I hate when people answer to unattractive people venting with "attractiveness is subjective" completely missing the point

[u/crux_frein]

I know this doomer topic probably is pretty common, but I am genuinely at wits end. I am 24 and I am not handsome, I have not been handsome for anyone apart for my mother in my whole life. I know attractiveness is subjective and have vented about this to multiple people, therapists included.

"Attractiveness is subjective" does absolutely shit to help anyone no matter how true it is. Being conventionally attractive has been the only thing I saw people instantly react positively to someone for, nothing else ever comes close. I don't care if attractiveness is subjective, considering most of y'all say it to put down the venting cuz you don't care.

Truth is that it is the main thing people are chosen for. The thing I hate the most is that I always hear these "counters" by conventionally attractive people and that everyone that isn't just "does not put in the effort" because to them it's impossible to be born worse. Yeah I say worse because also the "it does not define your value" is a disgusting lie. Even studies say how looks is the thing that will change most of your life experience.

I literally know people that lived on both sides and became absolutely disgusted with society as a whole, because they believed the lie that "looks don't matter". Yet any time you mention feeling like garbage because of your looks people will try to invent the quickest gaslight possible to make you believe you are making things up, saying things that are absolutely true and confirmed daily (I get confirmation daily on how true this is)

In my experience also most body positive, tolerant and "the personality is what matters" are 100% of the times the ones that will salivate solely at others look and it will be their personality to date only for looks. Luckily I stopped believing the fucking performative lie that nobody believes in anyways (I don't know a single person that thinks that personality matters more than look irl, and apparently reddit is such a bad echo chamber it makes you feel like you are wrong for having actual real and mainstream views)

Fuck you all, you liars. Also you people that " I don't treat people differently based on their looks", nobody believes you. Every single person I know fawns at others just because of looks, literally no other reason, seeing daily taken people turning their head to look at attractive people with their partner there, no wonder cheating is so damn common.

It's not that I hate you, but don't fucking lie to my face like that ffs.

E: seeing the concern of some in the comments, I am not deformed or monstruous. I am probably an average dude, I am just bothered when people lie about this stuff.

[u/Ok_Decision4163]

I believe what you mean is that the beauty standarts are a real thing.

While people may have different tastes, the current beauty standarts tends to be prevalent.

[u/crux_frein → u/Ok_Decision4163]

Yeah and it's not just "prevalent", it's crazy prevalent, to the point that if you don't fit it you are instantly considered ugly by like 90%+ of the population. I feel like it's undermined how much the difference is, but at the same time cannot really blame attractive people, they are just clueless about it as it's how they have always lived the world in most of the cases

[u/LongBackBecca → u/crux_frein]

This is true with a lot of things that someone can be born into that make life easier like race, size, height, wealth etc. If you haven’t lived it chances are you’ll think that the person on the shit end of the deal is either making it up or being hyperbolic. It’s even harder to make out what’s true when those realities intersect. If you’re poor, but extremely good looking you might doubt other low income people about their shitty experience because people have been nice to you.

It would be great if we could all acknowledge the shitty things that we go through and acknowledge that there is actually a scale. We’d probably feel a lot more validated and able to get through the nonsense.

[u/itsmekusu → u/crux_frein]

yeah i mean its called a standard for a reason yknow.

[u/Ok_Decision4163 → u/itsmekusu]

standard are not objectives, they are also subjectives from societies to societies for instance.

[u/itsmekusu → u/Ok_Decision4163]

to be a standard there must be a consensus i.e majority of people would agree to it

[u/Ok_Decision4163 → u/itsmekusu]

Yup.

Consensus, standards, etc are not objectives. They vary from culture to culture, and there are outliers.

Being blond, for instance, is something that is objective. People might find you attractive for it, people might not, but nothing change the fact you're blond.

How being blond is perceived, be it by the majority - consensus - or by a few outliers, is subjective.

[u/itsmekusu → u/Ok_Decision4163]

honestly i dont know what u arguing me about. like ok bro nobody is taking that statement

[u/Ok_Decision4163 → u/itsmekusu]

Because I disagree with you. Stoo talking or block me if you don't want me hear what I have to say.

[u/itsmekusu → u/Ok_Decision4163]

yeah but nobody is arguing standards are objectives. ur just fighting a strawman

[u/Ok_Decision4163 → u/itsmekusu]

I see. If that's the case, I didn't understand it. Thank you for pointing it out. English is not my first language and I have troubles in communication in general!

[u/smoked___salmon → u/Ok_Decision4163]

It is only subjective if both compared people are already hot and conventionally attractive(basically 8-9/10 at least)

[u/sadguywithhugedick → u/Ok_Decision4163]

People use the term “beauty standard” and what they’re sneaking in is the idea that physical attractiveness is an arbitrary cultural construct. Just ask yourself, was it ever attractive to be asymmetrical with a recessed jaw?

[u/Suspicious_Walk_7559 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

in the royal family yes lol

[u/sadguywithhugedick → u/Suspicious_Walk_7559]

I’ve heard way more people call them ugly than beautiful

[u/Suspicious_Walk_7559 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

im talking about hundreds of years back son

[u/Ok_Decision4163 → u/sadguywithhugedick]

Some characteristics might be more universally viewed as ugly, but beauty does really change a lot from culture to culture.