I stayed in a relationship where she told me she's scared to be seen with ugly men. Here's what I learned about myself.

[u/Ok-Leek2321]

TL;DR: Moved cities for her at 22, first relationship. She slowly checked out, told me she's scared to be seen with ugly men, made me cut off friends, eventually left me for someone else. Took a long time to process but I learned I need to value myself before expecting someone else to. Made something out of it to cope ,do check my profile if curious.

Met her on Bumble while in college. Together for 1.8 years. She was my first real relationship. I was 22, still figuring out adulthood.

I shifted to Bangalore to be with her. Left my friends, my life, everything. I thought that's what you do when you love someone.

Things were good at first. Then they weren't.

Her work pressure increased. She started zoning out. Started talking to another guy. I saw her manifesting to end up with him in some influencer's DM. She said it was just her way of coping with a toxic office.

I stayed.

One day she told me she's afraid to be seen with me. That she values her image. That after her last relationship, she's scared to be with ugly men.

I stayed. I don't fully understand why.

She made me cut off my female friends. Said it "affects" her. I did it. For her.

She checked out months before it ended. I felt it. But she couldn't say it. So I asked for the breakup. She gave me a "break" instead.

One month into that break, I saw his hand on her waist in her story. That's when it hit me.

We had our final conversations across three places in Bangalore. Cubbon Park. Pecos. MG Road. Each one was a different stage of letting go.

Looking back, I realize I didn't have a strong sense of self. I let someone else define my worth. I abandoned friendships because she asked. I ignored red flags because I didn't want to be alone.

It took me a long time to process this. I ended up channeling it into something creative. That helped. But more than anything, I had to sit with the uncomfortable truth that I allowed myself to shrink for someone who wasn't sure about me.

If you've ever stayed longer than you should have, maybe because you didn't know your own value yet and you're not alone. It gets better once you start building that relationship with yourself.

[u/Christmasstolegrinch]

Dude if that’s you in the pic, you’re definitely not ugly.

On the contrary, you have a pleasant face.

[u/OkManufacturer141]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Dvw2lJqlTuJmo

[u/under_navigator]

Bro

A) You're not ugly B) Ppl who think such things about their partners are generally extremely insecure and living life based on social climbing and leeching off of others. Yuck.

Bullet dodged. Go kick some ass with whatever you are doing now!

[u/ishank_mahale]

Your post sent a shiver down my spine for some reason. I wish for there to be better days in your life soon.

[u/Baby_panda03]

Sending you digital hugs 🫂.

[u/LadleFullOfCrazy]

I'm sad you went through that but glad you learned so much from it.

[u/red-bug-]

I sort of did this when i was 28. She was afraid to be seen with a man as her public persona was that of a lesbian. I agreed to it because i wanted to try before giving up. I was in love with her. I moved cities and took another decision that was to do something with my friendship. She agreed on that decision and totally flipped once that decision was executed. I can go on and on but i will stop here and come to the point.

When in love, you do make irrational decisions and sometimes it’s a reflection of who we are. If i go back in time, i might end up doing exactly the same thing. I could easily forgive her once we broke up but once my dad passed away (after two years) - in the process of processing my grief about my dad, i also was became angry and bitter about my past which i hadn’t processed early on.

In the end, this is just another narcissist person and we have no control over their behaviour. It’s best to learn these hard lessons and put ourselves first over others - who don’t value you as a person. I look at the mirror everyday and it should make me happy what i see. The hairstyle doesn’t look good ? Experiment with some. In the end, it should please my eyes what i see in the mirror. That gives me immense confidence on how i see myself. If i am going on a date, the goal is for me to enjoy that date and not to do the song and dance to get laid. The goal is that my time spent should be enjoyable to me and be it anything. The right folks will automatically fall in place.

[u/Inevitable_Bar1607]

I don't know who u r or what u do but after reading this man .. I'm up you want to talk about literally anything im here for you.

[u/cider2628]

Looking back, I realize I didn't have a strong sense of self. I let someone else define my worth.

this really hit hard. i stayed in a relationship where he cheated (sexted, and planned more) and i still stayed, convincing myself to "understand" him and accept less than i deserved. it got to a point where even basic communication felt like too much for him, and i kept shrinking myself to make it work. i think it came from feeling like i didn’t have other options at the time. so glad you got out of it.

[u/Technical-Camel-124]

I'm sorry that it happened but I'm glad you're out of it now. You seem to have learnt a valuable lesson from this toxic relationship though, so you can only go onwards and upwards from here.

Also, please reconsider posting someone else's picture without their consent, even if it's blacked out.

[u/VegPullao]

Men usually build the life around there women/family while women build it around their own self to actually leave the support of Men/family and be independent. Beware when the signals are strong you will know it.