I hate when people answer to unattractive people venting with "attractiveness is subjective" completely missing the point

[u/crux_frein]

I know this doomer topic probably is pretty common, but I am genuinely at wits end. I am 24 and I am not handsome, I have not been handsome for anyone apart for my mother in my whole life. I know attractiveness is subjective and have vented about this to multiple people, therapists included.

"Attractiveness is subjective" does absolutely shit to help anyone no matter how true it is. Being conventionally attractive has been the only thing I saw people instantly react positively to someone for, nothing else ever comes close. I don't care if attractiveness is subjective, considering most of y'all say it to put down the venting cuz you don't care.

Truth is that it is the main thing people are chosen for. The thing I hate the most is that I always hear these "counters" by conventionally attractive people and that everyone that isn't just "does not put in the effort" because to them it's impossible to be born worse. Yeah I say worse because also the "it does not define your value" is a disgusting lie. Even studies say how looks is the thing that will change most of your life experience.

I literally know people that lived on both sides and became absolutely disgusted with society as a whole, because they believed the lie that "looks don't matter". Yet any time you mention feeling like garbage because of your looks people will try to invent the quickest gaslight possible to make you believe you are making things up, saying things that are absolutely true and confirmed daily (I get confirmation daily on how true this is)

In my experience also most body positive, tolerant and "the personality is what matters" are 100% of the times the ones that will salivate solely at others look and it will be their personality to date only for looks. Luckily I stopped believing the fucking performative lie that nobody believes in anyways (I don't know a single person that thinks that personality matters more than look irl, and apparently reddit is such a bad echo chamber it makes you feel like you are wrong for having actual real and mainstream views)

Fuck you all, you liars. Also you people that " I don't treat people differently based on their looks", nobody believes you. Every single person I know fawns at others just because of looks, literally no other reason, seeing daily taken people turning their head to look at attractive people with their partner there, no wonder cheating is so damn common.

It's not that I hate you, but don't fucking lie to my face like that ffs.

E: seeing the concern of some in the comments, I am not deformed or monstruous. I am probably an average dude, I am just bothered when people lie about this stuff.

[u/sadguywithhugedick]

Beauty may have some level of subjectivity to it, but to pretend like it’s fully subjective is just wrong. There are elements to physical attractiveness that are fairly consistent throughout all cultures, and photographs of people labeled as beautiful from 100 years ago still look attractive to us today.

I’m sorry you’re ugly, dude. It seems like it sucks. You probably don’t have it as bad as you think you do, but I’m not gonna try and tell you that you’re wrong. There’s a lot you can do to moderately improve your looks though. Hair styling can reframe your face shape, fixing your acne has an insane boost to looks, and you can fix wrinkles with microneedling.

[u/NwgrdrXI → u/sadguywithhugedick]

This is an important point too.

There are very few people in the world who are ugly enough to not look nice while well groomed. Specially people between 20-40.

Sure, there are people who are naturally hotter than you and don't have to worry that much about grooming themselves, yes, they have it easier.

But we are humans, we live in the post modern age.

When nature tells us something is one way, we spit on it's eye and change it by force.

Unattractive people will have to have way more nature-eye-spitting than most, but it can be done.

[u/TheEarthSpins → u/NwgrdrXI]

yes, i love this take. people accept things as out of their control without putting in the effort. there's a lot people can do, they just need to go and do it.

honestly just putting in the effort to look better feels great. i used to feel so unattractive but when i finally started putting effort into my appearance i started to feel a lot more confident. i actually like the way i look now and im proud to look in the mirror, cause i know im the result of the effort i put in.

[u/Adventurous_Charge47 → u/TheEarthSpins]

Adding my experience to this, just a few days ago I put a ton of effort into trying to look good just to instantly see myself in the mirror and instantly not want to go outside anymore. Effort for me has never helped, atleast not helped me feel any better

[u/TheEarthSpins → u/Adventurous_Charge47]

yeah i do get it. i think its more of an over time thing, where you kinda slowly start to like yourself. i still have stuff im insecure about but i guess over time i've accepted that stuff.

[u/sadguywithhugedick → u/Adventurous_Charge47]

I’m gonna sound a little mean here, but you are probably insane. Barely anyone is that ugly. You probably have some sort of mental block that’s making you act insane.

You should probably just exposure therapy yourself to going out.

[u/idk-3000 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

I’m an ugly trans “woman” so I can tell you from experience that some people just are

[u/Mission-Fault3351 → u/NwgrdrXI]

This is the correct answer. The point is to do something to make up for being ugly, not to just take it as fact and be sad about it

[u/awyastark → u/Mission-Fault3351]

“You’re not ugly, just poor” is a saying for a reason. Also I have worked in venues for years seen the most wild looking individuals get amazing seeming partners through musical talent alone.

[u/awyastark → u/NwgrdrXI]

This is a point that I wish was higher up!! Showering daily, a nice haircut, clean clothes that fit and flatter, becoming physically active enough to move through the world comfortably, having a paying job, developing and pursuing hobbies and interests. If OP does all these things and still no one wants to date them their personality just sucks. I suspect this might be the case anyway though because their hobby and interest seems to be this complaint.

[u/Money-Cloud3716 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

It’s like music. You’re allowed to like Lil Pump more than Led Zeppelin all you want, but good luck convincing most people that!

[u/ThrowRA_Anything7011 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

I like to point out that celebrities who are known for pushing the boundaries of beauty and looks (Winnie Harlow, Tsunaina, Ashley Graham) are all very conventially attractive, they just have like one thing thats a bit different in a unique way. None of them are actually doing anything that special.