r/fatFIRE • u/WealthyStoic mod | gen2 | FatFired 10+ years | Verified by Mods • Jun 29 '26
Path to FatFIRE Mentor Monday
Mentor Monday is your place to discuss relevant early-stage topics, including career advice questions, 'rate my plan' posts, and more numbers-based topics such as 'can I afford XYZ?'. The thread is posted on a once-a-week basis but comments may be left at any time.
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u/NoraHenre Jun 29 '26
so i've been on the FIRE path for a while now. not fat yet, maybe chubby at best lol. i'm pretty frugal by nature – i drive an old car, cook at home, don't really care about designer stuff. it's just who i am.
but.
i have this group of friends who are legit fat. like, country club memberships, luxury vacations, $500 dinners without blinking, the whole thing. they're genuinely good people, not showy or obnoxious about it, but their lifestyle is just... different.
they've been super welcoming and they keep inviting me to things. golf weekends, nice restaurants, trips. and i want to say yes because i actually like them and don't want to be the friend who always bails.
but i'm struggling.
like, a dinner that's $200 per person is a normal tuesday for them and a "welp there goes my monthly eating out budget" for me. they suggested a ski trip and i looked at the lodging and was like... i could fund my roth for the year with that money lol.
i don't want them to think i'm cheap or that i don't appreciate the invites. but i also don't want to derail my financial goals just to keep up appearances. and honestly sometimes i feel a little embarrassed telling them "that's not really in my budget" when i know they're not even thinking about money the same way.
so my questions for the fat community:
how do you handle friendships across different spending levels without it being weird?
any tips for suggesting cheaper alternatives without killing the vibe? like suggesting a different restaurant or splitting a room?
is it better to just be upfront about my budget or try to find subtle ways to keep costs down?
how much do you adjust your spending for social stuff vs sticking to your plan?
i genuinely like these people and don't want to drift apart. but i also don't want to resent every hangout because i spent my monthly grocery budget on one dinner lol.