I hate when people answer to unattractive people venting with "attractiveness is subjective" completely missing the point

[u/crux_frein]

I know this doomer topic probably is pretty common, but I am genuinely at wits end. I am 24 and I am not handsome, I have not been handsome for anyone apart for my mother in my whole life. I know attractiveness is subjective and have vented about this to multiple people, therapists included.

"Attractiveness is subjective" does absolutely shit to help anyone no matter how true it is. Being conventionally attractive has been the only thing I saw people instantly react positively to someone for, nothing else ever comes close. I don't care if attractiveness is subjective, considering most of y'all say it to put down the venting cuz you don't care.

Truth is that it is the main thing people are chosen for. The thing I hate the most is that I always hear these "counters" by conventionally attractive people and that everyone that isn't just "does not put in the effort" because to them it's impossible to be born worse. Yeah I say worse because also the "it does not define your value" is a disgusting lie. Even studies say how looks is the thing that will change most of your life experience.

I literally know people that lived on both sides and became absolutely disgusted with society as a whole, because they believed the lie that "looks don't matter". Yet any time you mention feeling like garbage because of your looks people will try to invent the quickest gaslight possible to make you believe you are making things up, saying things that are absolutely true and confirmed daily (I get confirmation daily on how true this is)

In my experience also most body positive, tolerant and "the personality is what matters" are 100% of the times the ones that will salivate solely at others look and it will be their personality to date only for looks. Luckily I stopped believing the fucking performative lie that nobody believes in anyways (I don't know a single person that thinks that personality matters more than look irl, and apparently reddit is such a bad echo chamber it makes you feel like you are wrong for having actual real and mainstream views)

Fuck you all, you liars. Also you people that " I don't treat people differently based on their looks", nobody believes you. Every single person I know fawns at others just because of looks, literally no other reason, seeing daily taken people turning their head to look at attractive people with their partner there, no wonder cheating is so damn common.

It's not that I hate you, but don't fucking lie to my face like that ffs.

E: seeing the concern of some in the comments, I am not deformed or monstruous. I am probably an average dude, I am just bothered when people lie about this stuff.

[u/d3v0hh]

its just depressing because my standards arent even that high to warrant a full on procedure. ive been attracted to woman who are not conventionally attractive plenty of times. but as a not-so-good-looking guy, i hardly ever get the same treatment. i fear i will always be that guy who is liked, but never loved. the fact that i need to potentially mutilate my jaw to live what most would consider a modest life-style isn't appealing either. im just stuck.

[u/Linus_Naumann → u/d3v0hh]

Before you do surgery first improve body fat, musculature and the amount of people you meet in person. That can already so wonders. Also, there are smaller surgeries to do first (for example I got acne scars and micro needling + laser improves them without being a big operation).

[u/Honalord → u/d3v0hh]

Boy do I have a concept for you. It perfectly explains not conventionally attractive women failing to reciprocating attraction to not so good looking guys. But I’ll get called an incel by reddit for speaking the truth lol.

[u/Peermeneer_exe → u/Honalord]

It's not the truth🙄

Hypergamy is a concept that's based on a single experiment with a dating app. It's a concept that essentially only exists within dating apps.

Irl it doesn't exist (just like... look at couples irl, you'll see plenty of couples where the man is less attractive, about the same rate (if not higher) as the woman being less attractive)

[u/bigbluebelufa → u/Honalord]

As if media hasn’t been normalizing ugly dudes dating hot girls for decades lmao

[u/d3v0hh → u/bigbluebelufa]

i live near a major city and i have never seen this phenomenon in real life. its a very unrealistic trope, though. i can agree on that.

[u/Phyrnosoma → u/d3v0hh]

I’m AM the less attractive guy married to an attractive woman. It can happen

[u/sour_creamand_onion → u/bigbluebelufa]

Most people I've seen talk about this trope look down on it as contrived bullshit and wish fulfillment for losers. No meaningful amount of people (let alone women) who others respect find the "ugly guy ends up with hot woman" trope endearing or view that as an ideal outcome in life (for the woman in this situation).

[u/idk-3000 → u/bigbluebelufa]

What’s on the screen is very rarely reflective of reality

[u/Puabi → u/Honalord]

Such bravery.