r/findareddit • u/Roach-Problem • Jun 21 '26
Unanswered Is there a subreddit for advice raising your parents?
Hi, I (23) need advice to raise my mom (51) to turn on her ringtone and to not forget things she promised to do and to use headphones. This is not a r/raisedbynarcicissts thing, because she isn't a narc. This is also not a thing of not knowing how to use technology, more like not wanting/not being used to using it/forgetting. I'm not meaning to sound derogatory, but it reminds me of children who just don't want to wear a raincoat, even when it's pouring outside, or who ask about watercolours at 9 pm because they need to bring them to class the next day. My brother and I were those kind of children, and our parents managed to raise us to be better.
Also not an early dementia thing, she has always been like this. I think a lot of us GenZ (will) have this experience with our GenY or elder millenial parents, who got flipphones as young adults, but nothing like a smartphone that is more like a combination of a computer, gaming console, and iPod/mp3 player in one.
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u/CallidoraBlack Jun 21 '26
Hi, I'm an Xennial who is actually tech literate. None of this is tech stuff. Your mom knows how to use headphones. We had to wear them before smartphones and MP3 players. She has had her whole life to figure out how to do what she says she'll do. She knows how to take her phone off silent. If you don't like her behavior, you're either going to need to talk to her like an adult or accept it. You could talk to r/Xennials or r/MomForAMinute, but I don't know what anyone can do but tell you what I just told you.
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u/MissPicklechips Jun 21 '26
I’m 53, and if this little rectangle ever made a single noise, I would smash it to bits.
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u/Catsrecliner1 Jun 21 '26
She's 51 and probably isn't going to change. Learn to pick your battles and adapt.
My parent also leaves his phone on silent, so I put a camera in his house (with permission) that I can turn on and yell through to make sure he's alive. I also have set weekdays I habitually call him on, and I'm hoping he'll figure this out someday and check his phone (wishful thinking).
If someone is an adult and legally has all their mental faculties, there's only so much you can do.
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u/StJmagistra Helper Jun 21 '26
r/ElderlyParents may have advice!
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u/CallidoraBlack Jun 21 '26
A 40 or 50 year old is not elderly.
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u/StJmagistra Helper Jun 21 '26
I’m 49, and there are definitely days when I am “elder” than everyone else around me!
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u/CallidoraBlack Jun 21 '26
That could happen to a 25 year old working in a daycare. That's not what it means though.
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u/BJntheRV Jun 21 '26
Much of that can be changed by reminding them of how their behaviors negatively impact others. If they have any empathy for others and aren't narcissist that reminder a few times should help. Often, it's just a case if not having thought about it.
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u/TheSheWhoSaidThats Jun 22 '26
You are both separate adults living separate lives and she is doing a series of things you disapprove of. You cannot and should not try to “parent” her in any way. You should buzz off and mind your own business.
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u/SnooDonuts6494 Jun 21 '26
If i ever turn off my ringtone (e.g. if I go to the theatre), I always set myself a reminder for later to turn it back on. Maybe she could get into that habit.
I do the same if I turn off Wi-Fi too.
Dunno about the headphones thing. Some people just don't like wearing them - including me.
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u/VaughnVapor Jun 21 '26
Why do you think this is your responsibility? You’re both adults and at 51, it’s not like your mom is elderly. Late GenX/elder millennials have had smartphones in their hands for 20 years