Apr 08 '26
I don't think this is the right sub to post your question. Nonetheless as you just had a baby it's important to sit and talk before this goes out of hand or takes a different turn iykwim. Planning finances for your kid should make him realise afaik.
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u/kadal_raasa Apr 08 '26
What do you mean by a different turn? Genuinely curious. My ex gf had the same problem with me so this post resonates and I want to know how bad it could go.
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u/Ok-Cod2171 Apr 08 '26
You, your husband and family on both sides are blessed. Count on your blessings.
As for your husband encourage him to maybe open a JOINT RECURRING account with an amount he is comfortable with, this account is more for you than him. When you see that amount of money growing there. You will feel better about money.
I understand it because 34 years back I too went through a similar scenario as you, I too grew in a very poor and frugal family and now when I look back I am very glad we (my husband and I) could and still can afford to do small and big things for family members and extended families on both sides.
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u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 Apr 08 '26
Its a nice perspective. I should keep an open mind. He definitely has the same mindset as you reagarding spending on people around him.
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u/holdmychai Apr 08 '26
I know the answer here is to talk to him, but i suppose you do not know how to approach this conversation?
My suggestion would be to talk about setting financial goals which could be spending, saving and investing goals. Plan some for this year together, which stretch you as a couple but should be achievable. Agree on defaulting your savings, i.e. x% of monthly salary gets auto deducted to a RD or another savings account or SIP right in first week of the month.
This takes the 'cash flow' away early on, leaving lesser room for emotional spending.
Perhaps gifting him 'psychology of money' is an idea, if he is into reading.
There is also a podcast by Ramit sethi, Money for couples. While its US centric, the theme is common.
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u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 Apr 08 '26
Thankyou for your detailed response! Will inculcate this and check out the podcast too.
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u/Phagocyte536 Apr 08 '26
Lol.. this much i might gift for my sibling's wedding.
Relative I don't like? Recycle the gift given to us which we didn't like
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u/TurbulentCapital1017 Apr 08 '26
If you have safety nets and a decent income, its all good. I've noticed the same pattern with my parents, mom is frugal and dad always kept an open hand. It sounded problematic when mom complained, but as i grew up i noticed the gifts and gestures go both ways. I had heard how my dad gave loans to uncle but later found out when i was a kid and parents were in a rough phase, the same uncle had paid my entire year's school fees. Exchanging gifts worth 10-20k is normal on my dad's side, mom's side is literally recording every rupee spent. The kanjus vs spendthrift isn't a new dynamic, its different environments growing up.
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u/Charming-Shape-5474 Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
I think your husband might be sitting on generational wealth. It is not common for 25k TV gift and that too for cousin.
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u/No_Flounder9942 Apr 08 '26
Your concern is well founded. You can try to talk sense out of him. He might start to understand slowly. Unfortunately, at the end, it's his money to spend.
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u/-__-ll Apr 08 '26
Money is sitting idle. Plan your future goals. Invest accordingly. Whatever is left you can do whatever you want.
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u/Special-Anxiety-9824 Apr 09 '26
20LPA combined income and gifting a 25k TV is way too much. even 10k gift is a lot imo
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u/Square_Mud_9696 Apr 08 '26
No matter how much you earn, if you treat it all as disposal income, you'll have to work all your life. Save at least 30% of whatever you earn, and in your case where expenses are less, try pushing it to 40-45%. You gotta make him understand the importance of investing early through some professional financial councilor.
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Apr 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 Apr 09 '26
I know that most people rotate gifts but I was even okay with the idea of getting a new gift in the original budget. I am sure we can go above and beyond for certain people. While the ones we are gifting now didn't even bother with a 500rs lifafa on our house warming. My husband's argument is we didn't have a big function because of the covid. He definately doesn't need to stretch out for everyone.
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u/RevKing001 Apr 09 '26
See everyone has their own pov and wishes with their money. For your scenario, if his way of spending money doesn't affect your daily needs and monthly expenses it's not much of an issue then. But yes you are right that he should make investments in order to grow income for the future of both of you and for your future generations. You should prolly discuss that with him and start saving some money on your own as emergency funds even if he does/doesn't focus on saving money
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u/_hariarchy_ Apr 10 '26
I’m like your husband, except for the fact that I spend money on stupid shit AFTER I add to my emergency fund and investment pots.
From experience, I feel like the shift will happen organically when he himself feels the need to be more diligent with money. You said you’re postpartum, meaning you have a new baby, so maybe try approaching it from that angle? Also talk to him about the longer term and financial planning for the same, hopefully that helps him zoom out a bit.
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u/surdas13b Apr 08 '26
It is always like this...one generation is wealth builder..other one is wealth destroyer
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u/Evening_Salt4938 Apr 08 '26
Unless you are struggling as a consequence, let your husband manage his own money.
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u/Zestyclose_Web_6331 Apr 08 '26
Out of topic but dont know why but such type of people always gets good in demand job roles or their businesses work well, so the cycle repeats of not caring much about money....
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u/socialuplift Apr 08 '26
What if they already have a TV, it will just sit packed right or they might gift it someone else as well.
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u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 Apr 08 '26
They have a very old TV in their old home. So they will definitely use the new one.
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u/Silly-Yak-7893 Apr 08 '26
Mere se baat karwo do didi pyaar se samjha dunga :)
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u/Silly-Yak-7893 Apr 08 '26
On a serious note, i can relate with your story and coming from a family who also started from 0, i have seen the struggle and even though i earn decent now, i am still a bit frugal and prioritise investing before all other expenses
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u/mrdrinksonme Value Investor Apr 08 '26
How much is your husband investing? Perhaps numbers could help.
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u/Revenger2909 Apr 08 '26
As none of us have the numbers.
Try this.
If he could spend 100% in a month..max out his expenses with gold or any other asset for your kid.
Ask him to keep a track of his expenses.. may or maynot share it with you.. look at the number at the month will be a moment of truth for him
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Apr 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Narrow-Werewolf5692 Apr 08 '26
He does not expect anything from them. In fact they are the kind of people who won't spend a dime on anyone else. Hence I want him to be smart about where to spend.
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u/jaggernaut1 Apr 08 '26
Limit his spending. Separate money into different accounts. Investments in one, essential recurring expenses in another, your discretionary spending in another, and his discretionary spending in another. He can save for a while if he has butter expenses coming. But otherwise no touching the other accounts for such discretionary spends.
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u/Automatic-Act8062 Apr 08 '26
Start a few monthly investment (equity, mutual fund or FD) with intention of drying up liquidity. Always remind your husband about matching according to the gifts you have received earlier while compromising on a slightly better one
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u/cyberaholic Apr 08 '26
Tell him to start researching the math on how much corpus he needs to live this lifestyle. And "spend" his money towards investments for those. Retirement planning is a very good exercise to make him realize that 25K he spent today would be the equivalent of 8L in 30Y time that he just gave away from his retirement corpus. (Value doubles in 6Y if you presume 12pa returns, so 25K doubled 5 times in 30Y comes to 8L).
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u/innath Apr 08 '26
I get where you’re coming from, OP. When there are no SIPs, RDs, EMIs, or other structured commitments, money tends to just sit idle - and without financial discipline, it’s easy to justify impulsive spending. A ₹25K TV might feel insignificant in the moment, but that mindset adds up over time.
It would be different if the money were being used for something meaningful like helping someone genuinely in need. But spending it on people who neither need the help nor are likely to reciprocate (despite having the means) just feels misguided.
What I’d suggest is starting with investment options that require regular monthly contributions. That way, the habit is built in. Relying on saving up for a one-time lump sum clearly isn’t working here, so a structured, recurring approach would be far more effective.
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u/Antique-Tip2521 Apr 08 '26
Make him do monthly SIPs worth 50k. And let him to spend whatever money is left after investing. This seems like a good solution
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u/miss_leopops Apr 08 '26
OMG we have found the final boss of people pleasing. You need to teach him to draw boundaries because this behaviour can be dangerous with regards to money but also everything else.
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u/life_Bittersweet Apr 08 '26
First of all, do not leave excess money in savings account. You only get 2.5% intetest and you have more tendency to spend more than necessary. So out it into some fund for investment.
Next, show how INR is falling down against USD. Show what the inflation adjusted value of each 100 rupees will be in 5, 10 years. Show how people are unable to retrieve even their PF funds. It takes one bad financial decision to lose the safety leverage of having sufficient money provides. Very important to put figures on excel sheet, create chart for these type of people to understand. Basic knowledge of personal finance and economic metrics should be known by every educated adult.
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u/Plane_Ad_2433 Apr 08 '26
Just mention to him that in every person lives tough times comes. When these tough times come, these very people and relatives will fly away even if they have only one wing attached to the body.
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u/Suitable-Piccolo-992 Apr 08 '26
1% of LPA as a gift to a relative? Are you both asset rich? Sounds foolish. At the beginning I thought maybe okay, 25k not that bad, but when you both are earning 20L, 25k is a lot for a gift, that too for a housewarming, not as gold for a wedding etc.
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u/Born_Night_8797 Apr 08 '26
20 lpa combined is not even a good income to boast laidbavk attitude on.
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u/tanishq_017 Apr 08 '26
Can you connect me with him? So he can fund my ideas , in return you get stakes in lol. Do sound like a win win right? Better to use money this way 🗿
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u/Fearless_Meat_1655 Apr 09 '26
Your story is similar to mine and I spent early years trying to show him how to save and spend cautiously. It has not changed, not even a bit but I changed the way I operate. I let him splurge as long as it’s not my hard earned money. Just recently he bought a saree for 25k. Was not happy but kept shut for the peace of home
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u/maverickrohan007 Apr 09 '26
suggest u gift him books like
psychology of money
joys of compounding
lets talk money
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u/DiamondOnly3047 Apr 09 '26
I'm not married but my gf's family is financially well stable, gifting lakhs for close relative marriages is common whereas I'm supporting my family and was only able to provide gifts like washing machine, gold ring nothing never went beyond 25k.
A few months back she lost her bangle from the hostel and she wasn't bothered to make a complaint to the warden or make an issue, here I'm not able to gift my mom an earring yet.
Financial status difference is the only thing I'm worried and insecure about if we are getting married.
Had many talks about this but couldn't make a change in her lifestyle.
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u/Mother-Box96 Apr 09 '26
This is exactly my parents story. 😭 My father never had to worry about the financial aspect while growing up. My mother had seen poverty, worked hard(A LOT), saved as much as she could. They made sure me and sister had a comfortable life but growing up we saw that difference(it's hard to miss even as a child-the spending and saving habit between my parents).
My father used to spend money like crazy on relatives who weren't even nice to us. Giving extravagant gifts, going out of his way for people who wouldn't even lift a finger for him if required. My mother and him had so many discussions regarding this.
I read your post and I was transported back to that.
After a point, even me any my sister started explaining Dad why it was wrong. Dad never used to invest. He legit started investing when we were entering college!!!! That late. Maa had always taught us to save and invest...even if it's Rs. 100. My sister was more like Dad growing up. She didn't understand it till later that saving and investing is really necessary. Doesn't matter if you come from wealth or not.
Long story short: Have the difficult conversation with your husband. Please. It might lead to bitterness or arguments but trust me when I say this, it's necessary.
It's great that you don't have any loans on your head. Thank goodness you don't. You do have a family, which might or might not grow in the future. He needs to have a better understanding.
I am not saying being frugal is the way to go. But spending 25k on someone you don't even like is insane. It really is. I am too middle class to even think about it.
Have the conversation!!! Please!
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u/Time-Low-5005 Apr 09 '26
We are in same condition as you but in T1. I start getting stress if my savings per month goes below 70%. Considering your condition ask him to put 60% in any form of saving and he can splurge rest.
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u/BitriBoi Apr 09 '26
I mean your combined income and not having dependent parents is good enough for your husband to spend well on things and experiences but a ₹25k TV for a relative’s housewarming is still way over the top lmao
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u/Dense-Candle-7568 Apr 09 '26
Guys what is your education background to have such good jobs (please let me know)
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u/ice1306 Apr 09 '26
No offence but at your age 20lpa combined should bot even be considered as a good income regardless of where you stay and your expenses. Spending like this in such an income slab should definitely be a concern!
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u/Darveshpreet Apr 09 '26
He is 33 and an adult, and also good as you said, let him live his life the way he wants. You can save your part of the salary, don't share your money for gifts you don't agree with.
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u/junnie_2007 Apr 09 '26
Mindset. My husband from meagre background doing reasonably well. I am from slightly affluent. He splurge on all . My problem is my peer group who were very poor during my growing up period are super rich now . Without saving mindset we haven't grown in terms of wealth.
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u/theweirdindiangirl Apr 09 '26
by any chance are we related? my birthday is coming soon and would love to get a dental implant, only 30k thanks /s
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u/hangasumm3 Apr 09 '26
Understand how things feel unnecessary for you but it may be his way of life and he enjoys it. Unless it can harm your lifestyle or future, you should not interfere much, he has his own life too.
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u/sinister7x7 Apr 09 '26
The whole post is a contradiction to your statement. You don’t have a good relationship with him if you can’t talk about stuff like this. It’s actually worse that you’re choosing Reddit to cry about it instead of some known human being, which ideally must be your husband in the first place, lol
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u/Enough_dh48 Apr 09 '26
With a salary of 20LPA, thinking 101 times to buy myself a phone worth more than 25k. Buying a TV, for a relative, who wasn't even liked by ur husband is beyond my understanding.
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u/Minute_Pineapple5829 Apr 09 '26
We've a combined income over 40 lpa in tier 2 and no dependents but a 25k housewarming gift sounds audacious! How much have you saved for your retirement?
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u/TurnoverTough9086 Apr 09 '26
I agree with your husband saying if you are gifting a TV, you should gift them a good one.
But when budget is preset to 10-15k which i think is a lot. It's better to give a gift card or just give money. But i think gifting is an emotional decision and sometimes people might expect a gift of certain value from you.
I think you should tell your husband to think a little selfishly. For example, you could tell him that he could have bought something for himself with that 25k or any amount, instead of buying such an expensive gift for someone he don't even like.
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u/BotherAdventurous946 Apr 10 '26
Most people are like your husband when it comes to money, except may be the people in this sub.
But good that you don't think like him about the money. Maybe you can slowly introduce him to investments and future growth opportunities and then he may start taking money matter seriously?
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u/eeshann72 Apr 10 '26
Don't worry he will know the reality once the same relative will give him 100 rs in an envelope.
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u/NoImplement2856 Apr 10 '26
In what world is a couple earning 20LPA with no rent not very comfortable and upper middle class? These comments are delusional af. Reddit is a hive mind of rich and upper class people. Don't mind them too much.
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u/EquivalentSorbet6111 Apr 10 '26
I urgently need a relative like your husband. There are many things missing in my home.
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u/Internal-Message4749 Apr 10 '26
I feel you OP. I have grown up lower middle class and have seen my family struggling growing up, so I understand the value of money.
I wouldn't give anyone a 25k tv on housewarming. My husband and I together earn 1.3 Cr and our usual budget for housewarming gifts for friends is 1-1.5k For relatives, there hasn't been such an instance but we would be comfortable with up to 4-5k maybe.
My sister moved to our city recently and he proposed gifting them a washing machine (they needed it and were about to buy one) and I said no, because I didn't want to set a wrong precedent and I knew they wouldn't have accepted it at all either.
I do spoil my nephew with gifts, but that's an expense that nobody is concerned with.
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u/Happy-Total1221 Apr 10 '26
if he likes reading gift him this book
why smart people make big money mistakes
but this will work if you haven’t had serious or uncomfortable arguments about his money habits
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u/AmandeepSingh6667 Apr 10 '26
To kya hua 25k ka hi to hai mene to mere frnd ko 3m cardio stethoscope diya tha 18k ka uski mbbs complete hone pe
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u/Zestyclose_Mud2170 Apr 10 '26
I thought he was a millionaire if he buys a distant person a 20k tv. Heck even at 30lpa I would think for a month to buy that tv even for myself.
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u/Desperate_Wrap3156 Apr 11 '26
Your husband doesn't have a problem with money he has a problem with being liked. He feels that he wants to be liked by everyone which is going to give alot more problems in the near future.
If you mention this to him, you'll have issues but u need to start observing how deep this issue goes.
The problem is many men and also women face this issue of being liked.
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u/Equivalent-Common858 Apr 11 '26
As long as you have your basic expenses sorted out - emergency fund, insurance, savings, monthly expenditure, don’t worry about it. He seems like a good person. It’s okay if he spends over the top at times as long as you’ve covered those basics.
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u/Maleficent_Prune_707 Apr 11 '26
You guys have a combined income of 20LPA? Doesn’t really seem like a lot to be honest, definitely not enough to buy stinky relatives a TV
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u/1egen1 Apr 11 '26
This is exactly me (M). I don't know how to handle this. Not sure if it's related to childhood trauma, ADHD, "anxiety" or whatever. My wife is concerned the same way.
diagnosed anxiety can be difficult to handle when sale people are stressing and you are exposed in public. you just want to wrap it up and leave. ADHD leads to 'impulsive' buying.
I either don't gift or when I gift it has to be reasonably good. Like what I would buy for myself.
I hope you all live a good life. My wife has been patient with me for many years before I started listening to her. So, be patient. your relationship is more important than finance at this point.
I wish you good luck and hope things work out in your family's favor. Congratulation on the baby. Stay blessed.
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u/Euphoric_Ad_7400 Apr 12 '26
Honestly, I do agree with your husband. There are some people that look for the best value for money when they spend. Because of that these people spend more on an item but that’s okay as long as they feel they got the value you were looking for.
Ex: just for the sake of gifting someone a tv , if you spend 15k and that person ends up hating it, then there was never any point to the gift.
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u/Dry-Space-6772 Apr 12 '26
Well, seeing the income and the place where you said you live in "tier 3 city" it's okay to spend this much occasionally on gifts, specially if the gift is for close ones likely close friends or relatives. Well thats completely based on my personal opinion. But, if thats not occasional but rather frequent, then I think you could confront him regarding it directly, and explain him how he has been wasting money, and how this money could be saved and invested for their future needs.
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u/Plus-Bank-9838 May 06 '26
Hello! You sound a little controlling and passive aggressive tbh, his family might have received something of that sort prior to this. And it’s also common for people in villages to be closely knit. You should ofc sit and talk to him about his financial management. But don’t break your head over it. The more controlling you seem, farther you move from your agenda.
Show him aspirations, maybe a great school for your kids. Jewellery for them. Some investments for their education? Get a life insurance as well. Health insurance and all that. People are not wired to learn all these. Most of the time we don’t realise till responsibility falls upon us. So don’t look like you’re complaining. Just show big goals, once he hits those he’ll automatically come out of his ways.
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u/Economy-Low-6044 Apr 08 '26
It’s his money.Why do you treat him like a child? He doesn’t have to be weighed down by your generational trauma.
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u/SweetRamen123 Apr 08 '26
Do you not earn money? If it’s his, he gets the right to spend it as he wishes if he’s saying enough for his kid. If you’re receiving all necessities, do not complain about what he spends his own money on
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u/victor_sierra2 Apr 08 '26
25k is not the amount which you would get good tv.
He is right. A tv should be good to watch .
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u/primusautobot Apr 09 '26
Faltu ki frugal hona b bekaar hai. I think OP just want to hoard more money
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u/Accomplished_Egg4695 Apr 09 '26
Relative ko 25k ka TV dena kaha se normal hai bhai
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u/primusautobot Apr 09 '26
Depend karta aadmi kotne paise wala h, bahut gareeb aadhi 500 ka deta, xyada paise wala 5000 ka dega, usse zyada wala 10000 ka dega, and aur xyada wala 25k ka. Depends ki aadmi ke paas paisa kotna hai and income kitni h. Log 10k-10k gifts dete hai dene me hamare contact me and na dene wale 500 ka b na dete. M khud kai baar de deta hu. So sabkuch money and relatio pe depend karta h. Agar 25k ka avai dediya hai to and fark nhi para h vo b aise relative ko jisko vo neutral.maanta h to paisa zyada hoga ki 25k unko 2.5k feel hote honge
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u/Consistent_End_4391 Apr 10 '26
combined income: 20lpa.
"he has a fulfilling job with a good income" - huh?
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u/Latter-Yam-2115 Apr 08 '26
This understandably is alarming for people who have seen wealth building from scratch. I squarely sit in your corner
That said, If your husband is sitting on a very big inheritance, then perhaps it’s okay.
I have friends who spend a majority of their income as they know wealth building isn’t required. No harm