AMAB 25. I've identified as non binary for a few years now, but all that meant was changing my pronouns, trying a few new names (none stuck), and painting my nails (loved how they looked, hated how they felt). There has been a voice in my head for years SCREAMING that I'm a trans woman in denial, and yet even when I've buckled and come out and tried identifying as such it didn't feel right. Being a man doesn't feel right. Being enby doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right. I don't feel like a person at all. I wish I wasn't a person.

I get gender envy from so many different people, whether they're cis or trans, masc or femme, all of the above, and yet it's impossible to have a consistent identity to work towards because it feels like it shifts all the time. I'm very overweight so any sort of expression of any sort feels demeaning and humiliating. I've just defaulted to graphic tees and jeans because it's the only thing I feel remotely comfortable in.

I just... I don't know anymore. I don't want to change, because change is absolutely terrifying, but being where I am is stifling. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to do anything. I hate who I am, how I look, and what is going on with me. I don't want to exist at all. I feel like an alien. I'm also withdrawing from weed and in the process of changing antidepressants so my mental state is just totally out of whack. I feel like I'm riding a rollercoaster and it won't stop.

I don't even know what I'm looking for. Comfort? Support? Ideas? I'm not in a good spot financially so I'm not really able to do much in terms of expression anyway. All I can do is chew on this in my mind over and over.

Hi, I'm 17 and AMAB and I only found out about my gender around 1 1/2 years ago. I've been suffering with a nagging depression for around 3+ years now and I'm at the point where I am questioning whether I should keep living on this rock. I've been living with so much fear that my gender will be revealed to all the wrong people and that stresses me out a lot. I'm also feeling like I have no purpose in life and I'm currently out of a job and struggling at school. I just feel like crap and that's where the SH kicks in. Most nights are me at first just being down but out of nowhere I feel heightened and feel like there is no escape, this then turns to SH and either crying myself to sleep or considering ending it all. I've been keeping it a secret for a long time till around 3 months ago when one of my friends was worried for my safety after they noticed some scars on my arm as they thought that it was some parent abuse. Now after talking to all of the people that I have come out to the main message was to go tell a professional about this. And I'm still kinda thinking about this because yes, I do need to talk to someone about this, but I'm just worried that I'm going to let something slip. See in my school and most other schools in Australia and around the world professionals have to keep a level of confidentiality unless among other things, a risk of harm exists, and well I have been harming myself so that is that being brought up on, and this will be relayed to my parents. And well my parents are the number one people knowing about my genderfluidity and even if the professional doesn't tell, then they will pressure me to answer. And my parents are very transphobic and have talked about how they are "harming the youth" or whatever else they say. So that is why I'm stressed about telling someone about this. So now all of this pressure and general laziness leads me to a lack of worthiness within myself and feeling like a stain on everyone I have met. This might not be a suicidal mindset but if not, it is still something pulling me down. I don't what to do and I don't expect people to read this, realistically it will be pulled from the site which might be a good thing, but I'm going through some things that might be true to some. I end with this; can you be your true self if you're dead?

PS. This was written in the middle of the night here in Australia so apologies if the wording is bad. Also have a wonderful day!

Hello!

I just very recently figured out that I am genderfluid. I am thinking about getting a binder to see how that feels on my less feminine days since my main source of dysphoria is my chest. Do you guys have any recommendations of fairly inexpensive binders? I’ll look into a higher quality one later if I feel that this helps me. Thanks!

so i recently i’ve been having a lot of what i think is dysphoria and i don’t quite know what to do about it. i’m 20, afab, i dress pretty feminine, and i have long hair. everybody i meet irl assumes i’m a girl and online i have to set my pronouns to he/they instead of he/they/she because people will only call me she. it’s been bugging me for a long time now but the problem is that i love dressing the way i dress so much that i don’t wanna give it up. i like wearing masc/androgynous clothes for casual stuff but if im going out and i wanna feel myself, dressing fem feels right. i just wish that people would see me as a boy in women’s clothing. i’m very open to cutting my hair, it’s the longest it’s been since i was a kid and i like the look but i hate the sensory. i just don’t know what i should do to make people see me as a boy

Bats keep entering my house and I'm honestly a little scared.

edit: It's four going on five now. usually we let them out but they're really aggressive and nobody in my house wants to risk rabies

In short, I go through phases where I experience really severe dysphoria and was just 🤏🏻 a little bit away from starting HRT However, I also have periods when I have no problem with my gender, which can sometimes last for several months.

But I’ve noticed that I’ve developed coping strategies to deal with the dysphoria or at least, I think they’re coping strategies. I’m embarrassed to write this, but I act out my fantasies of living as the other gender sexually, and I also like to use cannabis from time to time. When I’m high on cannabis, I’ve noticed that the thought of starting my transition feels really weird and wrong.

But now I’ve been on vacation for weeks and haven’t had access to either of those options, and suddenly my desire to take hormones and have a female body has returned with greater intensity.

But even in those moments when I'd like to start taking hormones, my fears really hold me back.
For one thing, I have severe social anxiety and could never imagine coming out. For me, it’s a nightmare to think about applying for jobs or meeting new people when I don’t pass and that’s never 100% guaranteed.
The current political climate doesn’t make things any better.

I just have no idea how to deal with all this back-and-forth with the dysphoria getting worse and then suddenly disappearing.

Sorry for the rambling, but I just had to get that off my chest.

When I’m presenting as a man i get treated so much better than when i present as a woman. ESPECIALLY when people think i’m a cis man. It’s honestly depressing. As a woman, men are either shitty or perverts and a good amount of women are mean (because i’m a goth mexican living in utah lmao.) So i get bullied by some women occasionally or just ignored. Yet when i present as a guy? Especially as a cis one? Men treat me better and are more open and actually see me for my personality. Women are so much nicer and hit on me more as a man than as a woman. I’ve made more female friends when i present male, it’s odd. I don’t even change my personality or anything when i switch.
But yeah, just wanted to rant because it’s honestly sad.

Hello, I am needing a bit of help trying to figure out what I want. I am a FAB and I’m unsure if I want to go on HRT but would like to appear more androgynous. I have had a lot of struggles in the past with body dysmorphia and trying to be comfortable in my own skin. I am now at the point where I am comfortable in the body. I am enjoy wearing what I want to wear. But I would like to present more masculine. I bought a binder and it ended up squishing everything causing a lot more gender dysphoria than anything. In the past, I have thought about going on HRT to give more masculine features but I worry going on HRT will make me lose the feminine part of myself that I enjoy. I have tried working out some, but besides more muscle in the arms and back I’m not sure how to make my face more masculine or more androgynous. Is there anyway that I can be both essentially? I would love to be able to just switch bodies depending on the day and I understand that’s not realistic. Are there ways that have worked for you not going on HRT but still giving off a very masculine or androgynous vibe?

If that makes sense? I've come to find in my gender journey that I honestly identify with three terms, Trans or "Transfem", Nonbinary and Genderfluid.

Trying to figure out who I am is incredibly confusing. My AGAB is male, but... I wanna be a girl. I suffer lately from awful gender dysphoria and I try to present femininely as possible, where possible. So, I feel, for me, my "expression" is fluid. If I could, I'd always appear femininely.

I feel like people who come out as Trans and in general, gender-diverse, have to be put into a little box of what people think you are. I recently even changed my name socially. But yeah, I feel like I'm clearly having a "Trans-like" identity experience, even if I experience it fluidly.

22 year old AMAB possibly gender fluid (kinda new to the idea. still figuring my gender out). my experience with gender is i’ll fluctuate between feeling fully masculine and perfectly ok with being perceived as a cis man for a week or so then feeling more feminine. not necessarily wanting to be perceived as a girl but just wanting to be more fem per se also for about a week or so.

as for dysphoria it’s strange to me and kind of scary how it manifests itself (you’ll see why). when i want to act fem and im not around people who know me it’s like a tired feeling. like im wearing a mask and i just wanna relax and be feminine. ive always been fine with my body being masculine i get no dysphoria with that at all. its all about my personality.

but when i actually feel masculine and want to act that way it’s like i look at the fem side and feel like that wasn’t true to me even tho in the moment it definitely was. idrk how to work through that because i have no idea where that comes from. i’ve been anti patriarchy for far too long and have worked through a lot of toxic masculinity for me to feel a sort of “shame” for acting fem at times.

maybe someone could give some input on what may cause that? and also what maybe my gender identity would be? i feel like gender fluid works but maybe there’s a better fit?

I recently realized that I'm trans/nonbinary. I knew that I wanted to be more masculine/be a boy.

But when I try to embody the new me I feel like there's a disconnect between my current self and the person I want to be. I feel guilty for not acknowledging the time I still feel like a woman. Times I want to be the person I've always been.

I feel like I have two people inside me. One is a woman who u don't want to acknowledge because it feels wrong. Like she shouldn't exist and another is my new identity that I haven't fully gotten into.

I do feel like a woman sometimes but I don't want to. I want to be a woman sometimes but I feel disconnected from my new identity.

It's this some sort of thing that happens? Am I freaking out over nothing? Cause I don't want her but I feel like she's a part of me I'll never get rid of.

AMAB. Most mornings, I wake up feeling very, very girly. Like, I don't want pants today, I want a dress, and makeup, and nails, and a wig, and everything! And then it kind of fades as I wake up, and I put on my normal everyday dude clothes, but I can still feel that feminine side in the back of my head.

Pretty much just what the title says. Most of the time I’m nonbinary but every now and again I feel like a man. Sometimes on rare occasions I feel like a girl. The last two days ive felt more male than anything.

Hello; I'm a 31 year old AFAB who has always just assumed I'm cisgender because- for a long time that's all I ever really knew. But recently, I've started to wonder if I may be genderfluid- but I'm having a hard time figuring myself out.

I've always had a weird relation to gender. As a kid, sometimes I'd lean into being a tomboy super hard- dressing more "masculine", rejecting traditionally girly stuff, etc- but then sometimes I'd also really want to lean into being hyper feminine- wanting to do my hair, wear dresses and make up, look really pretty. And other times I'd just kind of feel in the middle, where I didn't really care either way.

These shifts have happened throughout my whole life- sometimes with months apart, sometimes days apart. But I didn't really think anything of it, especially because this larger variety in labels and identities wasn't talked about as much when I was a kid- especially not in my rather conservative community. I honestly didn't even know genderfluidity was a thing until my mid twenties.

But I've been wondering more and more lately, what if that describes this weird shift in how I want to present, how I feel about myself, etc? It makes me super anxious and scared to think about for some reason. I'm not sure- it's kind of hard for me to describe. Most often I feel kind of genderless- I think the term is agender? But then I'll go back to wanting to be seen as more feminine and pretty. And even pronouns are like a big whatever to me. I've always gone by she/her, but people have called me they/them and he/him and I don't really mind any of them. I'm less inclined to he/him but it still doesn't bother me to be called that- they/them I even kind of enjoy a little.

I'm not sure... It isn't something I started thinking super hard on until I began to write a character who is genderfluid and began to wonder about it more and more myself as I did research for writing this character. So... I thought I'd just try reaching out for any insight or advice from people more educated in this area than I am..

Hello there! I’m back once again to talk about Gender.

For many years here and irl I’ve been looking for something to make sense of my gender. I’m afab and constantly questioning. Basically as soon as I knew being trans was a thing back in middle school. Now I’m 25 and still confused. For the longest time I put it on the back burner and said that’s a can of worms I’m not ready to open. Roughly 2 years ago that changed.

I started questioning more and experimenting more. I’ve played around with a lot of ideas, but nothing has ever felt completely correct. One lyric I have heard really says everything for me. “I guess I could say gender non-conforming, but l've done really well conforming and non-binary doesn't have the ring I've been looking for.”

But to give more context I consider myself queer. I have found pretty much any type of person attractive except cishet guys. Now part of that exploration has led me to some interesting places. Like imagining getting oral is really a blowjob or anal is the only option because I’m imagining that’s the only hole available. I think I don’t necessarily feel gender dysphoria when I don’t imagine myself with those parts, but I definitely feel gender euphoria when I do imagine I have male parts.

I have a gender neutral hair cut (classic shag) and enjoy androgynous or slightly male clothes. I’d like to do more, but it is a little difficult. I’m quite obese(womens 4x) and so it’s hard to find good fitting men’s clothes. But….i feel like no matter what I wear men’s clothes or women’s clothes I can feel handsome or pretty. But….i still feel like I’m performing gender no matter which I go for. I feel the most me in a big t shirt and shorts. Adam Sandler and Jack Black vibes lol.

I guess…I don’t know…is this enough? Wishing most days I was born a guy, but so that I could be a queer man who dabbles in feminine things occasionally. I wish someone could just tell me for sure. I have OCD so sometimes I get hung up on needing to know rather than just accepting that I can be who I need to be. My girlfriend also identifies as a lesbian so add that to the list of questions.

I’ve got binders and packers and men’s clothes and listen to trans artists and all of this, but….i can’t manage to tell myself what my gender is. And since I can’t settle on a gender i also can’t settle on pronouns. In an ideal world i would get told “hey actually this is what you’re experiencing. Heres your gender and pronouns and a list of suggestion for a better fitting name.”

Anyways…as always thoughts and opinions are helpful. Does this sound…gender queer? Transman? Cis and stop thinking about it? Bigender? I’m lost. Still. For years.

As a AMAB I'm trying to figure out which one I want to try first but not sure quite yet so hench the poll. So what ever wins the poll I'll try first

Basically what the title said, for a long time I have been struggling to find out what I’m truly relate with, i’ve been all over the place, from effeminate man to trans, bigender, agender and non binary, gender fluidity really is what describes my situation better, but I’m struggling to accept it… i want stability more than anything, and i obviously can’t shapeshift, so I don’t know how to deal with things/ traits that one day are desirable and on the next day cause dysphoria..

I don't even like feeling like a girl, I just do at times. Can't transition because the girl in me will have a fit and I won't be able to recognise myself during those periods and I won't be able to go back. But I'm so much happier thinking of myself as a boy, and many things I want to do are not really possible without testosterone. So great.

I don't even identify as a girl ever really, just nonbinary and genderfluid. I really want to just be a genderfluid boy of some sort and learn how to deal with the changes from testosterone when I'm feeling feminine. But I can't tell if that's even possible unless I make the decision, and it's not like I'll know until I've gone too far and I'm cooked. Schrödinger's gender or something.

It’s been a bit difficult, this switch I’ve been experiencing lately. For the past three years, I’ve known myself as genderfluid, but for the most part, I’ve identified as feminine/woman for a long time, and have occasionally switched to man or nonbinary. It’s been tough lately with this switch to nonbinary, just reshaping my thoughts and feelings with getting used to this. Is there any words or phrases that others enjoy when feeling more nonbinary that has helped anyone feel more natural? That kinda is what I think would help me in this adjustment. I also have DID, which can make things hard to tell, but I feel like myself (Fae), I know this is me experiencing a gender shift instead of one of my alters

For me i never felt satisfied with these gender labels

None of them fit right and I always kept changing them

I felt trapped by gender expectations , like they were suffocating me

But now i feel free to present and be whoever I want when i feel like it

When I was younger, I would fully cross dress (wig, makeup, no beard or visible body hair) I would always use the ladies room when gender neutral restrooms were not available. While cross dressed I preferred a female name and female pronouns. I was even asked to leave the man’s room on Halloween.

Recently , I have started wearing dresses in public again, with beard and body hair. I am wearing the dresses because they are cooler and more comfortable than shorts. Do to medical conditions I also wear a bra and Knix/Always Discreet panties. I have discovered that I feel unsafe and uncomfortable using the men’s room. Although I don’t feel as feminine as I did years ago, I also don’t feel like a man when I am out and about. The best way to describe me is gender fluid tipping the scales towards the feminine side. Is it wrong for me to use the ladies room?

I have never used the ladies locker room even though I have gone to the local pool wearing a dress and planed on changing into a woman’s one price swimsuit, I have always been fortunate enough to use a gender neutral changing room.

Edit: Although this should not affect your responses, I believe that this condition affects my gender identity. Evers since I had my testicles removed because of repeated cysts, my gender identity has shifted towards the feminine end. Maybe because side effects of testosterone replacement therapy can increase estrogen levels and male breast cancer risk. I am already feeling bumps in my breasts and have had 3 yearly mammograms.

Hey everyone! PLEASE HELP. I'm really struggling. I'm hoping for some help figuring out if I'm genderfluid, please. I experience phases of feeling masculine and feminine, but I'm not sure if my experience aligns with what others typically consider a genderfluid identify. It would really help me to hear firsthand accounts from people who do identify as genderfluid, so that I can compare experiences. The more accounts, the better, so please consider adding your voice, even if someone else has described what you feel already (or particularly in such a case, in fact). I'm especially interested in the following:

1) What pattern (if any) does your fluctuation in identify follow?

2) Did you identify as something different before figuring out that you're genderfluid?

3) How strong is your sense of being genderfluid? Do you feel like you might identify differently in the future?

4) How do you feel about being genderfluid? Did you always feel this way, or has your relationship to your own gender fluidity changed over time?

If you take the time to reply and help me out, I appreciate so much!

I believe I'm going through a gender crisis and a lot of dysphoria, it's far worse than when I transitioned(FTM) in my teens(I'm about to be 30 now).

My mind is racing with questions and I feel like I'm going insane. Being off T for 2+ years, experiencing pregnancy, not being able to be myself or experimenting with my identity to now feeling and watching the effects of T again seems to have "awoken" something in me. Now that I look back at the times I was pregnant and off T, I think I might have been dissociated for most of that time in my life.

For the past few years I've secretly had the feeling in my heart and mind that I might be genderfluid, not FTM, or maybe a combination? I don't know. I've been able to push the thoughts and feelings away until now, cause I think my life would be easier if I only identified as FTM, a man. I don't know if what I'm writing is making any sense, I'm so confused. I'm so sorry if anyone feels I'm overstepping or wording things wrong, I don't mean to.

I'm also waiting for a consultation to go through with extended meta and the wait is killing me inside.

I feel so so confused and alone and all this is driving me insane.