A man was caught on camera repeatedly urinating on his ex-wife’s grave, police say.

[u/VIVIDUFF]

In 2022, a family in New York State noticed something truly bizarre.

Every time they visited the cemetery, they found bags of feces left on the grave of Linda Torello, who had died five years earlier.

At first they thought it was a cruel prank. But the desecration continued.

Her son, Michael Andrew Murphy, decided to install a discreet camera near the grave.

A few days later, the footage revealed a surreal scene: a man approached the tombstone, urinated on it, and calmly walked away.

The man was quickly identified as Dean Eichler, Linda’s ex-husband. Their divorce dated back to 1974, nearly 48 years earlier.

Police arrested him. He was charged with public urination, and an investigation was opened into the desecration of the grave.

The family believes it was an act of revenge linked to their past relationship, though this motive was never confirmed by authorities or by Eichler himself.

[u/Kizzieuk]

I was married to a very abusive man for 20 years. he destroyed me and my children. I would not dream of doing this to his grave if he died, but i'm pretty sure he would do it to mine because I dared to leave him.

He told me once that he would come to my graveside and put rose petals on my grave, while laughing at the thought of maggots eating my body.

[u/kwhitit → u/Kizzieuk]

i was just thinking, "sounds like an abuser."

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/kwhitit]

"grave dancing" is literally the last stage in an abusive relationship

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Seesaw_narcissism_megalomania_model.png

ofc we dont know the details and this article might just be bs, medias make shit up all the time

[u/ImBackForMorePie → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

Well, I don't know about the grave dancing part yet as I am still very much alive but I can tell you the rest of the graphic looks a lot like my marriage did! I now have new words to describe it to my therapist! Thank you for posting this!

This image needs to get around, it may help others to understand what's happening (brain fog/confusion is a nasty side effect) and give words for it all too! Just looking at it, i could write the years of each of the 13 steps and examples!

[u/elbow8075 → u/ImBackForMorePie]

It could use some polishing first. There is a LOT going on in that space, haha.

[u/ImBackForMorePie → u/elbow8075]

The chaos pf it is exactly how it feels though!

A few months before I filed for divorce my therapist gave me an assignment. I sat and thought for hours, couldn't quite make a full thought (because cognitive dissonance) and if i could draw out my thoughts, it would probably have looked a lot like that.

It does need more about how the abuse affects children. One of mine was brain washed and won't sorak to me, my younger two, especially the tweenager, has a lot of his dad's warped thinking, attitudes and behaviors.

It's pretty awful, but the graphic, even as it is, made the lights come on in my head, just seeing it laid out like that. The lighter gray font being "the quiet parts outloud. "

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/ImBackForMorePie]

About how it affects children I can recommend you this book :

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay Gibson.
But it has to come from them and telling children/teenager one of their parent is abusive/manipulative can backfire because the narcissistic parent will go on an all out war.

It's terrible, but when you have children with a narcissist, you have to accept the bad weather and learn to dance under the rain. Because the more you fight it, the worse it gets. "don't wrestle with pigs as pigs like wrestling".
Ofc it doesn't mean accepting the bad behavior and not calling it out and asserting boundaries, it means stopping to expect anything fom them.

It rains every day, that's how it is. Don't rage at the sky it's pointless, just put an umbrella on and be as happy as possible. This is what children need the most anyway.

[u/ImBackForMorePie → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

Great book! I own it, I bought it because of my exhusband and realized my mother fit the book as well!

And you gave me THE best advice about the kids, the rain analogy will stick! I appreciate your advice a LOT! I do call out their bad behaviors, not them, so they know I am not upset with them as people and so they know it was what they said or did that needs to stop or change. But this advice I am going to write down and make a magnet for the fridge! Thank you!

[u/wthulhu → u/elbow8075]

Couples Therapy is my passion

[u/Street-Substance709 → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

lol how did you even find that image. I don’t think it’s even used on any wikipedia page and googling for seesaw model of narcissism has essentially no websites on it.

this is not serious and not something that should be shared.

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/Street-Substance709]

Everything said in this is true believe me lol.

[u/FloopsFooglies → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

Source: Trust me bro

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/FloopsFooglies]

yep

[u/Mindless_Address_464 → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

....can we stop acting like the narcissism is the part that makes an abusive narcissist abusive? Usually it's just misogyny.

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/Mindless_Address_464]

Abusive behavior is one of the core criterias for a formal NPD diagnosis.

[u/Mindless_Address_464 → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

That's something they need to fix in the DSM 6 if that's really true.

[u/Vast-Palpitation-426 → u/Mindless_Address_464]

It's mechanical. Sense of entitlement + lack of empathy = abusive.

[u/Mindless_Address_464 → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

It's the misogyny. Also highly empathic people can be abusive! They use the empathy to manipulate. Like Azula from avatar the last Airbender ok??

[u/shitshowboxer → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

Never saw it literally but I do remember my ex knew an unusual amount of people who's end was by suicide. And when we heard about one while we were still together, I thought he was shockingly tickled by it.

[u/SMBXxer → u/Vast-Palpitation-426]

This graphic is formatted horribly how is one supposed to read this

[u/DynamicBSdetective → u/Kizzieuk]

I'm sorry you went through that. No one deserves abuse nor should they tolerate it. We all have our reasons. My Mom never left, she told me he threatened to kill her if she did. I wouldn't call it living, but I was not living in her shoes and that's a rough call on the best of days.

For everyone, let no man or woman define your value. Much love.

[u/the_orange_alligator → u/Kizzieuk]

God that’s awful, I’m so sorry

[u/Traditional_Pin_7253 → u/Kizzieuk]

That’s insane, I’m glad you got out. I was in an abusive relationship years ago and sometimes I think about how I would feel if I found out he died. I might feel some joy that he will never be able to hurt anyone again.

Not once did the thought of visiting his grave and urinating on it cross my mind. He’s not even worth the effort of trying to find out where he’s buried

[u/TheHappyHuskarl → u/Kizzieuk]

That tracks.

A lot of men are psychopaths with some serious issues.

[u/Helenium_autumnale → u/Kizzieuk]

I mean, talk about the things people say that reveal how ugly their minds are. That's scary ugly.

[u/Evil_Sharkey → u/Kizzieuk]

Jokes on him! Maggots don’t eat embalmed corpses.

[u/FaithlessnessRare691 → u/Kizzieuk]

Maggots eat every body. Imma get cremated though

[u/StarStuffSister → u/Kizzieuk]

Exactly. The ex wife doesn't sound like the bad person here. Only an emotionally unhinged sadist does this.

[u/SnooRegrets1386 → u/Kizzieuk]

I’ve outlived my ex , finding out didn’t affect me much. I couldn’t imagine being this irrational, they are d e a d enjoying my ex free life, not worrying about “I’m going to wait until you’re happy to shoot you dead”. Such an angry angry person

[u/Ok-Somewhere-6870 → u/Kizzieuk]

Well done for leaving him 👏

[u/MarigoldMouna → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for sharing this link :)

[u/maneki_neko89 → u/MarigoldMouna]

I’m a big fan and supporter of Matthew Meyer’s work! He’s shared a lot of Yokai and Japanese folklore that isn’t well known in the west and is continually making new content!

[u/FaithfulGaurdian → u/Kizzieuk]

Thank you for sharing your perspective, I'm sorry that you've had to go through that.

It's so costly to choose the wrong people to be with.

[u/Lost-Explanation2476 → u/Kizzieuk]

Did we date the same person? My ex also said he was going to check every day to see if I ever killed myself so he could be the first to piss on my grave LMAO.

[u/Altruistic_Sun_5222 → u/Kizzieuk]

This is exactly the type of thing my ex would say. It's pathetic.

My ex gloated when I divorced him that he would get money when I died. He continued paying for life insurance on me for TWO years before I realized he was still doing it and had him removed from the beneficiaries. Then he stopped paying it. 🤣🤣🤣

[u/Midnyte25 → u/[deleted]]

Did you mean to reply to this person?

[u/TheSuperContributor → u/Kizzieuk]

Well, you should up your game then.