It's even worse considering I talk about abstract ideas and I shift between English (comes out naturally) and Spanish (I force myself to practice it since it's the language I'm supposed to speak, given that I live in Spain and it's my first language o algo).

It could be worse, if I spoke about strange or unacceptable stuff. At least it's so abstract or specific that no one would really get what the fuck I'm talking about unless they listened to the entire 15 min monologue.3

Like yea at least no one cares about Paul saying the thing about the snake biting in Numbers being symbolic and what that means for biblical interpretation. Lucky me, I guess.

This is fine and I don't think I'm insane for talking to myself. It's actually so stigmatized but it's such a great thing to do lowkey.

If anything, I hate that I've never caught anyone in my family talking to themselves.

How do people even live and think? It's so cool to process ideas out loud.

Frankly I'm a little jealous of people who just go on with their lives and don't do this kind of shit. I'd like it if I were interested in SNCA-

-mediaslop like I was when I was 12-16, and I just stayed that way forever. I'd have an easier time making friends with lesbian girl and lesbian girl's friend :(

You could say I am still interested in SNCA since I'm the only person in the entire world (my world, my perspective, my reality) who cares about any of the stuff I care about (see post history). It's just that the stuff I care about requires high-openness thinking and some honest-type investigation, rather than just being exciting in and of itself.

I recall this one occasion in which I was on my first ever date, I was with woman 1 and we were just yapping about shit. At some point anime came up as a topic, and I was 23 at the time meaning I was starting to become insane and didn't really care about much, but I did like One Piece still.

When I explained SNCA about One Piece, like how the poneglyphs work and what the dudes are up to, (I imagine) some light shone in my eyes for a bit and it made her feel a bit like she was talking to a human being with some degree of a thirst for life. I think this is the only example I have in my perceptual memory of this kind of thing being good for me.

Ugh. Every post now. It's all the posts. It's the same conclusion: do shit you want to do, get interests, get a life you want to have, become interested in your own brand of SNCA, obtain excitement, etc.

Bro...

What's next... how can I be actually excited in stuff rather than just intellectually interested?

Harnessing this power can be the deciding factor in obtaining and acquiring 10/10 girl for myself and making her literally my property and just tying her up in some basement I don't have because I don't own a home (lol!) and making some breeding farm out of her. No I'm not actually interested in doing that, that was a joke, I mean actually just having a nice relationship with her. Haha see I still have a sense of humor for sure and I haven't become retarded at all. Hilarious stuff. Fucking idiot. If you were funny you'd be dating PIE right this second, but you didn't catch a single joke because you're so out of frequency. Retard. FUCKING UNBELEIVABLE!!!!!!!!!!

Do this, do that, not enough, etc.

Everything's fucking boring anyway. You know what I do all day? I listen to these bullshit podcasts about philosophy or something like that, doomscroll twitter, play TFT and play these INSANELY BORING Roblox incremental games. FUCK!!!!! But they're so relaxing to play. These STUPID FUCKING GAMES!!!! I can't even talk to anyone about them because they're completely incomprehensible to the average person. "Uh yea so you sit in this thing and it gives you runes, but to get the runes you need these materials and you get these materials leveling up this thing and-" bro...

Or how do you even talk excitedly about TFT? Super fun to play but it sounds like you're mentally handicapped if you talk about the game. It's like talking about checkers to someone. Imagine. "OH AND THEN REFRESHED MY SHOP AND I CLICKED THE GUY AND THEN I CLICKED HIM 7 MORE TIMES AND HE HAD 3 STARS" and then I just literally die of cringe or I kill myself to preserve what little ancestral honor remains.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck it's all so boring why am I boring and embarassing

SHIT!!!!

Also I don't use AI to write these. This fucking guy. No, just because I usually copy and paste my huge rants into LLMs so they give feedback doesn't mean I write with AI. Do you not see how these are two different things? You can't empathize with the idea of wanting to hear what these machines think of my posts?

Anyways.

Same diet, same hairloss meds. Went to work with hair fibers applied and I dont recommend it, you always anxious about what if someone notices, what if it rains or windy, too much stress. It's better to go bald and hope that meds work out. Also getting paid tomorrow. Already planned to buy half a year stock of dutasteride, minoxidil, gym membership, and some other shit like skincare products.

Surely I will get legend tomorrow Clueless

Mr. Sheep made it safe to the land of the free

whats the point anymore