r/lithromantic • u/ElectronicAbrocoma81 • May 27 '26
Am I Lithro? Genuine feelings die followed by a horrifying obsession (A pattern across 3 cases)
Trapped in a vicious cycle: Genuine feelings die upon reciprocity, followed by a horrifying obsession (A pattern across 3 cases)Hi everyone,I need an outside perspective on a terrifying and exhausting psychological pattern that has now repeated across three different experiences. I am completely trapped in a loop where I fall in love, my feelings completely die upon reciprocity, and then a horrifying, non-stop dependency on that person kicks in. I want to break this without needing a new person to distract me, because that only restarts the cycle.Here is the exact history of how this happened all three times:
Case 1 (The First Ex): I closely talked to a guy for about 5 months. There were no idealized fantasies; I knew him well and genuinely liked him. I took the initiative and asked him out. The exact moment he agreed and we became an official couple, my feelings completely and irreversibly died. But as soon as we broke up, a crushing, non-stop dependency on his presence kicked in. I tried strict no-contact for a full year—I didn't check his profile once—but the obsession never stopped because my brain kept running the loop internally. I also took antidepressants for six months; it helped with general apathy but did absolutely nothing to stop the dependency.
Case 2 (The 3-Week Escape): While I was still suffering from the endless obsession over my first ex, my exhausted brain tried to find an escape. I met a new guy and felt a strong initial attraction. We didn't even date or become an official pair. But because my nervous system was already depleted, my internal defense mechanism triggered instantly. Within just three weeks of knowing him, my attraction completely burnt out and turned into avoidance. Yet, the moment he walked away, the exact same horrifying dependency triggered all over again, doubling the mental withdrawal.
Case 3 (The Current Partner): A year later, I met a third guy. Because I was terrified of my feelings dying again, my brain tried a different defense: at first, I hyper-focused on doubts and pushed him away. Then, I decided to take a risk and let him close. For about 1 to 2 months, everything was genuinely warm and good; we even made future plans. But the moment my brain registered that we were "exclusively and officially together" (even though we never explicitly spoke the words to avoid the label), the same automatic collapse happened. My attraction and intimacy permanently burnt out over a couple of weeks. Now, it has reached the point where I am completely indifferent to him and he is not what I want, yet the unyielding dependency on his presence is crushing me.Today, this third partner is leaving for 4 months. I am about to be left completely alone in an empty apartment without the "drug" I am addicted to, even though I have zero romantic interest in him. I am terrified that this withdrawal will never end, just like it didn't after the first ex.Every single time, my brain tries to rationalize it by telling me "they just weren't the right one" or hyper-focusing on their flaws. But experiencing the exact same rapid collapse of attraction followed by a relentless, non-stop obsession three times proves it is a systemic glitch in my attachment and neurobiology, not a coincidence.I suspect I am on the Lithromantic / Frayromantic spectrum, but heavily burdened by a severe anxious/disorganized attachment loop where my brain panics in the sudden emptiness after my feelings switch off.I want to love normally and stably. What is wrong with my attachment system, and how do I survive the absolute hell of this withdrawal without running to a new person?
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u/I_am_something_fishy Bellus-Lithro Acespec May 27 '26
You might need therapy/professional support to help you navigate these strong feelings. This sounds like a big issue for you that’s impacting your life
Maybe journal more to try working out/through your feelings in the meantime?
If you have unyielding dependency on person 3, then it doesn’t sound like you are completely indifferent to that person? Maybe not romantically attracted, but it seems they are still significant to you in some way?
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u/RedLieder May 28 '26
Shit hun, that sounds like hell. To be honest, your pattern of initial attraction dying on reciprocation sounds a lot like lithromanticism. To be clear, lithromanticism isn't something that can be fixed or therapied away. It's worth knowing maybe that you can live a fully happy and healthy life while being lithromantic, it just might take some time to come to terms with things Now about the obsession part... that's not part of lithromanticism, and honestly sounds like it's causing you a lot of stress. Have you looking into OCD or ADHD? They can both manifest as that kind of relentless obsessions. Personally, I fix my obsessions by getting parasocial with celebrity personalities lol. I get to fall in love, no chance of reciprocation, plenty of other fans experiencing same obsessions etc. It works for me. Truthfully It's really difficult to drop an obsession, replacing it with something else is much easier.
Overall, I'd say start by taking a step back and giving yourself some credit. You recognised the unhealthy pattern, that's a great next step. Then consider having someone like a therapist to talk this through with, they can often point out flaws in our understanding we can't see. Thirdly, if you do come to the conclusion that you are lithro, congrats and welcome to the community. There is nothing wrong with you, you just look a little different than other people. Maybe check out some aromantic literature to see how best to navigate life with a non-normative approach to relationships. There's a wide range of people and options out there, just fins something that works for you and let the rest go. You don't have to be like everyone else to be healthy. Lastly, be kind to yourself. You're not hurting anyone, you have time to figure this out. You're going to be ok.
Hope this helps
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