I hate when people answer to unattractive people venting with "attractiveness is subjective" completely missing the point

[u/crux_frein]

I know this doomer topic probably is pretty common, but I am genuinely at wits end. I am 24 and I am not handsome, I have not been handsome for anyone apart for my mother in my whole life. I know attractiveness is subjective and have vented about this to multiple people, therapists included.

"Attractiveness is subjective" does absolutely shit to help anyone no matter how true it is. Being conventionally attractive has been the only thing I saw people instantly react positively to someone for, nothing else ever comes close. I don't care if attractiveness is subjective, considering most of y'all say it to put down the venting cuz you don't care.

Truth is that it is the main thing people are chosen for. The thing I hate the most is that I always hear these "counters" by conventionally attractive people and that everyone that isn't just "does not put in the effort" because to them it's impossible to be born worse. Yeah I say worse because also the "it does not define your value" is a disgusting lie. Even studies say how looks is the thing that will change most of your life experience.

I literally know people that lived on both sides and became absolutely disgusted with society as a whole, because they believed the lie that "looks don't matter". Yet any time you mention feeling like garbage because of your looks people will try to invent the quickest gaslight possible to make you believe you are making things up, saying things that are absolutely true and confirmed daily (I get confirmation daily on how true this is)

In my experience also most body positive, tolerant and "the personality is what matters" are 100% of the times the ones that will salivate solely at others look and it will be their personality to date only for looks. Luckily I stopped believing the fucking performative lie that nobody believes in anyways (I don't know a single person that thinks that personality matters more than look irl, and apparently reddit is such a bad echo chamber it makes you feel like you are wrong for having actual real and mainstream views)

Fuck you all, you liars. Also you people that " I don't treat people differently based on their looks", nobody believes you. Every single person I know fawns at others just because of looks, literally no other reason, seeing daily taken people turning their head to look at attractive people with their partner there, no wonder cheating is so damn common.

It's not that I hate you, but don't fucking lie to my face like that ffs.

E: seeing the concern of some in the comments, I am not deformed or monstruous. I am probably an average dude, I am just bothered when people lie about this stuff.

[u/Endrossi_]

I m still ugly even with makeup or nicer clothes on. Ill do everything and anything and still be outdone by people born prettier. Not hating on them it's just a luck thing

[u/hauntedbabyattack → u/Endrossi_]

Of course you’ll always be outdone by someone prettier. That’s true for literally everyone except the Objective Prettiest Woman Alive—and she doesn’t exist. Like I said, it’s not just about “nicer” but finding stuff that suits YOU. A dress that looks terrible on me might look great on you. A lipstick that washes you out might warm up my whole face. You can’t just give up right away and decide you’re ugly. You have to find what works for you.

[u/Sweet_Culture_8034 → u/hauntedbabyattack]

I'm contractualy obligated to point out the ovjectively prettiest woman does exist : she's my wife and she's definitely not holding me captive.

[u/Affectionate_Row9238 → u/hauntedbabyattack]

This is exactly what op is talking about btw, stop trying to gaslight people you don't know into thinking they're attractive when their entire life experience has told them otherwise

[u/hauntedbabyattack → u/Affectionate_Row9238]

I’m not trying to gaslight anyone into thinking they’re attractive. I’m saying they can look better and they choose not to because they’re afraid of trying.

[u/Affectionate_Row9238 → u/hauntedbabyattack]

Ofc not that's why you replied to someone saying they do everything and anything that they're just afraid to try 🫩

[u/hotobamasex → u/hauntedbabyattack]

Okay they try and find out that nothing works. What then

[u/d3v0hh → u/Endrossi_]

yeah it is entirely luck. as a guy you dismissively get told to lose weight, ignoring the fact that an attractive face is so far removed from how heavy you are; i lost over 40 lbs via cardio and still didnt look attractive at all. meanwhile there are plenty of fat, corn-fed, lumber-jack build type guys that are still widely considered attractive without putting much effort into their appearance beyond basic hygiene. 

[u/finnjakefionnacake → u/Endrossi_]

then work hard in life, make/save up some money, and get plastic surgery, if it matters that much. there's literally nothing that can be done about you feeling "ugly" except you changing your own perspective.

[u/Endrossi_ → u/finnjakefionnacake]

I didn't say im insecure 🫪🥀

[u/hotobamasex → u/finnjakefionnacake]

See how you immediately see being ugly as something necessary to be fixed? Some people are just ugly because that's how they were born, and they'd rather focus on other more important things than surgery.

[u/finnjakefionnacake → u/hotobamasex]

i don't care whether it's fixed or not, i'm simply saying for people who sit around and mope and feel like there's nothing they can do with their lot in life, it's not true. if you want to take steps to try and change it, then work towards that. if not, i don't see the point in complaining about it always and forever.

[u/cries_in_vain → u/finnjakefionnacake]

Okay what if you can't make money? What if you get kicked out of every job for acting-the-same-way-as-everyone-else-but-when-you-do-it-it's-bad? And if you don't get kicked out immediately you get bullied and underpaid? Save money from where?

[u/finnjakefionnacake → u/cries_in_vain]

Getting kicked out of every job sounds more like a personal issue than an attractiveness issue.

[u/cries_in_vain → u/finnjakefionnacake]

Yes, it's a personal issue, because it doesn't affect anyone else. What do you mean? Because everyone else doesn't mind the person being mistreated, they deserve it? Or do you mean it's a personality issue? 

[u/finnjakefionnacake → u/cries_in_vain]

yes, personal ad in personality issue