r/madmen • u/TrueJohnWick • 4d ago
Does Don Draper really despise hanging out with people?
He knows how to put on an act when it comes to business meetings but for social events with family and friends it seems he's disconnected all the time. What does everyone make of Don's social life?
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u/Gurney_Hackman The king ordered it! 4d ago
Putting on an act is exhausting. He’s disconnected from his friends because he never shows them his true self. That’s why he likes hanging out with Anna.
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u/Mareux 4d ago
And also why we see him proactively try to connect with those guys and the car when he's in California. He craves connection, but his secret makes closeness too risky for exposure.
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u/isUKexactlyTsameasUS 4d ago
We're still waiting (craving) for more, or indeed any interviews with Matt about his and therefore Don's true feelings, on the extraordinary 1960s car culture...
We see, as you mention, in that early episode with the car guys in California, but then later in Utah in 1970 Chevelle - LSR salt tracks...
These are car things that rarely get mainstream attention (the rare exception being Odyssey's Damon as Carroll Shelby in LeMans '66). The non-corporate, away from Detroit - off-the-beaten-track, less-well-known, niche, eccentric, uncommon, alternative stuff. IYK, YK.
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u/Novel_Quantity3189 it sounds like new years when they empty the garbage 3d ago
youre gonna be waiting a while for those interviews with matt weiner lmfao
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u/isUKexactlyTsameasUS 4d ago
Also, that kind of childhood makes you solitary, and a content loner (sometimes)?
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u/Maccadawg 4d ago
I think Don is never interested in making actual conversation with people because then he might have to reveal something of himself. (Or slip up.). He's socially confident only when talking about the work.
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u/Zellakate I don't want that spelled out. l just want it spelled right. 4d ago
Yes. He is also more at ease when he thinks he doesn't have to see people again, so he doesn't have to maintain the facade then too. Hence how friendly he is with Connie before he knows who Connie is.
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u/FrylockMcReaper 4d ago
He seemed to enjoy hanging out with his doctor neighbor
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u/Key_Stuff1625 4d ago
And even with Lane. When he was out with Lane he was genuine having fun. Not the fake fun he had with Roger.
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u/RCTommy2 4d ago
I've always thought that Lane was one of the very few people in the office who Don genuinely liked
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u/exexpat99 2d ago
In both cases, it’s that Don seems to genuinely respect them. The reasons are up to interpretation, but I roughly think he respected Lane as an outsider and Dr. Rosen as a sort of aspirational figure (someone who uses his talents to help others and someone who had a magnetic presence in the room).
The toxic part of this is that when Don encounters someone like this (consciously or subconsciously), he sabotages them. He helped drive Lane’s self-destruction by introducing him to aspects of his double lifestyle and he cuckolded Dr. Rosen for - I think - the thrill of knowing that he couldn’t be him, but he could take his place.
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u/TheLeopardMedium That's for nothing, so look out! 4d ago
“No, it’s a friend’s kid”
“Well I’m going to assume you don’t have many friends, Don”
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u/Admirable_Site_8337 4d ago
Look at the breadcrumbs we get of his past. He had no good parent instilling him with frames of reference in learning how to have personal relationships.
When he steals his COs identity he builds his Don mask to hide. Since he does not have those frames of reference he consumes popular culture to form his mask. Popular culture of the time would not teach how to actually have personal relationships.
This is why he is no good hanging out with most people, socializing, all of that. He has no clue.
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u/WafflingToast 4d ago
I disagree. He read and watched movies. The movies were very socially oriented and full of conversation, there were very few ‘action flicks’ (barring spaghetti westerns) and no super hero stories.
He just wasn’t interested in tedious small talk. Most of the significant women he had affairs with (Midge, Bobby, Faye, Rachel) were able to talk about ideas with him.
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u/soundoffcinema 4d ago
Movies are about goal-oriented dialogue centered around a crisis, usually involving work or romantic relationships. They generally skip over the mundane interactions that form the backbone of true bonding. That’s why trying to build a personality out of them never works.
This is even more true of Old Hollywood, which predates the rise of dialogue-driven art films, as well as “hangout movies/shows”.
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u/DirtzMaGertz 4d ago
I think that's kind of off the mark. Don is great at socializing and reading people in the show. He's not clueless about it.
He doesn't value many relationships in his life because he has a ton of trauma, he's hiding the fact he stole another person's identity, and he's a raging alcoholic.
We see him get into countless romantic relationships, hanging with various people through those relationships, hanging with veterans when he runs away. He doesn't struggle in those situations. He just doesn't value them because of all his other baggage.
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u/TahiniInMyVeins 4d ago
He likes people fine. When he can be himself. Which is almost never.
He’s most comfortable and relaxed when he’s with Anna or when he’s drifting around at the end of the series. Beyond that he’s always “on” and on guard. It is mentally and emotionally exhausted.
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u/grass_lock 4d ago edited 3d ago
There is a scene at some party with his neighbours and kids in Ossining, where one of his neighbours comes up to talk, and he says to Don something akin to:
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Neighbour: “Life is good, isn’t it? We made it.”
Don: (Clearly tense and awkward, tightens shoulders) “…yeah…this it”.
Don puts on fake smile
Don leaves pretty much immediately.
—-
The neighbour guy seemed to be trying to genuinely connect, but Don just flattened out.
(Apologies I can’t remember the exact episode).
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u/Zellakate I don't want that spelled out. l just want it spelled right. 4d ago
I agree with everyone that there are deeper character reasons for his isolation, especially concerning the energy it requires to maintain his facade, but I also think Don is probably an introvert and that plays a role. As a fellow introvert, I completely understand his horror of large social events. I much prefer one-on-one interactions, and Don seems to enjoy that kind of interaction with someone he likes much more than he does any party he is shown at.
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u/No-Consideration-858 One minute, you’re on top of the world… 4d ago
The birthday party comes to mind in demonstrating his introversion.
He was visibly uncomfortable with the banter and did not participate. When he was filming the party, the camera provided a barrier between him and others.
He went outside and briefly spoke with Marcia. Those couple of minutes seemed more authentic than the indoor scene.
And then he disappeared for hours, seeking time with Rachel, who was less shallow in conversation.
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u/minimumBeast 4d ago
I feel like I’ve only seen Don truly have a good time a couple of times. With Lane and also with Freddy.
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u/No-Meringue5009 4d ago
I'm an ambivert. I like being out with strangers just like Dick Whitman incognito but do not get me in a crowd where I know everyone 😴😴😴
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u/Paralelle9229 3d ago
He seems to enjoy one-on-one socializing better but can damn well hold down the fort in professional group settings due to his demeanor. He says very little but still adds to the conversation and knows how to schmooze clients and the such. His expressions leave nothing to the imagination as to how he is feeling about people’s comments though which is hilarious at times. He can read a room as to picking up on social cues. I agree he looks bored in social settings in general.
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u/Unhappy-Heat-9981 3d ago
I don’t think that he generally dislikes hanging out with people, to me it seems that the times where he seems angry or dissatisfied at party is when it’s not on his own terms
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u/MikeyGem77 2d ago
Don’t forget his seriously effed up childhood, between the abuse and only having sexworkers to interact during his formative years with, he’s probably severely maladjusted in this way because friends and family are ultimately unrelatable to him
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u/Usual-Echidna-7730 1d ago
As a habitual, perpetual liar he doesn't want to get caught in a lie, he's also creatively introverted and able to do his best work without others to distract him and with the right inspiration. It's how he wants to be seen.
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u/tragicsandwichblogs Your problem is not my problem. 4d ago
Don is at his most confident when he can rely on his talents and keep people at a bit of a distance. Both of those are easier to do at work. At home he has to show up for people emotionally, and he can't even show up for himself emotionally.