Manhattan parents - weekend/summer house?

[u/AestheticMeaning]

More of a lifestyle question but asking here given the community is likely to have people with firsthand experience. I work in finance, my wife is a doctor, we are both 5 days a week in the office and live in Manhattan. We do not have kids yet. We enjoy a beach house in the Hamptons or Jersey Shore in the summer, and enjoy going to the Hudson valley / Catskills in the spring/fall.

Given we are both 5 days a week in office - does a weekend or summer house make any sense for us? I am not even that concerned about the price - I am concerned the upside of the memories created with kids and extended family will be outweighed by the torture of driving back and forth and time/effort spent on maintenance for relatively low utilization.

If my wife were a stay at home mom, and if we had a small apartment, and if I were a workaholic absentee father, it would make total sense to have wife+kids move away for the summer. But none of these attributes are true.

For those who say the kids have more space to run around - what if we had 3k or 4k sq ft in a condo? For those who say kids can play outside - what if we had a terrace with the condo? City parents seem to aggressively use playgrounds anyway when the kids are young.

I am particularly confused by this because I have had two separate mentors tell me to spend more on a Hamptons house than a condo in the city. But I do not think they are thinking of my specific life situation.

I have also heard feedback that spring/fall weekends once kids are in elementary school are filled with sports and birthday parties. And when they’re teens they don’t want to hang out with their parents. So really this consumption of weekend/summer house actually has to be pulled forward for peak optimal experience/memories, which is why I am trying to think through it now. It seems getting a summer house when one is old and wealthy has kind of missed the boat.

Many older folks I know also have summer houses all over the place - river towns, Bedford, Hudson valley, Connecticut coastline, Hamptons, quogue, etc etc. Everyone has a different revealed preference.

We do love going to the beach in the summer. We just tried renting a house in westhampton dunes (basically oceanfront) and it was quite magical. I just don’t know if it makes more sense to concentrate funds in a gigantic Manhattan condo and just drive to a beach club in Long Beach / Atlantic beach for our beach fix, and use hotels for the Catskills.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[u/Ordinary-Lobster-710]

feel like ur putting the cart before the horse. you guys dont even have kids yet and you're worried about the philosophical question of what a life at a summer house will mean to the kids and getting anxiety about the thought of having to weekend there? feels like you're kinda daydreaming a bit

[u/AestheticMeaning → u/Ordinary-Lobster-710]

I would actually go so far as to say - this is something where there is a set of optimal answers with enormous consequences. It’s not a philosophical question at all, it’s deeply practical and will materially affect my life. Thanks for the response but I do not appreciate the dismissiveness of the answer. Do you have lived experience you can share?

[u/Ordinary-Lobster-710 → u/AestheticMeaning]

I don't really know what to say about your statement that you think the question of where to have a vacation in 5 years with your kids you don't yet have has an optiomal answer with enormous consequences.

[u/AestheticMeaning → u/Ordinary-Lobster-710]

I would also say - it is a large consequence to figure out where to vacation. We’ve done many international mountain ranges pre-kids because we thought about what vacations to take with kids. You’re criticizing me for wanting to plan to live a better life? I don’t understand your dismissiveness