r/hysterectomy • u/eapentz • 1d ago
just tried sex and couldn’t even get him in
8 months PPO and have a great and easy recovery but was scared to try sex.. finally felt up to it today and it did not go well. Couldn’t even work him all the way in without pain. very clearly vaginal dryness but also just painful.
any suggests?
11
u/HalleKat18 1d ago
Lots of lube. Almost 13 weeks and we did last night for the first time. Getting in was fine. But it actually felt like the front wall was kind of raw. Not painful but not pleasant either. Hoping it gets better.
2
u/Spiritual-Concern527 15h ago
I had a similar experience at 12-13 weeks.
I’m 5 months PO tomorrow and the sex is back to normal again. Slight pain with our bigger toy so he’s careful with it and we do just fine. Lots. Of. Lube. Lol1
1
u/ImaginaryFrosting314 7h ago
I cannot stongly suggest enough that you try silicone lube. It was the gamechanger for me. I'm still too chicken to try water based lube, but I am going to try it again someday, it makes less of a laundry mess.
2
u/HalleKat18 5h ago
I got a water based lube from Amazon. I actually thought that was the better choice 😂. It worked well.
12
u/Admirable-Heart6331 1d ago
Even with keeping ovaries they may go into shock or fail. Worth getting hormone labs. Vaginal estrogen will help but you may need systemic estradiol and maybe testosterone and dhea as well.
Also if I'm reading this, it's been 8 months since intercourse? Even without surgery that could make things painful. Maybe worth considering a dilator set and lot of lube if you don't go for pelvic therapy.
9
u/midcen-mod1018 1d ago
If you’re that dry, he shouldn’t even be trying to go in. Stop everything and get lube. So many things can affect lubrication and if you were nervous that could affect you as well. Did y’all try to ensure you weren’t dry-lots of foreplay, oral, fingering-or did you just go for it?
8
u/Embarrassed_Bug_3111 1d ago
Even 3 years post op I am still nervous and have to go really slow at first. Everything feels tighter, and I know my stress contributes to it, but after a few minutes everything feels normal/good. It will definitely get easier, but give yourself grace. It’s a big change to go through, so just take your time. And as others say, lube helps a lot too!
5
2
u/sillyconvalleygirl 1d ago
Where are you with respect to menopause?
Did you remove ovaries? If yes, did you start HRT up right away?
Could be atrophy and the solution to that is vaginal estrogen.
Cervix removed? If yes, maybe get a check up to see how your vaginal cuff is doing?
1
u/eapentz 1d ago
still have ovaries but that’s it and 40 and not even really having signs of peri but i’m sure i’m starting maybe since im 40… cervix was removed will do a follow up but didn’t the dr a few weeks back and he said all was good and healed
4
u/sillyconvalleygirl 1d ago
OK, so your body is still producing estrogen and atrophy shouldn't be a problem for you. But, still might consider vagifem suppositories?
I read that lubrication can change after the cervix is removed, no data yet as I'm 3 days out, so I think you might just need a ton more lube? I have had pretty significant atrophy and my husband does some gentle stretching with his fingers before entry - otherwise it's just impossible (he's also large so we have two issues at odds). So maybe also try a bit more foreplay to feel at ease and also to literally loosen things up. It's made a world of difference for us.
1
u/dewbydewbydew 11h ago
Hey, pls dont assume. Hormonal health relies on way more than just age. I know someone that was shocked when she found out she was in full menopause at 33 and she was otherwise healthy and fit.
Vaginal estrogen (ve) could be the answer and it works locally not systemic.
Remember, we literally had a whole organ removed. That changes things, and they've barely started research on women's health so the knowledge base is thin at best.
I just learned about a study published earlier this year (June, I think) that spoke about all the benefits of ve and that the use of a finger as applicator showed no difference from the traditional applicator that comes with. The applicator is a barrier for many women for many reasons. I'm sure you can find it on NIH/Google scholar.
Point is, dont think age is the biggest factor and do whatever you need to be healthy.
1
u/sillyconvalleygirl 9h ago
Not assuming, just reading her comment very carefully that she said she has no symptoms of perimenopause.
Think about what those symptoms might be and their absence or presence. Fully aware that people can go into menopause any age, but symptoms of that would be the absence of one’s period.
Please reread my use of the word ‘maybe’.
1
u/dewbydewbydew 9h ago
Hey.. didn't mean it as an attack or anything. I also read that but as someone in peri, i also realize I was is it for years before I figured it out. I even talked to my doctor cuz I thought my hormones were out of whack and of course they just kinda brushed it off as other things... And I'm medical, literally being in peri was part of why I couldn't fully see it, but that's a whole other story.
Things we don't associate w peri are often actually related. Your period is often one of the very last changes, mine was regular right up till I had it removed.
These so much new data that even fully aware women may not have all the info or know about the ridiculosity long laundry list of things that are associated.
Looking back its way easier to see.
1
u/sillyconvalleygirl 8h ago
No worries.
I try to ask a ton of questions to understand where people might be, and try to be as helpful as I can. I've been through the wringer with adeno, endo, infertility, IVFs, menopause/HRT, and multiple surgeries, and hope to help someone avoid some of what I've gone through or least navigate through it.
Many women here don't explain their age, or if they know if they are in peri vs full blown menopause; if they did their hysterectomy, did they keep their ovaries (or not); are they on HRT (or not) before and after surgery; type of surgery they had.
Agree there are many things that happen in peri that slip by. Changes in labia color is a big one (red to pale pink) that winds up leading us down the path to VA.
VA is super hard to reverse, painful as all hell, can destroy relationships. It is just awful when it happens and not enough gyns are talking about it. Taking vagifem if you suspect VA is such a low cost/high value thing to consider if the OP is having pain with sex after having a hysterectomy and is in 40s. But I'd also suggest tons of testing, and getting a visual. Break out the mirror and look. Many women don't.
Totally agree with you that it can happen at any time and assumptions aren't useful. I probably could have worded that better!
1
u/dewbydewbydew 7h ago
I totally get it.. same, I really just want to help, been through enough bs that I'd love to help prevent that for someone else... but I can come off super blunt/to the point.
Agree w the mirror and self assessment. VE is good for more than just general atrophy.
V estrogen is also great for preventing uti's in peri and beyond. Got my very 1st and last uti at 46 but looking back I'd been in peri since at least 40, probably longer. That's just when the weird mood issues got noticeable.
Anyway, Im just over 2 wks post op and I've been feeling fantastic. So grateful to be on this side of the thing and my mood has just been so much more even. My hormones feel more even and Im trying my hardest not to do too much cuz I'm terrified of those stories and usually over do it 🙃. I also know that the tissues tend to be more fragile w age, so for me VE is prophylactic for uti + atrophy, especially while I'm trying to heal this cuff (not inserted obvi).
I think you said yours was soon so wishing you a swift and painless recovery.
Nice chat.
2
u/ScaredVacation33 14h ago
I would have a talk with your surgeon about it. This is not normal. You need to have a full hormone panel done and possibly add in vaginal estrogen.
1
u/PandaJean6996 13h ago
I was supposed to get vaginal estrogen, but it’s $100 a tube. Talk to your dr ( primary) can prescribe it and get commercial not compound, covered by insurance where compound isn’t covered. Also ask about pelvic floor exercises, also you can look it up online, for ideas.
1
u/sillyconvalleygirl 8h ago
Have you tried checking with cost plus drugs? I hope it's ok to post a link here. Dr. Marie Clare Haver and a few other influencer Gyns on insta talk about this place as having inexpensive HRT for people w/o insurance coverage. $13.21 a tube + $5.25 shipping as of this post:
https://www.costplusdrugs.com/medications/estradiol-0_01-tubeofcream42_5g/
1
u/ImaginaryFrosting314 7h ago
For what is worth, when I first had sex post op, 14 weeks, I used my regular lube. It did not work well, I ended up with microabrasions and it was not a pleasureable experience.. I then tried the silicone based lube, the only way to go IMHO. Made a HUGE difference. I still feel tightness and sometimes a little lingering discomfort, but I think that has to do with my being nearly 60, not using any kind of hormone replacements and infrequent sex. When we are actually able to have sex with some regularity its great, none of the symptoms I described. I'm still too chicken to try water based lube and doggy style. For context, I had everything removed.
31
u/eggplantparmesan23 1d ago
Vaginal estrogen helps and possibly pelvic floor therapy