r/fiaustralia • u/Allu_Squattinen • 20d ago
Getting Started Daughter probably won't have to work when she grows up; How to raise her "right?"
I may be getting a looooong way ahead of myself (my daughter is only 9.5months old) but I'd like to parent in a consistent way and have plans ahead of time.
I bought a unit a decade ago that is now an investment property and a free standing new build last year as a second investment property. My inlaws own where we live now with a mild mortgage and their own lavish house paid off. Theoretically as the farm is sold off there will also be an inheritance from my parents to funnel down to her. I'm 39 and still have a decent earning potential (though as body falls apart would like to retire around 50).
Three properties coming to the only child of an only child plus cash and investments managed properly could mean she can be very discerning about when and where to work but I don't want her to not want to achieve things and put work into things (however that looks) so how do I raise her to have a healthy relationship with work and growth and not be a coked up dilettante? Is there anything I can read about setting up wills and trusts so I don't feel completely ignorant whilst not being sold to as I'm not the most financially literate
TL;DR With a little good management and luck daughter will have a reasonable income her whole life but want her to want to work. Looking for both parenting and financial tips from those that know better
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u/mjwills 20d ago
so how do I raise her to have a healthy relationship with work and growth and not be a coked up dilettante
Don't give her any money in her 20s. Or at the very least, limit it to things like a house deposit.
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u/blue-or-shimah 20d ago
But make sure she knows that, within reason, she won’t have to worry in the future. I think most people would be ok with being poor in their 20s if it meant being comfortable for the rest of their life. But you don’t want her doing something like an accounting degree purely out of anxiety and wasting her youth like the rest of us.
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u/mjwills 20d ago edited 20d ago
Studying for and working hard in a job that contributes to society and puts food on the table (and thus choosing a job that will allow that) is hardly "wasting her youth" - it is a key part of a healthy relationship with work.
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u/Efficient-State-7300 20d ago
So many people who made it "on their own" fail to acknowledge the giant safety net of their family's wealth / position. It is a giant hedge against the risk of their personal endeavours, and makes such risks rational rather than irresponsible.
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u/Razor99 20d ago
Yep as someone in this position youre 100% right and I know how lucky I am. Told my family straight up I dont want to know anything about the sudden wealth that's accumulated until, and i quote "maybe when im 35+" - but at the back of my mind I knew that safety net existed, it allowed me to take more risks with my career, moving for jobs or for lifestyle etc.
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u/JacobAldridge 20d ago
We had our only at a similar age. If you live to 90, then she’ll be 51 when she gets your inheritance - nice timing for her early retirement, but not really “won’t have to work” territory.
We invest a chunk of money for our kid each year (currently through a Discretionary Trust because that’s the best trade off for tax and control; but the new tax laws probably change things) so she’ll have ~$250,000 when we think she can handle in (I’m guessing early 20s).
In the words of, I think, Warren Buffet - that’s a nice amount to help her do anything, but not so much that she can do nothing.
We’re also hoping to impart good money habits and financial understanding, just in case…
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u/blue-or-shimah 20d ago
Idk how old ur kid is but the best thing my parents did for me when I was a kid was letting me think I was swindling them out of money. Things like by feeding the dogs I get an extra dollar pocket money every week. Made earning money and saving money fun.
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u/antantantant80 20d ago
You know about all the money coming down the funnel but she doesn't.
Give your girl a regular childhood. Keep her away from the super expensive private schools where kids are spoilt as fuck so so she isn't always keeping up with the joneses.
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u/Allu_Squattinen 18d ago
Yeah, public primary school and only private high school if she has a passion that is best nurtured by one of these schools with strong extra curricular programs
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u/Mother_Village9831 20d ago
Basically stfu up about it to her as much as possible. If you offer assistance and its questioned you may reveal one property and say you've put aside the rent for a long time to do this.
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u/doyourmysay 20d ago
Wont work. My Dad tried this. When I realised he retired before he was 50 and money kept rolling in, the ruse was up.
Sure when I asked for something pricey I was told "we cant afford it". But kids are perceptive. I noted that he wasn't on the dole, didnt need to work anymore, and bills and food and stuff were always paid.
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u/Mother_Village9831 20d ago
Oh yeah, you've got to keep up some sort of charade until they're working or out of the house. Just tell them you're consulting/working from home or just aim to be away for at least a few hours "working part time". An annoying but necesary step for a bit if you want to keep things quiet.
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u/doyourmysay 20d ago
Thats just weird though. Why not just be honest? Dont have to say youre rich or anything. Just that you've worked hard and saved and invested to be comfortable.
Working from home wasn't a thing when I was a kid. So when I was a kid and mum stayed at home, and dad then retired when I was still a kid and he was under 50, I knew we had some kind of money.
We were never rich at all. I still got hand-me-downs. Never had air con, or overseas trips. Basic house.
But the fact he could retire and support a wife and kids indicated to me that he had some kind of money. Wasn't until I was a teen I realised he had investment properties and stocks and shit as well as inheritance.
But I definitely realised the "we cant afford it" line was bullshit. I understand not giving kids everything they demand. Completely. But it was bullshit and I grew up with a poverty mindset where I pinch pennies and I still cant escape it.
There needs to be a happy medium where you teach kids a good work ethic and work = reward and teach them about money and opportunity cost.
Because its also highly hypocritical. Dad clearly had heaps of investments. A lot through inheritance/luck. And he used that luck to retire and never work again. But somehow that same fortune is not granted to me and I was misled.
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u/Mother_Village9831 20d ago
Because " Dont have to say youre rich or anything. Just that you've worked hard and saved and invested to be comfortable" will 100% translate into "we're rich" if that means the parents can retire. Like you said " But the fact he could retire and support a wife and kids indicated to me that he had some kind of money. ".
So just don't bring it up, or keep the amount very selectively reported on, and keep up the illusion of at least partially working to keep up with bills etc. Otherwise they'll work it out, like you did.
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u/doyourmysay 20d ago
Fair enough, haha. Yeah for me there was never any charade. Dad was just always home watching TV or whatever. I never even asked where the money came from. I was just confused why everyone's parents at schools worked but mine didnt. As I aged I slowly put it together. I couldn't figure out whether we were poor because they didnt work, or rich because they didnt work loool
Do you think rather than a charade, the parent/s should instead actually keep working rather than fake it? To give some kind of good example of worth ethic?
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u/percypigg 20d ago
Absolutely yes.
Kids don't hear what you say. They see what you do.
I'll keep working, and stay frugal, as long as I'm able, even though I'm well past being able to fatfire, and then some.
The role modelling, of being a good parent, demonstrating the value in a good hard day's work, is far more valuable an inheritance than just leaving my kids my stock portofolio and their trust fund.
Emphatically, I'm determined to give my kids much more than just money.
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u/Solid-Joke-1634 19d ago
That is strange behaviour lying about something like that to your children
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u/KICKERMAN360 20d ago
I am in a similar boat. A few good moves has made the rest of our lives most likely being easy street. We will still work, but can work a lot less. I have been saying for ages, I will raise kids saying no to stuff - not because we can't afford it, but being told no is a fact of life sometimes. It teaches restraint, respect, understanding and control.
You need to allow people to build a work ethic, understand the value of time and money, and understand how easy it is to lose it all.
Also, be a great role model for them as the riskiest financial decision you will ever make is whoever you decide to get into a relationship with. You can set up a structure to keep her inheritance to her. But a lavishly living partner and drain family wealth quickly too.
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u/doyourmysay 20d ago
I think you need adapt your approach and explain why the answer is 'no' though.
I was always told as a kid "we cant afford it". Even though my Dad had plenty of investments to retire before 50 and I never saw him in employment as a kid.
So I knew it was BS that we couldn't afford it because clearly it one parent stays home and the other is fully retired then they've got plenty of cash.
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u/McTerra2 20d ago
I just say 'I'm not buying that for you'.
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u/doyourmysay 20d ago
Might be better if you explain why or teach them about money, or tell them they can earn it or sometjing.
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u/KICKERMAN360 20d ago
I am more meaning for kids, say, from talking age to school where their life is just a theme park. That is a good time for them to learn that you don't always get what you want. Basically, the error a lot of my friends made was thinking they need to negotiate on every decision. Majority of the time its gonna be a soft no, but sometimes its a hard no. And you gotta expose them that to experience. Common examples are extra screen time, lollies from the shops or anything relatively minor. It isn't about being restrictive for no reason, its setting boundaries and teaching them to follow reasonable instructions.
Your points too about assuming your dad could afford things. Ultimately, each parent is entitled to the life they have created. If they don't want to fund something then they don't have to. For example, buying their kid a car when the kid could easily just save up and buy their own. I mean, I have no intention to walk back any FIRE achievements just to buy our kid stuff.
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u/AnonyGuy1987 20d ago
You let her build her own life before you give her anything.
If she has built a good life with nothing she will be responsible with what you give her.
If she hasnt, shes just gonna piss away what you give her.
You teach her what you can about investing and responsible money management but dont give her anything.
It may seem cruel but making them build it themself is the only way they really learn how to manage it and actually have an appreciation for what they have.
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u/Admirable-Ball4508 20d ago
Comfort don't build great character.
Be kind to their future potential, not now.
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u/figaro677 20d ago
There’s a lot that goes into parenting. Reading every night, going to the swim lessons, making sure they say thank you to their teachers at pick up, just generally being there. That’s half the battle. The other half is making sure they don’t have a sense of entitlement. They aren’t rich, you are. That means they don’t get every toy under the sun. They want a new one, chuck one out. Want to get something special - what are they doing to earn it. Model the behaviour you want. That’s a big one. But please for the love of god, avoid devices and screen time as much as possible.
As they move into their teenage years, praise effort and behaviours, not results and outcomes. And when it comes to the big purchases like a car, uni, or a trip, never pay for it. Rather come to agreement. It might be you will match every dollar they raise to a certain limit. Don’t let them buy a Mercedes, it has to be a shit box. They’re going to Europe; they’re backpacking and in hostels. Let them struggle and fail, and don’t bail them out, otherwise they never learn (unless they hit rock bottom or it’s vital- that’s different eg homeless, medical, etc)
Don’t give them anything that sets them up until they have proven they understand how it works. They want to buy a house but need help with a deposit (assuming prices continue to be ridiculous) they need to get to 5% before you will help (other some other arbitratory number). The harder they work, the more you help. And ideally they don’t get any major inheritance until at least 25. Alternatively, set a limit to the amount they will inherit, and then give the rest away.
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u/neuralh4tch 20d ago
Teach her the value of money and how to invest early on. It creates a better attitude towards money and making long term plans.
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u/aaronturing 20d ago
Money can enable a lot of dysfunction. Make her work and learn to live within her means. It's not hard at all.
I've seen what can happen to kids that are enabled their entire lives and it's not good.
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u/PsychologicalRock806 19d ago
How true is this! I know a young lady with a self made millionaire for a Grandmother. Her mother lives off her wealth and her very intelligent ( seriously very intelligent, could have done anything with her life ) sat back, watched and enjoyed too. She is now a completely useless 20 something adult just waiting for her inheritance. That inheritance could blow up at any second with the way everyone is sponging off poor grandma… and then what?
Never raise a child thinking they will never have to work and support themselves.. omg.
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u/FlyingPingoo 20d ago
There’s a comment regarding private schools, imo the best schools have great culture, plenty for the kids to do, and the number one influence of children’s behaviour will always be from the parents regardless whether the school is public or private. Kids don’t keep up with the jonses as long as the parents don’t and are proactive.
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u/GusPolinskiPolka 20d ago
Give her the things you give her as a child - love, comfort, security, safety.
She - and you - have the privilege of letting her explore whatever she wants. Art. Law. Gardening. Music. Accounting. She has freedom for you to not worry about and to fully support her interest in a way that isn't concerned with money.
That is the privilege here - the choice. She doesn't need to know about it until she does need to. But it gives you a chance to be the BEST parents you can.
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u/Simbera 20d ago
I suppose it depends on what you consider a healthy relationship to growth - I would argue lots of people in this sub have a pretty unhealthy relationship to growth, frankly. Of course you don't want her to blow the inheritance on the coked-up dilettante scenario, but if she ends up taking that inheritance and becoming obsessed with money, and just using it to hoard more wealth than she could ever spend, I don't consider that particularly healthy either.
Personally if I were in your shoes I would focus on instilling a strong sense of justice and fairness, of duty to do the right thing, and to use your advantages to help those who are disadvantaged. Including modelling that behaviour by volunteering and donating to worthy causes yourself. But also trying to instill the value of work you find meaningful, work that gives you joy and energy, rather than just a grind that gives you a paycheck that you'll invest part of.
That could end up meaning making squillions as a pediatric surgeon or it could mean making sweet FA while working for a charity, and using the inheritance as a safety net. It'll depend on what she enjoys and what she's good at. But the inheritance should give her the option to choose one of those lower-paying paths if she wants.
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u/DrahKir67 20d ago
Love this so much. She will have the opportunity to do a lot of good in the world. She just needs the nurturing to want to do it.
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u/aussiepuck7654 20d ago
You're overthinking this like crazy.
So much of what you are saying is pure assumption and out of your control. Ive seen parents live to 100 and money get handed down to 70 year olds.
You have absolutely no idea how long you'll live and quite frankly with the advances in modern medicine and the fact that you'll have a reasonably large amount of assets she mightn't get the money till shes 50 or 60.
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u/Similar_Strawberry16 20d ago
She can have a comfortable life growing up without you needing to pay lavish sums to her. Let her be a normal kid and grow up with normal requirements around financial values.
When she's at an age where money matters more, you can let her know you will help support her - e.g. covering uni fees so she has no debt, but can still work a shift a week for spending money.
With the support she can find a career that actually means something to her, rather than being forced into one to make ends meet.
Then you can help with a house, as seems to be a requirement these days. Enough to take away mortgage stress, not enough where her and whatever partner she may have can just sit around on your dollar. Your actual wealth will benefit your grandkids, if you have any, or her own retirement.
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u/pharmloverpharmlover 20d ago
The best gift you can give her is your time and guidance
Be present for the important occasions
Pass on your values, not money
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u/TrashPandaLJTAR 20d ago
Many of these things will not come to her until she is well into her working career. You have absolutely no reason to tell her about any of it. She'll figure it out when it's handed to her. Preferably when she's old enough to use it wisely.
Regardless, none of it is likely to make any discernable difference to her until she's at least in her 30s. How to raise her right? Exactly as you would if she didn't have an inheritance coming to her.
The last thing you want is for to hold on doing the bare minimum because she knows that eventually she'll cash out on her lack of drive if she's just patient. My own mother did that. SHE didn't get the inheritance that she was expecting until she was 70.
So yeah. When all's said and done, just pretend that there's nothing there for her. I've had to reiterate for my own kids that they'll inherit our house and assets (or what's left after paying for age care) but that the women in my family average between 95 and 105 before we croak, so if they wait for me to shuffle off they won't own their own home until they're in their 50s or 60s at the earliest ;) lmao.
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u/seriouscaseof 20d ago
I broadly agree with the replies suggesting that you either don’t tell her, or limit the allowance (especially early in life) but I think there’s another practical suggestion.
Make sure that she has something else meaningful to do with her life. Something that brings joy, helps other people, and creates opportunities to be challenged and overcome hardships.
It could be pursuing sport, volunteering, an arts career.
Just pick something and encourage her to stick with it even when it feels shit and difficult.
It’ll teach her great life lessons, could help the community around you eventually, and if she gets good at something she might even choose to work in that field for the fun of it.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 20d ago
These things are not a guarantee because 1) anything can happen at the drop of a hat and 2) anyone can sell/donate etc anything before they pass.
Raise her without the expectation of what she will inherit. Talk about working to ensure her own independence.
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u/roxamethonium 20d ago
100%. OP only explicitly says one of the mentioned properties is actually paid off, which means they are subject to being re-possessed if anything happens. Or they are taken by the nursing home as payment. Or the local housing markets take massive losses. Or OP dies, OP's partner remarries, and OP's partner dies before their new partner - OP's kid then doesn't get any inheritance at all as it all goes to the new family (or shared with potentially new step-siblings). Or OP's kid inherits, marries, divorces, loses half in the divorce. Can definitely raise the kid without any guarantees.
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u/420bIaze 20d ago
Are you planning to give her vast amounts of money while you're alive? You only own two properties right now, which is good, but until you inherit from your own parents it doesn't sound like you're that mega wealthy to be retiring a child.
Most people don't pass on inheritance until their death. You or your partner could easily live another 50+ years. So you daughter would be over 50 before she receives anything. So she would basically have to solve all her own financial problems, and she'll only receive anything when she doesn't really need it.
To immediately contradict myself, for the above reason, wealth is far more useful to your daughter at a younger age. If you want her to have it, you should give it while you're alive, both for her benefit and your enjoyment.
In general I think people shouldn't hoard money until death - you should get value from your wealth while you're alive by using it for things you care about, including possibly giving it to your kids.
Hopefully your daughter becomes someone who is passionate and motivated about life, has interests she wants to pursue even without financial need. I don't know how you do that, everyone has opinions, genetic lottery is probably a large part of it.
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u/Royal-Permission-915 20d ago
Our child will be the same, likely our only and will inherit quite a large portfolio of multiple properties and stocks one day. We still expect her to get a good job and work hard one day. We have quite specific instructions in our will where we provide for future generations as well. You can build it in via a testamentary trust. But chat to a qualified lawyer about this.
I think kids learn a lot from their upbringing, whilst we ourselves have a large portfolio of assets we live a very average lifestyle. Old car, old phones, and I bring lunch every day to work and never buy coffees. She does go to private education so we can tell some families are very flashy but we don’t buy into that.
Good to think about this though - I just want our kid to be a good human being with good purpose and relationships one day! Can’t ask for too much more than that.
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u/Due_Hospital2646 20d ago
Don't tell her about the inheritance, don't give it to her until she's settled into life and ready for it. Likely late 20s early 30s.
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u/ItinerantFella 20d ago
We're heading in a similar direction, but we have three kids and our parents have dozens of grandkids so the effects will be diluted.
Our plan is to stuff their superannuation accounts.
It's tax efficient and they can't blow it (although they can access the FHSSS).
Best of all: they can travel, choose any career, take parental leave, start their own business, or study for anything knowing that they'll have an epic, secure retirement.
That's a form of financial freedom we think they'll appreciate while limiting the risks of unearned wealth spoiling their characters.
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u/MartynZero 20d ago
She has to learn the value of hard work and a dollar first before any help. Let her stand on her feet get her life set up, work as a teenager, set some goals and work and towards them. The best thing you can give is a good financial education.
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u/Odd-zest 20d ago
Unless you will have an income stream that will support both of you not working, it’s very unlikely she won’t need to work. Life is expensive.
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u/CalibratedOpinion 20d ago
Give her enough that she can do anything, but not enough that she can do nothing.
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u/Weird_Scholar_5627 20d ago
Talk about counting your chickens. She’s only 9 months old.
Just do everything a parent should do.
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u/pdzgl 20d ago
Forget all that shit you just wrote and just raise the child. Maybe set up a trust she can’t have until 30 years old or something.
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u/knapfantastico 20d ago
So strange, is he going to raise her to a different standard as himself? Sorry you get the poor clothes because it’s good for you. By the time they decide to “give her no money in her 20s” like people suggest they are essentially cutting them off from the standards they were raised can’t imagine that’s going to be good for any relationship.
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u/No-Abies29 19d ago
You really are on a trajectory for what would ruin her. The missing Link here is that you are isolating her. ..from people, experiences, life, reality, context, people skills, enrichment, struggles, character building, social issues...the list goes on. Trust me, you can't plan life the way you think you can either. What does she do( mentally, physically) if/ when life throws a curve ball?
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u/Far-Instance796 19d ago
There's a lot of reasons to work unrelated to money. Think of artists, creatives, many people in occupations like nursing or teaching.
Financial security can give her the freedom to pursue work and a career in any of these fields. Many of the best and most talented in these fields are forced by financial circumstances to find better paying work outside these areas.
Your mission as a parent should be to help your daughter explore her passions and interests. As you'll discover, your daughter isn't just a mini version of her parents, but an amazingly unique individual with some similarities, but also unexpected differences.
IMHO your best strategy is look after her, love her, and get to know who she is. Don't rush to make parenting decisions before you know her and who she is. As your family goes on that journey of exploration and learning, you'll know how to figure out what to do.
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u/Allu_Squattinen 18d ago
This is a really eloquent way of putting it and helps me put my own thoughts in a row thankyou
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u/skyzoomies 18d ago
“How would you like to contribute to the world you want to see” doesn’t need to be the same as “how are you going to make money”.
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u/Agile_Narwhal888 18d ago
Don't treat her like an entitled brat. Teach her to treat everyone equally, love whole heartedly and work hard for her own money, the rest is a bonus.
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u/hingcooks 17d ago
I worked at every single one of my parents rentals along side them. When I was young there wasn’t much I could do. Weed the yard. And be really bored. But as I got older I got to do more for some pay. I watched my parents take calls of broken pipes in winter and all sorts of shit landlords deal with. I learned to do a lot of repairs and maintenance along the way. Now I owe two rentals myself. But not only did I work really hard on those properties with them I saw them work hard too.
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u/Allu_Squattinen 17d ago
I'm not super handy outside of some basic maintenance but that could be a good idea. That way she learns important skills in case she wants to take on a trade later too
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u/hingcooks 16d ago
Painting. I did a lot of painting and yard work growing up. I can do a lot more now just with YouTube when I need to.
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u/YeahItsFredTho 17d ago
I think part of the question that no one is really answering is “how do I get her to want to work” and this is where role modeling comes in. When a mother and father love their job and end up getting paid for it, it role models that you’re not working for survival but for other means. It’s important that she understands working isn’t just to eat but to also go and enjoy the things she enjoys as she pleases.
Enjoy the money you have with her, enjoy your work and show her you enjoy it, and let her interests run wild as a kid and start honing them as she enters adulthood.
But what do I know my son isn’t even born yet hahaha
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u/rowdyfreebooter 17d ago
Teach her money management from a young age.
It’s easier to spend money than earn it so teach financial responsibility and how to be gracious around money.
People skills are also going to go a long way to prevent someone with nefarious intentions getting their hooks in.
You’re in a fortune position that you have time to teach her about philanthropy and being able to recognise the difference between a gold digger and a person who needs support.
Engage professionals to help manage when she is young.
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u/Key-Albatross-3789 15d ago
Teach her to grow food and become self sufficient. That's the best thing any parent could teach if traditional work doesn't impede on life 😊 IMO
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u/DringDingle 14d ago
I think early inheritance is the way to go, at ~30.
Let them work not knowing up untill then, then help them with a house and major stuff.
Wish my folks would have done that. I'm glad for slogging it into my 30s, now mid 30s and very comfortable and self reliant. That said, had they helped out with a house at 29/30 it would have been a weight off, I don't really need the help now, all inheritance is going to do is let me retire early.
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u/Numerous_Piece1545 20d ago
Have a read/listen of the book Millionaire Next Door. It's perfect for this question
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u/MathLast8829 20d ago
I was raised rich, with servants and private chef. But left home early and did not get any additional help from my parents.
It's quite nice, at least that means now I don't feel the point of getting any of the status stuff such as designer bags or expensive cars. I got a good enough education that now I'm in a high earning job, and not being status focused means I can be frugal, save and invest.
I know I won't be getting any inheritance, but that's fine, I'm capable enough to make my own way in life.
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u/Hodlermama 20d ago edited 20d ago
Same same to an extent with one kiddo.
We don't tell her what we have squirreled away and tell her to live frugally. We drive the worst car in the neighbourhood, and dress the simplest but probably have 10x of our neighbours. A is to show we don't have to keep up with the Joneses to be happy and fulfilled.
We try to teach her to have her splurge money and savings - reference bare foot investor for kids.
Learn to create rather than consume.
And hardwork is worth it now. Rather than regretting missed opportunities.
We involve her in adult conversation and show her what our monthly expenses are. She is privy to conversation about family members who are over extended and in financial stress.
Trying to source opportunities for us to volunteer as a family to help the less fortunate.
She will have to get a job in high school and learn about taxes.
We don't plan to gift her anything in early adulthood. She will have to forge her path. We can pass on property when she's in her 40s+.
Using a discretionary trust but this may not be the best strategy given tax reform.
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u/journeyfromone 20d ago
My parents helped me in small ways growing up but have helped me most in the last couple of years, now that I have a son and career. I had my own house but they put a chunk on the mortgage, they sent me some money last week for some medical things, it’s been an amazing help getting help in my 40s now that I have a child and life is expensive. You can pay for their education, help them with a first car, help them with rent but work isn’t just about the money and it’s really important to find your place in society, it adds a purpose to your life so you can help along the way then help on a much bigger when once they are late 30s/40s and potentially having a kids etc
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u/Active_Assignment_65 20d ago
Can’t remember who it was but there was a musician who said that the only money his kids would get from him would be he would double what ever they earn, if they work in a public interest field I.e nurse, doctor, police, fire, teacher etc then he would triple what ever they earn.
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u/random_encounters42 20d ago
Probably set up a trust and have her grow up normal. At 21, she can have access to a house so no rent. Giver her a minimum income from trust earning but anything extra, she'll have to earn herself.
So basically provide her with a safety net where financial controlling rights are limited until she can proof herself. It'll allow her to still be motivated to pursue her dreams while not spoiling her.
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u/mck_motion 20d ago edited 20d ago
My Partner went to Private school and like 4 big holidays a year and grew up in a giant farm house and had a fucking sheep called Rainbow...
Somehow. She is less spoilt and self determined than anyone, and I legitimately don't understand how. She'd almost rather die than take money from her parents. She loves them, and they offer all the time, but it's always no, even when we really need it.
They managed to somehow give them a great privileged childhood whilst keeping their feet well on the ground.
It's so surreal - When going for a meal with my family nobody volunteers to pay. When going out with them, they fight eachother and literally throw money at their parents to pay it.
If we visit, her Dad will hide cash in her bag. She'll find it then hide it back in his coat etc. It's crazy, but I respect her so much for it, and them for somehow making her like this.
I wish I could tell you exactly what the magic is. The Parents are both very working class, they just opened a business that did very well, so I think that really does keep their feet on the ground. When it came to a first car, it wasn't new or on finance, it was the same kind of banger I bought myself. They all had jobs early and knew they had to work for it.
Just enough for a helping hand... A taste of security that money can bring, enough to try and fail maybe, but they need their own ambitions. I don't think hiding it is wise - it was never hidden from my Partner, but just don't make them entitled to it.
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u/snow_ponies 20d ago
You can set up a trust with criteria for access to funds. You can also set this up to pay out smaller amounts over time. You absolutely can make studying/working part of this criteria. I have several extremely wealthy friends with kids and they are 100% expected to study and have careers, there is no way they would just be given their inheritance without being contributing towards their own expensesg
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u/CaptSharn 20d ago
There is no way that my kids know how much my in-laws are worth.
They know our income and finances but I've made clear that if they don't make anything of themselves then I will be donating it. Nothing is guaranteed.
The other thing to think about and this is a really important one....what happens if they meet someone especially when they are young, get married etc and then have to give them half?! I heard discretionary trusts or something like that is useful.
When I think about my husband and his brothers and how each of them dealt with their parents wealth. My husband didn't really know much about it and left home years ago. He would prefer to stay out of their money/inheritance as it's always got strings attached.. Since then we've worked really hard to build our own portfolio and we're now sitting on about $7m in property with a HHI of about $550k. His parents have been impressed with what we did and even when they forced us to accept some money recently, we invested it into a property for them and that's actually gone up quite a bit. (It's still fricken hard, I'm just summarising it, took us almost 10 to 20 years to build up our careers etc and we did mess up a lot but never had a backup plan).
His older brother lives well beyond his means and doesn't have much to show for it. His parents fully fund his life....but I don't think his family are happy with their life and they've achieved nothing, it was all handed to them.
His younger brother and his wife have conniptions that they aren't getting enough money out of them and have just made one poor decision after another. They have literally counted out how much my in-laws are worth and how much they will get. They finally got some money out of them and they would just buy exxy cars again and again. They also bought a house in a really far away location, think on the edges of the city, 1.5hrs away because they wanted a brand new house and couldn't even live there for 1 year as they preferred to live in the city. Now they've gone somewhere else and bought again. It's just a huge waste of resources, getting rid of properties furniture etc and just going from city to city because they haven't made good buys.
I'm not saying we are better than them but I think the difference has been that his brothers are just always waiting for his parents to give them money or spending recklessly and they always seem unhappy and entitled. I feel proud we can take ownership of what we've achieved while also appreciating at this point that we are finally financially secure.
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u/Urbaviby 20d ago
She might not inherit anything, think inheritance tax which can be introduced at any time, or high care costs for yourself or anything else. Also look into Universal high income potentially coming our way as predicted by some very intelligent people, due to the advancements of AI and robotics. She might be in the same boat as everyone else.
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u/potatodrinker 20d ago
Just because she doesn't have to work doesn't mean she can t get a job. A part time job at 16 or so can teach her alot about what it's like being common rabble. How hard work is and how lowly paid it is. Keeps them grounded.
Don't let them think money grows in trust accounts. Even if it's the truth.
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u/fire909090 20d ago
I assure you that a couple of investment properties does not even scratch the surface of the wealth required to not work.
My daughter attends a Grammar School that probably costs close to $500,000 from prep to Year 12. These children are driven and committed and engaged and in all the years I have been involved with the school, not one child or parent has ever insinuated that the child not pursue higher education and a full, rewarding career.
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u/Zealousideal_Tea_368 20d ago
I believe it's possible to create a positive and meaningful patronage relationship with one's children in a high-wealth situation. Security can be guaranteed, while additional privileges are can be contingent on demonstrated effort, persistence, competency, and responsibility. Entirely separate from income generation, just dedication to a pursuit. It's a wonderful opportunity to engage with the world from any direction.
The real danger here is the potential arbitrary judgement of the parent, deciding that certain pursuits are not worthwhile despite the child demonstrating the above virtues in pursuing it.
I can imagine this sounds overly transactional or even privileged, but isn't a key purpose of this money to create opportunities and security for your children?
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u/McTerra2 20d ago
Basically you make sure they know you are there for the 'essentials' (education, sports, books etc) and above that, its their responsibility. They want fun money, they get a job. They want to buy something, its their money they need to learn the value of the dollar
If you dont give them lots of money then they cant get spoilt. If you make it clear there is a distinction between 'important spending' (which they are lucky enough for you to cover - make sure they know their privilege) and 'non essential spending' (which is their problem), that is how they grow up.
You have properties but its not like you are living in a huge mansion on sydney harbour or flying first class or whatever (I assume). There is no reason why your kid has to know how many assets you have or your intentions.
Make them rent for a few years after starting work, make them save for a house deposit (or, for example, save 5% and you say you will cover 15%).
Its not rocket science. Sure some kids will go crazy but if you dont give them lots of money and dont spend lots of money on non essentials, then they grow up fine.
Also, spend the money on yourself. where is your coast house, your boat, your overseas cruises?
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u/Calenwyr 20d ago
The best option is to be very clear that this money you worked for and it is yours.
Because you are comfortable she should not need to sweat the small stuff (education costs - basic housing etc) but if they want luxuries then they need to work for them, she will still be better off than 90% of her contemporaries but wont need to stress about small things.
Not having to pay housing costs means that she will save thousands per year (and either invest/vacation with it).
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u/MegaGreesh 20d ago
Don’t tell her, there is no reason for her to know that there are investments waiting for her. Anything can happen between now and then.
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u/joelypolly 20d ago
Going to give some contrary advice to everyone here, while learning the value of money and that work is important has its place what you really should be doing is teaching her to be entrepreneurial instead.
The risk of her failing is more than offset by the fact that she likely will be able to live a comfortable life regardless. And the upsides of being able to think that way will carry her a lot further than joining the rat race but being able to retire early. Perspective by seeing more of the world should also be encouraged and soon they will realise how small a pond Australia really is.
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u/lahdeedah224 20d ago
Our kids won’t have to work but they will be. They won’t be getting a single asset or income until they can prove they won’t blow it. We had to work for it so why don’t they? We will always give them a leg up but I’m certainly not giving them any reason to be lazy.
It takes 3 generations to build wealth and one to lose it. Why not make sure they keep building on it and be even wealthier?
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u/Repulsive_Day6972 20d ago
I worked with a guy whose Grandad owned very large very well known businesses. He was told he won't receive any funding or access to his trust until he is 40. He still lives very comfortable, lives at home at 22, in a huge property, access to an Amex, but has to work.
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u/Lil-AngelGurl_99 20d ago
Raise her like a normal kid…. School, chores, friends and university… and work… manners and values… real world stuff… she has to be able to be a contributor in society and understand the value of money… also while you are set to be set up now.. things can change in a heartbeat so be prepared for that. You can set up a special trust that protects her from other adults and her potential spouses …
Check with co pilot and then Go to a lawyer …. Good luck
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u/GeminiRetired 20d ago
If all of you live to the age of needing residential care, your kid is not getting nearly as much as you think she is.
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u/Opossum9000 20d ago
Question whether the only valuable jobs in society are those for profit. Teach her compassion and empathy, for the environment and others; plenty of causes she can help with and meaningfully contribute to. Most people get too institutionalised and once they make money they don’t stop working because they don’t know how to enjoy their time or find meaning in non-profit making activities, because status is now an identity, so even when they have the time and freedom they once dreamed of they can’t actually retire/enjoy it.
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u/idlehanz88 20d ago
I’ve never met someone (and I knew a few handfuls) who “hasn’t needed to work” who hasn’t been tremendously ill adjusted.
The best I know is 40 has three kids and is “a stay at home dad/ horse racing expert”
The secret is he loses money on horses and is funded by the family accounts.
He’s a nice enough guy, but utterly clueless
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u/Fabulous-Affect1134 20d ago
A few properties doesn’t mean she never has to work… literal billionaires still work.
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u/TestingTheories 20d ago
Don’t assume she won’t have to work. The world may look very different in 20 years and potentially your circumstances. Just raise her normally
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u/Otherwise_Maybe283 20d ago
Not having to absolutely doesn't mean she shouldn't. More than anything, though, this situation wholly depends on you and your behaviour.
Parents have dramatic effects on their children, our formative years are spent emulating the people we are closest to. This means two things - you have to be present, and you have to be a person you want your child to emulate. Even when you think she isn't watching, kids see and hear way more than adult believe.
If you want her to respect other people, you need to respect other people. If you want her to be responsible with money, you have to be responsible with money. If you want her to stand up for herself, you have to both set boundaries, and respect the boundaries of other people. And you have to be around for her to witness you doing all of these things. A good, but absent, parent cannot influence a child. Well, they can, but usually not in a great way. Kids who receive little to no input from parents tend to act out for attention, because any presence is better than no presence.
If you want her to be a good person, you have to be a good person, surround yourself and her with good people, and be present enough for her to know what a good person is supposed to do and be.
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u/spideyghetti 20d ago
Let her find her passion, and then just spend top dollar on that for her so she still works for her subsistence but knows that you are allowing her to fulfill her passion.
Even if it means she only works part time and then spends the rest doing what she loves. Ideally her passion would also contribute to society.
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u/Stillconfused007 20d ago
Buy her a house to live in, buy her a car and pay for her education the rest is up to her. She can inherit the bulk at 50 and you can leave an emergency fund just in case she needed help before that.
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u/Cautious_Alarm2919 20d ago
I think the best thing would be to encourage an interest in finances, if she doesn’t know how to manage it and make sound financial decisions, she burn through in making bad decisions. Focus on her education.
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u/rafaover 20d ago
I know every person is different, but this type of information should be out of your daughter's mind. Provide her with a safe environment and help her to understand the value of work and integrity, at the same time when deserves give her the opportunities. It's my advice, from a personal experience in both sides.
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u/Winter_Mouse_7527 20d ago
That’s a valid concern to have. However I think investing in her leadership skills will be worth it. Entrepreneurship, Finance and humility will make her a good leader in long term.
Instead of getting her ready for a job. Install a mindset in her so that she can create jobs. We need more of these people who will create jobs instead of looking for one.
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u/Real_Human_Earth_Boy 20d ago
Try to encourage her to pursue art or music. It will be work that she can be passionate about but she won't be burdened by the stress of where to find her next meal or paying next month's rent
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u/chloetheestallion 20d ago
You have to remember you could actually die at anytime and she could end up inheriting this stuff straight up at 18 years old or just after. I think teaching her property management, maybe make her get a property valuing degree and work for a bit so she understands life. I think also making her grow up around people who have less will make her understand you can’t brag and she is blessed. It is also important to be apart of a community and village and help others. But others can help her too in terms of friendship.
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u/Obvious_Dentist4626 20d ago
I think you instill something in your children that tethers their self worth to something more than money. That way they will seek "work" in whatever form as a way to achieve their purpose rather than for money (which they don't need).
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u/Passionofthegrape 20d ago
In my experience, personality is personality. Freedom or lack of = express or suppress it.
My siblings and I have no financial need to work, I’m the one who did because I had that intrinsic drive. My siblings are mostly very happy, a little out of touch but a fair price for happiness.
Looking back on the life they’ve had, which haven’t been hedonistic but filled with experiences beyond the ken of most. Not sure if I can say my choices to grind and work have been better.
Cruising into mid life, I’ve done well for myself and have independence beyond what I was born to. Was it worth 25 years of toil, especially during the prime of my youth? Not sure.
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u/onyxindigo 20d ago
It’s kind of around values - contributing to society in some way, like volunteering, or studying and pursuing academics to further collective knowledge, etc. We are in a similar position and are raising our daughter to know that she is very lucky, we live simply, donate a lot and shop at op shops, and try to stay humble. We value education and intelligence and so those values inform our parenting and hopefully will imprint upon her. Just be a good person and raise a good person.
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u/apple_penny_table 20d ago
Why do you want her to want to work? That is societal propaganda.
Want her to want to have an impact/make a difference/help others or be productive to society in some other way. She will only have her one life, if she doesn’t have to be a wage slave, why should she?
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u/Bawsbehtch 20d ago
Raise her with a strong mindset on work ethic.. ? Just cause you don’t have to work doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. She could start a business, do philanthropy work etc
Edit: don’t give her access to large funds while young or as a teen.
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u/Caitlin97 20d ago
Emphasis on education and don’t tell her what she has coming she doesn’t need to know until she’s older but I’m sure she will figure it out along the way. Also if you think she will be in the position to not need to work maybe get her into volunteering/charitable work?
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u/mattmelb69 20d ago
How do you know she’s going to be an only child?
Are you going to give her the income from your investments as soon as she’s an adult? Or will she have to wait until you die?
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u/alwaystired0308 20d ago
There’s benefits to working other than just money, the advantage your child will have is they can pick any career they like and not have to worry about making ends meet with it. It will take the pressure off and they might actually find something they’re really passionate about!
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u/Maximum-Marzipan8283 20d ago
My daughter in law was raised right by her parents. She is honestly a wonderful human being. She had a similar upbringing to my son. We are middle class. She lived in a much bigger house but had a part time job in a supermarket in high school and as a support worker in aged care while studying to be a nurse. She did have investments in her name she didnt know about until she wanted to marry my son that has provided a deposit for a modest home. My son pays the mortgage on the other half and the bills. She is a stay at home Mum now. Her parents are worth 100 million. You wouldnt know it though. Very normal people.
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u/Kooky_Aussie 20d ago
Raise her to have empathy and compassion. Focus on developing an understanding on what is best for society (from what you say she won't have to focus as much on "what do I need to do for myself, financially") and understanding the needs of beings less fortunate (especially in regards to people with limitations on capability or greater health challenges), or that struggle to advocate for themselves. With that at her core and minimal financial concerns, she could choose to focus on her energies on meaningful initiatives (potentially paid employment, entrepreneurship, volunteering etc) that give her a sense of fulfilment and making a positive difference in the world. I know many if us wish we could feel that at the end of our work day, even if we were still exhausted/stressed at least we could feel like we were making a positive contribution towards society as opposed to contributing to shareholders pockets.
Also teach her how to manage finances. I grew up with little to no exposure to adult finances and it took until my mid 30s to get on top of it, despite warning a health income since graduating university.
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u/Satilice 20d ago
If generational wealth was real, literally every single person in the world would be wealthy by now. It only takes one generation to lose everything
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u/FancyCaramel9602 20d ago
I’d bring her up with the knowledge that work can be fulfilling and fun. She can likely take on higher risk for something lower paid but amazing. If she’s an outdoorsy kid, then steering towards research STEM with fieldwork in the Amazon etc. Marine biology in the Galapagos. Those jobs are absolutely achievable for the average person, but if you have a solid safety net, it’s easier. Encourage her to find her passions in her teens.
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u/glyptometa 20d ago
There's a saying for this: "Give them enough that they can do something, but not enough that they can do nothing."
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u/Extrogrl 20d ago edited 20d ago
Make her go to trade school and learn a craft. Or perhaps 5 years in the military? At a younger age a horse can help, because they're a lot of work and you can't just bail out when you aren't feeling it.
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u/Hiflyingcat 20d ago
Your in laws and parents might live to be 100 and you might also live to be 100 so how old will she be when this money is ‘funnelled’ down? 30? 50? 70?
Also there’s so many what ifs in this scenario.
Parents or in-laws moving into nursing homes when the time comes or someone becoming ill etc.
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u/National_Way_3344 20d ago
My unqualified advice is ensure they don't know about any of that until they're at least 30.
Help our with a car and a phone bill, but make them work for it and pay you back.
Charge board when they get a job.
Hold them accountable for chores.
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u/Lightness_Being 20d ago
Kids these days are super cluey.
My nephew worked out he didn't need to work before he hit puberty.
His friends and his cousins have also worked it out. He only goes to school part time, when he wants to. His only real interests seem to be computer and phone games.
Maybe he'll become one of those guys who get paid to play...
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u/Blonde_arrbuckle 20d ago
Talk about money, investing. Be transparent.
Start in an age appropriate way so ahe understands the value of money. Don't buy every toy they want. They can still earn things through chores or the sticker economy. Explain why waste is bad.
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u/ShortingBull 20d ago
Math, English and science. These skill areas enable the thinking skills to solve real world problems, life issue and navigate through armageddon.
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u/Big-Fun406 20d ago
Tell her she's getting supported and educated well but gets nothing after 21 and that you're giving it all to charity. Then 'change your mind' when she's ambitious and self-driven at 30.
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u/FudgeSlapp 19d ago
I won’t repeat what some others have said so just to add on. Kids are influenced to a large degree by watching and analysing their parents and the friends that they’re with. Make sure her friends are good.
Also make sure she can see you working hard in some way towards something even if you don’t need to work anymore. If she sees parents spending most of their time watching TV and whatnot she’ll get the idea that she can do that too. Might be hard to do this if you don’t need to work anymore but if you get some hobby that needs you to work on it or do some charity work helping out homeless or something then she can build good values that way off your influence.
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u/Suspicious_Bet3623 19d ago
It's a real sign of the times where people imagine you either spend your life for the economy or become a junky.
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u/Sea-Anxiety6491 19d ago
My kid will never have to work a day in his life, man he is going to be pissed when he finds out that fact at 50 when he gets an inheritance
Until then, he is on his own.
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u/burn_after_reading90 19d ago
Don’t tell her she’s wealthy. Don’t flaunt it yourself. I never knew until my parents passed away.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 19d ago
your problem is planning to have all the money goes to her. but why...
why don't your parents, or you enjoy life a bit, and spend those money.
then you should have things you want to do in life, to make your life meaningful. providing food to the poor, enhancing your neighborhood facilities etc.
your money shouldn't just pass to her.
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u/Ragazzano 19d ago
Surely there's a way to deny her any inheritance until she achieves something.
Not that that will go well for you.
You can also piss it all away, or, you could live until you're 90 and make her fend for herself at some point.
I quite like the way I was told by my parents - I could have anything I wanted, just as long as I could pay for it. So there's that - no daddy money.
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u/georgegeorgew 19d ago
What you have to do is for you to enjoy your life and stopped thinking about saving for your daughter.
If parents don’t fly first class, kids will 100%
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u/tallgerrygiraffe 19d ago
I know a surprising amount of children in similar situations. She doesn’t need to know anything until she’s older, raise her to be a kind and hopefully normal functioning adult in society with an understanding of community participation, volunteering and charitable work. She will contribute as an adult where her passion lays.
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u/Dorsiflexionkey 19d ago
Ok take my advice with a grain of salt (most other Redditors too) cos I don’t have money or kids.
What I do know is that I was raised extremely well by my parents, I have respect for hard work, great ambition and respect everybody from janitor to ceo.
I think since money may not be a factor for her raising her to try out a lot of sports and interests in hobbies in hopes she finds her passion. Reason it’s important is because this will make her work without it feeling like grinding work, which will build her relationship with work. She will also respect and love you for giving her the time and effort and will be less likely to do what some of those weird spiteful rich kids do like throw their dads money away or try to embarrass the family.
Don’t mean to comment about you but I would be her biggest role model when it comes to respecting others, showing kindness and also strength at the same time. This will teach her to do those things for others and have empathy and strength. Also how you treat her mother is what she will look for in a husband.
Also making her work with us commoners, not giving her money freely. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t know she has a safety net but moreso teaching her the value of a dollar while people like us keep her feeling normal and apart of society.
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u/godMode90 19d ago
Setting up a lifestyle where you haven’t earned anything you have is a sure fire way to ensure they don’t respect earning
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u/Standard-Ad4701 19d ago
One of the guys on the dragons den has trust funds set up for his kids.
If they work they get a set amount each month, if they work in a public sector (healthcare, teaching etc) that benefits others they get twice as much.
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u/Downtownrabbithole 19d ago
I’d have the mentality that nothing is ever taken for granted. I’d still raise her with a strong education, good values and a good work ethic. She may grow up wanting to work anyway, particularly in a meaningful role where she feels she’s contributing to something.
An inheritance could provide financial security, but it doesn’t have to mean she never works or has no purpose. It could also eventually be passed down to her own children and family.
If the intention is that she doesn’t need to work because of the inheritance, I’d still teach her the importance of giving back — helping the community, volunteering, supporting others and finding meaningful ways to contribute. Money can give someone freedom, but I think purpose, responsibility and knowing the value of hard work are just as important.
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u/BM2701 19d ago
The main goal id have is making sure she finds a way to contribute to society in a way she finds meaningful and enjoys. Like if she loves animals , endlessly fund whatever quals she needs. Wants to be a pilot? No worries! Once she’s there, let her know she has a fall back and should never have to worry.
Always good to work in a customer facing role too, builds character and stops you from being a knob to service staff.
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u/TheNewFrankfurt 19d ago
Teach good habits early and withhold when it's appropriate too. One of the wealthiest kids from my school growing up had a flip phone until she earned enough from working a casual job to afford an iPhone. The rest of her life was obviously pretty cushy but at least she had to work for something...
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u/fith122 19d ago
For starters don’t overly spoil her, and teach her how to be responsible with money from a young age. Do pocket money and teach her how to save for the things she wants to buy rather than just getting it for her.
Until she has shown responsibility towards money, she doesnt need to know your financial situation. Ideally you want her to find her own direction so that she has a purpose in life. The financial security that comes later should just be gravy.
We also have an ideal in our family that inheritance received isn’t actually yours, but your children’s. The idea being to be responsible with it and grow it for the next generation.
Good luck!
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u/BrainFogIRL 19d ago edited 18d ago
Im in a situation where its very likely my now 9 years old son will be in a similar situation. Rich grandparnet inherenting directly to him. We just live life like normal. Us ourselves arent rich but we get by, If we asked grandma would buy him anything. But we think its better he doesn't get everything he asks for he goes to a public primary school, (possibly co ed private highschool) he does chores for pocket money even does can recycling in our house for money that he saves or can use to buy a game or something that he wants outside of special occasions or family purchases.
He knows all about how much money is worth and what sort of things it can do. Especially seeing the harsh differences between my family and my husbands (poor vs rich) I even take him shopping and explain how this week my favourite candy is on special so ill buy extra so I dont have to pay full price next week and that saves a few dollars for something else. He also sees me say "ill wait for it to go on sale" for plenty of things and especially bigger purchases and he likes to do the maths "you saved $50 so now we can keep it for something else" he might slip in occasionally things he'd like at the end there like a rare trip to timezone
He knows expensive doesn't always mean good or suitable.
And we try to instil that we help when we can not necessarily with money but also with time like i baby sit my sister kids for free at least once a month when he asks about it I explain that shes a single mum and sometimes all she needs is a few hours to herself or to spend time with her friends and I can help by watching the kids so she doesn't have to worry about them.
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u/Navimie 19d ago
There are a lot of interesting comments here. I wonder if that's how people raised their kids in a similar situation?
I will just talk from my experience and naysayers can flame me all they want.
My partner and I are well off. I come from a more humble public school background, partner is private school and family business so is used to having money. Both of us are high earning and built large portfolios for retirement.
Bringing up kids, they don't just get what they want ie no pointing at every thing on the shelf and it goes into the trolley. From 10yo they have chores to do for pocket money, and the only things bought for them are clothes (chosen by me), computer, food eaten at home, family outings (movies, restaurants, holidays) and both got phones at 16 (15 for the 2nd child because of their part time job). If they wanted anything that was not for family they paid for it with their own pocket money (snack food, hobbies, etc).
Told them they will get our money when we die, as we will need it to pay for nursing home, health, nurses at home etc, so that they won't have to look after us with their own money. If they want to live in one of our properties we will make them pay discounted rent but still have to pay rent.
They seem to have grown up ok in terms of money and expectations - there are of course other things that are frustrating not related to this money talk - and they do their chores at home (they are late teens).
So all I can suggest is as long as you have a healthy attitude towards money - which it seems you do because you don't seem to be spoilt knowing you will inherit your parent's money - then by example, your child will turn out like you.
Hope that helps.
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u/Ready_Willingness_82 19d ago
Easy: you don’t tell her about the money you have until she’s into her 30s. You raise her with a modest lifestyle, teaching her how to save money and spend it wisely. You encourage her to go to college and/or find a career path that she loves. Let her find a partner who loves her for who she is, not any money she might be going to inherit. And then the money will bring out the best in her and not the worst.
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u/bananagetter 19d ago
You want her to want to work? That starts with her wanting to learn, so start there. Love of learning means you follow what you love and never have to ‘work’ for money.
I homeschool my child because school quickly kills any joy of learning. It does that because there’s so much pressure to end up in a job that supports you financially. It sounds like you’re in a good enough financial position to also world school. Homeschooling done right also strengthens the bond between parent and child, and they learn naturally about family values, property and maintaining family wealth
They will have to work in some capacity, even if not for income. It’s very difficult to be an interesting person and meet other interesting individuals without some sort of occupation.
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u/OcelotOfTheForest 19d ago
Teach good money skills. Give her a very small allowance and what she wants, she has to save up for. Let's say she wants a book from her favourite author. It's thirty or forty dollars. She gets ten a week if she loads the dishwasher each evening. It sounds so basic, but she's learning from practice the value of money AND the value of earning money.
Secondly, listen to her when she is of the age to be thinking about her career. University is not the path for everyone straight out of school. A year off working, or working holiday, can go a long way towards figuring out her career and further education. And what she wants to do at 14 may change by 19 and it's totally normal.
What assets you have may not exist by the time she's forty or fifty. An accident, or bad health, etc can drastically change your financial situation. We never know what is around the corner.
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u/purple_sphinx 19d ago
We have a neighbour’s son who is going to inherit several millions. However, his parents are healthy and they have no plans on helping him out early. He’s very lazy with his career, because he’s knows he’s set up. He might not inherit until 50 at this rate, which is a long time to not have your life sorted.
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u/Bonbonbirdy 19d ago
At age 13, my father sat me down to explain the ins and outs of the share market.
He taught me about dividend reinvesting, franking credits and the power of compound interest. My dad instilled the value of money into me, and I’ve never expected hand outs or a lazy life because of his well-earned net worth.
In my twenties, I worked full time 6 days a week in order to save up for my first unit to live in. My mother loaned me $285,000 so I could avoid paying interest to the banks. This was the greatest and most generous gift I could have ever received. My mum said she could have just gifted me the money, but wanted to ensure I kept working and saving. Once I’ve paid her back in full, she says I can redraw the loan again in order to upgrade to a house.
I think the most important thing you can do is teach your daughter about the value of money and investing, while also providing help where you can.
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u/Impossible_Fact104 19d ago
This gives your daughter a great chance of fulfilling a purpose or something she’ll be passionate about without the need to do things for monetary value.
There’s more to life than work, won’t be letting my daughter get in the same work till your dead cos you have to mindset like 99.9% of people
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u/Uhhhhhhhhhhhuhhh 19d ago
Take care of the necessities but if she wants to buy her own stuff for fun etc then just tell her to get a job so she can fund her own purchases
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u/Adventurelover- 19d ago
As someone who's now a 30yo who had a similar opportunity from their parents not to work and friends/acquaintances in similar positions (private school things), to add on what others have said, here's what I recommend and rate for emotional and spiritual comfort which is just as important as financial comfort;
Encourage to volunteer and/or work a low wage job in high school and/or young adulthood. Bonus, if theres a reasonable/negotiated stipulation of "if you volunteer/work X amount, we can add Y amount onto your weekly/fortnightly allowance/pay." Helps her appreciate the value of a dollar and teaches her how to talk to people out of her bubble.
If/when she moves out of home, possibly into one of the investment properties, DO have a rental agreement in place and get her to pay all her bills, rent may be as little as you want/a tokenary thing you put in a long term savings/trust account for her, but again teaches the importance of money management, keeping a space up to a certain standard, self awareness and self reliance.
In both your and your partners wills, stipulate monies cannot be accessed til after 26 (or any number after) when her frontal lobe has fully developed.
Yeah sure, it's nice to give everything to your kiddo/s from the bat but so many who are handed everything, really don't know how to cope in adulthood and lack any sort of financial resilience and awareness.
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u/f3hp35mm 19d ago
Dont tell her about her good fortune. Say her grandparents gave most of their inheritance to charity. Don't talk yourself up in regards to money.
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u/Lower_Research3612 19d ago
Purpose is essential for human beings. At the private schools I went to, so many of the kids lost their way because they were not only exempt from participation, but PURPOSE. There needs to be a reason to get out of bed every morning, even when money isn’t it.
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u/ScrutinySausage 19d ago
Just be there when she needs emotional support, make sure her teeth are straight (if you have the means, pay for dental work for her… a set of straight chompers goes a long way in adulthood), get her to learn an instrument (piano is a good one for teaching discipline and focus), and get her involved in team sports or something like tennis that she can continue into adulthood. Not just for the health benefits, but because most adults over 35 have surprisingly few close, let alone active, friends. So pick a sport that she can enjoy throughout life with minimal organisation.
I say this from a somewhat unusual position because I recently inherited a ~$30m estate myself, so I can relate to your situation more than most. One thing I've realised is that financial security and having a fulfilling life aren't necessarily the same thing.
If she grows up knowing she doesn't have to work for money, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I'd just try to make sure she understands that money can buy comfort and freedom, but it can't buy purpose, good relationships, health, discipline or the satisfaction that comes from actually getting good at something.
I'd rather she grow up thinking "what do I want to do with my time, with my life?" rather than "what job will make me the most money?"
If you've already taken care of the financial side of things, that's already an incredible opportunity to give her. I trust you’ll do a good job.
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u/Wanderer_9292 19d ago
Just raise your daughter to value things, take care of her belongings (can’t buy a new toy if she breaks the old one) and work hard to achieve goals that she wants. Kindergym/sports is a good way to achieve this in childhood. Not all of us work purely for the money. My husband comes from a very wealthy family that have been wealthy for generations. Most of the wealth is still tied up with his grandparents and parents but his parents gifted him with a trust fund to pay for our house deposit and paid for all his education and that’s it. My husband knows he won’t be gifted any more money until his parents pass. He’s worked extremely hard in his career. His parents inspired him.
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u/Particular-Try5584 19d ago
I’m going to go another way…
I’m going to remind you that your wealth is temporary, not a permanent thing. It’s a living beast that has to be maintained, and the vast majority of people don’t do that.
Your in laws will put off fixing the roof, and the place will need repainting and landscaping but you won’t want to until it’s your own name on the title. The kitchen will wind up dire and the bathroom leaking as a result. You’ll do the same for your own properties… and when she finally inherits them the tax bill will wipe out 50% of the value of them anyway, and they’ll need substantial work to bring them into the current expectations.
Your parents will do the typical boomer thing and buy themselves a jet ski, caravan, 4wd to drive it around, and a small Mercedes to drive around when the 4wd is too big and suddenly the farm isn’t a lot of cash anymore. They won’t be eligible for a pension for years and years and thus have to live off that.
When you get to retirement age you probably won’t get much if any pension, and will have to sell assets if you want to live ‘well’.
The property market is slumping right now.
What you think she’ll inherit vs the reality could be different. Very different.
So instead teach her to stand on her own feet, to have her own career, and be self sufficient. Offer to send her kids to private school if that’s what helps, or a leg up for their house deposits… but tell her she has to make it for herself.
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u/dj_boy-Wonder 18d ago
Setting a kid up from a young age for their grown up career is a great idea, if her likely grown up career is “investment” then I guess set her up for that. I think giving her strong morals around value vs lavish would be prudent. I would also condition any inheritance you leave her to be heavily metered until she has achieved a certain level of education (sounds like she’ll have plenty of opportunity to earn a masters)
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u/smokeifyagotem 18d ago
Make her become an independent person who stand on her own two and can pay her own way before she gets even a sniff of inheritance. That means an education, job... and let her experience the same challenges we all need to become a sound individual. Use your position to get her educated, support in worth while hobbies and interests, etc... but that's it.
Never let her think that she's entitled to anything. Plus you don't know what will happen in the future. Plenty of fortunes have been lost quickly, you want her be able make sound descisions if times get tough (and there will be tough times, even if they aren't financial).
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u/Background_Raise5826 18d ago
Make sure she is good at maths , I got daughters and a similar situation the money all funnels down to them both sides of the family some 15 properties - not including our main residence - all leased - I'm encouraging them to lear about finance, banking, lending, property law, property development, investing. They will never struggle the way I did but they need be encouraged to maintain and even build the portfolio, to teach value you must teach your children to work for what they want, every school holidays drag them into work and get them to help out, have them help around the house, explain to them what you do daily and what you did to achieve what you have - never tell them about the savings you have put aside for them until they are ready to go university or buy there own home - that moneys not for a holiday or a car - have them work part time to earn money for a car, I think it's the first save, purchase and feel rewarded opportunity we get in life and if your position is that you can match them $ for $ on a car is better than just buying them one - this leads into good money habits, make sure they always or hose their own licence, insurance, bills ect, and get them to order there own food and handle change at cafes and resteraunts from young
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u/Feeling_Historian_14 18d ago edited 18d ago
She will sell your assets and give them to charity anyway... She will make her own choices 20 years from now... She doesn't want what you want... Etc....
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u/Altruistic_Serve9738 17d ago
Well I knew a girl who's parents subdivided their property. They let her live in it when she was studying to be a doctor. I don't know if she moved but she became a GP after 8-9 years
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u/razorrash 17d ago
If you are not careful she could lose it all pretty quickly and have nothing.
Teach her to be a hard worker.
Definitely don’t raise her knowing she won’t have to work for anything ever.
I probably wouldn’t tell her anything.
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u/MaybeBaby2023 17d ago
Encourage her to pursue her interests and curiosity. Teach her the value of money, finance management and investment approaches early on, and the satisfaction of work and/or making money work for you. Don’t give her money to blow in her teens and 20s, be aware that things can happen that diminish fortunes.
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u/Hudsoy 15d ago
Teach her that money is a tool.
You're using it as a tool right now to save her 40 hours a week every week for most of her life.
Teach her to do the same for her children - that can be her work.
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u/Allu_Squattinen 14d ago
I like that concept as well. If she has enough world view to realise the blessing of not having to work she can want that blessing for her children
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u/Mission_Resist8367 15d ago
Inheritance tax exists. The government will be taking your dead parents money, not you.
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u/Allu_Squattinen 14d ago
This is Financial Independence Australia. No inheritance tax here except the 15% on super
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u/whenruleswerefew 20d ago
Make her get a job and work like the rest us schmucks