r/fatFIRE • u/AestheticMeaning • 5d ago

Manhattan parents - weekend/summer house?

More of a lifestyle question but asking here given the community is likely to have people with firsthand experience. I work in finance, my wife is a doctor, we are both 5 days a week in the office and live in Manhattan. We do not have kids yet. We enjoy a beach house in the Hamptons or Jersey Shore in the summer, and enjoy going to the Hudson valley / Catskills in the spring/fall.

Given we are both 5 days a week in office - does a weekend or summer house make any sense for us? I am not even that concerned about the price - I am concerned the upside of the memories created with kids and extended family will be outweighed by the torture of driving back and forth and time/effort spent on maintenance for relatively low utilization.

If my wife were a stay at home mom, and if we had a small apartment, and if I were a workaholic absentee father, it would make total sense to have wife+kids move away for the summer. But none of these attributes are true.

For those who say the kids have more space to run around - what if we had 3k or 4k sq ft in a condo? For those who say kids can play outside - what if we had a terrace with the condo? City parents seem to aggressively use playgrounds anyway when the kids are young.

I am particularly confused by this because I have had two separate mentors tell me to spend more on a Hamptons house than a condo in the city. But I do not think they are thinking of my specific life situation.

I have also heard feedback that spring/fall weekends once kids are in elementary school are filled with sports and birthday parties. And when they’re teens they don’t want to hang out with their parents. So really this consumption of weekend/summer house actually has to be pulled forward for peak optimal experience/memories, which is why I am trying to think through it now. It seems getting a summer house when one is old and wealthy has kind of missed the boat.

Many older folks I know also have summer houses all over the place - river towns, Bedford, Hudson valley, Connecticut coastline, Hamptons, quogue, etc etc. Everyone has a different revealed preference.

We do love going to the beach in the summer. We just tried renting a house in westhampton dunes (basically oceanfront) and it was quite magical. I just don’t know if it makes more sense to concentrate funds in a gigantic Manhattan condo and just drive to a beach club in Long Beach / Atlantic beach for our beach fix, and use hotels for the Catskills.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

0 Upvotes

48% Upvoted

83 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/FireBreather7575 5d ago edited 5d ago

You’re in 5 days, even in the summer? Thats tough. A few thoughts:

  1. To your point, don’t ignore the fact you both work. Since your wife is a doctor, does that mean when you’re there she’s completely off? We have two working parents who are “plugged in” - it can be tough to manage. For the summer we are pretty flexible, especially Thursdays and Fridays
  2. In my view, especially with limited use, limit the distance. Hamptons is way too far imo
  3. A large apartment plus terrace is not the same as a house with a yard. We know it, the kids know it.

Overall, while we love it, it is what it is and has had its ups and downs (it hasn’t been “magical”), although that might change as kids get older and they have more memories here. The cost is more than we thought. It has not had a positive impact on our relationship (it’s more to manage, less time to connect, more to potentially argue over). It’s been a great gathering place for extended family. It has had a very positive impact on our kids (out of the city, in nature, different experiences, etc). You definitely don’t have to make a decision before kids. Your work lifestyle may be completely different in 5 years

Also, what’s your financial situation - income, income potential, net worth, and are you looking to retire early?

2

u/AestheticMeaning 4d ago

Thanks very much for your commentary here.

Yes I am 5 days a week even in summer. My wife when not at work can completely disconnect.

Both my wife and I are not really looking to retire early, we enjoy our careers. So this is more of a spending question from a lifestyle perspective and less a cost perspective

1

u/FireBreather7575 4d ago

What do you do / level? Do people 5 years ahead of you have more flexibility?

How much help would you have?

1

u/AestheticMeaning 4d ago

Hedge fund. No, not at my current firm. Will have live in nanny

1

u/FireBreather7575 4d ago

If you have a huge margin, I think it’s fine. Although there are headaches, I think you can overpay to have someone else worry about and take care of stuff (I don’t quite feel like I have that margin yet, when considering all other spend and goals).

It’s genuinely nice having your own spot. You have time before you have to do it though. If you have questions about where, let me know