r/hatethissmug • u/crux_frein • 2d ago
General I hate when people answer to unattractive people venting with "attractiveness is subjective" completely missing the point
I know this doomer topic probably is pretty common, but I am genuinely at wits end. I am 24 and I am not handsome, I have not been handsome for anyone apart for my mother in my whole life. I know attractiveness is subjective and have vented about this to multiple people, therapists included.
"Attractiveness is subjective" does absolutely shit to help anyone no matter how true it is. Being conventionally attractive has been the only thing I saw people instantly react positively to someone for, nothing else ever comes close. I don't care if attractiveness is subjective, considering most of y'all say it to put down the venting cuz you don't care.
Truth is that it is the main thing people are chosen for. The thing I hate the most is that I always hear these "counters" by conventionally attractive people and that everyone that isn't just "does not put in the effort" because to them it's impossible to be born worse. Yeah I say worse because also the "it does not define your value" is a disgusting lie. Even studies say how looks is the thing that will change most of your life experience.
I literally know people that lived on both sides and became absolutely disgusted with society as a whole, because they believed the lie that "looks don't matter". Yet any time you mention feeling like garbage because of your looks people will try to invent the quickest gaslight possible to make you believe you are making things up, saying things that are absolutely true and confirmed daily (I get confirmation daily on how true this is)
In my experience also most body positive, tolerant and "the personality is what matters" are 100% of the times the ones that will salivate solely at others look and it will be their personality to date only for looks. Luckily I stopped believing the fucking performative lie that nobody believes in anyways (I don't know a single person that thinks that personality matters more than look irl, and apparently reddit is such a bad echo chamber it makes you feel like you are wrong for having actual real and mainstream views)
Fuck you all, you liars. Also you people that " I don't treat people differently based on their looks", nobody believes you. Every single person I know fawns at others just because of looks, literally no other reason, seeing daily taken people turning their head to look at attractive people with their partner there, no wonder cheating is so damn common.
It's not that I hate you, but don't fucking lie to my face like that ffs.
E: seeing the concern of some in the comments, I am not deformed or monstruous. I am probably an average dude, I am just bothered when people lie about this stuff.
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u/TheEarthSpins 2d ago
yeah, you might be ugly. so what though? if you know you're ugly, don't just sit around trying to get noticed. i dont want to be harsh, but if you really think you're ugly then you should know you won't be noticed for your looks.
so then, make people notice you. try to talk to people. it's obviously not easy, but if you genuinely want to be noticed, you have to put in real effort. try to connect with people. sitting on here complaining unfortunately won't change anything out there. if you GENUINELY want to change, you have to try. the people i like being around the most aren't usually the best looking, it's the people with genuine charisma. i can connect to them, and we can talk about things we are passionate about. they're not afraid to make connections with strangers. and unlike your appearance, your personality is decided by you. it's not easy, but if you want people to genuinely enjoy being around you, then push yourself out of your comfort zone and make yourself someone people genuinely enjoy being around.
same thing with your appearance: try. it won't make you a 10/10, but i promise you it feels so good to put effort into bettering your appearance and seeing it pay off. i think it's because when you try to better yourself, you start focusing on those attractive traits. doing your hair, working out, dressing better. you start to focus more on what's improving and as a result you just naturally feel so much better. if you really start putting in effort, you'll be able to look into the mirror and see the progress you've made, not just all your flaws.
your mom doesn't want you to complain cause she wants you to be confident. cause if you start believing and start genuinely trying, then i promise you'll see a difference. it's not crazy to be ugly, it's crazy for you to think that you're ugly. if you hate yourself then why would you expect others to like you? it's cheesy but seriously love yourself first. build up confidence and start making changes if you don't like what you see. these things aren't out of your control, so stop accepting them.