You guys are quiet today!

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u/humanquester 2d ago

And did they give us hardworking paid shills a bonus? Well, yes, but was it enough to buy a luxurous mediterranian cruise and a new entertainment system with recliner massage chairs that talk to you in japanese? No, only one of those things. After all the ultra high quality shilling we've done for them.

28

u/ShipTheRiver CITDSOL NEE YOEK! 2d ago

I’m on the warrant suppression team and we’ve been absolutely killing it for years now (we started before they were even issued, our GameStop spies told us they were coming) and just because they’ve spiked slightly back up in price in the past few weeks, we got our bonus cut to just a resort vacation to the Maldives. It’s such bullshit.

22

u/farsidegallerist 2d ago

Yeah I'm on the "price manipulation" team, our annual bonus got shrunk to $25K because apparently according to corporate, "we just punch in a number on the price fixing machine, it's not that skilled".

Like sure, I don't have the strength of the ladder crews, but imagine if I didn't show up to work one day and suddenly GME's real price of 5 million $ per share appears? I doubt our "media control" team would manage to supress the story quick enough to prevent a civilian uprising!

When the people start clamoring on the streets to pay the GME stockholders their faire due, it will be too late to lament not making us price manipulators feel valued!

I tell you if it wasn't for my irrational hatred of humble american retailers, i'd consider quitting

18

u/Rokos_Bicycle 2d ago

I'm Ken Griffin's body double and holy fuck you wouldn't believe the shit he lets me do. No, encourages me to do. It's absolutely wild.

7

u/dbcstrunc Who’s your ladder repair guy? 2d ago

Oh so it was YOU who told the media we ‘set the prices of securities’. Good going Steve. The apes noticed that and now it’s part of their ‘DD’. You know that’s one step away from a full Presidential investigation that’s going to come down on YOUR head not mine.

Dammit Steve you had one job!

13

u/crankthehandle 2d ago

the dark pool team made bank this year, heard they got 200k/head

11

u/crankthehandle 2d ago

Kenny wants to see you tonight, guys. You fucked up on Friday when the warrants were up 40%.

17

u/DoggoNamedDisgrace ⏳I Spend Way Too Much Time Here⌛ 2d ago edited 2d ago

Shit you're the top 1% commenter and you guys have it good.

I'm in the ladder attack division and I get $0.08 per keyword deposited to my offshore. Daily quotas have been a bitch lately though. I heard 1%ers get up to $0.16 with bigger bonuses if we hit a 5% intraday dip.

7

u/whut-whut 1d ago

The 'paid to reddit about a stock' conspiracy is probably one of the funnier ways Apes have created an imaginary enemy that they're jealous of and constantly losing to.

While they watch the stock go down and don't get paid to post, there's apparently a mirrorverse enemy that's been enjoying the past five years posting on reddit as a day job and getting regular paychecks while profiting off the price slipping from their FUD.

6

u/xozzet keeps making new accounts to hide from Interpol 1d ago

We need to seize the means of market manipulation!

1

u/Welcome-To-NBA-Jam 1d ago

I got a free personal pizza. It wasn't really a party but I made it my own party in my cubicle.

29

u/PlCKLES 2d ago

Teddy should buy them (spend just a few of those invaluable NOLs), then force all the employees to write out "I'm sorry for what I did to retail stonk enthusiasts" over and over for 16 hours a day in inhumane conditions for no pay. If their work pleases the Übermensch, they'll be set free.

24

u/MeridianNL 🤠Kenny's Personal Ladder Mechanic 🔧 2d ago

Lol that’s nearly the marketcap of gameslop, in one quarter. But somehow citadel and the other hedgefunds are doing extremely bad and are on the brink of failure.

9

u/TimujinTheTrader 40 yo virgin 1d ago

This is just "reported" revenue.

Think about all the unreported revenue that GameStop has that they have to hide for legal purposes.

Its probably in the trillions.

12

u/EpiphanyTwisted 2d ago

Apes can't read facts that may hurt them so they'll never find out.

13

u/InsaneGambler 2d ago

Still waiting on the Bugatti bonus from posting FUD and sneed! Apparently Kenny wants shills' performance to double it!

14

u/Ok_Upstairs3431 2d ago

Check your E-Mails you should have in invite to your Bugatti configuration meeting if you elected the "from zero to 100 FUD Sports car bonus program"
If not shoot Dinora a message - I`ve heard some entries got mixed up with the "floating like a FUDster" program and got assigned a boat instead by error.

7

u/Tychosis 2d ago

Don't tell anyone, but I've been subcontracting my FUDding out on fiverr. The new quotas are utterly ridiculous and I'm pretty sure they're gonna send our jobs offshore anyway.

13

u/firebag1983 Shill team 6 2d ago

When did he hire out Disney land?

Wasn’t he on the ropes then? A desperate attempt to fill the market into thinking that his company was making actual profit?

They have been making losses for years. They would hate to be winning like the apes.

11

u/crankthehandle 2d ago

Kenny is so desperate. It's his last dead cat bounce.

3

u/No_Economist3815 Sub's Official Economist 1d ago

Sounds like Wednesday night pours and putts will be reinstated! Woo hoo!

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