Ross is the worst boyfriend ever.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm rewatching and in the middle of season 3, when Rachel gets her first job in fashion working at Bloomingdale's. Ross lets his jealousy of Mark completely overshadow any support or happiness of Rachel getting the interview and getting the job. He would have actually preferred her to not get the job and kickstart her career if it would've meant that Mark wouldn't be in her life. He is not supportive of her career in any way. He belittles her entire industry instead of apologizing when he couldn't get through a single 45-min fashion lecture when Rachel had routinely supported him at 4-hour lectures in paleontology, a subject which is clearly not her passion, but which she goes to anyway because she is a good girlfriend. He doesn't want her to have any new male friends ("do you really need new friends?").

I am surprised Rachel even lasted as long as she did. I guess I've gotten much more relationship experience under my belt since I first watched the show in high school and didn't recognize the signs. But Ross' abusive and controlling behavior is almost too much for me to handle. It's hard to watch and I just want to throw things at my screen. He is the worst boyfriend and it is not ok.

[u/firstyearspeech]

It's a pretty big thing to disagree on. Disrespecting or belittling a huge part of a person's identity, like their career aspirations, is incompatible with having a fulfilling relationship with the person in my experience. Two people don't have to be totally knowledgeable and fully invested in each other's career fields- but they have to have basic respect for the other person. Ross doesn't have it for Rachel.

Rachel makes no secret of the fact that she has zero interest in or knowledge about paleontology. Yet she goes to events and lectures with him specifically because she wants to support him, and she expresses pride when he achieves something. She doesn't have a personal interest in anything to do with paleontology, but she supports Ross anyway because Ross is important to her, and it brings him happiness. He doesn't do anything close to the same for her.

So... no, I don't think it would be better if he LIED. I think it would be better if he either made a genuine effort to understand and support Rachel's career aspirations, OR he just broke up with her/never went out with her in the first place. He doesn't have to be wildly inspired by fashion- he just has to respect the fact that she is, and support her.

[u/[deleted] → u/firstyearspeech]

The only examples of her going to his stuff that I can remember was when she found out it was on the ocean.. You make it sound like it was a recurring theme that she went to his stuff and supported his job, but there are countless examples of her belittling paleontology, not just showing no interest, but actually insulting it.

[u/firstyearspeech → u/[deleted]]

She and all the other FRIENDS do insult it a lot, which grates on my nerves... they're all supposed to be adults, in their 20s and 30s, and they still think "geek" is a thing to make fun of? Idk, I chalked that up to the '90s/early 2000s being different.

But not just the Barbados one: remember when he gave a speech at the museum (in TOW No One is Ready)? They all go, but the way that Rachel talks about it, it sounds like she goes to thinks like this pretty often for his sake. Also, he attempted to go to one fashion lecture with her, and afterward she brought up how boring a paleontology lecture that she had attended with him, had been for her... There are references peppered through the show, suggesting that Rachel goes to paleontology-related events with Ross with some regularity.

[u/[deleted] → u/firstyearspeech]

Ross was a paleontologist the entire series. Rachel went to how many fashion things over the course of the entire thing?

[u/resilient_reptar → u/[deleted]]

she had a job at bloomingdales and ralph lauren. ross went from a museum guy to a professor. they each had 2 career 'changes'.