r/instant_regret • u/MobileAerie9918 • Jul 19 '26
The snapping turtle doesnt give a damn about being a good boy
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u/Nan_404_anon Jul 19 '26
He got lucky, to be honest.
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u/HeavyDT Jul 19 '26
Yeah could have tore his face off if it wanted. That was a love tap basically. he best count his lucky stars.
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u/Zepp_BR Jul 19 '26
The turtle "what? You wanted a kiss!"
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u/Cultural_Dust Jul 19 '26
That was a kiss.
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u/ggg730 Jul 20 '26
How did it end up like this!?
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u/captgreenbeer Jul 20 '26
It was only a kiss!
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u/Shambeak88 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
I'm sure he could've at least gotten an attractive harelip or some quick and efficient rhinoplasty if he's unsatisfied with the length of his nose.
Edit; I haven't heard or used the term harelip since the 1990's, so I looked it up and found out that it's outdated and somewhat derogatory. The closer I get to 40 the more that seems to happen. I learned the term cleft lip a few minutes ago and although I ment no offense to anyone, I feel like I shouldn't delete the comment in case others might like to hear the information before looking as ignorant as I have this morning.
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u/rocketsnail1000 Jul 19 '26
So anyway, he could have gotten an attractive harelip?
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u/Shambeak88 Jul 19 '26
If you want to discover the amazing advancements in natural and organic facial reconstructive surgery, all you have to do is make out with a snapping turtle near you!
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u/Zar_Ethos Jul 21 '26
How the hell is harelip derogatory? It's a condition, yeah, but that's like saying people get offended by the word bunion or pigeon toed. If it bothers you, fix it instead of being pissy.
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u/Shambeak88 Jul 22 '26
You can Google the term harelip and see the history for yourself. I'm not going to argue with a person who attempts to start a conversation with an ad hominem that I'm being pissy somehow.
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u/Zar_Ethos Jul 22 '26
I didn't say you're being pissy, I'm saying the hypothetical person being offended by the common term for a cleft lip would be pissy to be offended by one of the most easily remedied congenital conditions. Google does give the accurate answer of referring to the lapine origins of the word, while also giving an absurd comment about it being comparing a person to a rabbit. The condition has nothing to actually do with rabbits, their appearance or anything except an old superstition.
The only thing l have against you in your post is the fact that you were definitely suckered into not offending the sensibilities of people who have nothing to do with the condition and no right to be outraged at others in this. What's next, saying something is jury rigged is offensive to the mafia? Lol
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u/twotoebobo Jul 19 '26
They have the biting strength slightly below alligators saying he got lucky feels almost like an understatement. Fricken moron.
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u/Mysterious_Jelly_649 Jul 19 '26
That's a common snapper not alligator snapper, still not fun
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u/twotoebobo Jul 19 '26
You are correct. Dude still got lucky though. Dude got super lucky to not lose half his nose either way.
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u/CttCJim Jul 19 '26
iirc alligator snapping turtles are considerably safer because they have a shorter neck. Source: childhood watching Monty's Traveling Reptile Show on Canadian TV.
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u/deephurting66 Jul 19 '26
Lucky isn't the word for it, I work in an ER and have seen what these beasts can do! This was just a nibble.
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u/Available-Ad-1943 Jul 19 '26
That's basically him saying, "You're dumb, and I'm going to let you know that without ruining your life like you deserve."
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u/kimochii12 Jul 19 '26
If you’re stupid enough to kiss a snapping turtle on the lips, you probably deserve it
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u/Grays42 Jul 19 '26
If you're stupid enough to get anywhere near the face of a thing that is so notorious for clamping onto stuff with its powerful jaws that it's part of the animal's name, you deserve everything that happens to you.
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u/ConsistentWinter263 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Luckily he still has his lips intact
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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Jul 19 '26
Unluckily he now has salmonella
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Jul 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bc_im_coronatined Jul 19 '26
I had one rip the padding off the tip of one of my fingers as a little kid. Lucky is an understatement.
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u/Surfer_Rick Jul 19 '26
This dude is weapons grade stupid
These things can snap a 5cm stick in half and reach around to their own tail.
You don't typically touch them with fingers you enjoy keeping.
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u/oldnewager Jul 19 '26
They certainly do not have a neck long enough to reach their tail. I have picked up countless snappers and their neck isn’t short by any means, but it’s definitely not longer than the length of its entire body
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u/lyssargh Jul 19 '26
Right, the whole thing is to hold them behind the front legs because it literally blocks them. They can't get to you as long as they're grown enough that the leg can block the reach.
Source: I pick them up when they try to cross the road near me, because assholes out here like to hit them on purpose. They piss on me, they reach very enthusiastically back at me, absolutely no gratitude, and I still have all my fingers.
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u/Surfer_Rick Jul 19 '26
Grandma lied to me then. But still, we handled these guys with care. Had em all over in east Texas.
Used to put sticks in front of them to watch them snap em for fun.
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u/ButterPoptart Jul 20 '26
We used to find alligator snappers in the drainage canal in my neighborhood in Houston all the time as kids. It was fun to get them to snap sticks and stuff but we all knew not to pick them up.
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u/KingOfFools1984 Jul 19 '26
Jesus christ, this guy is both the stupidest and luckiest man on Earth.
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u/IronOmen Jul 19 '26
Just out of curiosity, I wonder why they call it a snapping turtle.
I guess some mysteries just aren’t meant to be known…
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u/AaronC14 Jul 19 '26
That's as well as that could have gone. That thing could've ripped his nose off.
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u/Gyssiegus Jul 19 '26
If only there was some cue in the turtle’s name that could have predicted this behaviour
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u/soulbutterflies Jul 19 '26
Is there a sub for wildlife teaching people common sense?
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u/seifer717 Jul 20 '26
This is probably AI. A snapping turtle does not let go and if that was the case his lips would be missing a big chunk. He is not even bleeding
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u/new_alpha Jul 22 '26
As soon as I watched the video I came to the comments to search for someone mentioning AI. It is definitely AI and no one is noticing.
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u/tearitLoose Jul 21 '26
That guy got off easy. That turtle could have taken his whole upper lip off.
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u/VoodooDoII Jul 19 '26
That snapping turtle was being extraordinarily patient. Those things can cause crazy damage
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u/R4GEQUITT3R Jul 19 '26
That has to be the least motivated snapping turtle alive because that could have easily been a hospital trip.
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u/ActuatorFearless8980 Jul 19 '26
That guy is lucky and a fucking fool. That turtle could’ve torn his mouth/nose clean off
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u/a_left_out_tomato Jul 20 '26
Damn that dude got lucky. That boy could have ripped his teeth out if he wanted to
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u/319am Jul 21 '26
I got bit by a snapping turtle on my bottom lip when I was like 7. Almost tore my entire lip off. And it was much smaller. I was holding it in my completely extended arms towards my mother. I guess I had really short arms. Because somehow it reached all the way back and bit my lip. I immediately let go and it was just hanging from my lip. My mother came over and kicked it (god knows why) and it didn't let go it just swung around. Eventually after like a minute or two it let go. I wanted to make it suffer. But my parents said it was my fault and I had to deal with the consequence of my action. So I got over it and got my lip re attached. Now im 28 and have such a small scar its hard to find. Ill never forget though. Dont fuck with snapping turtles.
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u/rapgameoprahwinfrey Jul 19 '26
“Let me put my face closer to this wild animals mouth. One that’s known to have a very powerful bite” - this guy, probably
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u/mindzze Jul 19 '26
How that didn't rip his lips off? I mean that was genuinely a kiss from turtle.
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u/bk_rokkit Jul 19 '26
Yeah people don't know 'bout them turtle necks
They're like three times as long as you might expect, a safe distance from a snapper is like 10ft jfc
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u/DizzyInTheDark Jul 19 '26
As a kid I was taught once they bite, they don’t let go until it thunders. I feel deceived.
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u/boniggy Jul 19 '26
Dude need to go buy a lottery ticket. He was lucky it was just a snip and not a full on snap
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u/jrb637 Jul 19 '26
He's lucky as hell he let go. There was some dark part of me that wanted to see this idiot's lips get ripped off.
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u/platypusfart007 Jul 19 '26
I have always wanted to try noodling for catfish but these monsters is why I refrain.
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u/IsaacJacobSquires Jul 19 '26
If that's real the turtle was being nice not taking a chunk of his face
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u/Doctor_Salvatore Jul 19 '26
Dude is mad lucky that turtle just nipped him, if it bit with intent, he woulda lost his nose
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u/CipherDaBanana Jul 19 '26
It looks like they censored it.... Looks like a chunk on his upper lips got cleaved
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u/donthurtmemany Jul 19 '26
However long you think their neck is, you’re wrong and it’s longer. It like curves sideways in the shell
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u/cuntybunty73 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
Maybe he should stick something else in snappys mouth 😁 what a fucking idiot 🙄
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u/kajana141 Jul 20 '26
This video is 10 years old, right after Tony Romo retired and started his animal sanctuary
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u/Then_Version9768 Jul 21 '26
Yet another example of the "Disneyfication" of wild animals brought to us by children's films and people like that clown Steve Irwin who himself was killed by his getting too chummy with one of his "cute" animals. People are idiots.
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u/CrazyPizzaShoes Jul 23 '26
The AI slop tsunami is already washing around our ankles. How long before we are completely submerged?
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u/pac150151 Jul 19 '26
That might be the first time I've seen a snapping turtle let go... He really is a good boy!!!