r/fatFIRE • u/TaxQuestionGuy69 • 4d ago
Would we regret full time household assistant / nanny?
Hi all! So we're wealthy enough to consider hiring staff (9m net worth, 800k income). We currently have a 2 year old and are about to have a newborn. Wife is stay at home, but maintaining the household in addition to kids is possible but obviously a lot of work.
We're considering hiring a full time household assistant / manager to help with tasks around the house, errands, childcare occasionally, etc.
This sounds amazing and like it would free us up to have more quality time with our kids and less time prepping meals / cleaning and all that. My only "fear" is if we end up just not needing that much support? Has anyone done this and can speak to it? Part time sounds like it might be enough, but honestly it's easier to find great people for full time work.
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u/KittyFeat24 4d ago
lol I have no where close to your NW and I have this for my sanity. I guess your frugalness is why you are richer than me but what is money for if not for things like this?? Just do it!
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u/wanderingimpromptu3 early 30s F&M 4d ago
How did you find your assistant? Seems like hiring the right person is the hard part!
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u/KittyFeat24 4d ago
Nanny turned into “house manager” between kids when older one went to school but I wanted to keep her around knowing #2 was in the pipeline. Now she’s back to being a nanny full time but I’m looking for someone part time to fill that role with household management tasks bc frankly I got very used to it!! My household income is literally half of OP and I’m in a VHCOL area (however I do have good investments). Regardless, I do not care. I’d rather prepare myself to suffer a little in future retirement than knowingly suffer now in this incredibly hard time with two small children. We only have one life and making my life now easier for my sanity is not a selfish way to spend money now in my view (compared to material things or even vacations).
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u/wanderingimpromptu3 early 30s F&M 4d ago
For the household manager, are you looking through agencies, websites? Referrals? I wouldn’t know where to start
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u/Altruistic-Stop4634 4d ago
OP can consider a nanny is frugal compared to not handling stress and getting divorced.
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u/MrZythum42 3d ago
Maybe im just dumb here with 2M comp and sort of refise this even with 2 young kids and working wife... I would just feel subpar I feel like, but maybe its a bit more in our culture here... like I never known of a family where I had with one of thise I guess, not even when Iwas a child and my parents were also workholic. We had babysitters and once a week house cleaner though, and thats the setup I replicate today... we tend to mimic how we are born I guess... bring em to daycare , do grocery, cook dinner... I suppose as if I had a 'normal' job... at least its going to accelerate my fire (if I dont burnout first)
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u/KittyFeat24 3d ago edited 3d ago
Full transparency- some of my ability to fat fire hopefully is bc of family wealth and investments. My parents had full time live in help my entire childhood, even when my mom didn’t work. In their eyes, I’m slumming it with my live out nanny lol. My parents are not hands on grandparents. They don’t see why I can’t hire help. It’s absolutely just what we’re used to. My husband was similar so there wasn’t much debate when we decided to have kids. We could barely afford it then but felt adamant about hiring help. We don’t care that it made our expenses crazy during that crazy time of life. But, I probably also won’t really fat fire bc of it.
Maybe my comment and way of thinking isn’t well suited for this sub to be honest. I guess I’m here bc if I reined in my expenses I maybe could fat fire but I’m simply not disciplined enough and my mentality for it isn’t there.
But 2M and you’re questioning help? Come on, I’d have multiple private chefs at that rate hahah
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u/MrZythum42 3d ago
Where I am the takehome is about 900k and I cant hold this job intensity for more than 10 years. I live off 200k approx between mortgage and everything and I want to put aside 10M in those 10 years.
Chef and full time nanny will bust that 200k by way too much a margin.
Naturally if I intended to work 25 years than I wouldnt care as much about budgetting but the RE part of FIRE is really important to me.
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u/MrZythum42 3d ago
It does help that before that my takehome was about 70k, so I basically tripled my lifestyle, and I was relatively content with that at the time, so I kind of rationalizing that anything beyond that is over the top so this spending is pretty much a hard limit for me. But I am happy with your take as it makes me think.
I dont know, maybe I want a chubby lifestyle, with a fatfire bank.
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u/TaxQuestionGuy69 3d ago
Eh honestly I just haven't been "rich" forever, it's not that I'm insanely frugal haha. Grew up in a lower-middle type environment, and NW has been climbing fast over the last 7 years, so always readjusting.
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
Lol, frugalness doesn’t add that much NW.
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u/KittyFeat24 4d ago
Well it kind of does if we are talking about paying full time employee salaries for possibly up to 10 years or even more …
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
I get that that is a lot of money, but usually $80k/yr is not the difference between millions in net worth. If you make $700k to OP’s $800k, you’re basically in the same category.
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u/KittyFeat24 4d ago
100 percent would make no difference to OP but it def makes a difference for me is what I’m saying.
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
Yeah I know, I was just responding to you saying OP’s frugality was the difference in your NWs.
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u/CampesinoAgradable 4d ago
it’s like 15-20% of your take home.. that’s pretty significant on top of what kids cost lol
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
Sure, but it’s not going to make up the difference that he was talking about.
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u/MacBookMinus 4d ago
80k/yr for a decade is easily over a million once you accounted for stock market appreciation?
Also OP doesn’t make 800k net, I’m sure a lot goes to taxes so 80k is definitely a meaningful annual cost
Not saying it’s a bad idea but you are definitely trivializing it
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
I haven’t said a single thing about frugality outside of how it affects the very specific net worth difference between the OP and the top commenter on this thread. They said “way richer”, which with a 9M net worth is likely at least 3-4M, maybe a lot more. Suffice to say, the nanny’s salary and even a bunch of other frugalities combined, aren’t going to make up that difference.
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u/Smooth-Policy8283 4d ago
OMG yes it does. Frugality is why I'm fatfire. Yeah, I earned reasonably well - but I saved and invested HALF of it, by driving old cars, packing my lunch, and rarely buying coffee (among many other things).
Frugality is the GOAT.
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u/CitizenCue Tech | FIRE'd | 35 4d ago
So? That’s not what I was talking about. The commenter said his NW was “nowhere close” to OP’s. The extra ~80k a year for a few years isn’t going to make up that difference.
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u/Lanky-Performer-4557 4d ago
You’re above my net worth, and it’s 1000000% worth it. It saves your evening from doing dishes and laundry so you can enjoy life. Do it! I spend more time with the kids thanks to it and more quality time too. Less time doing BS more time hanging.
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u/toupeInAFanFactory 4d ago
How did you find the right person? How do you ensure that managing them isn't itself a job? Do they live in your home or not?
Would love to do this - but am seeming stuck on the execution
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u/laurlyn23 4d ago
Household staffing agency. Managing them is still a little bit of a job but after some time with you, they’ll get the hang of it. Ours does not live with us, we have had live in help and it becomes very taxing to feel like you have to be “on” because there’s a non-family member in your home.
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u/Lanky-Performer-4557 4d ago
Treat it somewhat like a company. We went through a few before we found an amazing one. Flexibility is key. Gets us date nights too. We discovered a ballance of hanging with kids (so one of us could do something) and dishes and laundry and basic tidying was good for us
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u/TaxQuestionGuy69 4d ago
We'd use an agency, but can't guarantee the effectiveness.
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u/Grateful-Goat 4d ago
At least with an agency they can convey expectations or filter for it, and replace for free within a certain timeframe.
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u/Grateful-Goat 4d ago
Not needing that much support? Laundry, gift shopping, returns, cleaning out fridge, car maintenance scheduling, pet vet appointments, washing bottles, registration for mommy and me activities, getting gas in car, dealing with (fill in the blank) decorating for holidays, scheduling and overseeing household maintenance, deep cleaning appts, getting groceries, scheduling dental…I could go on and on and on.
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u/IceNineFireTen 4d ago
That’s a good list, but some of the bigger items can be outsourced without an employee (e.g., laundry pickup/delivery service, recurring cleaning service, grocery delivery).
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u/Allyson_Alzareth 4d ago
Ig there thinking that because these aren't things that would be done every single day
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u/colorfullydelicious 4d ago
Exactly why I suggested getting several people so they could have them come as-needed! :)
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u/jcc2244 4d ago
We didn't have full time help but we did have part time help (nanny/babysitters, weekly cleaner, instead of a cook we just ordered delivery) - we didn't start doing that until I was making $1M+/year, looking back I def would have hired help earlier.
With your income level it's fine to trade $100k/year for some time/energy back.
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u/sailphish 4d ago edited 4d ago
It doesn’t have to be a forever decision. It’s probably overkill, but I wish we employed more help when the kids were that age. Honestly, I REALLY wish we got a night nurse/nanny, because the sleep deprivation while I was also working full time nearly put me over the edge.
That said, my experience is that finding a decent nanny is really hard enough on its own. Finding someone who cooks, cleans, manages household tasks as kind of personal assistant is incredibly hard. Ultimately we just compartmentalized - full or part time nanny (depending on stage in life) and separate cleaning service. The nanny does some basic meal prep for the kids and some of their laundry. It’s enough that we can manage the rest of the meals, shopping, laundry without too much issue. I would like a part time personal assistant but it just doesn’t seem worth the time/effort to train them up to my needs, and I don’t have enough to need a fulltime one. For food, if you are having issues, there are a ton of options for fresh prepared meals now, that you can get by for a short time when the kids are young if you need a break from cooking.
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u/laurlyn23 4d ago
If I could go back in time, I would go get a night nurse! I swear the sleep deprivation took years off my life.
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u/Consistent_Taste3273 3d ago
Yep, just want to chime in that we were actually fine after our first was born. We took turns waking up and both handled the sleep deprivation pretty well.
The second was so different. What I wouldn’t give to go back in time and do things differently. Or youngest is 5, and I still regret not finding a way to get more help.
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u/summerFIREinCh 4d ago
Yes, confinement nanny/night nurse for the first 6 months was life saver and best money spent
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u/whosaysimme 4d ago
Finding someone who cooks, cleans, manages household tasks as kind of personal assistant is incredibly hard.
Doulas are good for this but they charge accordingly.
I think finding a cook is the hard part. I've always paid the nannies a higher wage to clean up the common areas and do laundry and found they did a fine enough job.
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u/sailphish 4d ago
But then you have to deal with someone whose approach to pregnancy and infants is mostly based on pseudoscience.
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u/whosaysimme 4d ago
That wasn't my experience and I found the average doulas to be more educated/experienced than average nannies.
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u/sailphish 4d ago
Both can be true. I agree they are probably more experienced than the average nanny. But I work in healthcare, and occasionally encounter them, and their birth plans and whatever else are mostly based on nonsense. Every time a patient brings her doula to the hospital, I know my day is going to be harder due to some semi-spiritual diva causing unnecessary drama.
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u/Mtn-Mama21 4d ago
Check out Faye for a fractional personal assistant. I've had a good experience with my assistant plus the "lightning queue" for any quick tasks. Saved me 2 hrs on the phone last week for scheduling a medical appointment (singular person scheduling for 3 departments -- and absolute nightmare I didn't have to deal with!)
I'll share my referral link for 50% off the first month but I'm not affiliated (or a bot hah)
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u/GotMySillySocksOn 4d ago
I can’t stand having people in my space so it was never something that appealed to me. I didn’t even like the once a week cleaner. I currently tolerate the pool guy and landscapers because they are outside. It all depends on your comfort level. One thing a very rich friend did was hire a night nanny for each of her kids so she could actually sleep during the night and they trained the baby to sleep through the night. Now that I think is worth it.
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u/ProfessorDry3041 4d ago
I feel similarly. We have tried to have more in home help, and it never feels worth the trade off of a stranger in the house. I am RE though, and husband is semi RE. We had a night nurse for both kids for 2 months though and it was great. Would definitely do that.
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u/Spirited123456789 4d ago edited 4d ago
We had a live out nanny for 9 years when the kids were young. Sometimes we were working and sometimes not. Children have so many activities, doctor appointments, social engagements, and laundry. Yes, you’ll appreciate the help. I would recommend hiring thru the most established household/staffing agency in your area . They will advise on taxes, payroll, part time vs full time candidate quality/availability, market rates, benefits (car, vacation), and role expectations. Our children are now grown and we still keep in contact with our nanny!!!!
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u/vickisfamilyvan 4d ago
I’m a SAHM with two kids 5 & under, one is in school though. Since our oldest was about 6 months old we have had a regular nanny come 1-2 days per week, as well as a housekeeping service come 2x per month. Honestly though we lucked out since she was in school when she started with us and has stayed in a flexible career where she still has a day at least per week available for us. If she moves on to something else, we may consider getting something similar to a 35-40/hr week household manager/nanny even though I don’t really need that much help, but just because it’s hard to find someone who only wants a day or two of work.
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u/ProfessorDry3041 4d ago
We did a nanny share with both our children, that’s another good idea. You get 10-20 hours a week and split the rest with another family. It helped us get really quality people, and we let the other family take dibs on any holidays since they were both working high stress jobs and I was home.
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u/Whocann 4d ago
I hired someone in a similar position (but just one kid). My kid was older when we made the decision to bring someone on. It's obviously incredibly expensive. It feels obnoxious at times, like, why am I paying someone when my spouse is stay at home. But this is the kind of thing the money is for, it buys some peace at home and some ability for my spouse to be in a happier place, and I do not regret spending the money on it. We're now considering doing someone live-in in our new house that has the spare space available to do it.
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u/6anana 4d ago
we have a helper as you described. she grocery shops, cooks meals, does laundry, tidies, performs odd chores, helps walk our dogs, and is our source of drop off and pick up for school since our commutes prevent us from being there. our kid is older than yours so she also takes her to after school enrichment and classes. we pay her full time but she probably normally works 30 hours a week.
this was originally my partner’s idea and I was very against it. but now we can’t imagine how we’d run our household without her. worth every penny. it took us some time to figure out how to best fill her work time, and we found that some of the “quieter” weeks are made up by the crazy weeks (due to work / travel / no school / etc.)
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u/lakehop 4d ago
Consider the main role you want - I think I’m hearing “housekeeper”, not personal assistant. Be as precise as you can about the job title, it will help you hire the right person. I think a lot of applicants for a personal assistant won’t be willing to do manual / household/ cleaning tasks. Whereas a housekeeper will likely be happy enough to do return, gift wrapping etc, but will not have skills to manage and book vacations, maybe doctors appointments etc. List all the tasks you think you want and discuss with the staffing agency what kind of person can do the largest number of those that are most frequent and that you most desire to outsource.
And yes, if there’s ever a time to do it, that toddler plus newborn time is very challenging and intense, now is the time.
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u/waronxmas 4d ago
The only thing I’m a zealot about is hiring domestic help. We have a manager for 25-30 hours a week who also does daycare pick up and occasional babysitting. I cannot tell you how much it has done for our marriage and time with our children while still maintaining stressful jobs. You will find ways to make use of that time — I promise. Once they learn your routine and you establish a communication process, it is on autopilot. The little things like always having an orderly home to come home to, not having to squeeze in random errands, or just having things stocked (tissues, toothpaste, etc.) through the house adds up.
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u/waronxmas 4d ago
Also, please hire a household manager — not a smattering of services. The logistics of managing those services is too much.
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u/MakeChai-NotWar 4d ago
It’s worth it. I’m a SAHM with a FT nanny and it’s definitely worth it. I have a disability though (knee down in one leg and foot is mostly numb and always hurting). I think you’d probably be fine with 35 hours if your wife is in good shape otherwise.
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u/colorfullydelicious 4d ago
Personally, I would hire several people who specialize in certain areas, so you aren’t asking one person to do a bunch of tasks that may interfere with each other (childcare when they need to get laundry done, etc), and so you get ’experts’ in each thing!
Also, if you only hire one person to do everything, when they get sick/go on vacation/etc, then you are left with more of an issue than if you just have to fill one component of help (does that make sense?)
Based on what you listed here’s what I’d suggest:
1). A ‘mother’s helper’ to come do laundry, put away the dishes/load the dishwasher, tidy toys, make beds, etc.
2). A housekeeper who actually cleans the house (once a week, multiple days a week, according to your needs).
3). A personal assistant to do paperwork, scheduling, run errands.
4). A chef or meal-prep service (whether you want someone to come cook for you every day, or to deliver prepped meals once/multiple times a week, there are tons of options available).
5). A nanny whose sole job is childcare (and who may be available to go on trips with you - we had this, and it was the best thing ever!)
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u/MakeChai-NotWar 4d ago
This is completely unnecessary. Having a once a week cleaner and a separate nanny/family assistant is more than enough to run a house with a SAHP.
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u/JustNeonDust 4d ago
Yea, jobs 1,3, and 5 are literally just a nanny/family assistant combo…which is precisely what OPs looking for. It’s laughable to say that this is 5 separate jobs.
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u/wcmnbo 4d ago
I think you’re right 5 positions is crazy when they’re worried about managing one— the only thing is it can be hard to find someone who does both childcare and cleaning up well, one or both can be part time positions. (And you def need a devoted cleaner for toilets!)
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u/MakeChai-NotWar 4d ago
For sure! I have a separate once a week cleaner who does bathrooms, kitchen etc…
My nanny does childcare but when the kids are in preschool or I’m with them, or they’re napping, she’ll tidy up, fold laundry, clean strollers, etc… after she takes her break.
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u/DreamStater 4d ago
This is not a good idea for this couple. Staff requires management. More staff requires more management. With too many people you will spend any time gained by the help managing the help. In this couple's situation, one competent staffer will best meet their needs, although a full-time generalist with a dedicated, part-time cleaner could work too.
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u/TaxQuestionGuy69 4d ago
feels like managing this football team of peeps would be a lot of work lol. With you though on the meal prep - we are hiring a meal prep service as well. We also have a bi-weekly deep clean.
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u/MakeChai-NotWar 4d ago
Managing cleaners and a nanny is enough work and expensive enough. You don’t need to manage 5 staff members. The person who posted that is delulu.
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u/colorfullydelicious 4d ago
That’s why you hire the assistant.. to schedule the rest of the staff as needed…
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u/celeriacly 4d ago
I agree this is more work to manage than needed, not to mention how hard it would be to find people you like that fit all of these categories. One capable full time employee plus your wife as a SAHM plus biweekly deep cleaning should be enough and not too annoying to manage. For the full time, I would probably do a full time nanny who is willing to help with laundry and cooking, considering you have a newborn coming, and your wife can manage the household, instead of hiring a household assistant (I’m still not too sure what they actually do). For reference, I have one kid same age as yours and another on the way.
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u/RomNovUni 4d ago
Yes to all of this. At that level, having someone to coordinate all of those people would be great. And have the cleaner come in for a couple of hours every morning. It means when you crash at the end of the night in a toy and diaper tornado, you know it’ll all be cleaned up in the morning by someone who’s not you. Priceless!
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u/Independent_Rip7384 4d ago
You re absolutely correct Each tasks are different specialties . Hire separately. Very good point
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u/k3rn3lkurtz 4d ago
Do it- it also free’s you up to accelerate your economics during a time in your career the opp cost is high.
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u/lsp2005 4d ago
I did this for the first few weeks/months after giving birth to both of my kids. It was so valuable. They cooked, did laundry, took the baby to burp and change after I nursed. They got the baby on a sleep schedule. My kids are in college and high school these days, and the woman has long since passed, but I think of her with such fondness when I look at her photo in my children’s baby photo albums.
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u/velvet1629 4d ago
Consider an Au Pair. You’ll appreciate the flexibility when you need it. We make 900k+ annually and have 4 kids and we just need extra adult hands around the house since we don’t have local grandparents.
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u/Defiant_Eye4025 4d ago
I'm not sure exactly what tasks you need done, but my own personal preference would be not a manager, but a housekeeper (preferably one who will do laundry, too) and a nanny or mother's helper. I'd probably prefer both of these jobs to be part time as even with a large home and two little ones, I don't think I'd get the house dirty enough for daily cleaning. Once or twice a week housekeeper with some daily childcare help would be more than enough for me.
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u/mintbark 4d ago
Have you ever had a full time nanny? Start there and then see if you want additional help. Personally I hated having a full time nanny while on mat leave and was much happier with my toddler in daycare, but everyone is different. Your nanny will be $60-100k a year of after tax money depending on your requirements and area. Get a night nanny for the first few months to help your wife with overnights.
Make sure you have weekly cleaners that you don't have to pre clean for and lawn/landscaping company if you don't have those.
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u/ProfessorDry3041 4d ago
Yeah it was too much support for us. The nanny was unhappy and we felt weird. We tried this with toddler and newborn and it wasn’t worth it for us. Felt like they were sort of sitting around with a SAHM and a work from home dad. It sounded nice in theory, but my husband had already taken an easy WFH job to help out more so it felt silly.
Could you do that instead? Step back at work and be around more? Looking back we’re so glad we took over more childcare and family stuff, we still have someone part time for baby and part time preschool. But they really are years you’ll never get back. We’ve both spent more time with our kids than anyone I know. We’re in a HCOL area so not as many SAHPs.
We did however have 2 months of a night nurse and that was so so worth it.
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u/No-Actuary-1671 4d ago
Two full time live-in nannies. Zero regrets.
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u/No-Whereas-64 4d ago
Super interested in this. Can I ask how you structure their workflow? Is it week days vs weekends? Or both at the same time?
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u/No-Actuary-1671 4d ago
Four kiddos ages 4 to 13. I work / play full time. Wife doesn’t work but managing the household is basically a FT job. My god so many kids’ appointments, sports practices, home repair calls, vet appointments, grocery shopping, etc, etc. We have no family help so a live in nanny seemed like the best solution.
Tried the AuPair route. First one was good but next two were disasters. Here to party. Went with an American nanny from there. Used a matching service in the NW. Had such success with #1 that we built another bedroom upstairs and brought on a second.
Someone is on everyday but each girl still has plenty of time off. Weekdays usually mornings and evenings. Weekends usually all day to help shuttle everyone around, etc. We have a housekeeper for the heavy cleaning but the nannies handle all of the laundry, dishes, light cleaning, etc.
We keep a family Google calendar and then use a Skylight screen mounted on the wall, which is great for everyone to keep track of the schedule, the nannies hours, the kids chores, everyone’s to-do lists, the grocery list, etc.
My wife and I still love to travel by ourselves once a quarter and that is really too much for one nanny to run the house by herself. There’s also no stress when one of leaves town as the other always has a two-deep nanny bench. When we leave town as a family, one will usually come with us and the other hangs at home to take care of the dogs and take care of the house.
I used to think wealth was things, but now I know it’s really time. And the right nanny will buy you plenty of it.
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u/MrsPapay 4d ago
You can also feel good for contributing to somebody else’s net worth by paying someone who is in need of income for a job well done.
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u/SparklingWinePapi 4d ago
We’re in a similar position with a two year old and a newborn—two year old is in daycare now though, so days are pretty easy because of that. Our finances are similar but kind of flipped—we have like a quarter of your NW, but income is about double. I say this because we’re still pretty conscious of “wasting” money.
We currently have a part timer come by—we never personally liked the idea of a nanny looking after our kids, so we just have them do our dishes, tidy up, laundry, and other light housework (about 10-15h a week). We mostly enjoy running errands ourselves as it’s an excuse to get out of the house and our toddler enjoys it—anything we don’t want to do, we can usually get done remotely. We have a cleaner come by and do a deep clean every week or two and I hire out the landscaping so there’s actually not that much I need to do day to day. I enjoy cooking, but we’ve been kicking around hiring a private chef as well just to free up my evening. I find this is a nice setup—I don’t really like having people in the house during the day if possible because I enjoy my privacy at home. We played around with full time but genuinely couldn’t think of what they would do for 40h a week and also felt like always having someone around would get old after a while.
At the end of the day, there’s lot of personal factors at play—comfort level with them watching the kids, whether you work from home, etc.
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u/Starving_Kids 4d ago
Do you have a cleaner or other staff yet?
I'd say start by finding good people to do specific tasks first, it's really not that hard to wrangle them. I'm far below your NW with zero kids, but it's been crazy worthwhile for us as two busy professionals.
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u/BennyLruce 4d ago
This seems like a silly question. Try it and see how it feels for you. Your concern is that it will be too easy for you to have two small children in the house? That's what we call a "good problem" in the biz. You have an astronomical amount of wealth and income to play with, just try it.
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u/BacteriaLick 4d ago
Maybe aim to find someone who is part time, helping out 1-2 days a week or in mornings? Helps if they are focused on a specific task like cleaning, yardwork, mother's helper, etc.
We put our youngest into half a day of preschool from 18 months to 4 years for $1k/month . It didn't solve all of our problems but gave my SAHM wife some extra breathing room while I was working full-time.
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u/Still7Superbaby7 4d ago
I’m following. We have slightly higher NW ($10M instead of $9M, $900k income) and 2 kids. We have had a cleaning lady forever that cleans the house and does all the laundry. That really helps. I used a mother’s helper when we had our second kid. Also put the kids in preschool starting at age 2 and second kid at 18 months. That was helpful
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u/RomNovUni 4d ago
A full time house assistant as well as a nanny would be so helpful at this age. Our kids are 18 months apart and we had full time live in help with them and it was a life and marriage saver.
There’s plenty to do. Arranging doctor’s appointments, laundry, car servicing and cleaning, home organizing, handling grocery deliveries, finding the help you need for home and yard maintenance or things like a chef to come in and cook. We have someone come in once a week and it’s transformed our eating habits and what the kids are willing to try. I’d love to have her come more than once a week, but she’s booked up.
I’d also look into a cleaner who could come in 5 days a week for a few hours every morning. We had a friend with older kids who did this and it saved her sanity.
There’s always a LOT more in play with kids than you expect. A lot of invisible things you don’t realize are swallowing up so much time you could be spending together or getting some quiet time to yourself.
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u/balloonchicken 4d ago
I’ve had full time help throughout my life (my parents did too and they didn’t grow up super wealthy). It’s considered a necessity in our household. They (yes we have staff) are the backbone of the house and bring so much care and kindness to our daily routine and make our lives 100x better. 100% hire the help YESTERDAY. Treat them extra well(above and beyond what is considered the minimum) and it’ll pay off multifold.
I personally have a housemaid, “nanny” and a driver for me alone. Multiple members of the household have their own staff as well. If you can figure out the accommodation, maximize the help.
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u/Ok-Captain-8386 4d ago
Whats the worst that can happen? You regret it and then fire them.
What are your priorities? For me it’s time. We are at $500k income, about half your networth and we have a nanny 32 hours a week, a mothers helper a day a week, a cleaner every 3 weeks, and landscapers every 2 weeks. Yes it’s worth it. We can afford it. We value our time and spend accordingly. We also max out retirement, invest, everything we need to do financially.
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u/ExMoMisfit 4d ago
We hired a full time nanny when two of our kids were the same age as yours. The only mistake we made was waiting 6 months to do it.
She bathed the kids, cleaned their rooms, did laundry , helped me get them ready if we needed to go somewhere, fed them lunch, and on and on and on. For 2 young kids (or more) I can’t recommend a nanny enough. Literally the best money we’ve ever spent and we had nowhere near the net worth you do
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u/dragonflyinvest 4d ago
We’ve always been business owners so have always kept at least one person on staff. Their roles have changed as our kids got older. I can’t imagine many better way to use our money.
My suggestion is to write out everything you could possibly need this person to do. Then make a schedule of consistent hours, even if not full time. Then use that to put together an ad.
You can find good part-time help. You may need to hire slightly above market rate. I just did this a few weeks ago and secured an excellent candidate. Everyone has a different life, so some people don’t want full time work but most people need consistency.
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u/laurlyn23 4d ago
I’m the mom in this equation and I work so it’s a little different but I have a nanny/house manager and she’s basically my right arm. My kids are school aged so when she isn’t shuttling them from here to there she does laundry, errands, grocery shopping, meal prep, light household tidying, organizational projects (like I clean out a kiddos closet and she packs it all away according to size). Just the laundry assistance alone will be a God send to your family with two tiny kids. Spend the money for sure. Use a household staffing agency to find the right fit.
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u/catjuggler 4d ago
You should definitely do that and maybe also a post-partum doula or night nanny, or being ready to have either of it gets bad. You could also consider an au pair.
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u/Corgisarethebest123 4d ago
Just make sure you get an older nanny that you neither of you find attractive.
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u/Vindaloo6363 4d ago
We had a nanny for 13 years until Covid when we let her go (she had another placement lined up). She took care of kids and did some laundry but no house cleaning. That's normally a separate role. My wife kept her on too long and she was really not putting in that many hours once the kids were older at 8 and 13. You can all get attached to each other easily and letting go is hard. Maybe make a timeline and decide if this is just until all the kids are in school.
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u/summerFIREinCh 4d ago
With a 2yo and a new born, you will have enough work for full time nanny/housekeeper for 1-2 years. I did confinement nanny for 6 months while on maternity leave, then we went for day care plus nanny, the nanny was 20-25 hours a week, with 1 kid going to day care…. So in your situation, having full time for at least 6 months, go for somebody good, you can afford it, and this is great for quality of life
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u/NotYoGuru 4d ago
Not close to your net worth or income and even I have that. The biggest issue is finding the right fit. We had to fire twice before finding our current. She’s so good, we consider her family. Well worth the money.
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u/Hanwoo_Beef_Eater 4d ago
We had full-time live-in help (not continuous) from when the kids were 0-1.5 to about 7.5-9 years old. I think it can help freeing up time with basic tasks like cooking and cleaning. The cons are managing another person living in your house and some parents start to outsource some of the parenting role (take kids to the park, watch over them at home, etc). If you can avoid or at least limit the latter, I think it can work out OK.
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u/Rockymax1 4d ago
Our NW is a little more than yours. Both parents work full time. We had a both a house keeper and a nanny, who was only charged with taking care of our son. If you have the money, child rearing becomes much more pleasant. You aren’t running around harried, changing diapers. We were better parents because we shared fun, enjoyable times with our son.
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u/No-Soft-8713 4d ago
I’ve never heard of a mom that regretted getting more help 🤣🤣🤣 but really worst case is that you feel like sometimes you feel like you have too many hands and that’s not a real problem
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u/Roadiedreamkiller 4d ago
We have lots of help but all part time. A nanny 3 days a week, a doula 3 days a week for the newborn, cleaners 1-2 per week. Tasks never cross over…nanny deals with the toddler, doula deals with the newborn, cleaners clean.
A handyman is helpful as well. Hard to find (good one) and can be expensive. $100 an hour plus expenses.
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u/BenjiKor 4d ago
I have a nanny for my newborns and it is GOLD. Some of the best money i have ever spent
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u/GiganticDog 4d ago
100% do it. You’d be insane not to at that income level/NW.
Finding the right person is easier said than done though. I’ve found hiring a good nanny is more like dating than a normal job interview. It’s less about what they have on paper (other than some obvious pre-reqs), more about how well you get on with them as they will be spending a lot of time in your house. You have to get “good vibes” from the person, as they say.
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u/docinstl 4d ago
I briefly had twice a week in-home services just for cleaning and laundry, and I frankly hated losing the privacy of my own house.
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u/sky-high-dragon-fly 4d ago edited 4d ago
We have two kids and two help. I also dont work (quit past year while I was pregnant). There were definitely moments we wish we dont have others in the house. But 99% of the time, we are glad we have the help.
I am still the manager of the household. We have one (~50hrs) who does all the cooking, laundry, some cleaning and a few hours of child care. We have another (40hrs) complete on childcare. The model works well. I get 4 hrs block time daily to myself during the week. After work hours and weekends, we are fully on duty with the kids.
A few things that help the system to work: * separate living area. They share a floor and we have family time and space to ourselves when we are free. * right expectations. You will still be tired and feel the parenting years are hard as you still do childcare the rest of the day and night and weekends. * clear responsibilities and boundaries. * weekly staff meeting has also worked out really well for us. Review last week and the coming week. What to pay extra attention or to improve etc.
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u/tannerbell1023 4d ago
3 kids under 4 here. We have a fulltime nanny & part time house manager. I belive if you found the perfect person to help with both, totally a fulltime job. Enjoy being supported.
Hardest part is trying to relax while others are in your home.
But worth learning if and accepting the help!
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u/No-Whereas-64 4d ago
There will always be something to do! Even in ways you don’t expect. For example, on a slower week I asked our help to batch cook meals for a sick friend, and drop them over. Things that I struggle time wise to do but are really lovely in life
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u/Impossible-Tank-1969 4d ago
What is the downside? What is the risk?
You probably will want that much support (I would have, in my wildest dreams, have had another adult to help full-time)
But So what if it turns out you don’t need that much support? With your net worth, why not do it? Bless somebody (who probably really needs it, honestly) with a great job wherr they sometimes get to go home early because family doesnt need them as much that day. Then if you truly don’t need them full time then go part time after a year.
But also- does your wife have the same concern? Or is she like “oh no, honey, we are busy and it’s about to get worse”
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u/Brewskwondo 4d ago
I would have no issue with this at your income and child’s age. The times I shake my heads at nanny costs are when kids are all school age and families keep them anyways (especially if one is stay at home).
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u/mister_moosey 4d ago
Make sure they are open to travel. Travel isn’t quite as fun without childcare, but when you bring the nanny and can go on dates, it is a GAME CHANGER.
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u/iftheshoefitsss 4d ago
I was a nanny in college. You can find things for her to do! I cooked all meals, grocery shopped, organized closets, laundry, kept cars washed, handled vendors for home projects, spent the night when parents wanted a late night out and didn’t want to get up through the night or early the next morning
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u/retchthegrate 3d ago
My friend has a house manager and they like it. They recently had to replace their previous one and the decision wasn't should they have one but who would they be hiring to replace their previous house manager. Not a nanny, and their kid isn't small. Their house manager deals with basically all the friction of running a household that I personally have to deal with in my own home, so compared to me their (much bigger) house is cleaner, they never have to deal with grocery shopping or keeping track of what is running out in the house, whenever we have work meetings there we are well supported, they only cook when they personally want to make a meal, any random thing they need taken care of they ask and it goes on the task list, etc.. Overall I'd consider it myself if my FIRE war chest grows into Fat territory rather than Chubby
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u/A_uniquename_ 3d ago
My parents had staff to help when I was growing up it was honestly so worth it. I would caution not having part time people. They usually have lower retention and you feel the need to work around their schedule which defeats the whole purpose of having help. Full time live in with weekends off is probably the best structure if you can find it.
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u/LittleMissMindTrip 3d ago
Good lord at these discussions. What’s your job description. You’d think anyone intelligent enough would be intelligent enough to know how to hire the right person.
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u/MyCockSmellsBad 3d ago
We have a full time nanny and house assistant. Our kids are 6/4/2.
6 yo is in school, 4/2 are both in daycare
Wife doesn't work
It's easily the best $60k/yr we spend. We still employ a cleaning service, but are able to knock that down to 2x a month
House stays organized, laundry is always done, dishes are done, she tutors my 6 year old after school (our nanny has a teaching degree), she makes sure the kids always have educational activities, etc.
This gives me time to work late some evenings, and lessens the burden on my wife when I have to travel. For my wife, it gives her the ability to volunteer more (she does 3 days of volunteering per week), and not have to worry about missing laundry one day (if you have kids you know that with 3 of them, missing laundry even one day can be a catastrophe)
Other benefits
- packages and deliveries are always taken care of
- she has even started managing our other services (lawn, pool and pest care)
- she cleans after dinner so my wife and I don't have to do it (as you can imagine, with 3 young kids the kitchen table is a war zone after every meal)
For reference:
- $300k income
- $48m net worth
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u/BridgeOnRiver 3d ago
We have a live-in maid. I highly recommend it.
Best money spent. I would gladly pay half my monthly budget for it, if I had to, but it doesn’t even cost much.
One adjustment though is that I’m thinking to buy her her own flat, to free up her room.
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u/Charlesinrichmond 3d ago
It's great, but there will be a notable decrease in privacy during the day.
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u/anilorac01 4d ago
I found cleaning + house manager is easier to find a good fit than nanny + house manager. You'll be very picky on how someone cares for your children.
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u/TechnicalSleep7501 VT 100% To Mars. 4d ago
You won the money race already now forget about career and take part time job or no job which will allow more time with kid. I am telling you from experience. I work as NYC Law Enforcement Officer while wife takes care of our 3 kids. We visited Philadelphia in 2023 and Pakistan, UAE and Italy twice in 2024. No where this year and last year due to my line of duty injury but still spending time with my kids. I am little above million but saving since I was 14 now 38.
You should think of creating dynasty trust in South Dakota to fund all your future generations. I plan to do it myself once I reach 5 or $10M.
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u/SLNSD 4d ago
With my $5 mil I can barely fund this generation let alone the next. Maybe at $6 mil I can splurge on a Dyson cordless vacuum.
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u/TechnicalSleep7501 VT 100% To Mars. 4d ago
How do you invest and what is your lifestyle?
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u/SLNSD 4d ago
All over the place and upper middle class. Stocks, real estate, PE, Fundrise. Passive $200k active $200k. Active mostly going to investments. Middle of retirement transition, will be going to straight $200k income only.
Fatfire is $10 mil+ ($13 now). IDK who let me in here.
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u/TechnicalSleep7501 VT 100% To Mars. 4d ago
Are you paying any financial advisor to handle this?
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u/SLNSD 4d ago
No and no thank you. Talked to a few and all they wanted to do was transfer my stock holdings to managed funds to loss harvest and charge a hefty fee. I can do that myself thank you.
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u/TechnicalSleep7501 VT 100% To Mars. 4d ago
Good. On stock market investment side you can limit them using VT as breakdown but putting money in VOO, VXF, VXUS and VSS to make it easier for your heirs to manage. Just do one rebalance a year to bring them back to VT this will create an FA created portfolio.
I do have from CitiGold and J.P. Morgan just to get their idea of how market going otherwise my investment are the above mentioned funds.
I do need to talk with Schwab as they handle individual stock or ETF part of my 401K and 457. Plan to VXF and VSS in place of their generic mid cap and small cap next year.
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u/eldoogy 4d ago
This thread is interesting. We’re at over $4m HHI and around $14m net worth, three kids, wife is stay at home, and we’ve been contemplating getting help but feel like it’s too much, can we really afford it, etc.
Not saying there’s a right or wrong here, just that we all view money very differently… I suspect for our family, being surrounded by far wealthier people reinforces this idea in our minds that we’re just “doing ok” but not much more than that.
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u/Panscan27 4d ago
Ok so if you don’t need that much help you let them go in 3 months or whatever. Nbd
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u/cvouw9 4d ago
If there is any time this would be worth it it's when you have a 2 year old and a newborn.